Sierra's hands trembled enough she spilled some of the popcorn out of the top of the butter-stained paper bag. This was it, she thought. All or nothing. Do or die.
It was not the first time she thought that in the last month. Not the twentieth time. Not even the hundredth. And it wasn't just about the swim meet, either.
It would be Jason's last at college. Sierra hoped he would continue to try for world competition but he admitted to her through one of their frequent text message conversations he was okay if it never happened. He wanted to move on to the next thing - coaching, like her.
You inspired me, he told her more than once, sending flushes of warmth through her that weren't just from pride.
Her star pupil.
Sierra saw Jason's mother in the stands. Katherine was a slim-featured beauty who passed on the fine bone structure of her cheeks to her son. The mother waved enthusiastically and pointed to the open seat next to her in the bleachers. Sierra wondered, again not for the first time since Jason turned eighteen and she realized what a handsome man he'd become, if Katherine knew the reason Sierra attended so many of these college meets, why she drove a hundred and fifty miles every time Jason competed at home and she could make it. Katherine probably did. Sierra wasn't exactly capable of hiding away her emotions.
Not that Sierra would have ever acted on anything. Not until that day. She hoped she still had the nerves for this. Hoped the warmth she felt from the student eight years her junior wasn't just her imagination and she fell flat on her face.
She climbed the stands, smiling with some trepidation at Katherine. The other woman greeted her with a big hug and misty eyes. "His last meet!" she said.
"I'm a big ball of emotions," Sierra said.
"Oh, honey, us too. I've been crying off and on for days. Grant even got choked up about it."
"Is he here? I didn't see him at the concession stand."
"Oh yes! Getting some photos of the building, I think. Oh, there he is."
Jason's father came through a pair of double doors talking to a pair of young men and laughing. Grant was a much heftier man than his son. Then again, when Jason first signed on to the swim team at fifteen, he was a big boy too. That was why he tried out. He was tired of being teased about his weight and joined Sierra's swim team because it seemed like the most fun sports program. When he discovered he was right, he threw himself into the training, and with Sierra's guidance about safe dieting and exercise outside of the program, Jason trimmed down the pounds fast, becoming one of the most fit athletes in the school in less than two years.
That wasn't all. By his junior year, Jason never fell lower than third place. His senior year, that bumped up to second place, leading to a brilliant finish at the state level that saw him taking third in his best effort at the backstroke yet.
Swimming and his good grades got him some decent scholarships. With even more rigorous training, he was a fierce competitor all four years, though the other swimmers were just as dangerously good. Backstroke was still his best event and his relay times improved dramatically, though he was all over the place when it came to freestyle. He would compete in all three that day All the co-captains would be taking part in the relay, a send-off to the seniors.
Now, Grant took pictures of the crowd, the pools, and a few long-distance shots of Jason's mother and his first coach before climbing up to them and giving Sierra hug with all the warmth of his wife's.
"You're the reason he's here today," he told her, and Sierra shook her head.
"No. He is. He made this happen."
"Ah, you pointed him in the right direction."
"Just following up on what you two started," Sierra said.
Katherine squeezed her knee. "No, honey. He fell in love with the water because he fell in love with you."
Sierra blushed hard at that. "I... um... I never..."
"We know," Grant said gently. "If we thought even for a second that you did, we wouldn't have let him near you. But you do care for him now, don't you?"
Sierra hesitated a long moment, then looked out over the pools and nodded.
"Good," Katherine said.
It wasn't long before the teams came out to warm up, led by Jason and the other co-captains. His parents and Sierra stood and cheered, and Jason looked up at them, grinning. He wore a towel around his trim waist, and when he cast it off, Sierra's heart skipped a beat. Never once when he was under eighteen had she been attracted to him, but a few months after, something clicked one day as she watched him jogging on the school's track. He was still so youthful looking then, but for the first time, she saw him as a man too. His face was almost more beautiful than handsome, and his muscles sleek and ropey.
With his curly short dark hair and soulful brown eyes, Jason slowly became a fantasy Sierra knew she shouldn't indulge in. When he went off to college, they stayed in touch via friendly emails, usually about his training and classes. When Jason invited her to his first college meet, Sierra readily agreed and traveled with his parents to see him fire off the boards to a nervous false start.
Things slowly progressed from there, and they developed a genuine friendship over the next few years. She fantasized about him often, feeling guilty about it but no longer able to deny the fact that she was attracted to her former student. It wasn't something she ever intended on acting on. They both had a string of relationships, his usually short, hers lasting anywhere from a month to a year. Sierra always assumed things would stay platonic between them.
But then came Jason's senior year. Their emails, always friendly, started to take on something of a flirty tone, and soon they started texting each other as often as once a day. As their conversations grew more and more intimate and unguarded, with a staggering lurch, Sierra realized something fundamental. She was in love with Jason, and there would never really be a man quite like him in her life. He was kind and funny and genuine, free with his emotions and never impolite. Their relationships dried up, and Sierra wondered, perhaps foolishly, if it didn't have something to do with their conversations, and she began to hold out the tiniest bit of hope he felt the same way as her, that he might love her too.
Slowly Sierra began to talk herself into pursuing the young man lest her heart be ripped out by inaction. By February, a month before his last meet, she convinced herself that this would be the day she opened up to her former student, as insane as that might be. She knew it would lead to the end of her job so she already turned in her resignation for the end of the year. That was okay. Things were getting nasty in schools the whole country over, with parents screaming for teachers to do more, more, more and sticking them with the responsibility for all of society's problems while all the time voting down pay increases. It was exhausting work and she probably would have quit anyways. She had no idea what she would do in the future because a lot of that rested on the outcome of that day. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once, but she was ready to take the leap she feared so much.
The buildup to the first race seemed to take forever, but then it all came on so blazingly fast. Jason didn't take part in the individual medley races, but was on right after for his best event, the backstroke. All three of them were on their feet as he took his position. The heat building in Sierra's body and soul combined, and she pressed her thighs together even as she cheered him on, her heart soaring for him and breaking all at once that this was it.
