Terminal Love

"Are my dreams and expectations so unrealistic? All I ever wanted was to love and be loved. I put off getting involved in a relationship till I was established in my career, so I could have more to bring to a partnership. I never wanted to be dependent on anyone and wanted to feel I could carry my fair share of the load. I've kept myself in shape for my partner. I've done my best to be the best partner I could be. Now, I get this diagnosis and Pete jumps ship. To top it off, I discover he's maintained an affair our entire marriage, three years of living a lie. I feel like Lady Di. My happily ever after fantasy has been dashed, also. What did I do to deserve this? Oh, Sandy, here you've taken me into your home and now you have to put up with my venting?"

"Mandy, what are big sisters for? You've been hit with too many devastating things in so little time. I wish I could take away your pain and see your happy face again. From the time you were a baby you've always been the one to cheer up the family. You don't deserve all this."

"And now I'll end up spending the rest of my life alone. I can't believe this is happening to me."

"I'll never abandon you, Mandy. You'll never be alone."

"You know what I mean, Sandy. Is it too much to expect a partner to stick around for 3-6 months? Pete has the rest of his life to spend with his married trollop. Couldn't he just pretend for this short period of time?"

"Mandy, I have no idea what's going on in his mind, but I won't legitimize his choice. Even if he has problems with illness, you don't deserve to be abandoned, and you deserve more than just a partner who pretends."

"Sandy, I just feel so lost, alone and empty. Am I so unlovable or unworthy of being loved? I'm only 39; how can I be dying? I'm so confused. Sometimes I wish this cancer was like the others, filled with physical pain. Maybe physical pain would divert my focus away from this overwhelming emotional pain. You've always been the strong one, Sandy. I never was good with pain. Hold me; please make the pain go away."

Sandy cradled Mandy in her arms, as they both cried.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Natalie, I sure appreciate being invited over for a home-cooked meal. Cooking a nice meal for myself just isn't worth the effort."

"Ed, what are big sisters for? Besides, who else but my little brother is going to bring me fresh homegrown veggies?"

"I grow too much for me, and I hate to let it go to waste."

"Never fear your crops will go to waste in this house. Grandkids are bottomless pits."

"Natalie, you are so lucky to have Chuck, your kids and grandkids to love. I can't believe how difficult it is to find healthy loving partners, anymore. Since I was a teenager, and saw you in love, I've dreamt of finding someone special to love. You glowed when you were young, and I still see that glow when Chuck holds your hand or gives you that special smile. You've always been so happy around him. Though you deserve to be happy, I was jealous of you."

"You deserve to be happy, also, Ed. You're probably one of the most loving men I've ever known. I can't believe some woman hasn't grabbed you up, already."

"It's not that no one has ever been interested; I'm just not attracted to the ones who show interest. The majority of people are overweight, and I'm not attracted to that. The others, for the most part, have a sense of entitlement. They measure love by how much is provided them, whether that be material possessions or living an extravagant lifestyle. They expect to be provided a life they can't afford to provide themselves. I want a caring partner, not a self-serving dependent. I'm not going to settle, just to be in a relationship. I would rather have a quality relationship with someone who has months to live rather than just tolerate a partner for life. Even just a taste of something like you have with Chuck would nurture me the rest of my days. I only wish quality hadn't been replaced by quantity, when it comes to people's priorities. I figure I'll be spending the rest of my days making the most of my life alone."

"Ed, I can't believe there aren't quality women out there."

"I believe the same as you, but I believe they've done what I've done, just stopped looking, as it's too painful to keep facing disappointment. There are too many people who make beautiful promises, only to later reveal they're self-serving and everything is conditional. The pain of discovering another deception is excruciating. Dashed hopes are very discouraging and draining. It's hard to find people who have given up, out of disappointment, as they don't make it known they're available. "

"I'm going to keep my eyes open for you, Ed. Maybe I'll find the right woman for you."

"Natalie, I appreciate your effort and caring, but don't expect me to hold my breath."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Janet, I don't know what to do," said Sandy. "I just want to take away Mandy's pain. I don't want her to spend what little life she has left in emotional agony. She doesn't deserve that."

