I woke up early Sunday morning feeling content and well rested. Sleeping in one place through the whole night was definitely having a good effect on me. I was feeling really good about how my life was changing, when just a few weeks ago I could not even imagine how to get out of the mess I was in. I found a job without looking, just walking down the street. I met an amazing girl while I was hanging out in the subway station acting like a goof. The weather was warming up and so was my life. I decided to walk outside, even though I had no particular place to go, a feeling I was very familiar with.
I like that there are fewer people on the streets on Sunday mornings compared to other mornings, but there are always people buzzing around at any hour. New York never takes a break.
The Catholic church up the street had just ended their early Mass and people were spilling out onto the sidewalk. I stopped to watch them clear out and then decided to go inside. It was the first time I had walked into that church without looking for a place to rest or get out of the weather. Instead, this time I wanted to light a candle for my mom and say thanks for my job and Alicia. Then I remembered Thomas and Jeff and while I did say a quick prayer for Thomas in detox, I also said "Fuck Jeff" under my breath. I'm no saint.
I stood up to leave and a little old lady started calling in a really loud half-whisper, "Young man, young man! Wait just a minute!" She really was tiny, like a miniature person wearing extremely fashionable clothes. In fact, as she tilted her head up at me, she looked like a little doll. A little old doll. "Excuse me, young man, what is your name?"
"Ray," I answered, and stuck out my hand. She took my hand in both of hers and clutched it.
"And how old are you, Ray?"
"Twenty-two."
"And do you have a girlfriend?"
I laughed and answered, "Well, there is a special girl who has come into my life recently."
"Dammit!" She exclaimed, right there in church, which made me instantly like her. "I was hoping to introduce you to my granddaughter. All the good ones are taken, just like she says! A good Catholic boy, no less."
"Oh, I'm no good Catholic," I laughed. I was all about misleading people these days, but I had to draw the line somewhere.
"Now see, just the humility of saying so tells me you are a nice boy. Besides, I saw you praying over there."
"I was just saying thanks for a few things. It's not like I was saying the rosary or anything."
"A prayer of sincere gratitude is worth more than a thousand rosaries," she smiled at me still holding my hand. "Now, tell me Ray, are you going over to the rummage sale?"
"No, wasn't planning on it."
"Well, would you walk me over there? I have trouble with the stairs."
"Sure," I answered and offered my arm even though she seemed to get around just fine. She held on tight to my arm and led me to the adjacent building and down into the basement. The church was having what looked like one giant garage sale. Garage sales are really not my thing, but I spotted a bunch of books on a table with a sign saying 25 cents each for paperbacks. I said goodbye to the little lady and started perusing the book collection. I looked up and around and noticed that the people didn't look half bad. I thought a rummage sale meant a lot of trash and there would be scroungy people there, but the crowd looked pretty normal. Except for the homeless guy standing next to me checking out the book collection. He smelt like piss and he was going through the box of books with serious determination. I know the feeling. When you don't have any place to store the books, you need to find one really good one.
"This one's good," I handed him a book I had in my hand that I had already read about this fat guy who rides his bike all over looking for his schizophrenic sister. It's called
The Memory of Running
, and I really wanted to reread it myself, but I wanted him to have it too. I handed him a dollar and told him he should read it and it was on me.
I picked out eight books for myself, reasoning that two bucks wasn't much to spend. Then I noticed a bunch of kitchen stuff on another table and remembered I didn't have any utensils at home. I couldn't believe how cheap everything was. The utensils didn't match, but I bought ten for a dollar. Next I noticed the clothing. Never in my life did I imagine I might wear someone else's clothes, but a pair of work boots caught my eye and I changed my mind. There was a lot of crap there too, but also some perfectly good items mixed in. I even found some jeans with the tags still on them.
I ended up walking out of that rummage sale with a whole box full of stuff for just under twenty dollars and it felt like Christmas morning. However, it was now ten o'clock and I had not heard from Alicia. I went home and started putting my stuff away and dropped the clothing off to Louisa for washing. Then I called my dad and told him that I still had a job. We never have much to talk about and I wanted to tell him about Alicia, but I thought I should keep it to myself in case it didn't last. I didn't tell my dad anything about what happened with the roommates or not paying my rent. It is a good thing my dad is not a big talker because I wanted to be off the phone when Alicia called.
I started to read a little bit, but I didn't feel like staying inside the apartment and I was hungry. I went out and bought a few groceries for the first time in a really long time. The strawberries looked enticing and my mouth started watering as I remembered how good they tasted the day before, but they were expensive, so I bought apples instead. I bought some food I could make at home like beans, rice, and pasta. Also some peanut butter, bread and jelly. It felt weird spending all that money at once, but now that I didn't have to worry about either roommate stealing my food, I knew this was the cheaper way to go in the long run. I checked my phone again and it was after eleven o'clock with still no message from Alicia.
Thinking back to our conversation, I was sure she said she'd call me when she woke up. How late could that girl sleep? Maybe she wasn't going to call. Maybe she had second thoughts about hanging out with a guy with no money. Maybe she didn't like the way I kissed her. Maybe she met someone last night when she was out having cocktails. Maybe she realized what a piece of crap I am.
I made myself a sandwich and ate it as I was walking out the door. I still had Louisa's back pack and now I had an apple and a book in it as I headed to the park. I felt really light without my jacket, but my mood was heavy. Some guys were kicking a ball around and I watched them for a while. It made me think of Carlos and, since I had been meaning to call him, I did. I got his answering machine and said, "Hey, man, it's me, Ray. I know it's been a long time. Just wanted to see how you are doing. Gimme a call."
I was starting to feel really nervous about Alicia. It was after twelve o'clock and I was tempted to text her. Maybe she lost her phone. Nah, she figured me out: it was over. I was glad I got to kiss her though. I could think about that for a long time even if I didn't get to do it again.
My phone vibrated with a text, "I'm up! Call me when you can."
I smiled and got anxious all at once. "Call me when you can?" What does that mean? Does she think I'm busy and might not call her right away? I should be busy. I should have a life and be doing things on Sunday. Aw, fuck it, I'm calling her. I'll just wait a minute or two.
"Good Morning," she answered.
"Hey, how are you?"
"Good. I'm just waking up. I was up pretty late last night."
"Was it fun?"
"Um, yes and no," she said.
"How come?"
