Patricio tried to focus. His mind was all over the place, which wasn't abnormal these days what with all the stress of work, bills, and family weighing heavy on him these days.
His family, in particular, was on his case lately about how often he did(n't) visit and it was getting old quick. Never mind that they never took the time to drive the two hours to see him and only ever asked him to be the one going to see them.
"You never come to see your mama! Why don't you want to be part of the family anymore?" Patricio could just hear his mother's voice chiding him over the phone.
"Mama, you know how busy work is for me. And with the rent always going up I have to get my hours in if I'm going to keep my apartment." Patricio would try to reason with her.
"So just come move back in with me and your father! Your sister did and it's been so great having her back!" Patricio's mother would fire back.
"I can't just move back home, mama! I'm twenty-seven! I want to make it on my own! Besides, all my friends are here in this town." He would plead back, wishing against the odds that maybe for once she would understand.
"You can make new friends! And you can see all your old high school friends!" All of Patricio's efforts would be to no avail. He could explain that he didn't keep in touch with anyone in town because all his friends had also moved and the only people still living there were the ones that bullied him for his short, Mexican genes and his mother who was always screamed "That's my boy on the trombone!" just a little too loud at band concerts. But his mother would only find more and more ways to spin the blame to him.
"You're going soft." Patricio blinked and returned to the present. Ana had stopped moving and was looking down at Patricio, a mix of confusion and disappointment on her face.
Patricio blushed, thankful that the only light was from the TV where the movie they weren't watching was playing softly. "Oh! I'm sorry babe. I was just thinking about my ma."
The words hadn't hardly met Ana's ears when Patricio realized with horror what he had just said.
"You're what now?" Ana's face instantly found an expression that was something along the lines of finding out that Patricio had indeed been a predator all along and that their four-month-old relationship had indeed been a huge mistake.
"No! I don't mean like that!" Patricio tried his best to look and sound anything other than ridiculous as his now completely soft penis flopped onto his stomach with Ana pulling herself off to fall back and sit between his legs. He knew that was a lost cause though and decided to just sit up and face her.
"So, what do you mean? Because I'm going to be honest, when I came over tonight and started playing with your dick, I wasn't expecting to be so unattractive to you that you started imagining your ma to stay hard." Ana had a knack for tossing insults and Patricio knew that she was probably just giving him a hard time. That's one of the things that he liked about her, that she could talk shit with the best of them. But in the moment the emotions started to get to him, and her ribbing mostly just hurt.
Defeated, Patricio hung his head. He was looking in his lap, trying to make sense of this strange situation in which he was staring at his own penis, condom now loose and sliding off, still wet from Ana, all while trying to hold back tears and not look like such a total bitch in front of his girlfriend. What kind of man cried during sex?
But as he was looking down, Patricio didn't see the change in Ana. It was dark, but she could see the slump of his posture in the soft, blue glow from the TV, and could feel the sense of defeat washing over him.
"Hey, I didn't mean that. Is everything okay, Patricio?" Ana reached a hand out and gently touched Patricio's shoulder.
Somehow, her tenderness only made it worse for Patricio. His entire life he had been taught by society that men were the comforters, not the ones needing comfort. Needing Ana to be the one who was showing him grace meant he was weak and that he was making his problems hers, which isn't what a good man does to his woman. But he felt the sob coming and desperately coughed to hide it.
But of course, Ana was too smart to fall for that. "Patricio, talk to me. What's going on?"
The floodgates didn't break in that moment, but a leak or two were certainly sprung as Patricio felt his eyes dampen and his breath grow ragged. "I'm sorry, Ana. I'm just really stressed lately."
"Yeah? Do you want to talk about it?" Ana took her hand back for a moment so that she could adjust her position. Rising to her knees, she pivoted out from between Patricio's legs, scooching herself on the bed until she was next to him. She sat down with her shoulder pressed against his and slid her hand under his arm, following its shape down to his hand where she interlaced her fingers with his.
"It's fine, I don't want to make my problems yours." Patricio was desperate to play it off and save face, but Ana would have none of it.
"Talking about your problems isn't making them mine. It's me helping you, which I want to do." Ana gave Patricio's hand a reassuring squeeze, telling him with her body as much as with her words that he was safe with her.
Patricio struggled in himself a moment longer, trying to figure out how to be strong in the moment again, and ultimately failing. With a sigh he let it out. "My family has just been on my case about visiting them more or even moving back in with them. But I'm so busy with work, trying to pick up extra shifts to actually save a little for a change I don't have time to drive two hours to see them. I'm just tired of trying to explain that every day when they won't listen."
Ana rested her head on Patricio's shoulder, squeezing his hand and letting out a gentle sigh. "I'm sorry, that's a lot to deal with."
Patricio shook his head, "It shouldn't be, though. I feel like I'm just complaining and making excuses. And now it's affecting my relationship with you. I don't like that I can't control my life."
"You're not making excuses, Patricio. You're doing the opposite. You're trying so hard to keep it together that you're not even willing to tell me that you're not in the mood tonight because you don't want to disappoint me. That's not someone making excuses, that's someone trying too hard to please everyone else." Ana turned her head towards Patricio as she lifted her free hand to his cheek, turning his head towards her to look in his eyes. "Give yourself a break. It's okay to be stressed and not be in the mood for sex, as strange as it might seem to turn down a rockin' bod like mine."
Her joke combined with the unwaveringly serious voice it was spoken in brought a genuine chuckle out of Patricio through his teary eyes. "You do have pretty amazing tits."
Ana smiled and let the hand holding Patricio's cheek tap him gently in a mock slap. "I have the best tits in town and don't you forget it!"
The two smiled as Patricio leaned his head forward, resting his forehead on Ana's. The two sat there for a moment, the thumbs of their clasped hands gently brushing one another.
"Seriously, Patricio, I don't want you forcing yourself to try and do anything for my sake. If you're not in the mood just say so. I won't be offended. We've been together enough times for me to know that it isn't because you don't think I'm attractive. How long did you last on Saturday last week? Three minutes?" Ana gave Patricio a playful smirk as she said this.