Chapter 6 – Erica Tells Her Side
My name is Erica Simms. This is how I totally fucked up my life. I'm not a raving beauty or centrefold type, just a girl-next-door. Like Evan, I guess I'm just average, which is necessarily a bad thing. I'm not the big, busty blond who spreads her legs for anyone. I'm only about 5'2" and weigh in at 105 lb on a good day. My breasts aren't huge, little more than a handful. Evan always said that size didn't matter.
Evan and I had grown up together and been best friends forever. We became lovers when he graduated from high school. Everyone expected that E2, as we were known, would become a couple and eventually marry. I followed Evan to university the next year after graduating. I'd talked my Dad into letting me rent an apartment instead of living in dorms. The thought of becoming one of those "sorority" types turned me cold, and I was quite happy being independent in my own apartment. Evan was a regular visitor, of course, and you'd think we were a married couple some of the time. I especially liked it when I got home Friday after classes to find dinner in the oven, and wine chilling in the fridge. Evan could cook, probably as well as I could, so meals were good, and varied, and our love life was fantastic.
During the first year we were totally monogamous. We had a large circle of friends, both geeks on his side, and the scientists (nerds) on mine. We were having a great time, and even during the summer breaks we were mostly together. We both had summer jobs, he in computers of course, and I worked in the rec centre. Life was good, and I was happy. So was Evan. We were in love and everyone could tell.
Things changed at the start of my second year and his third. Evan and I had only one class together, English, since he was in the computer science curriculum. Our class schedules didn't allow us a lot of time together, though we were together in my apartment a couple of times a week in the evening, and of course on weekends. Our social life was pretty much as it had been in other years, mostly going out with friends on Saturdays.
There was a new guy in most of my classes named Brad. He had transferred from another school back east. I won't go into the details, but he seduced me and I went along. Somehow I justified it that since Brad was so totally different than Evan, and it was just sex, that the fact I was cheating wouldn't matter too much. Of course I knew that it would hurt Evan if he ever found out, but I honestly didn't think it would happen. I expected Brad to be a short-term thing. It's funny how we can justify our mistakes.
We would meet, usually, first thing Mondays in my apartment since that was time we were both free from classes. I had told Evan that I had classes, as did he, on Mondays so he usually went back to his dorm Sunday night. Brad and I would fuck in the morning, then he would leave and I'd get ready for my afternoon classes. Brad wanted more, but I had told him we were just "friends with benefits", and Evan was my man.
Then came that terrible, terrible day. To this day I don't know how Evan found out. As usual, Brad and I were in the bedroom having sex. He had this scenario that played out the same every week. The sex would last for an hour or so then Brad would get dressed and leave. I'm pretty sure that we were never seen together.
Anyway, Brad left and I had a shower and got dressed for school. I was going into the kitchen to make some lunch when I saw the photo of me and Evan on the table beside my books. The heavy black X across the glass imploded my world. My first thought was to call Evan. I grabbed my phone then noticed the key to my apartment on the floor. Now I was frantic. I called his cell, but went to voicemail. I called his room phone. There was no answer; it went to the answering machine. I went into the second bedroom that served as sort of an office and saw that his computer and all the software disks were gone. Now I knew for sure, he must have seen Brad and me.
After trying to reach Evan, I phoned Brad and told him we were through, and that Evan had somehow found out about us. Yes, the sex was good, but that was all. I would never see him again except in class. Being a typical selfish jock, his reasoning was that since Evan and I would no longer be together, we could hook up officially. I hung up on him, and continued to call Evan. At least I was able to get his answering machine, and I left about ten messages, basically all saying the same thing. He never did call me back.
I didn't attend classes that afternoon, nor the next day. I knew that Evan sometimes went for a run in the afternoon, and even knew his route. I left the apartment just after 3:00 and jogged from the apartment building to where I knew Evan ran. My heart leaped as I saw Evan loping along about 300 metres in front of me. I sped up, trying to catch up to him. I saw him glance over his shoulder and briefly stumble, then dart across the street, dodging traffic. I wasn't able to follow right away, and by the time I got across the street he was gone.
Defeated, I walked slowly back to my apartment. I saw one of the students, Frances Brown, from my English class approaching. I didn't really know her, just who she was. I think she was in Evans' program, but I wasn't sure. As she got to me, she spoke, "Erica?"
"Yes?"
The she hit me. It was just an open hand slap across my face. Then she hit me again, with the other hand.
"What were you thinking you stupid whore? Evan's one of the good guys on campus and you had to cheat on him. You stupid bitch! Do you have any idea what you've done? Do you know how devastated he his? It's a good thing I don't believe in violence. I should kick the shit out of you!"
"I, I didn't..."
"What? Think? No shit Einstein. Where was your fucking brain? In your cunt along with Brad's cock? You make me sick to my stomach. When the word gets out you'll be lucky to have even one friend left on this campus. And you deserve it. Bitch!"
"Frances, do you know...?"
"Don't fucking talk to me, ever. Whatever happens, you don't deserve Evan, and he sure doesn't deserve someone like you!" Fran yelled at me then stomped off toward her dorm.
I didn't know how she knew, or what she knew, but I guess it was enough. I slowly made my way back to my apartment, resolving along the way to get together with Evan and explain. Maybe we wouldn't be together, but at least he wouldn't hate me. I spent the rest of the week and part of the next trying to get hold of him. He wouldn't answer my calls, and Ed, his roommate would never tell me if he was there. I tried the computer labs and even the data centre where he worked, all without success. He had locked me out of his world.
