Father Ray
I had spent a wonderful night, including delicious, exciting sex, with Corey, my ex-fiance. He was my ex because he had cheated on me with a woman he had met while away for several months on an internship. But now he had proven himself to be the same caring man as ever.
But, could I trust him? Did I want to get involved with him again only to lose him again? I couldn't stand that. I had spent a nauseated, sleepless night only to realize that I
was
still "involved" with him, I didn't know what to do.
At home in the morning I went up to my room and fell asleep on my bed fully clothed. As I came in the door I told my Mom a partial lie, "I decided to stay all night with Kaitlyn." Kaitlyn was Corey's sister. Without my knowledge she had arranged for Corey and I to meet at one of her Friday nude pool parties. After the party Corey and I had made love in the guest house next to the pool. Kaitlyn had been in the main house.
As always lately, when I was in doubt I was drawn to Father Ray. A call to the USC student center let me know that he was assigned to a parish in the valley for the summer. Another call and I had an appointment to see him. I had to take a morning off from my job as assistant to Dr. Jacobs.
"Susie!" Father Ray greeted me. "I thought maybe it was just a naming coincidence when I saw your name on my calendar. I hope this is just a chance to catch up."
He led me to a cubicle with three quarter walls and no door. "Excuse the lack of privacy but since I'm only here for the summer I don't qualify for a full office."
I wanted more privacy. "
Can we go somewhere more private?
" I asked in a whisper.
"Oh," he said with a hint of concern. "So it's not just to catch up."
"Well, yes and no," I told him. "But some of my catching up is, ... rather personal."
"And maybe deserving of confession?" he queried.
"Well, maybe," I had to admit.
He led me out and told the receptionist, "Doris, we will need to use the reconciliation room."
'Doris' handed over a key with something of a scowl. "
She likes to have advanced warning,
" Father Ray whispered to me as we left the office. "If you want the sacrament you are supposed to tell her when you make your appointment. That way she can be sure the room is available for you."
"Your office would be okay if it had walls and a door," I said. "I didn't know it didn't."
"Don't worry, she's a good sort. Her organized nature is the only reason the parish isn't a complete muddle. What have you been up to?"
In the reconciliation room I started with a simple question, "Father, is nudity wrong?" I asked.
He responded with a tone that indicated he knew I had asked the question because of my behavior. "It may surprise you, Susie but public nudity is not wrong in itself. The problem is that it leads to other sexual sins and therefore should be avoided."
I thought about how at Kaitlyn's pool parties there were cabanas with mattresses and condoms. That made it clear that the whole point of the parties was 'sexual sin'. My behavior certainly confirmed the point.
I told him about the pool parties and the cabanas and then about having sex with a male model at one of the parties.
"Susie, Susie, Susie," he said shaking his head. "I thought you understood the sin in doing that kind of thing."
"But, Father, you should have seen him, all muscle and penis. I couldn't resist. You just don't understand what it's like."
"Susie, do I need to point out that I am a normal human male but have made a vow of chastity and yet find myself in a position at a college where young and attractive women," he made a nod at me as he continued, "frequently come to me to discuss their sexual activities. Not only that, there are young men who come and tell me of their sexual exploits with the same young women. Believe me, Susie, I understand the difficulties of withstanding sexual pressures."
I had never though of it. It just seemed that a priest would be above all that. It still didn't seem possible. I wondered if he made passes at the women. "What about me? You want to have sex with me?" I asked bluntly.
"No, Susie, I don't. What I am saying is that I find myself sometimes wishing I could have sex, not with any specific woman, just with some woman."
"How do you get past that?"
"Will power and reminding myself of my vows and knowing what is right and what is wrong and talking with my own personal confessor."
"You go to confession?" I was astounded. Priests shouldn't need to go to confession!
"Yes I do, and I'm fortunate to have a good confessor."
"Me too!" I admitted to him. "Someone I can talk to about anything."
"But one who seems to have great difficulty getting you to stay on the 'narrow path'."
I decided this was a good place to change the subject, "Father, remember Corey?"
"Corey?"
"Corey, I was engaged to him and then, ..."
"then he took up with another woman," he completed the sentence. "Yes I remember."
"Father he was at the swimming pool the other day in all his naked glory."
"Naked
glory
? He also has a 'fabulous' body?"
"No, he's a bit on the flabby side, but really comfortable to hug and cuddle with." I paused, thinking with delight of being next to him. "Maybe I didn't tell you that he has a huge penis, I mean really big," I giggled slightly and spread my hands about a foot apart.
"No, I don't think you mentioned that," he said in a deadpan voice.
"Well, he does. Anyway, he was as pleasant to me as ever. I really felt drawn to him." Father Ray looked at me, anticipating what I was about to say. "Yes, I had sex with him again. Great sex. I can tell he really cares for me. His sister tells me he doesn't have sex with anyone else. She even got some movie starlets to come on to him and he left them to talk to me. Father, I think I still love him but I don't know if I can trust him any more. What do I do?"
