Sticing My Nose In

I was strolling through life, minding my own business when I heard a scream followed by a raised voice from the other side of a fence. "Will one of you lazy bastards pull her legs apart. how am I supposed to get my dick in there if she's got her legs crossed."

"I don't think she wants you to fuck her." Another voice said.

"I don't give a flying fuck what she wants, I'll teach her to tell me fuck off when I ask her nicely if she wanted a fuck."

"I don't think telling her to get her gear off because you want to fuck her is the same as asking nicely."

"Who the fuck asked you? Now give Tiny a hand to get her legs apart or I'll belt you over the head."

I don't know what sudden urge came over me that caused me to intervene, but I did. Looking over the fence I witnessed one large bloke with his pants around his ankles and two smaller men with confused looks on their faces trying to restrain a girl who obviously did not want to be restrained and, given the appearance of the big bloke, I can understand her reluctance.

"Since when does it take three hulking brutes to overpower a petite young lady?"

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Someone who resents having his ears assailed by your foul language."

"Ooh, would you listen to him, I bet he's a poofter. Hey mate, join us and while I'm fucking this bitch you can shove it up my arse, or would you prefer it if one of these useless pricks shoved it up yours?"

"I would prefer neither, and I don't think the young lad would prefer you shoving your cock into her. Why don't you crawl back into whatever rat hole you call home and have sexual relations with your hand or a female of your own type?"

"And who is going to make me? I bet you couldn't lift your wrist up enough to make a fist."

"If you would like, you can step out to this side of the fence and see if I can stop you."

"I might just do that." He pulled his pants up enough so that he could walk, came through the gate and stood in front of me, thrusting his hips forward and shaking his cock suggestively at me. "Sure you wouldn't like this up your freckle?"

"That doesn't turn me on at all."

"So what does?" He dropped his pants and, turning his back on me, he bent over, pulling his arse cheeks apart.

The temptation was too much for me, my foot collided with his balls in a most satisfactory manner, sending him sprawling on the ground, holding his genitals and screaming to his friends. "Don't just stand there, grab him."

"But, if I let her go she'll get away." The one holding the girl's leg said.

"I don't give a fuck, grab this cunt so that I can beat the shit out of him."

"I wouldn't advise that if I were you." I advised him in soft measured tones.

This had them confused, on the one hand, they were sort of obliged to help their friend, while on the other hand, they were having second thoughts about confronting the person who had just taken out their friend. They chose the second option.

"I suppose that I'll have to take care of this myself."

"I wouldn't advise that either." I was as calm as I'd ever been.

I don't know where he learnt to fight, but he got it all wrong. He lunged at me swinging his right fist, I moved to my left and two things happened, his fist missed my face, throwing him off-balance, my right foot swept across, tripping him. Once more he was face down on the ground.

"You useless pricks, give me a hand."

His friends shrugged their shoulders and walked away.

He made one more effort to salvage his damaged pride, dropping into a crouch, he shoulder charged me. Pivoting to the left, I Brought my right elbow down, hitting him hard in the kidney region as he passed me. He stumbled, regained his feet and staggered off.

"Are you all right?" I asked the young lady, holding my hand to her.

"Who are you and what just happened here?"

"I believe that I just managed to save you from a fate worse than death. How did this start?"

"I was walking down the street when those three grabbed me and dragged me behind the fence. They were going to rape me until you came along."

"Had you ever seen them before?"

"Not in person, but I did recognise Wayne, that's the big guy. I work as a paralegal and he was in court charged with assaulting someone. I saw the file and must have filed the image away for future reference. The Public Defender requested some evidence we had and I was dropping the files into them on my way home from work. He was connected with the action. How can I thank you for saving me from that fate worse than death?"

"Don't think of it, anyone would have done the same."

"I don't think so, you weren't the first person to walk by, but you didn't walk by and I must reward you. Can I take you to dinner?"

"You don't have to."

She took my hand and looked deeply into my eyes. "I insist, please let me take you to dinner."

"Oh, all right, if you insist, but nothing expensive, I didn't do that much."