"Sandy, Mandy has always put all her eggs in limited numbers of baskets. She spent many years focusing on work, and then she added Pete to her life. Other than those two things, all she's ever had has been her family. You've expanded your circle of people, so, hopefully you won't ever feel that devastated. I know I appreciate having you as my best friend. Maybe we can put our heads together and find a solution. She wants a man in her life. What can we do to help?"

"It's not like we could create a profile for her on a dating site. People on those sites aren't looking for temporary relationships."

"Sandy, what if we write an ad and post it on Craigslist. They have a category for miscellaneous romance. I think we could explain ourselves well enough to see if there might be a caring man who can understand the value of quality, as compared to quantity."

"I can't tell Mandy about this, as she doesn't need to feel more worthless, just in case we can't find someone special."

"OK, Sandy. Let's keep it between us. We'll screen anyone who might reach out, and maybe we could set up a chance meeting, so she'd never know what was done."

"No, Janet, she would hate me if I deceived her and did this behind her back. It makes sense to keep it from her, unless we find someone. If we do find someone, I need to tell her exactly what we did."

"OK, big sister; you know her best. Let's both write an ad, separately, and then we can take the highlights of both and create the final ad. I hope we can find her someone special."

"So do I."

---------------------------

"OK, Janet, we've written and rewritten this ad hundreds of times. I think we've finally come up with something that might work. Do you see any other grammar errors or anything we could say more clearly?"

"Sandy, I think this is as good as it gets. If this doesn't work, nothing will. Let me read it to you one last time:"

Caring, Sensitive Man Wanted For My Beloved, Yet Terminally Ill, Sister

My beautiful 39-year-old sister was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. Luckily, this form of cancer won't be painful for her, but when her husband of 3 years found out, he jumped ship. I will always be there for her, but she could use a special male friend to help fill the voids, bring some happiness to her remaining months and help her understand she truly is a beautiful, deserving woman. This is something a sister can't fully do. I will screen any responses and then introduce her to the one I choose. You definitely won't be disappointed in her, but tell me about yourself, so I can choose the best fit for her. After all, who knows her better than her big sister?

"Well, Janet, I believe we finally got it short, sweet and to the point. Let's place the ad and hope for the best."

The next day, both Sandy and Janet were elated when they saw the number of responses they had received. That is, until they read the responses. Both felt disillusioned. All they got were pictures of penises, or guys bragging how big they were and how they would fill her void, or links to dating sites or porn sites, or guys asking how rich she was. Not one person showed any caring or concern for Mandy. Hoping this batch of emails only came from the Spammers who targeted new ads, they convinced themselves their luck would change. Though there were fewer responses, as the week progressed, the quality didn't change. They ran the ad for a second week, hoping for better results. Unfortunately, the second was no different from the first. When they ran the ad the third week, they agreed they would give up on this option and replace it with something else, if no one could be found. The problem presenting itself was, no matter how much they wracked their brains, they couldn't think of any other option. They knew time was running out for Mandy, and they felt themselves going down with her.

Finally, in the middle of the third week, a different response was received. In it, they read: Hi Loving Sister,

I realize I'm female, so not what you're seeking, but please read my email in its entirety before deleting it. I feel for you and your sister, and I'm truly sorry her life is being cut short. Being a big sister, myself, I understand our care and concern for our younger siblings.

Though I was lucky enough to find a great mate when I was young, my relationship has been a double-edged sword for my younger brother. He was so in awe of the loving relationship I've always had with my husband, he has felt even more disappointment in his inability to find anyone who measured up to that image. I must admit I'm contacting you behind his back, as I care too much for him to get his hopes up and then have them dashed, again. Your sister may not be open to him, as he's much older than she is, but, knowing him, I am convinced she couldn't find someone more caring and compassionate.

Let me tell you about Ed. He just turned 60 and has given up on seeking a partner. He told me available women are either overweight or feel a sense of entitlement (expecting handouts), and he has always wanted a partner, not a dependent. He recently shared this with me: "I'm not going to settle, just to be in a relationship. I would rather have a quality relationship with someone who has months to live rather than just tolerate a partner for life. Even just a taste of something like you have with Chuck would nurture me the rest of my days."

