So, you now know that Linda and I worked things out and ended up married with twin 2-year-old boys, Evan and Bennett and Linda has her other children, Michael and Sandy. Six years after that amazing summer, we're married 4 years; we got married just after I graduated from college. But I have to tell you how we got to that point. And maybe beyond it as well.
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I drove back up to school at State University of New York (SUNY), Albany, that Thursday, September 6, 1985, and I was in misery. Linda backed out of having dinner with me and my family the night before; maybe it was the right thing to do, but it didn't feel like it then. In fact, it felt like Hell surrounded me. I had no doubt Linda was feeling much the same. I don't know if it would have been better had she joined us, but the fact that she backed out left me feeling even more heartbroken than I already was, and my family was hurting for me.
I got back to school by 11AM, and my roommate, Lee, was there already. As I mentioned, we got along fine, we respected each other's privacy, but we weren't great friends. So when we talked about how our summer's went, I did tell him I had a girlfriend over those two months, but I didn't give much in the way of details. I told him her name was Linda, but never mentioned our age difference. It wasn't important. It wasn't relevant to how deeply we felt about each other.
I saw other dorm friends from the past two years, we met some new people, mostly Freshmen new to college, and also some of my female friends I'd made over time. That night,g there was a big welcome back party, with kegs of beer and bowls of spiked punch, people got drunk but we tried to cut off anyone who was out of control or on the verge of passing out. People hooked up, mostly very casual encounters. I could have done so. This very cute Freshman, Dana, lots of curves and long blond hair, was clearly interested, but there was no way I was hooking up with her or anyone else that night. In fact, I doubted I would end up with any girl that semester. I was missing Linda way too much, right from the start, and sleeping with some girl I didn't even know would have felt cheap. I would have felt like I was cheating.
For the first month and a half, I avoided going to bed with any girl. I had no desire, no interest, though some were very attracted and a few weren't exactly subtle in their availability towards me be known. My heart belonged to Linda, and the fact that we agreed not to talk until I went home for Thanksgiving wasn't making the ache I felt from her absence ease off at all. I wanted to call her almost every single day. And it was even worse on the weekends, with the extra time on my hands.. But we had a deal and I kept to it. Linda didn't even have my phone number up there, so she couldn't call me if she wanted. I guess if there was some urgent reason, she could have gotten my number from my parents.
I kept my good grades going (I had a 3.87 average and was on track to pull straight A's that first semester of my Junior year) and, after a few consultations with my faculty advisor, I was thinking of changing my major from Education (I planned to be a high school Social Studies teacher) to English/Creative Writing. She said she saw I had a flair for it, especially editorial writing. I was very good at taking a position and defending it with facts and with a sense of style. It was something to consider.
I called home or the family called me at least once a week, and my mom always made sure she asked me how I was doing, meaning how I was without Linda. I told her honestly that I was all right overall, doing well in school and having fun with friends, but I missed Linda terribly. It couldn't be helped; I was still in love with her and I didn't see that going away any time soon. Then I'd talk to my dad, who had a more quiet way of offering his support, and last, my brother, who would just break my balls in the way the two of us had, and that always cheered me up. He had a way of keeping me from getting too down in the dumps or taking myself too seriously.
October 18 was my birthday, a Friday, and my buddies wanted to throw me a party. Actually, it was right before midterms and we really just needed an excuse to blow off steam, like pretty much everyone else on campus. Instead of heading to a bar and spending a lot of money, not to mention driving drunk and all the risks associated with that, we chipped in, bought a couple of kegs and some bottles, set them up in the common room on our floor, and charged anyone who wanted to join in 2 bucks each. A very fair price, even for the mid-80s. We weren't looking to make money; we weren't even concerned with breaking even. It was a hell of a blast and we all got drunk to varying degrees. For me, that meant a nice buzz. I've never been a big drinker.
About 11 or so, this girl, Liz Park and I started talking, and I found myself having a good time with her. She was also just buzzed a little, enough to have fun without getting sick or stupid, and to be in control enough for her to know what she was doing. She was a Sophomore, and I knew her slightly from the previous year, the kind of thing where we'd say 'hi' in the halls when we passed each other, but we didn't know each other more than that. Not before that night. She was really cute, adorable, even, Korean-American, with a very pretty face, long jet-black hair, petite (about 5'2") with nice curves. And she was vivacious, a fun personality. She dragged me to the middle of the room, where there was a small area set aside for dancing. We moved to a real variety of music, like Ramones, Phil Collins, A-ha, John Mellencamp. A real mixed bag.
