That Was Then This Is Now Pt 02

Chapter 6 – Erica Tells Her Side

My name is Erica Simms. This is how I totally fucked up my life. I'm not a raving beauty or centrefold type, just a girl-next-door. Like Evan, I guess I'm just average, which is necessarily a bad thing. I'm not the big, busty blond who spreads her legs for anyone. I'm only about 5'2" and weigh in at 105 lb on a good day. My breasts aren't huge, little more than a handful. Evan always said that size didn't matter.

Evan and I had grown up together and been best friends forever. We became lovers when he graduated from high school. Everyone expected that E2, as we were known, would become a couple and eventually marry. I followed Evan to university the next year after graduating. I'd talked my Dad into letting me rent an apartment instead of living in dorms. The thought of becoming one of those "sorority" types turned me cold, and I was quite happy being independent in my own apartment. Evan was a regular visitor, of course, and you'd think we were a married couple some of the time. I especially liked it when I got home Friday after classes to find dinner in the oven, and wine chilling in the fridge. Evan could cook, probably as well as I could, so meals were good, and varied, and our love life was fantastic.

During the first year we were totally monogamous. We had a large circle of friends, both geeks on his side, and the scientists (nerds) on mine. We were having a great time, and even during the summer breaks we were mostly together. We both had summer jobs, he in computers of course, and I worked in the rec centre. Life was good, and I was happy. So was Evan. We were in love and everyone could tell.

Things changed at the start of my second year and his third. Evan and I had only one class together, English, since he was in the computer science curriculum. Our class schedules didn't allow us a lot of time together, though we were together in my apartment a couple of times a week in the evening, and of course on weekends. Our social life was pretty much as it had been in other years, mostly going out with friends on Saturdays.

There was a new guy in most of my classes named Brad. He had transferred from another school back east. I won't go into the details, but he seduced me and I went along. Somehow I justified it that since Brad was so totally different than Evan, and it was just sex, that the fact I was cheating wouldn't matter too much. Of course I knew that it would hurt Evan if he ever found out, but I honestly didn't think it would happen. I expected Brad to be a short-term thing. It's funny how we can justify our mistakes.

We would meet, usually, first thing Mondays in my apartment since that was time we were both free from classes. I had told Evan that I had classes, as did he, on Mondays so he usually went back to his dorm Sunday night. Brad and I would fuck in the morning, then he would leave and I'd get ready for my afternoon classes. Brad wanted more, but I had told him we were just "friends with benefits", and Evan was my man.

Then came that terrible, terrible day. To this day I don't know how Evan found out. As usual, Brad and I were in the bedroom having sex. He had this scenario that played out the same every week. The sex would last for an hour or so then Brad would get dressed and leave. I'm pretty sure that we were never seen together.

Anyway, Brad left and I had a shower and got dressed for school. I was going into the kitchen to make some lunch when I saw the photo of me and Evan on the table beside my books. The heavy black X across the glass imploded my world. My first thought was to call Evan. I grabbed my phone then noticed the key to my apartment on the floor. Now I was frantic. I called his cell, but went to voicemail. I called his room phone. There was no answer; it went to the answering machine. I went into the second bedroom that served as sort of an office and saw that his computer and all the software disks were gone. Now I knew for sure, he must have seen Brad and me.

After trying to reach Evan, I phoned Brad and told him we were through, and that Evan had somehow found out about us. Yes, the sex was good, but that was all. I would never see him again except in class. Being a typical selfish jock, his reasoning was that since Evan and I would no longer be together, we could hook up officially. I hung up on him, and continued to call Evan. At least I was able to get his answering machine, and I left about ten messages, basically all saying the same thing. He never did call me back.

I didn't attend classes that afternoon, nor the next day. I knew that Evan sometimes went for a run in the afternoon, and even knew his route. I left the apartment just after 3:00 and jogged from the apartment building to where I knew Evan ran. My heart leaped as I saw Evan loping along about 300 metres in front of me. I sped up, trying to catch up to him. I saw him glance over his shoulder and briefly stumble, then dart across the street, dodging traffic. I wasn't able to follow right away, and by the time I got across the street he was gone.

