Sue's Will

After class, Sue took the commute over to the state library.

Working as a part-time librarian, Sue got the best of both worlds: reading and being invisible. Reading was the love of her life. The library consisted of people who were too immersed in their work to notice her, or they were too distracted by the sheer volume of books to look at her.

She was contented.

Stepping across the tiles to put her things in the locker, she tidied up herself and got started. Today, she was in charged of re-arranging the books in the Fiction section, as there was a whole new batch of fiction books which has just arrived earlier. Starting work almost immediately, she soon lost herself in the world of fiction.

Sorting out almost half of the batch, she realized that almost two hours have flown by. Now, that was fast. Sue decided to head out for a lunch-break, as she did not have anything to eat earlier. Trotting down to the local deli, her mind was still foggy from all the fiction titles and their intriguing story lines. Debating inwardly on which books to borrow home, and not really seeing where she was walking, she collided right into a wall.

Hugely embarrassed, her face grew brick red when it was not a wall she crashed right into.

It was Will.

Great. Excellent timing. He was on the floor, picking up pieces of his stuff which she had just knocked over. She quickly kneeled down to help him. Will did not even take notice of her; he was too busy picking up his tools.

Muttering repeated apologies, Sue was convinced that he was going to kill her. Sure enough, when he looked up, he looked absolutely capable of murder. But then his expression soften into one of amusement, when he recognized who it was who collided into him.

"Mind ran astray?" His soft- spoken voice nearly inaudible among the street-walkers.

Sue felt the heat spread on her cheeks. Of all the people she could collide with, it had to be him.

"I am really sorry, here are your things." She finally looked at the stuff she was handing over to Will. They were photography gadgets. Tiny tools capable of producing timeless snapshots. She stood muted, staring at the tools.

Big hands reached over to take away the gadgets. Flashing an uncertain smile, Will inquired, "What are you doing in this area?"

"Umm... work.. you?"

Will laughed softly, "Duty calls. I have got work too. Where are you heading?"

Sue smiled back, and replied that she was heading down to the deli. She clenched her hands in order to stop them from shaking.

Shyness, gone. My arse!

She gave a wave, apologized again, and walked away from Will. Hoping to shake that incident off, she could all but stop herself from running away.

Suddenly she found a hand on her shoulder. Already knowing who it was, she turned around to find those green eyes staring back at her. Although Will was very tall, Sue could still make out what colour his eyes were. They were now flecked with golden specks.

"I was hoping you would buy me lunch. You know, since you caused me a minor heart attack."

Sue narrowed her eyes at him, "Hey you weren't exactly paying full attention to where you were heading either."

Will held up his hands, in the act of surrender. "Easy, easy. I was just kidding. Can I join you?"

Panicking, Sue did not know how to respond. Why would he want to have lunch with her?

"Why?"

Startled by her question, Will gave first answer that came to his mind. "Well, I find you extremely interesting and it would be an honour to get to know you better."

Sue's heart nearly came out of her chest. Yes, she was this scared. She knew she was being ridiculous and she was over- thinking.

She was 21 years of age now. It was time to act like a grown up. No more silly girl acts of childishness.

An eternity seemed to have passed between them before she made up her mind with an "Ok."

.....

The two of them walked together in silence, his towering frame next to her tiny one. He was afraid his long legs might be too fast for her, so he slowed down. He looked at her, but she did not seem to notice his presence. She was deep in thought.

So he broke the silence by saying, "You know, you being deep in thought like this are the cause of collisions such as that. What are you thinking about?"

She looked up at him, her almond- shaped eyes looking flittingly into his before staring straight ahead, "I could say the same for you. But we always blame others first, while overlooking our own mistakes." She replied, her expression deadpan.

Will looked positively offended, albeit jokingly, "And you conveniently avoided my question while giving me a self-help lesson."

"But it is true. Isn't it? Anyway, I was thinking about work. What about you? What were you so wrapped up about?"

Will gazed over at her, smiling, "A girl need not be so mysterious..."

Sue readily parried, "And you have conveniently side-stepped my question."

The corners of Will's lips curled upwards. This is going to harder than he thought...

They soon reached the deli, and after gotten their sandwiches (Which Sue insisted on paying, since it was 'her fault' for crashing into him), they settled at a table in the corner.

The deli has been Will's favourite sandwich haunt ever since he was in high school. The layout was spacious, yet cosy. The owner has been mastering the art of sandwich making since the 1980s. In fact, his sandwiches were so delicious; his deli has appeared on national television several times.