I was having a good time with a girl for the first time since Linda and I broke up. Not like a conversation; I had a few female friends for that. This was fun like I hadn't had in months. We got off the dance floor to grab another couple of beers and I was debating in my mind whether I should make a move, when Liz decided for me by grabbing my head in her hands and giving me a tonsillectomy. I mean, it was a fucking hot kiss, with her tongue exploring my mouth. When we broke the kiss (and got a few hands of applause), Liz said, just loud enough so I could hear her over the music, "My roommate is at her boyfriends for the night." The rest didn't need to be said. She took my hand and led me to the elevator up to her room on the 8th floor.
We were in the elevator with another couple that were also making out, as well as a couple of singles. College is like that, not a hell of a lot of privacy, but people rarely make a big deal about what others are doing. Liz and I kissed a few times, but I had a couple of minutes to consider what I was doing. I hadn't seen nor spoken to Linda since the 5th of September, about 6 weeks before, and it would be about another 5 until I spoke to her again. Did I owe her fidelity? I didn't know if she was seeing anyone. For all I knew, she was dating again. Besides, it was my birthday, and I was just looking for a good time. Liz and I walked hand in hand down the hall to her room as I decided fuck it. This wasn't any sort of commitment. It was just fun.
We got into her room, where Liz had little Christmas type lights strung up around the walls, with some posters and a lithograph of a Dali painting, The Persistence of Memory, with the melting clocks. Only those little lights were on, and the room seemed cozy, and got more so when Liz sat down with me on her bed.
We kissed some more, getting comfortable with each other. We had good chemistry, fitting together well as our kisses got hotter and we twisted around so she was on her back and I was on top of her. I had my hand up her shirt, massaging her left breast over her bra, which felt a little satiny, while she was cradling my cock and balls over my jeans. It was a signal that all but guaranteed where things were heading. I moaned as she gave my balls a gentle squeeze.
I pulled her short-sleeve sweater over her head, and her white bra was mostly satin with some lace at the edges. She kissed my neck as I helped her get my Grateful Dead shirt off, then I undid her bra. I have to admit, she had great tits. A very firm C-cup with light pink areolas and nipples, which were not that long but were very hard. I let her nipples slide between the length of my fingers and Liz started whimpering. Her head tilted back and her chest thrust up, inviting me to keep applying pressure to her pink pebbles.
I started sucking them, going back and forth between the left and the right, as I unbuttoned, then unzipped her tight jeans. Liz pulled my face back up to hers and we were kissing harder, our tongues going back and forth, mine in her mouth, then hers in mine. I helped her shimmy out of her pants, leaving her just in a pair of leopard patterned, very tiny panties. She was so damned sexy, my cock was at full staff. I got up on my knees facing her, and she let out a nervous laugh as she unbuttoned my pants and then pulled the zipper down. I pulled them down and I was left in a pair of black cotton boxers. Then I fell back on top of her and we were all over each other, rolling back and forth on her small bed.
We were touching each other inside our underwear, my fingers rubbing her pussy vigorously while Liz had a firm grip on my dick, pulling it up and down. Her hand was soft but her technique was a little lacking. It was certainly not unpleasant. I was leaking small amounts of lubrication, and Liz was doing the same. Her pussy was nice and wet, making it easy for my fingers to glide along her lips. We were both moaning, and Liz kissed my ear, licked it, then whispered, in a hungry tone, "Finger me, Dennis. Put one inside." Her thighs were clamped tight around my hand, which told me how needy she really was.
I kissed her a few times and was just about to ease one finger inside her when Linda's face came to me. In a span of about 2 seconds I thought about what she might be doing that Friday night, who she might be with...if they were doing what I was doing. If she was, it would have been a like a knife in my heart. I knew I couldn't go through with this. It would hurt Liz, like a cruel insult. But I couldn't have sex with her, or with any other girl, while my situation with Linda was unresolved.
Liz looked at me expectantly, with a real need to me to keep going. "Liz, I know this is going to look very bad, and I don't want to insult you, but I can't do this. I'm really sorry."
She looked confused at first, then, as I took my hand from her panties, Liz got angry. "What the hell, Dennis? You get me all worked up, so bad I need to get fucked, and then you stop? What's wrong with you? Are you some kind of fag?" I could see she was furious, and her language was ugly. I hated that word.