I thought that I might see him at least in the English class we shared, but I found out that he had changed his schedule. We would have no classes together. I also noticed that classmates who had been friends that we hung out with were civil towards me, but certainly not friendly like before. The words that Frances had said came back to me. I knew what she had said was coming true. My world, as I knew it, was ending.
It was a lonely semester. Classmates only talked to me when they had to for group projects. I asked one of them, Jill, who I knew only slightly, if this was because of Evan. She said, "Erica, you really fucked this one up. Evan is highly thought of on this campus. You know that he tutors other students who need help?"
I nodded yes.
"Well, almost everyone in our class has needed his help, or knows someone who needed it. Even your lover Brad was getting tutoring from him. He never even charged for the ones that couldn't really afford it. You just sucked the life right out of him. Everyone can see it but you. You were just so intent on getting tail, you never even thought of him. The people in this class will probably never forgive you for that. I know I won't." With that, Jill turned around and walked away.
I didn't realize just how well thought of he was because he never, ever, blew his own horn. It just wasn't his nature. It had never occurred to me that my actions affected more than just the three of us. It was a revelation just how selfish and childish I'd been. As was the revelation that Brad was getting tutoring from him. Neither had mentioned it. Of course, that wouldn't be happening now. I resigned myself to finishing the semester, then leaving this school. There was no way I could finish my studies here.
I advised my parents that I was leaving school at the end of the semester, and would try to find another school. I refused to go into detail, telling them that we'd talk when I got home at the end of the semester. I would be home about a week before Christmas.
As soon as I walked in the door of my home, I knew that they knew what I had done. To my surprise, there was no yelling or screaming, which I would have deserved. My Dad wouldn't talk to me at all and my Mom just said, "How could you?" She would only answer a direct question with a "yes" or "no" and refused to have much to do with me. Her kitchen, where I'd hung out for hours laughing and talking with her, was now out of bounds except for eating.
My brother was overseas and wouldn't be home for another year. Unless someone told him, he wouldn't know the story, at least until he got home. For that I was grateful.
The day after I got home, Mom sat me down in the kitchen. Dad was at work and wouldn't be home for a couple of hours. "Erica, we need to talk. I only found out about you from Evan's mother. He isn't coming home for Christmas, and told her something had happened. He wouldn't say what, just that something had happened between you, and if we wanted to find out, to ask you. What happened?"
I broke down, and between sobs, related the whole story, assigning blame where it clearly belonged, right on my shoulders. She didn't interrupt as I spoke, just sitting there stone faced as I talked. At the end she simply said, "If you weren't my daughter whom I love dearly, I'd punt your ass out that door quick as you can say. What on earth were you thinking girl? Or were you even thinking? Evans' mother is going to be devastated when you tell her, and you WILL be telling her. We're going over there in about ten minutes. Go get cleaned up." There was no give in her at all. I'd arrived in Purgatory. We weren't aware of the events unfolding back at the university at almost exactly this same time. I wish I had been, though I have no idea what I would have done.
We went over to the Wrights and found his sisters and mother there. His brother was out with his latest girlfriend. To say it was unpleasant is an understatement. I again related what I had done and how the ramifications were now coming home to roost. After I finished talking, Mom hugged the three women and we returned home. We were all bawling, but I was ignored. The two girls, who I had grown up with looked at me with absolute disgust on their face.
My Dad spoke to me a couple of days later, the first time since I'd returned from college. "Erica, if you weren't my daughter, I'd disown you. As it is, you are my daughter, and I and your mother do love you. We hate what you have done to our two families, but you are our daughter and we'll support you within reason. This is what's going to happen in the New Year," and he related to me how he had made a few phone calls and asked for some favours. I would be finishing my courses at BCIT near Vancouver. Dad would help with my tuition, but I was expected to get and keep a job for other living expenses. I wouldn't have my car, and would be staying with an Aunt not too far from campus. I would be expected to be working and studying, and forget about a social life. I had 2 ½ years of courses left but I would be finished in 1 ½ years because I would be going year round. My grades had better be good, or the support I was receiving would end.
There was no discussing the matter. My Dad had made the arrangements, and if I didn't like it, I would be out of the house and on my own. New Years Day found me on a Greyhound headed to Vancouver. My Aunt Maddy would pick me up at the depot and take me to her place in Burnaby. I'd have two days to get settled and find a job.
And so it went. I got a job in a local restaurant. I did nothing but study and work. Sunday was my day off and I'd usually go to church with my Aunt, afterwards reading or watching TV. She did drag me around on various outings to the park, or an art gallery, or something like that, telling me that I had to get out more.
I didn't know if she knew the story about Evan and me, so I sat down one evening and asked her. To my surprise, she knew the whole story, and had even talked to Evan's mother. No, he didn't hate me, but no, he wouldn't talk to me either. I never did hear about Evan killing Brad and going to prison until months later after I graduated. My Aunt then went on to explain that she wouldn't judge me. She knew what I had done, and knew that I had taken responsibility for the whole thing. Part of the reason was her background. When she was young she had done something similar, but went so far as to move in with the guy she cheated with. At that time, living in sin was the ultimate insult to her family, and they pretty much disowned her.
