Tales of the Eids:..

Tales of the eKids: E-man Loves Emmy

© 2004 by Andrew Wiggin

Author's note: Thanks to Joe J for allowing me to incorporate characters from

Twice Lucky

Chapter 1

Prologue

We who are the shared memory of the Adkins clan do begin this chronicle of the birth of the New Men. Our thoughts return to the beginning of our race, when the sharing was in its infancy. And before, to the Progenitor – he who it was that gave us life but was not one of us.

By this means, we, the Star Travelers, shall ensure our knowledge of the birthing of our race. For without such knowledge we would be but like the Homo sapiens that preceded us, hopelessly longing to learn our true beginnings. Without its path to the past, how can a race understand its path to the future?

Beginnings must be carefully considered. I, Lena Adkins of the L-Generation of Star Travelers shall channel that Emma Adkins by whose stewardship did the infant race New Man emerge as the dominant species on planet Earth and by extension the known universe.

Our links into a significant number of the first generation of New Man through the Andrew Adkins genetic connection augment our quest. The Adkins clan remains the largest family of New Men, and through its sharing does the growth of the race continue apace.

I, Lena, will transfer the memories, parables, and stories gained through our channeling to permanent non-destructive storage so that the formative period of our race shall be available for study and contemplation to all that come after us. Thus will the history of the Adkins clan be spread throughout the galaxy, a tie that binds our race across the vastness of Space.

There, I think that sounds portentous enough to please even the stultifying assholes running this memory group. The more I reach back to Emma Adkins, the more I realize that a major component of New Man that differentiated it from the Old Man that came before us was our capacity for fun. Emma was the first of us to love life to its fullest. It's that capacity that I, Lena, wish to capture; thus re-energizing our race with laughter. We are becoming a stodgy bunch.

This I shall hold in my private memory cells. Shared knowledge of my plan may well cause the shutdown of the entire project. I do know that Emma Adkins will be a serious shock to our system. It's a system that needs serious shocking.

Part 1

Eamon Turner turned south off of the interstate heading towards New Man University. He wasn't sure how much farther he had to travel but felt certain he was close. In the back of his mind he heard himself saying, 'map quest it, you shit'. But his grandmother had insisted that he map quest the trip onto his onboard computer and that was reason enough for him not to do so. He is a man and he don't need no stinkin' maps.

The eighteen year-old gunned his car down the highway. He rapidly approached a small energy-efficient vehicle that was poking along at only a few miles per hour above the speed limit. Eamon slipped past the pathetic little car, gaining speed as he went. Suddenly he saw a virtual sign that seemed to appear from nowhere; "New Man University – Next Right". He swerved his car back into the right hand lane, slamming on his brakes as he watched for the quickly approaching turnoff.

Eamon noted that his heads-up display showed his speed dropping from 75 to 30 in just a few seconds. His mph continued to drop as he spotted the road and turned on to it. Eamon was shocked to see the words "YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!" march across his windshield.

Fifteen minutes later Eamon was parked and riding the walkway underground to the University proper. He had noted with interest that New Man U. didn't seem to leave any footprint at all on the land, other than the access road. That road gently sank into the ground beneath what appears to be miles of meadows, farmland, and trees.

The walkway carried him farther underground before emerging onto a large quadrangle. He had expected a claustrophobic experience, but instead of a metal roof he looked up to see the sky. Some lazy clouds were floating by. The sun was peaking out from one of them, slowly sinking into the westward horizon.

Many people, most of whom appeared younger than him, were slowly walking towards their intended destinations. They were dressed like students everywhere: sweatshirts, jeans, sneakers.

Eamon's eye was captured by the quick passing of something completely different. It was a girl. She was wearing tan slacks that lovingly hugged her curved behind. On top she wore some sort of suede vest over a button-down white shirt. She was very small but her curves certainly indicated that she was not necessarily very young. Topping this apparition was a floppy felt hat from which golden curls were barely peaking.

Eamon knew he should continue with his business, but being a Turner knew that one shouldn't hesitate to combine business with pleasure. He hurried to catch up to this person, hoping that the front half was as alluring as the rear.

When he was close enough he reached out and touched the figure's shoulder. "Excuse me, Miss. Can you direct me to the Admissions Office?"