Will could tell that Sue loved this place as well, her eyes were practically smiling. She looked around, looking at the people, drinking in the atmosphere. She was like a sponge, absorbing and appreciating every moment. Will was amazed.

In fact, he suddenly remembered seeing her here, right in this deli before. She was with a guy. He drove back in his memories to recall further. But it all stopped there.

He mentioned his memory out loud before he could stop himself, "You know what, I vaguely remembered seeing you here before. You were with a guy."

Uh oh... that did not come out right.

Sue, in turn, looked surprised. Then her expression became one of cheekiness.

"Really? I have been here with a lot of guys before." Then she burst out laughing.

She smoothed over by saying, "Nah, not in a million years. The guy was my fellow-" Then she caught herself, reddening slightly in the face, struck by a sudden thought.

Will raised his eyebrows, urging her to go on.

"Err... So you see.. Ummm.. I am working as a librarian." Sue looked ready to jump off a cliff, but there was another part of her, willing her to tell the truth.

Will's eyebrows went up even further. "You? A part- time librarian? You've got to be joking." The disbelief in his voice was apparent.

Sue blushed, but her eyes remained defiant. "Yes I am. I love books, and I love taking care of books. So why not learn the tricks and skills of a librarian?" She smiled and switched the topic, "Mind if I ask about the hands?" She nodded at his hands, which were calloused and rough, and adorned with visible scars. Will turned his hands over, looking at them.

"Furniture building."

Sue's mouth was agape with intrigue. Intrigued enough to stop worrying about being shy.

"I like to design and make furniture. I try to make my own furniture, this way I have got absolute control over the design, make, and polish." He smiled sheepishly.

"Just a hobby? Along with your photography?" Now Sue was way too interested and curious.

Will's soft voice floated around her. "Well at first it was a hobby. Both of them actually. But I grew to love the two skills unconditionally. Whenever I feel stressed or low, I just take out my instruments and get lost in them. Making furniture. Or taking pictures."

He gave a small smile and shrugged, afraid of sharing too much. After all, this is the first day that they have met and he did not want to spook her out. Furthermore, he felt as if he had already said more than he meant to.

Sue smiled back, but said nothing. She completely understood him. The uncertainty of things is the woe of us all.

Will interjected her thoughts, "So you want to tell me about the guy you were with? Your fellow librarian boyfriend? Now this is too cute!"

Sue laughed along with him, but Will was quick to notice the great pool of sadness gathering in her eyes. He stopped laughing, and so did she. She looked away to recollect herself. When she turned back to smile at him, her smile was a watery one. Her eyes were sparkly and glittering from unshed tears.

"Hey, I am running late. The books are calling me and I should be going." She mumbled, flashing a smile at Will as bright as she could fake and dashed out the door.

And within seconds, Will was left alone by Sue, for the third time. Of the day.

.....

Will was positively mortified by his lack of tact. What he would give to turn back the hands of time... He mentally punched himself, cursing himself for not running after her to apologize.

'Must have been a bad breakup', he thought.

Will always took pride in his capabilities of understanding the opposite sex. His soft, gentle and mysterious ways were a female magnet. Never taking advantage of them, unless they begged him to, he always tried to only get involved with a girl unless he was committed to. Recently, he just could not commit. The reason why he agreed to the date with Blondie was because she texted, and called him repeatedly.

But Sue was so different. She was a myriad of emotions and expressions. And she was completely incapable of covering them up. In one day, Will has witnessed the whole, complete range of Sue's internal struggle. And he was longing to know more.

It was almost like an urge to reach out to help her. He felt so much compassion and empathy for the girl. Maybe it was because Sue did not want him like how the other girls *want* him. Sue was a girl of dignity and strength.

But right now, Will could sense that the strength in her was failing.

He picked up his camera bag and left for the studio.

Upon reaching the studio, he found his mind all wrapped up around Sue. He could not get over the fact that someone like her could have gone through that much hardship. Whatever the hardship was.

Will, on the other hand, has experience no such thing. He came from a decent family of four, with blissfully satisfying relations with all of his family members. Whatever he wanted to do, his parents encouraged him to. So at the age of 18, he decided to move out. Wanting to grow, body and soul, he chose a college approximately 150 miles from home. Always hated to be thought as naïve, he desired to experience life away from the nest, to witness the world and its natural beauty.

Things have gone pretty well for about almost three years now. He dearly misses his family and tries to fly home every semester break or so. His younger brother, Jake, is 10 years younger than him. The age gap between them made Will all the more protective of his younger brother.