Defeated, I walked slowly back to my apartment. I saw one of the students, Frances Brown, from my English class approaching. I didn't really know her, just who she was. I think she was in Evans' program, but I wasn't sure. As she got to me, she spoke, "Erica?"

"Yes?"

The she hit me. It was just an open hand slap across my face. Then she hit me again, with the other hand.

"What were you thinking you stupid whore? Evan's one of the good guys on campus and you had to cheat on him. You stupid bitch! Do you have any idea what you've done? Do you know how devastated he his? It's a good thing I don't believe in violence. I should kick the shit out of you!"

"I, I didn't..."

"What? Think? No shit Einstein. Where was your fucking brain? In your cunt along with Brad's cock? You make me sick to my stomach. When the word gets out you'll be lucky to have even one friend left on this campus. And you deserve it. Bitch!"

"Frances, do you know...?"

"Don't fucking talk to me, ever. Whatever happens, you don't deserve Evan, and he sure doesn't deserve someone like you!" Fran yelled at me then stomped off toward her dorm.

I didn't know how she knew, or what she knew, but I guess it was enough. I slowly made my way back to my apartment, resolving along the way to get together with Evan and explain. Maybe we wouldn't be together, but at least he wouldn't hate me. I spent the rest of the week and part of the next trying to get hold of him. He wouldn't answer my calls, and Ed, his roommate would never tell me if he was there. I tried the computer labs and even the data centre where he worked, all without success. He had locked me out of his world.

I thought that I might see him at least in the English class we shared, but I found out that he had changed his schedule. We would have no classes together. I also noticed that classmates who had been friends that we hung out with were civil towards me, but certainly not friendly like before. The words that Frances had said came back to me. I knew what she had said was coming true. My world, as I knew it, was ending.

It was a lonely semester. Classmates only talked to me when they had to for group projects. I asked one of them, Jill, who I knew only slightly, if this was because of Evan. She said, "Erica, you really fucked this one up. Evan is highly thought of on this campus. You know that he tutors other students who need help?"

I nodded yes.

"Well, almost everyone in our class has needed his help, or knows someone who needed it. Even your lover Brad was getting tutoring from him. He never even charged for the ones that couldn't really afford it. You just sucked the life right out of him. Everyone can see it but you. You were just so intent on getting tail, you never even thought of him. The people in this class will probably never forgive you for that. I know I won't." With that, Jill turned around and walked away.

I didn't realize just how well thought of he was because he never, ever, blew his own horn. It just wasn't his nature. It had never occurred to me that my actions affected more than just the three of us. It was a revelation just how selfish and childish I'd been. As was the revelation that Brad was getting tutoring from him. Neither had mentioned it. Of course, that wouldn't be happening now. I resigned myself to finishing the semester, then leaving this school. There was no way I could finish my studies here.

I advised my parents that I was leaving school at the end of the semester, and would try to find another school. I refused to go into detail, telling them that we'd talk when I got home at the end of the semester. I would be home about a week before Christmas.

As soon as I walked in the door of my home, I knew that they knew what I had done. To my surprise, there was no yelling or screaming, which I would have deserved. My Dad wouldn't talk to me at all and my Mom just said, "How could you?" She would only answer a direct question with a "yes" or "no" and refused to have much to do with me. Her kitchen, where I'd hung out for hours laughing and talking with her, was now out of bounds except for eating.

My brother was overseas and wouldn't be home for another year. Unless someone told him, he wouldn't know the story, at least until he got home. For that I was grateful.

The day after I got home, Mom sat me down in the kitchen. Dad was at work and wouldn't be home for a couple of hours. "Erica, we need to talk. I only found out about you from Evan's mother. He isn't coming home for Christmas, and told her something had happened. He wouldn't say what, just that something had happened between you, and if we wanted to find out, to ask you. What happened?"

