The next thing Jet knew, a familiar beeping sound was in her ears. She groaned and then heard a soft tap before a large arm surrounded her once more. Her eyes were bleary as she yawned and opened them.
"Rhett?" Jet rolled over as sunlight filled her vision and there he was staring back at her.
"Hey. I'm sorry my alarm woke you." His hand reached out and he ran his fingers down the side of her face.
"Huh?" Jet searched her brain, trying to orient herself. "Oh, oh crap. I fell asleep. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..."
"Shhhhh....no worries as long as you're not sorry for what happened." His thumb stroked over her lips.
"What do you mean?"
"Jet, you remember we messed around last night, right?" Worry passed over his features.
"I remember everything until you went to clean up after my stellar blow job, please tell me that's everything." Her eyes opened wider.
"Thank goodness. I was afraid you were really blitzed last night for a second. That's it, aside from me coming back to bed in the hopes that I could repay the favor and finding you curled up looking adorable on my pillow." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
"I don't remember passing out, but I've got the rest, and no I'm not sorry for it. I am going to go back to sleep for a bit though."
"Okay. I have to go to work, but I'll see you tonight. Maybe we can pick up where we left off." He smiled at her and planted another kiss on her forehead even as his thumb rubbed over her lips. Jet smiled back and then curled up, pulling the blanket tighter as Rhett got up and started to get ready.
**************************
When Jet awoke a few hours later, it was as if she was awaking to an entirely different world. She had a smile on her, one she barely recognized. She felt lighter, and even as she got up and got herself ready, everything seemed to be better. Last night may not have been perfect, but it was a reawakening that she had desperately needed.
As the day went on, Jet found herself buried in thought. Work slowly became impossible, and as she sat at the table after her shower, Jet realized that she had been going through life on autopilot since that night. It wasn't right, and she knew it had to stop. It was then she realized exactly what that meant, and she went into the spare bedroom. It was time to move forward. Rhett would just have to understand.
****************************
By 5 when Jet heard the door open, she was determined in her plan. Footsteps came down the hallway, and she turned waiting for a familiar figure to come to the doorway.
"There you are. What are you up to?" Rhett gave her a smile and she saw hope in his eyes. That's when she felt the first hint of tears in her own.
"I just finished packing. I was about to load my car." The hope fell from his eyes at her words.
"I....I don't understand." He walked up to her.
"I'm going back to my place Rhett. I need to pack up all my stuff and get it ready to sell." She tried to smile, but it was half-hearted at best.
"Oh, well, you could leave this stuff here and I'll go with you. I mean you could even bring a few boxes here with every trip. I'll clear some space out in the garage." The hope returned to his eyes.
"Come here, sit down. I think I want to be eye level while we talk for once." Her soft smile continued to mask the tears that were just waiting behind her eyes.
Rhett turned and plopped down on the bed, even as Jet stayed standing. She took a deep breath, and then let it out.
"Rhett, you know I love you, but I've been stuck in this sort of stasis here with you since everything happened. I haven't really dealt with anything. I need to though. I need to take charge of my life and move forward. So, I have to go and stay at my house alone and remember that it's okay to be that way."
"But you're not alone. Jet, you don't have to leave, ever. I can help you move forward. I can help you with anything you need."
"I don't expect you to understand this, but you can't. You can't help me deal with what's happened and you can't help me stand on my own two feet again."
"What? Why not? You know I'd do anything for you." He turned to her with so many emotions in his eyes.
"You can't help me because you are one of the things I have to deal with. Yes, I have deal with how Mitchell made me feel and his death, but I also have to deal with how you crushed my heart. I love you Rhett, and I might be able to find a way to forgive you, but right now I can't even kiss you. That's not okay. That's not a relationship that can last, you have to see that."
"So, last night was a mistake then. I should have made us wait." He turned away from her and Jet couldn't take it. She could handle his reactions, but not him saying that what he did for her was a mistake.
Jet mounted his legs, looking him dead in the eye and grabbing his cheeks. "No. Don't do that. Last night was not a mistake. Last night was the first good thing that has happened to me since that night. I lost my sexuality, my desire, all of it, and last night you gave it back to me. You were perfect and amazing and exactly what I needed. You woke up a part of me that I thought was dead. I love you for that Rhett and for everything you are, but you still cheated on me at the worst time and I have to figure out if I can deal with that. It doesn't mean that I'll ever stop loving you or wanting you, but it means I need time without you."
"So what? You go back to your place and sell it and then you move somewhere else here?"
"I talked to Tierney today and I'm going to go stay with her in San Francisco for a few months. It'll be good for me to get a change of pace and put some distance between myself and here. I'm going to put my stuff in storage and take some time to figure out what my next step is."
"Please don't. Please don't leave me. I love you so much. I can't lose you."
"I have to go for me Rhett. If you love me, then you'll just have to understand. Besides, you aren't losing me. We'll still talk and when I know what I'm going to do next, we can see what that means for us." Jet kissed his cheek and then nestled her face into his neck, throwing her arms around his chest. Rhett wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight to him.
They sat there together and Jet felt him cry softly against her even as she cried into his shoulder. She wasn't sure what the future might hold for them, but this decision she was positive about, even though it was one of the most painful things she had ever done. Hurting Rhett ripped her heart out, but this had to be done.
*************************************
Going home was hard, harder than Jet could have anticipated. It was also good for her though, she was being forced to find herself again amidst the rubble of her old life. Every box she packed was full of decisions about what she wanted to carry forward and what needed to be left. There was a lightening in each trip to the Salvation Army where she dropped off pieces of her past. This was the next best thing to therapy, and that was probably an inevitability in her future.
The first few days, the solace that allowed her to sleep was texting with Rhett. He would message each morning, and she wouldn't respond until she was nestled in her bed at night. Then, she would send him a thank you and fill him in on her work from that day. He would message back telling her about his. Neither of them spoke about the issues between them, leaving those for another day. After she would say goodnight, Jet would be able to close her eyes and rest. Rhett still brought her peace.
After a week, Jet's entire dining room became a field of boxes. The rest of the house was growing emptier and emptier. The furniture was scheduled to leave in two days and she started to really feel like she was moving forward in her life instead of standing still. That was the first night she even talked about moving with Rhett. They had been texting about work as usual, and it slipped in.
'Know anybody that needs a dining room table at work? Or does the studio need one? Mine's in pretty good shape.' Jet typed the words and hit send as if it was nothing. To her, Rhett was her closest friend and just like she had asked Link about a few things as she had been packing, this seemed like no big deal. The heavy pause after she sent the messages said decidedly the opposite.
'You're getting rid of it? Wow. I thought you'd keep it, especially after that time we tested the weight limit.' Rhett sent the message and Jet's heart warmed at the same time she felt sadness creep into her.
Jet suddenly remembered that first long weekend at her house. It was such a sweet memory of them giggling as Rhett mounted the table after her. He had reminded her of his weight, repeatedly, and the look of fear and excitement in his eyes as he slid between her legs made her smile. They had laughed every time the table shook, and the moment Rhett came he was all too eager to jump off. That table had been a running joke between them as he claimed to see her ass print on it even months later.
'I was right that time. We weren't too heavy.' She messaged him back as she caught her lip in her teeth.
'I don't know. I think we may have damaged the structural integrity.'
'Does that mean you don't want the table?'
'It means the extra five pounds I carry now makes me nervous for us to try that again.'
Jet froze reading his message. Trying that again seemed so distant from possibility considering where they were. She wasn't sure for a moment how to respond to him.