She stopped. She turned on a dime. Eamon found himself looking down at an angel; blue-green eyes, blonde hair framing a perfect face. Eamon thought, "Oh, yeah! Life will be good at New Man U."

The girl said to him, "Honey if you can't find the Admissions Office by yourself you're at the wrong school."

Eamon was a bit taken aback. Her melodious voice and sparkling eyes belied her insult. He tried firing back. "But I'm a man! My Grandmother Muffy thinks that a man needs to be lead around by his nose. If you grab my nose I'll follow you anywhere, maybe even to the Admissions Office."

The girl looked at him critically. "You have a grandmother named Muffy? What's your grandfather's name, Muff Diver? Him I'd like to meet."

Eamon shook his head. "This is one weird place. I sure have gotten the royal reception. First your sign appeared from nowhere. Then, just as I turned on to your access road

my car

called me a fucking idiot. And now

you

are giving me a hard time."

The girl's eyes half closed and her smile widened. Eamon felt his heart skip a beat as he saw a light come on in her eyes. 'What a fox!' he thought.

She said, "I did that."

He was confused. "You called me a fucking idiot?"

She shook her head. "No, my Daddy called you a fucking idiot."

"But I don't even know your Daddy. Why would he call me a fucking idiot?"

She said, "Oh, I'm sure when he gets to know you he'll call you a fucking idiot with very little prodding. Did you pass anybody on the road as you pulled into the school?"

He nodded. 'Yeah, I passed some old geezer in one of those shitty little no-gas cars. Okay, maybe I made him hit his brakes a little. What's the big deal?"

She looked smug. "That was my Daddy. Not a very auspicious start, young man."

Eamon was thoroughly confused. "How do you know I saw someone on the highway? Where did the sign come from? Why did my car call me a fucking idiot? Why did you say that you did it? Then why did you say your father did it? And who is your father, anyway?"

The girl put a hand on her hip and twisted slightly, pushing her very shapely ass off to one side. She used her other hand to count.

"One: if you hadn't seen someone on the highway then; Two: your car wouldn't have called you a fucking idiot. Three: I didn't mean that

I

called you a fucking idiot. I just facilitated it. Four: my father called you a fucking idiot because he is the old geezer who was in the other car when you drove past him like a fool. Daddy believes there isn't such a thing as road rage. It's just that the person in front of him is driving like A MANIAC! And Five: my father is Andrew Adkins. Oh, and six: some of the kids have been playing with fiber optics applications. The sign can only be seen from a particular range of angles from the road. From every other angle it is invisible. Of course, if you are speeding, you might miss it."

Eamon shook his head. "Oh great; I've been here ten minutes and I've already pissed off the Progenitor. Hey, wait a minute. How did YOU facilitate it? That doesn't make any sense."

The girl smiled again. "It was my Christmas present to Daddy about eight years ago."

Again Eamon was lost. "My being a fucking idiot was your present to your daddy? Talk to me."

The girl talked like she was educating some backward little boy. "Have you actually been admitted to New Man U.? It's the heads-up display, of course. The car companies had been working on them for a while, but my sisters perfected the model currently used by every car on the road built since 2014. They were eleven at the time. Of course whenever they develop anything, I tell them what they can do to make it better."

Eamon found himself sputtering like a schoolboy. "What's that got to do with your father calling me an idiot?"

The girl said, "I gave him a black box that fits onto his armrest. When he presses the button, any car within five car-lengths has 'You Fucking Idiot!!' displayed on their windshield. Or he can point the switch in a single direction to isolate one car."

Eamon could hardly believe his ears. "You mean every car in the world has this feature built into it?"

The girl shrugged. "Sure, why not? Daddy might be in Hawaii or Florida or Switzerland or somewhere. There are fucking idiots everywhere, after all. Especially Florida."

Eamon felt he had fallen through a rabbit hole. He decided to let the 'fucking idiot' event die. He offered his hand instead. "Eamon Turner, from Florida.", he said.

The girl delicately fitted her soft, tiny hand into his large paw. "And I'm Emmy Adkins. I'm very pleased to meet another fucking idiot." The more she kidded him, the more Eamon was attracted to her. He was used to girls falling all over him. She wasn't playing hard to get. She wasn't playing at all.

The girl turned away. Looking over her shoulder she called to him. "If you want to find the Admissions Department, follow me E-man."

"That's Eamon!" he replied angrily.

