To those of you who have waited patiently I humbly apologize. Real life has a way of changing your priorities, and I didn't get a chance to finish this last year. Thanks to the prodding from my muse Chrissy, I took up the story again and after a few false starts got it down in print. You need not worry that I'll leave you hanging again, the rest of the story is down on (virtual) paper and I'm going through the editing process. Thank you for taking the time to read my stories, and as always, comments and constructive criticism is always welcome!
It had been over a year now.
I was working support in Warren down along the Camden road. There was a large blueberry farm there that was burning their fields. It's common practice to keep the other plants from taking over, blueberries grew like weeds out here, the fall burning helped increase the crop, and here in down east Maine blueberries are big business.
I sat on the back of Engine #3 looking out over the fields, we were just here to make sure that the fires didn't get away from the farmers. Dark smoke rolled along on the breeze as the low flames crept eastward. These were the worst times. Normally I was too busy to think about it, too busy to dredge up the past and go over it like a raccoon pawing through a trash bin. Unfortunately, I tended to hold on to things like that. I could see Chrissy in my mind as if I'd seen her yesterday. The blue eyes, and that crooked little smile, her straw colored hair blowing in the breezes off the water. She hadn't tanned so much as she just glowed, as if reflecting the sun's color and warmth on to you.
Fifteen months. That's how long it had been since she left. I still had the note carefully folded in my wallet. A few times frustration nearly got the better of me and I almost threw it away, but sentiment always seemed to win out.
After she left I stewed for weeks, mom and friends kept trying to shake me out of my funk and none of them succeeded. I talked to Davy about a job but he'd already given my spot to someone else since I hadn't gone down to see him early enough. He told me that the city was looking for recruits for the fire department, and after my level headed rescue of a boater last year I should apply for it. The boater in question thought it was a smart idea to smoke his cigar while refueling, and the fumes caught. I got to him with a fire extinguisher before the place went up. He got burned up his arm and some around his neck but he survived. I didn't have any other prospects and it seemed like a good idea.
The chief remembered the story about my fast thinking the summer before and looked over my paperwork. Before I knew it I was getting a ride up to Fairfield to the fire training academy. After six months I'd gotten my certification in firefighting and my first aid training. I requested further EMT training but the chief said it would have to wait until the new budget year before he could send me back.
The summer had been busy with the tourists, the occasional fire, plenty of rescues, but now that the season was over it had quieted down. It was the quiet times, like now, that I'd fall into this pensive mood. Some of the older guys would try to rouse me, ruffling my hair to snap me out of it. I remembered Herb, the engineer for #3, sat next to me beside the fire house a few days ago. He didn't say anything for a few minutes.
"She must have been something."
I just nodded. "She was everything."
He nodded. "You know, when the smokes thick, sometimes you have to check the line between you and your partner. Make sure he's still there. If he pulls, and you don't tug back he doesn't know if he's snagged, or lost you."
I smirked. "Yeah."
He stood up and wandered back into the station. He was right, she tugged, but I didn't tug back. I let her leave. I won't lie and say I didn't cry out her name while I kicked the gravel in the driveway. I couldn't understand how she could leave like that without even a goodbye.
Herb was right, and it's time to respond to the tug. We finished out the day walking the line to make sure there weren't any hot spots that would flare up before heading back to the station. Tonight was the end of my shift, I'd be headed home when we got back to the station, and I was off for the next couple days. I told the guys I'd see them on Friday and grabbed my duffel and headed to my truck.
I walked into the house and it smelled wonderful. Mom said hi to me and told me dinner would be ready in a little bit. I went to my room and unpacked my bag. I remember when I told her that I was joining the fire department, she was torn between being happy that I'd found a direction after school, and sad that I'd be getting into a dangerous line of work. When I mentioned moving out and finding my own place she had convinced me to stay, and to put my money away. The house was plenty big, and she didn't like the idea of living alone, even though half the week I spent at work.
I went into the kitchen and after a little silence she asked me what was wrong. I just raised my eyebrows at her.
"What makes you think something is wrong?"
"First of all, that response, second, you're not usually so quiet around dinner time." She chuckled. I didn't reply at first.
"What if I told you that I was thinking about moving? I don't mean getting my own place, like to another state?"
She stopped what she was doing and looked at me for a moment. "Chasing your dream girl?" She asked. She had correctly deduced that last years crashing depression was brought about by a girl, but I never told her who it was. She figured it was some girl I'd known in school that left for college.
"How will I ever know she's only a dream if I don't try to catch her?"
She didn't say anything for a minute and went back to setting the table.
"I just don't want to see you get hurt. I mean, what if she's got a boyfriend or she didn't see things the way you did. It's not as if you were dating her long, I never even got to meet her."
That idea shot through my mind, my mother meeting Chrissy sent a chill up my spine. I nearly forgot that mom thought this was some high school girlfriend. Then her statement rang a bell as if my head were in it. What if Chrissy had moved on, and was seeing someone or worse, remarried. My heart leapt into my throat and I swallowed.