I took a closer look at this lady person standing in front of me. I had to admit that the sight of her laying on the ground with her skirt pulled up exposing her legs, that to be honest, to some would have been titillating, her panties hanging from one ankle, was not a good look. Now, with her dress smoothed down and panties back in their proper place, she looked to be a thoroughly respectable young lady and one that I would like to be seen with.

"Don't be so modest, you did a lot. If it weren't for you I would be on the ground here, watching through my tears as that bastard strutted off with his mates, having taken advantage of someone unable to defend herself."

"First things first. I will take you to the police station where we'll file a complaint against this thug, then I'll take you to the hospital where you can be checked over for permanent injuries, not that you appear to have any, it's better to be safe than sorry. But, before I do that I have to phone my work and let them know that I will be otherwise occupied for a while." I took my phone from my pocket and dialled speed dial 1. "Hi darling, it's me, what do you mean 'me who', it's Stefan, I won't be in for a couple of hours... damsel in distress... don't be like that."

"Was that your wife, or girlfriend?"

"Neither, it was my business partner. I have to talk like that, the bitch would have had me on speaker."

"You're not?"

"Go on, you can say it. No, I am not gay, but in my line of work it suits the image for me to appear to be, gay."

"Just what is your line of work?"

"I am, for my sins, an Interior Designer."

"That's interesting." She said it such a way as to indicate that she didn't believe my non-gay protestations."

'How am I going to convince you otherwise?" I asked.

She kissed me, and while her lips pressed against mine, her hand found its way between us and grabbed him. He was interested enough for her to recognise that I was turned on by her. "I'm still not certain. Further investigation is required, first dinner, then back to mine."

"What if I have a prior engagement?" I didn't, but she wasn't to know that.

"Then cancel it. I will not take no for an answer."

"And just what will you do if I don't?"

"I will come to your place of work and announce to all and sundry that you have knocked me up and refuse to marry me."

"I believe that you would. Oh, all right, I give up, where will I pick you up from?"

"I'm glad you asked. If you pick me up, you're going to have to drop me home again. There's no getting away from it now."

"Very well, what is your address?"

"Give me your phone." I handed it to her, her lightning-fast fingers flew back and forth across the screen until she was satisfied with the result. Now firmly embedded in my contacts file was her name, address, both home and work phone numbers. In the space for company, she had typed 'yours'.

"Chandra, that's an unusual name. Any Indians in your ancestry?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"What time will I pick you up?"

"Anytime you like." She smirked.

"I mean tonight."

"Seven, and I must warn you that I'm a stickler for punctuality. One minute late and you've blown your chances."

This could be an interesting evening.

I got the third degree from Sydney when I eventually arrived at work, having accompanied Chandra to both the police station and then the hospital.

"This damsel in distress, I assume she was drop-dead gorgeous."

"You assume correctly, I wouldn't help any less. Now don't get your knickers in a twist, I'm not going to race off and marry the girl."

"You leave my knickers out of this."

"I have no interest in your knickers. Now, what are we working on?"

"The lovely Jacinta has acquired a new mansion and she wants our expertise to turn it into a showpiece for her."

"And you want me to go to her and give her the hard sell, is that it."

"Yes, you've got it in one, now off you go and do what you do best."

This will be the third house that we've done over for Jacinta Tomlinson in the past five years. Every time she loses a husband she keeps the house, she tarts it up and sells it for a huge profit and then sets her sights on a new husband. When will these guys realise that she only marries them for one thing? Jacinta 'Black widow' Tomlinson has been unfortunate, or not, with her husbands. Within six months of marrying her, the husband dies of natural causes. The noticeable thing has been that the decline is gradual over a period of months leading to his death. Rumour has it that her sexual appetite is creative and voracious, too much of a good thing, not that her husband ever complained, the opposite was the case.

The latest husband/house was going to be a problem. This is a heritage listed building and there are strict conditions as to what can or cannot be done to it. I arranged to meet her at the house and to discuss her ideas for the remodel.