I broke down, and between sobs, related the whole story, assigning blame where it clearly belonged, right on my shoulders. She didn't interrupt as I spoke, just sitting there stone faced as I talked. At the end she simply said, "If you weren't my daughter whom I love dearly, I'd punt your ass out that door quick as you can say. What on earth were you thinking girl? Or were you even thinking? Evans' mother is going to be devastated when you tell her, and you WILL be telling her. We're going over there in about ten minutes. Go get cleaned up." There was no give in her at all. I'd arrived in Purgatory. We weren't aware of the events unfolding back at the university at almost exactly this same time. I wish I had been, though I have no idea what I would have done.

We went over to the Wrights and found his sisters and mother there. His brother was out with his latest girlfriend. To say it was unpleasant is an understatement. I again related what I had done and how the ramifications were now coming home to roost. After I finished talking, Mom hugged the three women and we returned home. We were all bawling, but I was ignored. The two girls, who I had grown up with looked at me with absolute disgust on their face.

My Dad spoke to me a couple of days later, the first time since I'd returned from college. "Erica, if you weren't my daughter, I'd disown you. As it is, you are my daughter, and I and your mother do love you. We hate what you have done to our two families, but you are our daughter and we'll support you within reason. This is what's going to happen in the New Year," and he related to me how he had made a few phone calls and asked for some favours. I would be finishing my courses at BCIT near Vancouver. Dad would help with my tuition, but I was expected to get and keep a job for other living expenses. I wouldn't have my car, and would be staying with an Aunt not too far from campus. I would be expected to be working and studying, and forget about a social life. I had 2 ½ years of courses left but I would be finished in 1 ½ years because I would be going year round. My grades had better be good, or the support I was receiving would end.

There was no discussing the matter. My Dad had made the arrangements, and if I didn't like it, I would be out of the house and on my own. New Years Day found me on a Greyhound headed to Vancouver. My Aunt Maddy would pick me up at the depot and take me to her place in Burnaby. I'd have two days to get settled and find a job.

And so it went. I got a job in a local restaurant. I did nothing but study and work. Sunday was my day off and I'd usually go to church with my Aunt, afterwards reading or watching TV. She did drag me around on various outings to the park, or an art gallery, or something like that, telling me that I had to get out more.

I didn't know if she knew the story about Evan and me, so I sat down one evening and asked her. To my surprise, she knew the whole story, and had even talked to Evan's mother. No, he didn't hate me, but no, he wouldn't talk to me either. I never did hear about Evan killing Brad and going to prison until months later after I graduated. My Aunt then went on to explain that she wouldn't judge me. She knew what I had done, and knew that I had taken responsibility for the whole thing. Part of the reason was her background. When she was young she had done something similar, but went so far as to move in with the guy she cheated with. At that time, living in sin was the ultimate insult to her family, and they pretty much disowned her.

Some months later she came to realize that this guy was a huge mistake. He wasn't looking for a partner, he wanted a substitute mother to wait on him hand and foot, and do what he wanted when he wanted. Maddy moved out and had been mostly on her own since then. Yes, she'd had boyfriends, but she always measured them against her first, true love, and they came up lacking. He had moved on and, several years after Maddy had left him, married a wonderful girl. They have four kids, and Maddy sees the family often. The kids think of her as an aunt, though they're not related. She often wonders about what could have been, but knows that it won't happen. And, no, she wouldn't tell me who it was.

I graduated 18 months after I'd started from BCIT, just as my Dad had said. Because of my grades, the class wanted me to be valedictorian. I declined. They were classmates, but not friends since I had no social life, and had never been to any class functions. My parents, brother Rob and Aunt Maddy were there to see me graduate. Afterwards we went out to a fancy restaurant for a celebratory dinner. For the first time in two years I felt, if not happy, then at least satisfied that I had accomplished something.

I moved back to the hometown and went to work for one of the medical laboratories in Fairview. Eventually I found an apartment not too far from work which saved on commuting time. Since they did quite a lot of work for several clinics not only in Fairview, but for Kent and Bridgeville as well, it was a busy place.

It was there that I met Evan's sister Barb. She had come into the lab for some routine blood work and I was assigned to do the job. I went into the room without knowing ahead of time who I'd be dealing with and saw her sitting patiently waiting for me. It was all I could do to close the door and sit down at the desk.