Sue made him want to do that. The need to protect her from the ugly side of the world grew by the minute.

Shaking his head at the incredulity of it all, he chided himself for being ridiculous. This is not the way to react after the first day of meeting a stranger.

He was already not doing well in his classes, for being too immersed in his other activities. A distraction like this would be the end of him. Often, the owner of the studio, Mr. Jensen, would send him overseas for international photography conferences and competitions. The result of all this pays for his participation in the college. Will was a busy person, and a change of routine would cause much upheaval in his life.

Or maybe he could work things out.

In the studio, he found himself at a loss. All he could think of was cataloguing the sadness in Sue's eyes. Giving himself a slap in the face, literally, he decided to take a break from photography and do some carving. Taking out a little knife, he picked up a small piece of wood and started shaving little pieces of it off. Hunched over the table, with eyes meticulously analysing every single woody detail, he was in his element.

Gripping the knife tightly, he slowly carved and shaved the small block of wood into a little wooden figure.

It was a figure of a fragile, but beautiful girl, with short hair and almond- shaped eyes. Her smile was sweet, but sad. It was extremely cute, as Will delicately carved the figurine's hair to make it spiky, exactly like Sue's. She had on a little wooden dress, which ended at the knees.

Complete with tiny, dainty pumps, it was a true, wooden replica of Sue.

As Will marvelled at his handiwork, he could not help but realize just how much danger he has just gotten himself into.

.....

Sue barely registered her surroundings as she stumbled back to the library. Taking slow and deep breaths, she reigned in her tears. She was not angry at Will, nor did she blame him for anything.

Yes, she was angry at herself for losing control. But, she needed baby steps. She breathed in and out to calm herself down. It was ridiculous- the manner of how she reacted in front of Will.

After all, Jon was long gone from her life.

It all happened four months ago, when they last sat together in the deli.

Four months, Sue recalled painfully. She was vaguely surprised that Will could remember spotting her in the deli, even though it was so long ago.

They were so happy. Jon and Sue. She thought they were in love. At least, she thought he was in love with her. A fellow librarian, Jon was sweet, endearing and exceptionally wonderful in ways Sue could only imagine. He approached her like how he handled the books, with care and love. Showering her with attention, he showed her the meaning of life.

After three months of courtship, she gave herself to him. She was going to marry him, the man of her dreams. He made love to her with such gentleness, and such passion.

He was her everything. Her life. Her world. Her first love.

Then she discovered she was pregnant. Scared and lost, she told Jon about the pregnancy. His reaction was beyond amazing. He promised to love the child like he loved her. Being exceptionally brave and excited about it, he told her that he wanted to take a flight to Britain to inform his parents of the good news.

Sue offered to come along. But Jon refused, insisting that she must get all the rest she needs, and not to put any stress on the baby. They made love every night.

Before Jon boarded the plane, he showered her with kisses and made promises to write to her everyday.

Four months. And not a single letter came. Jon disappeared.

.....

Sue had enough self- worth not to hunt Jon down and kill him. When she realized with cruel horror that Jon had ran away from the responsibility of fatherhood, she was already 3 months pregnant. In a frenzy, she could not report to the police. What could she say? Her boyfriend knocked her up and fled the country? Her boyfriend raped her and she waited three months to report it?

All routes were blocked. The only help Sue could seek out was to confess to her parents. And her mother provided her with all the love and moral support that Sue desperately needed at the time. No questions asked.

Sue was a wreck. But she did not let herself drown in depression. Terminating the baby was her choice, despite her mother's counsel and advice otherwise.

She was still attending college, and her dream of graduating must be attained. After the abortion, she attended counselling and psychiatric sessions daily.

Heading back to college was tough, but necessary. She needed to be distracted with healthy activities. Why not academics?

Sue made up her mind to continue working in the library when college started. She needed to face her fears. In this case, it was Jon's lingering presence in the library. Taking the bull by the horns, she told herself that no jerk was going to cause her to stop loving books.

On some days, she was ready to take on the world.

On other days, she wanted to curl up and die.

Seeing mothers with their children choked her, suffocated her. She had murdered her unborn child. But therapy was there to help her out of her darker moods.

Slowly, but surely. Sue was recovering. Every single day, she told herself- There are so many other women like me. Why drown in depression and sadness when you can grow out it stronger? Be strong, Sue. You can do this. Yes, you can.

You cannot let a fucker ruin your life.

.....