We walked from room to room as she told of her visions of what she wanted done to it. Her previous experience in this area, and her knowledge of the latest trends in décor, came to the fore. I had to admit that, while this was going to be expensive, the results would add much more to the valuation than the cost. She stood to make a substantial profit on this one. "I'll come back tomorrow and wander through alone to get a feel for what you have planned. On paper what you have planned is great, but it has to feel right. The fanciest remodel will not work if it doesn't feel right."

"You know best," she handed me a set of keys, "I'll be gone all day, so take your time."

Punctually on seven, I pushed the doorbell on Chandra's door. The door opened and this spectacular vision stood in front of me. "Come in," She stood aside, but not that far aside. I had to brush past her by design. My brushing was unsuccessful, she stopped me by flinging her arms around my neck and planting a non-platonic greeting kiss on my lips. Some little time later I had to prise my lips from hers. "The restaurant is booked for seven-thirty, we'd better make a move. I wouldn't want to be unpunctual now, would I?"

"That was just to keep you interested." Her hand found my tented trousers. "He is interested, isn't he?"

"You could say that." I took her hand and led her to the lift.

We arrived on time to be greeted by the head waiter. "Ah, M'sieur Baptiste, as always a pleasure. Your usual table is waiting for you." He clicked his fingers to a waiter. "Charles, (pronounced 'sharl') would you show M'sieur Baptiste to his table."

One of the reasons that I frequent Chez Henri is the service. The food is French Provencal, basic, done extremely well, and the wines are the best of both French and Australian. Henry, despite his pretentious spelling of his name, was as Australian as a meat pie. He trained in France while he was on his gap year before taking up his Psychology studies at university, a waste of time as it turned out, the restaurant trade was flowing in his veins now, and he is bloody good at it.

I glanced at him as Charles held out Chandra's chair for her and slid it forward as she sat down. Henry winked his approval at me.

"What are you two smiling at?" Chandra asked.

"You, I've just been given the Henri seal of approval."

"Do you always bring your young ladies here to impress them?"

"No, only the ones that I want to impress, others are lucky to get Maccas'."

"I feel honoured. I must find some way of repaying the compliment." She had this smirk on her face that suggested that I was in for a good night.

After a pleasant dinner with great food, great wine and free-flowing conversation that served to confirm that we were both in for a great night, we arrived at her building.

"Would you like to come in for a coffee?"

"Yes, I most certainly would."

We never got to the coffee, what we did get to was to a very pleasant evening, until I told her that I would not break my rule never to make love on a first date.

"What? Do you mean to tell me that, after all the work that I've put in getting you this far, you're turning down my offer of the best sex that you've ever had?"

"Yes. Now, this is a temporary hiatus, and I will make it up to you when we reach that moment."

"It had better last longer than a moment, a lot longer." She had hold of my balls and was squeezing them gently enough, but the threat was there.

"You will have no complaints." I held her to me as we drifted, but not without Chandra trying to change my mind, off to sleep.

Chandra woke to my tongue doing wondrous things to her nipple and my finger doing equally wondrous things to her pussy.

"Whatever happened to no lovemaking on the first date? Not that I'm complaining I'll have you know."

"The first date ended last night. This is today, and it promises to be the best day of your life."

Some considerable time later; "You were right, it is the best day of my life." Chandra purred into my ear.

"See, I promised and I delivered."

"Yes, you did."

"Aren't you glad that I intervened yesterday morning?"

"I was dreading what was in store for me until you came along, now I'm glad."

"I hate to tell you this, but I have a busy day ahead of me."

"What, camping it up so that some rich old guy will think that it's safe to leave you alone with his beautiful, young trophy wife?"

"No, nothing like that. A beautiful young-ish widow wants a complete make-over for her trophy house."

I felt a hand grab my balls and squeeze them, not hard but the threat was again there. "If you know what's good for you, I would suggest that your relationship with this widow remains on a strictly professional level."

"I know what's good for me, believe me. When will I see you again?"

"Would lunch together be too soon?"

"Lunch together would be great, except for one minor detail."

"And what would that be?"