Eamon stood still, just watching her walk. Finally he hurried after her, his eyes never leaving that small, round, lovely ass. Under his breath he muttered, "Follow the bouncing butt."

Part 2

Eamon found himself walking into a corridor off of the main quad. The girl palmed the lock of a door and it opened. To his chagrin, Eamon saw the name seemingly engraved on the door's plasma panel: "Emma Adkins, Dean of Students and Director of Admissions". Suddenly the panel changed to add the phrase: "Fucking Idiots Welcome".

The girl walked behind a rather plain desk and settled herself into the figure-molding chair. She looked him in the eyes. "So, E-man, what can I do for you?"

Eamon couldn't decide whether to be angry, embarrassed, or amused. "I suppose you are the person I'm to report to this morning. Sorry, I thought you were a student."

"That's the first thing you got right today! Apology accepted." Her fingers flicked across the touch screen embedded in her desk. "Let's see; Eamon Turner, Palmdale, Florida. Eighteen years old, undocumented alleged New Man. Desires admission into New Man U. based upon acceptance of said documentation. Also passes

H. sapien

muster with IQ exceeding 200. Well, gee, E-man, you could have fooled me."

Eamon felt himself growing angry. This girl's flippant attitude was starting to piss him off. He said, "What about you? How many other undocumented guys were you expecting today? You should have known who I was from the beginning."

She fixed her blue-green gaze upon him, a half-smile on her perfect lips, and Eamon's anger seemed to dissipate into nothingness. "Just kidding, E-man. Don't get your panties in a wad. Of course I knew who you were. I also knew that you could find the admissions office by yourself. I just assumed you were hitting on me. You are a Turner, aren't you? I am a girl, aren't I? I can add two plus two."

Eamon decided it would be best to just get down to business. This Emma didn't fit any of his known patterns of female behavior. She was intriguing. She was disturbing.

"Uh, you understand that I'm not officially a New Man? How are we supposed to handle this whole thing? Will I need to take a test? Do I pay tuition?"

The girl held up her hand. "Hold on, E-man. You are a special case. Let me call my father and bring him in on it. I make the decisions," – he noted the sly smile on her lips – "but I'd like his input on something like this."

Just then the door opened and there stood the Progenitor. He walked behind the desk and stood beside his daughter.

Emma said, "Oh, hi Daddy. Funny coincidence, you being here."

Andrew Adkins said, "What do you mean coincidence? You asked me to come."

Eamon looked at Emma in confusion. She grinned as shy a grin as she was capable of. "Well, I guess I did let him know you were here as soon as you accosted me in the quad."

Andrew said, "Oh, I suppose you were the, uh, person who cut me off coming into the parking area."

Eamon nodded glumly. "Yes, I'm that fucking idiot."

Andrew smiled happily. He leaned over and gave his daughter a kiss on the check. "Thank you, Emmy. That's one of my favorite presents." He returned to a more serious demeanor. "So, you are the 'undocumented New Man'. Tell us about yourself."

"My father is Jake Turner, Jr. It's obvious your daughter knows a little about my family history. Twenty years ago my dad got involved with a couple of girls named Davan and Dina Murphy. They kind of got involved with the family business and they kind of live with him."

Emma's glance told him he was being oblique. "How do they 'kind of' live with him? You're saying that this is a non-traditional relationship. No marriage is involved?"

"Well, my dad already had a wife. My family is a little loose about inviting women into the group; especially beautiful women."

Andrew gazed off into the distance (there was a view of a forest scene on the plasma panel on the wall). "So you are saying that Davan and Dina are IAM twins. We don't have them on file, but if you saw the filing system we inherited from Doris Johns when we took over here, you wouldn't be surprised if some people fell through the cracks.

"This opens up an entirely new line of questions. How many other undocumented IAM twins are floating around? And have any of them given birth to New Man? Sorry but we have yet to establish that you are New Man. Given your parentage you might be a legitimate

H. sapien

genius. Well, I guess there is one way to find out."

Eamon said. "Yes, I know about that. I'll have to mate with one of the New Man girls. If something pops out after nine months, I'm good."

Andrew didn't think much of the idea. "Hey, kid, I know she's gorgeous, but she's my daughter. If you want to proposition her, kindly do it behind my back. I was thinking more along the lines of a DNA test."

