Natasha woke up much later than she'd intended to. She didn't have work that day; her one-day weekend, she called it. Torc's schedule was very changeable. She usually knew what days he worked, unless he was called in in an emergency. What time he left for work and returned could vary by hours sometimes. She listened, but couldn't hear him moving about the apartment.
She was giddy about what had happened last night. It had felt perfect. It had thrilled her to be with him, to have felt him inside her. She had wanted him, and when she had him it had only made her want him more. But she was worried now that it had meant nothing to him besides a simple one-night stand. Or worse, that he would feel awkward around her and their happy relationship as friends and roommates would be irrevocably altered.
She swaddled herself in her bathrobe and walked into the living room. The blanket that she'd lain over him last night was on the couch, folded neatly. She felt an unexpected pang at that, and couldn't guess what for. From the time, she guessed he was at work; the cold coffee in the kitchen indicated that he'd probably been gone for an hour or more.
She sipped on his cold coffee-not an unusual thing for her to do-and considered what she should do. She couldn't tell him she loved him. That would be too much, too fast. If he wasn't scared off already, that would do it. Besides, she didn't know if that was what she felt. It was obvious she cared for him as a friend. Maybe her loneliness had her a little mixed up, trying to make something out of nothing.
He also hadn't dated anyone since Monica, and didn't seem notably interested in getting involved with anyone. If Torc wasn't ready to be in a relationship, pressuring him into one would be horrible. She thought that both of them could be happy with some no-strings-attatched sex, but then what if that's all she could ever be to him?
Her thoughts ran in circles all day, leading her nowhere. She knew without a doubt that she couldn't tell him how she felt, or that she was too scared to, anyway. She also knew that he turned her on. She laid back down in bed at some point, thinking of the evening they'd shared. She began to touch herself, remembering the feel of him inside her. Remembering his strong arms beneath her as he swung her around and lowered her to the couch. His weight pressing down on her. The feel of his thick cock in her mouth and the taste of his cum as it filled up her mouth and coursed down her throat.
She came hard, rubbing her clit with one hand and grabbing blindly at the bedsheets with the other. When she cried out his name, she was hardly aware of it.
*****
She went for a walk to try to clear her head, but by the time Torc got home she still felt as fuzzy and afraid as she had all day. She'd expected him back perhaps a bit sooner, and she felt her nerves fraying as she waited. She knew she had to talk to him today. Waiting would be too uncomfortable. She was in her room when she heard the door open, though, and it took her ten minutes after that to finally emerge and confront him.
She didn't want to act like she was upset about anything, so she screwed on her happiest face and came bouncing out of her room as though it were any other day. Torc was holding their little plastic watering can and making the rounds of the house plants. "Hey," she said, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"Hey, Tash!" he said. If she'd managed to sound half as cool as he did, she felt that there may be an Oscar in the cards.
"How was work today?" she asked, striving for the championship.
Torc drew his breath in and then paused for a moment. Then he nodded his head, as though conceding a point, and replied, "It was kind of rough today, actually."
Normally, Natasha was genuinely interested in how his day went. She didn't find much interest in the actual goings-on at the physical therapy center; the gossip about the employees tended to be more interesting than how many reps Mrs. Johnson was up to on whatever device. She was most concerned with how he felt, and not the mundane details. Today she listened as attentively as she could as he told her about their new client and the difficulty they had setting him up on a rehab program. The upshot was that he was a bit frustrated and tired, having already worked some overtime.
He got a beer from the fridge and opened it, offering her one. She declined and followed him into the living room as he checked the soil on a few plants, only watering two of them. He didn't drone on about the specifics of his day, but his weariness still came through in his voice. She almost convinced herself that he needed to rest and relax, and it wasn't a good time to bring up a difficult subject. If they didn't talk about it today, though, it would only get more awkward.
He tried to end his brief monologue on a positive note like he always did. No matter how sore or tired or injured he was, no matter what befell him, Torc almost always managed some kind of 'at least it wasn't such-and-such' or some kind of plan or hope moving forward. Natasha couldn't help but smile. Once she'd noticed it, she noticed it in just about every conversation she had with him. This underlying optimism that made her feel that everything was always going to somehow be okay.
There was a pause after he stopped talking. He was still holding the watering can, and she felt that they both had a sense for what was coming next. She broke the temporary silence with, "So about yesterday . . ." This time she knew her voice wasn't calm. There was a dangerous quaver in it that spoke volumes.
She saw his mouth open to speak, but nothing came out at first. She thought of all the things she dreaded hearing. It was a mistake-we shouldn't do it again-it's not appropriate. There were so many avenues for disaster. She continued hastily before he had a chance to make a sound. "I'm happy. About what happened, you know? I . . ." she waited for him to burst her bubble, to say something painful, to snatch her happiness away from her and leave her bereft. " . . . I was really glad," she finished lamely.
He looked at her for a long time. He didn't seem angry or upset; only searching for some words. It was an unusual state of affairs. As long as she'd known him, Torc had always had plenty of words. You couldn't pay him to shut up, half the time. At last the words came, and the words were, "I'm happy, too."