"Stupid government regulations won't let me keep the ladies in the back office where they belong," Matt grumbled as he cut his steak. "Had to tell Mike in private I know he's right, Tania has no business driving the forklift, but legally I can't let him bully her."
"What's wrong, Matt? Afraid her hormones will have her dropping inventory with it?" Ellie was all too accustomed to her ex's chauvinism, but every now and then he surpassed even her low expectations.
"Careful, dear," chirped Scotty, touching Matt's hand affectionately. "You just might have hit a raw nerve there!"
"Matter of fact, Ellie, yes," Matt said. Scotty hooted with laughter. Ellie didn't. Matt went on. "You're talking thousands of pounds that could easily kill somebody if they slip off the forklift, not to mention the value of the inventory. It takes a steady hand and a calm demeanor. I don't believe women have the emotional stability for that."
"My god, you can be a nasty little bitch," Scotty needled him. Turning to Ellie, he asked, "How did you put up with this?"
"Back then I just thought all guys were like that," Ellie said. "That's probably why I married one like him, too. Hey, live and learn."
"Your divorce isn't my fault," Matt said. "I could've told you that guy was an asshole."
"I thought you never met him?" Scotty asked.
"That's right, he didn't," Ellie said. "I met Ronald in college. All Matt or any of my other high school friends saw of him was on Facebook."
"And that was more than enough to see what a little crumb he was," Matt said. "I sure wish you'd asked me what I thought of him, Ellie."
"Like she's going to ask the guy she turned gay for advice," Scotty teased.
"I didn't know!" Matt banged his fist on the table. Two years into his relationship with Scotty, his macho, homophobic past remained a sore point with him -- and Scotty's penchant for teasing him about it was an even bigger one. Scotty was lucky he was so good in bed. "You know I didn't get that I was gay until years later. You knew me then! I wasn't out to myself at all."
"I can vouch for that," Ellie said to Scotty. "In high school no one had a clue he was gay. Just the opposite, really. He was the first to pick on anyone we thought was gay."
"Sounds like you most of the way through freshman year," agreed Scotty, who'd already been out when he'd met Matt in college, though they hadn't given any thought to dating until years later. "Didn't touch my gaydar off at all, at first."
"Oh, that reminds me," Matt said. "I've found a new tenant for the spare room. Ellie, you're gonna love this. Jeremy Gleph!"
"Smurf?" Ellie hated herself as soon as she'd said it, but it had slipped out.
Matt grinned and nodded. To Scotty he explained, "Our sixth grade teacher always mispronounced his name, 'Glerf', so we called him 'Smurf'. Used to make the poor kid melt down! He cried almost every day."
"Gee, you're all heart, honey," Scotty said.
"I was a jerk, that's true," Matt said. "He's one of the ones Ellie was just referring to, that I used to pick on for being gay. Looking back, he probably really was gay. You can imagine his surprise when I told him I was!"
"How..." Ellie shook her head and set her knife and fork down. "I'm totally confused here. Why on earth would he want to move in with you after the way you treated him in high school? How did you even get in touch with him in the first place?"
"Facebook," Matt said. "I sent him a long message apologizing for the bullying, and oh by the way, guess who's gay? We've actually gotten to know each other pretty well."
"I smell a trick, honey," Scotty said.
"Me too," Ellie said. "You haven't changed
that
much since high school."
"Christ, you two can read me like a book, can't you?" Matt took a long sip of wine. "Okay, look, I really do feel bad for the way I used to pick on him, that much is true. But it wasn't a one-way street, you know?"
"Oh, for heaven's sake," Ellie said. "Not Adam? You guys were twelve years old!"
"My, you got an earlier start than I thought, then!" Scotty laughed.
"Nothing like that!" Matt snapped. "I didn't even like girls then, never mind boys! Adam was the best damn football player in our whole grade. Seriously, he might've ended up at Notre Dame! Then that little fucker Smurf..."
"It wasn't his fault, Matt!" Ellie said.
"What wasn't his fault?" Scotty asked.
"You wouldn't understand," Matt said. "And I still don't like to talk about it anyway. But yeah, I do blame Jeremy for the whole thing, and I just want to get even with him."
"And all those years of tormenting him didn't already do that?" Ellie asked.
"Hah!" Matt banged his fist on the table. "Graduated top ten in our class, went to some snooty East Coast college, and you know where he's moving back here from? Fuckin' Paris! He's got a master's degree and he's gonna be a French teacher at Saint Mark's!"
"No kidding," Ellie and Scotty said in unison; Saint Mark's was the most prestigious private high school in their part of the state; maybe even the whole state. Ellie envied the girls she saw from there when she was out and about, in their sharp uniforms and with their wide-open futures. If only...
"So no, the debt ain't paid. Besides, we're not really gonna hurt him, we're just gonna humiliate him."
"We?" Ellie said. "Oh, no you don't, Matt. I've got nothing against Jeremy."
"You do know he had a crush on you, don't you?" Matt said.
"I thought you said you thought he was gay?" Scotty said. No one replied.
"Everybody knew that," Ellie admitted. To her shame, she even recalled teasing him about it a time or two. All the more reason why she didn't want to hurt him any more now. "But it's ancient history, Matt!" she protested.
"Guess again, dear," said Scotty. "I haven't seen my childhood crush since the eighth grade, but if he walked through that door I'd be all over him."
"Exactly," Matt said. "I've already told him, the three of us have a clothing optional policy in the house, we shower together...oh, stop laughing, Scotty, you'd love it if we did do that! And we've got a big naked shindig planned for the first weekend in April. Ellie, you're going to get him comfortable with casual nudity, and then I trust you remember Jason and Mike and Chris? I'll be having them over that afternoon for a cookout, and when that little smarm goes out there in his birthday suit...April fool's!"
"Dear, you wouldn't!" Scotty said.
"And I definitely wouldn't!" Ellie said. "Forget it, Matt!"
"Oh, I think you will," Matt said. "How much would a room in any other house in this neighborhood run you?"
"You wouldn't," Ellie said.
"At least three times what you're paying, am I right? In fact, my parents have been after me to kick you out and get a real tenant who'll pay market price. I keep telling them, they're the ones who moved to Hawaii, the house is mine now and it's all paid off anyway. But I just might have to start listening to them..."
"You wouldn't," Ellie repeated, in a weaker tone this time.
"You've been talking about opening your own hairdressing place anyway," Matt reminded her. "That'll make a lot more money than working at the mall. Maybe then you ought to move out on your own."
"Maybe once I can afford it, yes," Ellie said. "But you know I'm not there yet. And all the bills from the divorce, I've only just paid the last few off!"
"And all I'm asking you to do is have a little fun with that nerd. Heck, you'll be doing him a favor! Think of what he'd have done back in high school just to take a shower with you!"
Tears came to Ellie's eyes. "You asshole," she said.
"Matt, that's right, you are out of line here," Scotty added.
"Screw you, you don't know what he did to Adam. And yeah, I'm an asshole, but it's my house, Ellie. Are you in or out?"
"In," Ellie sighed brokenly.
"I knew you were a smart gal," Matt said. Having finished his dinner, he stood up. "Now, the bitch and I here are headed to a movie. You're gonna do the dishes, aren't you?"
"Your wish is my command, Matt."
As soon as she'd heard Matt's car pull out of the driveway, Ellie went to the back porch and turned on the faucet for the hot tub. It was a night for that if ever there was one. Once the water was running, she went to her room and undressed, and put her bathrobe on. Then it was back to the kitchen to load the dishwasher.