Emma jumped in at this point. "Look, E-man, why don't you go to the office next door. The lady there is Daphne. Tell her I want her to start the entry process. I'll be over in a few minutes and we can continue this charming interview. Go out the door, make a left and go into the first office you see."

After Eamon had left, Emma turned to her father. "Daddy, you know perfectly well there are plenty of ways for us to determine if he is New Man. All I've got to do is eavesdrop into him, telempathically speaking."

"Yes, yes, I know. But if you do it, be careful. When you were young, you eKids were probing everybody with your minds. I felt it, but most others didn't. If he isn't New Man he's close. He may know something is going on, even if he isn't truly telempathic. If you don't mind, I'd like to continue to keep that little secret under out hats, especially with this kid. His family could hurt us."

"What's up, Pop? Do you think he might have an ulterior motive for coming here?"

"Don't you? What's he doing, announcing his existence after eighteen years? We may have a spy in our midst."

Emma smiled. "Daddy, you used to be such a trusting soul. If he's a spy, it's for his family not for the government, I'll bet. Maybe they want to check us out, had you thought of that?"

Andrew nodded. "I like to go through the front door. If they want to know about us, why don't they ask us? We don't hide much, just the telempathy thing. Are they looking for an ally or are they thinking we are the enemy? Get close to this kid, close enough to figure out when he speaks the truth."

Emma looked as serious as she ever did. "Daddy, there's something else we have to talk about. I know this makes you uncomfortable, but let's be frank. I'm not getting any younger, you know. I'm an adult. Even you have to agree with that! I have needs. So do my sisters."

Andrew looked uncomfortable. "Okay, okay, you have needs. What am I supposed to do about it?"

Emma gave him a very sexy smile. "Oh, Daddy, I think you know exactly what you could do about it if you would only relax. Come on, Daddy, please! I'll be very good and I'll stop complaining. What do you say, huh?"

Andrew was frustrated. "Emmy, we've been through this before. You're my little girl. Would you please get this bee out of your bonnet?"

"Okay, so you're turning me down again. Where does that leave me, huh? Daddy, you know that Edie and Eddie are pretty much self-sufficient. I mean that in all ways, if you catch my drift."

Andrew grimaced. "Geez, Emmy; do we have to talk about this?"

"Yes, Daddy, we do. Edie and Eddie don't really need a man. But Elle and I do. And we are the oldest. We're too old for every boy in this college, at least until today."

"Oh, so that's what this is about! You see this Eamon Turner character as someone who can scratch your itch. You thought by propositioning me again you would make this kid look like a great alternative! I'm not as dumb as you think I am, you know."

"Sure you are, Daddy. But I love you anyway. Daddy, I'm serious. It is going to be years until the oldest other boys here are mature enough for Elle and me. And I don't want to appear prejudiced, but it's unlikely I'll find any

H. sapien

men that will interest me. This Eamon is

it.

"

"Sweetheart, I know that from your point of view, this Eamon Turner is the only fish in the sea. But from his point of view you're just another pretty girl. Be careful. And just because you are horny doesn't mean you should be easy."

"Daddy, I'm not going to be easy! But I'm also not going to be impossible!"

"Well you do what you must, Emmy. But please leave me out of the loop! I don't want to know! But tell me when you find out about his political intensions. If he is a spy, maybe we can 'flip' him, if you know what I mean."

"Then I'll just have to be a little Mata Hari! I'll seduce him, then I'll make him talk!"

"Emmy, please! I've never questioned your methods before and I won't start now. But don't tell me how you come to find out things. That will just make me an accessory after the fact. And it will also make me miserable."

"Oh, Daddy, you do love me! You're jealous!"

Andrew put his arms around his daughter. "Of course I love you; but not 'that way'. You're my little girl and I want to protect you from those predatory men out there who want to do the same things to you that I would have wanted to do to you if I were eighteen. Believe me, I know what this Eamon is thinking, and it isn't pretty."

Part 3

Eamon Turner lay on his bed thinking about this remarkable day. He felt like his life was turning upside down. His emotions were torn between loyalty to his family and wonder at his new surroundings.

The Turner family had become one of the most powerful political forces in the country over the past fifty years. The irresistible combination of his Grandmother's business prowess and his Grandfather's penchant for success in every endeavor he attempted had created an empire. His father, Jake Jr., was if anything more talented that his parents, plus he had their financial resources and political connections to draw upon.