"If that's the case then I may be back sooner than later."
"Don't you get vacation time from work now that you've been there a year?"
I nodded.
"Then why not take it and find out. Don't burn your bridges Smokey."
She had a point. If I quit and headed into the wild unknown I'd be risking a decent future. I chuckled.
"Thanks." I replied with a little more sarcasm than necessary to get my point across.
"What?"
"I actually expected you to tell me to not go chasing dreams. It never works out like you hope it will, blah, blah, blah."
"Is that what you want to hear?" She asked. "Best thing you did was joining the fire department. If nothing else, it's a job you can get pretty much anywhere you go. I'm not going to try and scare you out of living your life. You're smart, you'll always land on your feet, I've never really worried about you like that."
"I think I'll talk to the chief about taking a vacation." I said smiling.
***
When I got back to the station on Friday I went to the office and put in my request, I decided to take the week of my birthday off. I got the okay the next day. I spent the next couple weeks making calls and doing a little detective work. I found the rental agent in town that handled the house rental and inquired about Chrissy's address. It took a little finagling to get the woman to give me an address, but I got it.
The next couple of weeks went by slowly, thankfully nothing major happened, and my vacation began. I'd packed up my duffel and headed south then west. I burned up the highway arriving at the state line in only a couple hours. I crossed New England by mid-afternoon, and drove on into New York state, making it to the Pennsylvania state line just after dinner time. I was beat, so I found a motel and ordered some take out.
I dreamt of her. The last night we spent together, she opened up, telling me so many things. She had cried, I remembered. There was pain there that was barely hidden.
The next morning I checked out and found the little diner on the edge of town recommended by the clerk. I had breakfast and pored over a map to plan the rest of my trip. Having pushed myself yesterday I'd made it more than half way to my destination, at this rate I'd be there by dinner time. After breakfast I hit the road again, skirting the cities and burning up the miles I found myself looking up at a sign, 'Welcome to West Virginia – Wild and Wonderful'. That caused a chuckle as I thought about Chrissy. It was a good description of the natives if she was any indication.
I skirted the edge of town and found myself a motel room. I laid back on the bed and I wondered what I was doing. I came all this way to see her, and I hadn't spent a single moments thought on how I was going to go about it. Show up at her home and say, 'Hey, how's it going? Remember me?'
I decided the best way was to let her know I was here and to let her come to me if she wanted to see me. It sounded conceited at first, but it also felt right. If she didn't want to see me, she'd only have to call me and say so, and I'd go home. That thought sent a cold chill through me, and I did my best to brush it away. I rummaged through the little desk and found some stationery and wrote her a note.
Dear Chrissy,
I thought it best to let you know I had come here to see you, and let you decide if you wanted to see me, rather than showing up at your door unannounced. Please, give me a call and let me know if I should stay or go.
Pete
I put my number on the bottom of the note, and decided the best time to drop it off would be in the morning. Emmy would likely be in school and Chrissy would probably be at work. I put the note into an envelope and sealed it and wrote Chrissy's name on the front.
The next morning I decided I'd grab some breakfast in the coffee shop of the motel, before I made the trip across town. Where she lived seemed to be on the outskirts of the city on the other side of the river. I took my time making my way carefully through commuter traffic. Then across the river and up into the hills. I found the house and pulled up in front, a small stone retaining wall held back the front lawn from the road, and a mailbox stood sentinel at the head of the driveway. There were no cars in it, and I looked at the little house with its small windows and front porch. A few last die hard flowers held out against the October cold. I smiled, as I imagined her sunbathing naked on the front lawn, causing accident after accident on what seemed to be a busy road. I pulled up and left the note in the mailbox, and hoped that if there were someone else, that it was vague enough not to cause trouble.
As I drove away the anxiety began. I had no idea the kind of reception I'd get. I drove around the outskirts of town killing time. The area reminded me of home, more up towards the mountains not along the coast. I roamed down tree lined roads passed a few farms, cows and horses sunning themselves in fields. I turned back towards the city after noon and made my way back to my motel. I figure if I'm lucky enough for her to want to see me, I should at least be presentable.
After my shower I stood in front of the sink looking into the mirror and noted that I'd firmed up since becoming a firefighter. My face looked a little more angular, my shoulders and arms were a lot stronger. I didn't look like a skinny kid any more.
I got dressed and laid back on the bed, channel surfing for anything to watch while I waited for the phone to ring. Time passed slowly, the tedium of lousy TV shows wasn't helping. It was after 4, and I was getting anxious. I grabbed my phone and took a walk around the outside of the motel so I wouldn't go stir crazy.
I was on my second lap, thinking about how this trip was a big mistake when my phone rang, jolting me out of my reverie. I yanked my phone out of my pocket and noted it was a local number calling.
"Hello?"
Silence.
"Chrissy?"