Ed is a tall, fit, well-educated professional. I think he's very handsome, but I am a bit prejudiced, as I'm his sister. I think my dog is cute, also, but that doesn't mean my dog is your sister's type. I'm attaching a recent picture of him (Ed, not my dog). When Ed isn't at his office, he does volunteer work or cares for his garden. He is very reliable, caring, sensitive, respectful and considerate. I am very proud of him and his accomplishments.

I could tell you much more about him, but I need assurance this is real, and he could be considered, before I reveal too much personal information. I guess this is enough of an introduction, so I'll look forward to hearing from you. Please let me know if you decide to pass on this opportunity, so I don't anxiously wait any longer than is necessary. We both want our siblings to be happy. Hopefully, they can find that happiness with each other.

Sincerely,

Natalie Mason

Janet looked at Sandy, while Sandy just gazed thoughtfully into space. After opening the attachment and viewing the photo, Janet said, "I'm impressed. This is the look I'd be attracted to, if I didn't already have Evan, and you can't beat his sister's description of him. What are your thoughts and feelings, Sandy?"

"I'm going to meet with him." Sandy immediately set to work writing a response.

Hi Natalie,

I was so happy to receive your response. I would love to meet with you in person, followed, hopefully, by a meeting with Ed. When can we get together (the sooner the better)?

Sincerely,

Sandy Putnam

Both sisters were so excited, they met for coffee the next day. This resulted in a very comfortable introduction and Natalie's invitation for Sandy to come over the next night for dinner; and she'd make sure Ed would be present.

Ed was surprised to find someone other than family present for their family dinner. Natalie introduced Sandy as her friend. The meal went smoothly, and Sandy liked what she saw in Ed. Eventually, she said, "Ed I have to admit I haven't been totally forthright, but I need to tell you the truth. I placed an ad, seeking someone for my sister, and your sister responded."

"Hey, Natalie, I don't think Chuck will give you up without a fight," Ed said. This led to laughs all around the table and helped break the ice. Sandy continued to explain, telling him all about Mandy. Ed responded to what Sandy was sharing. "Sandy, I must admit I'm a bit hesitant. I've been on too many blind dates to feel comfortable with this. The friends always start out with 'she's got a great personality,' and then when I meet her, I understand the reason she needs blind dates. I need to consider Mandy's feelings, though, first and foremost. I believe there are probably many men she might better relate to than me. I would find it hard to believe she would reach out to me, if she wasn't being set up."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Ed," said Sandy. "I think you realize compatibility in a relationship has more to do with the people than their hobbies and familiar music or history. I believe she will realize you are exactly what she needs. Even if she doesn't feel immediate chemistry, she'll like what she discovers."

"I have to admit your description of Mandy sounds great," said Ed, "but I'm not open to this unless she truly wants me in her life. If this is to happen, though your hearts are in the right place, you two busybodies need to totally back off and respect whatever we decide, with no outside pressure. Would you agree to this?"

"Yes," said both Sandy and Natalie, smiling, in unison.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The first meeting...

"Hi Ed."

"Hi Mandy. The last thing either of us probably wanted today was to face the awkwardness of a blind date."

"So true. I guess that's the challenge we face in having caring, older sisters. We're going to be happy, whether we want to or not."

"Mandy, though our sisters brought us together, I'm not one to push anything on anyone against her wishes. You deserve the right to your choices, no matter what they may be. If you would like to correspond with me through email, or if you want something different, or if you want me to leave you in peace and go back to living my life, I'll respect your wishes. Nothing works for me unless the person I share that with mutually values it. I don't do lopsided, unbalanced relationships. My joy comes from sharing in the joy of others. Nothing I take from another will ever give me any joy."

"Mandy, though I care about your feelings, I realize this has to work for both of us, if it's to work for either of us. I admit I was a bit hesitant, when I first heard about you, as I've had too many 'interesting' blind dates. I knew you'd arrive at 5 o'clock, so when you came through the door, I craned my neck, expecting Mandy to walk in behind you. In my mind, there was no way Mandy could be as attractive as you. Though I was drawn in by Sandy's description of you, and you are a sight for sore eyes, this decision is not mine alone to make."