"Hello Barb, how can I help you," I asked. "Do you have your requisition?"

"Erica, what are you doing here? I never knew you were back in town."

"Let's just say that I don't go out much. I started here a couple of months ago. How is Evan?"

"How is Ev...you don't know, do you?"

"Don't know what? Is he okay, did he finally move on?" I asked.

"He's in prison for killing your lover."

I heard the words and collapsed. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital with a very worried mother sitting beside the bed.

"Mom, where am I, what am I doing here? What's going on?"

"Settle down Erica. I'll let the nurse know that you're awake. You passed out at work and your boss had the ambulance bring you here. Since I'm your next of kin, they called me."

Then I remembered. Barb. Evan in prison. I hadn't known. "Mom, did you know about Evan being in prison?"

"Yes, I sat through most of his trial with his parents. They took it really hard."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"I can only tell you the part that I heard in court. I visit Syl (Evans' mother) quite often, but that is one subject that is never brought up, ever. She thinks that Evan being in prison contributed to his Dad's death, and I'm inclined to agree. However, she doesn't hold you responsible, and neither does Evan. It was just a tragic mistake." She then went on to relate what had happened in the dorm room and how Brad had gotten shot. I held it together until she finished, then totally lost it. The doctor came in, saw I was hysterical and gave me a sedative which knocked me out right away. I was out for nearly 20 hours.

I was released from hospital two days later, and moved in with my parents for a week at the insistence of my mother. I was totally numb with shock over the whole matter. I went back to my apartment on the Sunday and back to work Monday morning. I still had a hard time believing everything I'd heard. Evan killed someone? There had to be more to the story. Maybe I'd be able to find out from Barb.

Chapter 7

We'd been open a year. Jim and Sonja worked mostly in the front of the store, while I worked with the businesses that had accounts with us, and did all the paperwork. I had Kevin and another young guy doing the repairs in the workshop in the back. I was in my office one afternoon doing said paperwork when Sonja knocked and came into the office, closing the door behind her. I knew it wasn't a social call because I had made it clear that I don't date staff, ever. What they did with their private lives was up to them.

"Evan, can I talk to you? It's about Jim."

"Jim? What's he done?" This worried me. We were both still on parole and couldn't take a chance of any problems in our lives. So far parole had been good and neither of us had done anything to jeopardize it.

"Nothing. That's the problem?"

"Twice again, please. In English."

"Evan, I really like Jim, and would like to have a chance for a relationship with him."

"Um, Sonja, this is way out of my area of expertise. Why don't you just tell him?"

"Oh we chat and joke around, but he acts more like I'm a younger sister or co-worker, not a friend. My upbringing doesn't really allow me to approach him. I'm old fashioned that way. But if he were to ask..."

"So you want me to talk to Jim for you?"

"Well, sort of. Just maybe let him know that if he asks, the response would probably be positive. I know you won't date employees. Does that apply to Jim, too?"

"No, that's not a company policy, that's just my policy and it applies just to me. I'll talk to him, but if he asks, we never had this conversation."

"Thanks so much Evan. I'll really, really appreciate it," and with that she left my office, a huge smile on her face. Now, how the hell was I going to approach Jim? Well, that would have to wait. He was on a job over in Fairview and wouldn't be back until after the store closed.

After dinner I was relaxing in front of the tube with an iced tea when Jim knocked on the door and came into my apartment. "Just getting in?" I asked.

"No man, I stopped for supper on the way. No sense trying to eat my own cookin'," he laughed. It was well known his idea of gourmet was a couple of fully loaded cheezeburgers. "I wanted to ask you about something, but didn't want to do it in the store."

"Sounds serious. You in trouble? You want something to drink?"

"No, nothing like that. Yeah, ice tea sounds good since you probably don't have any beer. It's just that you have this policy about dating employees..."

I got up to go get his iced tea. As he took a large gulp I said, "Jim, that policy only applies to me. What all you guys do is up to you as long as it doesn't in any way affect the business. Why, you wanna date Sonja?"