"Sydney, my partner, in case you've forgotten in the euphoria of this moment, will accept nothing less than total commitment to the job, from the moment I step through the front door, to the moment I step out of it at the end of the day. That, unfortunately, means no lunch dates with a beautiful, sexy woman, regardless of the fact that I fully intend to ask her, once I'm certain that she will not refuse me, to marry me."

"I'm jealous of this Sydney person, even if he's no threat to me sexually. Tell me he is no threat." Again the menacing handling of my balls.

"He is no threat, believe me." A couple of my fingers found their way into her pussy. She released my balls and caressed my cock. It was a while before she agreed that we should get out of bed and go to our respective salt mines.

Punctually at nine o'clock, I pulled into her driveway. Jacinta was just reversing her trophy car, a new Tesla, from the garage so I parked in front of the other garage door. "I was just leaving, lock up when you've finished what you have to do. When you have your plan for the work completed call me so we can get together to discuss it, and your fee."

"Sure thing." I opened the door and walked inside. I stood in the centre of the living room and slowly took in its ambience. I then closed my eyes and imagined what could be done with this room. My peace was shattered.

"What the hell are you doing here?" It was Chandra. "No, don't tell me that this is the project that you've been hired for?"

"Okay, I won't tell you, but I have a low pain threshold to persuasion." It only took a kiss to persuade me to tell her that this was the project that I'd been hired for.

"I have some news for the lady, and you. You cannot proceed with this."

"And why not?"

"Because she does not own the house."

"That's news to us."

"Her husband wasn't as overawed by her as she had hoped. He, because of its historical significance, left the house to the National Trust. She has not inherited the house, it is not hers to tart up and sell."

"I'll have you know I do not tart up, as you so eloquently describe my work. I do not do reality TV make-overs."

"Where is the lady of the house?"

"She left about half an hour ago and she won't be back until after I've finished what I have to do today."

"That means that I can't serve the papers on her. What can I do, wait for her to return, or in some way amuse myself in the intervening time?" She had that look on her face again.

"I'm not going to make love to you here and now, if that's what you're thinking of doing."

"How can you know me so well after such a short time?"

"Because my dear, you're fucking obvious. I am going to have to consult with Sydney and discuss where we stand in this matter, whether we bill her for the time we've already put into this job."

"Would you like me to come with you, to explain the situation from a legal standpoint?"

"That would be nice, it'll save me trying to explain something that I've only just been able to get my head around."

"I'm going to enjoy meeting Sydney."

"Go easy on him, too many shocks and he'll have an attack of the vapours, or whatever the ladies of the past did."

Chandra followed me and parked her car beside mine in the company car park. We walked into reception. "You're back early, and who is this?"

"Julie, this is Chandra and she's the bearer of bad tidings. Is Sydney in his office?"

"Go in, I'll let him know that you're back, and not alone."

"Back so soon, and who is this?" Sydney simpered.

"Sydney, this is Chandra, she is the bearer of bad news."

"That's all I need, more bad news, Nigel has just this minute called to tell me that he is seeing another."

"Another what?"

"Person, he is, as we speak, removing his tatty belongings from my house."

"I'm sad to hear that, but let's face it he's not in your class."

"I'll get over it, in time. Now, what devastating news has this," He pointed to Chandra, "person brought to us?"

"It appears as if Jacinta has not inherited the house this time."

"Who has?"

"It was left to the National Trust, and we cannot work our miracles on it because of the caveats on its heritage listing." I explained

"It's about time she missed out, the bitch. I've had my suspicions about the woman for some time now." Sydney said in the voice usually used when discussing the latest scandal in his circle of friends.

"What do you mean?" Chandra asked.

"Have you ever looked into what she did before embarking on her career as the perennial widow?"

"Well, no," Chandra said, "we assumed that she was brought up in a wealthy family and was left a large sum by one of her relatives."

"Well, let me tell your Deary, she was a Pharmacist."

"So? That's a reasonable sort of occupation I would have thought."

"Reasonable enough for someone who plans to dispose of a husband."

"But the toxicology reports didn't identify any drugs in their systems."

"That's because the Pathologists were coming at it from the wrong angle."

"What do you mean?"