"Ed, I was similarly reluctant. Who in their right mind would be interested in stepping into my less than ideal life? Would I want anyone who was either in it for some ulterior motive or had this fascination with death? I know Sandy wants me to be happy, but it's not fair of me to let someone get invested in me, only to find the carpet being pulled out from under him after too short a time. I don't want to hurt anyone."

"Mandy, that is one of the main things Sandy shared about you that attracted me. I'm tired of people who just look out for themselves and never bother to see how their choices impact others. It's so rare and precious to connect with someone who truly cares about others. I'm much older than you, Mandy, and I don't want you to settle for less than what you want."

"Ed," Mandy laughed, "I'm not aware of any guys trying to break down my door to get at me, but even if there was competition, I can honestly admit you hold your own. When I first heard you were 60, I was taken aback, but I realized it was due to our indoctrination. I remember hearing 'marrying an older guy will only leave you a widow at an age when there are too many women and not enough men.' No one wants to be alone. Then I remembered I would be gone long before you even considered going. The tables were turned. I started thinking maybe you could relate to and deal with death a lot better than someone my age, not that death isn't a shock for anyone, at any age. I opened myself up to get to know you as a person, not as an age, and so far, I like what I hear... and see."

"Thank you, Mandy, but I'm not seeking or expecting any commitment from you. As long as you see value in what we share, I will be more than happy to be with you. If you ever tire of me or find someone who suits you better, just show me to the door, and I'll respect your wishes."

"Mandy, I told Sandy I wanted a full understanding of your situation, so I wouldn't need to get it from you, as I want you to be able to focus on things within your control, rather than things out of your control. Anytime you feel a desire to talk about things out of your control, I'll be here to listen, but I have no desire to force you to think of things you'd prefer not thinking about. Sandy told me about your cancer. Though I'd prefer being able to spend more time with you, I'll make the most of the time available. At least you won't be feeling any pain, and for that I'm thankful. She shared you are more interested in quality of life than quantity of life, so have turned down the chemotherapy which would have increased your life up to two more months, while making you sick for the entire time remaining. I, too, value quality over quantity, and that is what I look forward to sharing with you. Sandy stressed, though your energy will decline, you aren't fragile, so I'm not to fear physical contact. I gather from her you appreciate and value both emotional and physical intimacy as much as I do."

"I didn't realize she shared so much, Ed. Some of that feels a bit embarrassing, but it is better to have it all out in the open rather than stumble over it as time goes on. I realize this isn't what people would consider a normal relationship, but that doesn't mean it can't be just as meaningful. It makes no sense to beat around the bush and take forever to move along, fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. I sense we are both observant, aware, sensitive and considerate, so though it may feel a bit awkward to progress faster than we may have in the past, I see no reason to drag our feet. I don't want either of us to rush the other, but I see no purpose in holding back, either. We're grown adults, not virgins. We have a good idea what we appreciate, and there's no reason to deny anything that might add to our lives. I trust whatever either of us initiate will be done with both of us in mind. Though it is a little scary to break the rules, not wanting to be negatively judged by society, if I'm going to break the rules, I can't imagine anyone I'd prefer doing it with. I trust you won't get me to care about you and then leave me."

"Mandy, I appreciate your trust, but it's also nice knowing you see enough value in me to choose me to share and enjoy your life with. Mutual desire and respect will make everything more meaningful. How would it be if we seal our decision with an embrace?" Ed stood up and offered Mandy his hand. She stood up, and their bodies drew together. Wrapping their arms around each other, Ed was amazed at how well they fit together. She was the ideal height, and her body felt so warm and receptive to his closeness. As he caresses her back, he realized she wasn't wearing a bra. This was an added bonus, as her cute pert breasts didn't even need any support. Mandy looked into Ed's eyes, and their lips connected. Electricity shot through Ed's body. Never before had he ever felt a kiss like that. "Mandy, let's sit down." Once seated, Ed said, "Mandy, I may have to rethink my offer."