Some Marvelous Experience

Some Marvelous Experience, Which is Not Going to Go Wasted on Me

Chapter I - A Tug of Familiarity

That empty abyss of want grows within me every day. I go to class, I get home, eat, read, sleep, and so on. My schooling keeps me intellectually nourished, but this nourishment only reveals another malnutrition. Class keeps me sharp; I know I am sufficiently intelligent and capable. But regardless of my empirical success, that part of the soul which can consume oneself remains untapped. I know, I feel, but I only experience both. There must be something more which I am missing, something more which I can never tell, never articulate, and never comprehend, but something which I will encounter, and all will make sense, I hunger for that ephemeral... thing.

We are eight weeks into the semester. This is the time which I bond with my comrades in study, a shared suffering motivated by a shared dedication. I have acquaintances, sure, but as far as friends they are few and far between, those made here, and Columbia University, are seen rarely, and those known elsewhere live as such. This is the kind of loneliness I thrive in; it might be because it is all I have ever known, or it really is how I operate best. I lose myself in my work on my own schedule, not beholden to anyone else. When I am alone, my mind is a whirlwind of unfettered inspiration for me to pick and prod at my own will, my own pace, enjoyment, and fulfilment. When I am alone I am in touch with my identity. I am Archie Fergeson, I am the sole apostate Jew of my line, I live by own rhythm. Whenever I speak to another person, I forsake myself. I lose touch of the sense of my own soul and I shape myself in the eyes of the other. While I'm sure this is a completely normal behavior, I wouldn't know otherwise, I much prefer the honesty of solitude. All my enjoyment comes from that honesty one must have with themselves when they are alone. Outside of my commitment to the study of literature, I have few other interests, I run frequently, I occasionally smoke, and I write. All of these are outlets from which I feel as if I can be in touch with myself.

My solitary life, a life that was chosen more so than absorbed, has been absent from romantic partners for a number of years now. I truly enjoy loneliness, and if others enjoyed being with me in the same way in which I love to be alone, I would gladly share my loneliness with them. But this is not how people work, at least I think. That growing abyss within me, that pit of want that cannot be satisfied, I want to fill it. I do not know how to satiate that part of me, I feel like nothing even addresses it. Hanging out with friends, flirting, exercising, reading, and writing do not address this pit which I cannot even begin to articulate. Where I think the answer to my hollowness might lie, is outside of me. I look at the girls on campus, I look at the face, their figure and shape, their beautiful skin, and I feel something. I feel attracted to them, sure, who wouldn't, people here are in fact very attractive, but there's something more. When I admire the far figure of a beautiful young woman that abyss within me churns, but not for the carnal pleasures of sex, which I don't mind engaging in, but for something else, what that is I have no clue.

Regardless, the reality in which I can never ignore is the one I live in, not the one I speculate. I am 22 years old, I am in good shape, I am intellectually stimulated, and, in the end, I know what I want most of the time, and I am happy, happy enough at least. That hunger for the unknown within me irks me in a curious manner, like wanting to know what the right key to a door is. I am willing and probably will live my life without ever finding the answer to it, but my curiosity will always remain.

It's a warm Friday Morning and I am walking to class. One of my friends is calling in a favor. A couple weeks ago at a party I drank too much and got sick, and Aaron took care of me. It would've been a rough couple of days recovering without him. He has some "sudden obligation" (as it normally is) and has to bail out on volunteering at the Renaissance Festival over the weekend. He promised some form of help so it's my job to fill in for him. I don't know much about what I'm doing, but I know I don't really want to do it. All I know is that I have to work the stocks, and wear a stupid peasant garb costume and be in character. It will probably be a little embarrassing but I also think there might be fun to be had. I get to class and play the "good student" role as I, and my classmates, have done a thousand times. This is one of those classes where there's never anything worth noting. The professor reminds us that we need to get into pairs for a group project due in two weeks, and this is one of those moments where I wish I weren't as solitary as I was. There's this one girl, she sits in the front corner of the lecture hall, I think her name is Amy, Amy Schneiderman, I recognize her name from the attendance sheet. While everyone is pairing off and leaving class I see she is just as lonesome as myself. People filter out as they get their partners, and she and I are one of a few people left in the lecture hall.

I'm thinking about this girl, Amy. There a lot of people in this lecture hall, I sit in the back with a clear view of the backs of all their heads, but for some reason, something inside of me draws me to taking note of hers. I've starred at the back of her head all semester, subconsciously taking note of her every time my eyes passed her beautiful blonde hair. She takes care of herself too; it helps she doesn't have a bad figure. I think I'll ask her if she wants to pair up. I am packing my things up and about to walk over, I look up to see her standing at my desk

"Hey! I saw you didn't have a partner for this project, did you want to work together?"

"Oh! Yeah, I was just about to ask you the same thing" I was a little surprised, both at her asking me, and at her sudden appearance above me.

"Oh, perfect! I'm glad I don't have to mosey through this lecture hall for a partner. I got a pretty busy schedule for the rest of the day today, let's chat more about it over coffee tomorrow. How's your schedule looking?" She gives me a warm smile, and very subtly tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, I'd like to think it was out of attraction, but it was probably a meaningless action.

"I am pretty busy this week unfortunately, specifically tomorrow, I got roped into volunteering at that renaissance festival all day tomorrow. The one upstate? We can probably do later tomorrow night or Sunday though."

"Oh, the renaissance festival? That sounds like so much fun! I've never been before, but I've always wanted to go. My roommates want to go, maybe I'll swing by and check it out. I might even run into you there!" The thought of her seeing me in some silly medieval costume made me realize how pretty she was, and I began to blush a little.

"Oh yea... Maybe? I don't know how fun it'll be there tomorrow but I can't stop you from going. But I will let you know about my schedule as I get it."

"So, about the project... Once we get a topic let's just get a survey of the work and we could just start by just dividing the work evenly?" The way she spoke and navigated this conversation was very authoritative and authentic, she speaks to me like we've known each other vicariously for years, which we could have for all I knew.

"Yea that sounds good! We can sort out these details later when I have more time to look everything over, let me get your number so I can text you when I get the time." I try to match her confidence in my syntax.

"Oh, absolutely! Here, let me give you my number." She writes it down on a notecard, then hesitates before saying, "I get the read that you're going to be pretty easy to work with, something that can't be said for a lot of these people, the non-majors specifically, they're the worst." She gave a warm smile with her eyes before departing, she doesn't turn around as she leaves.

I watched her as she left. The way she walked was, impressive? She strutted quickly and firmly to the door with the books and bag in tow. I've never met anyone who exuded so much confidence in who she was, the way she walked, talked, conducted, and presented herself was so succinct. She was beautiful and organized. I cannot ascribe a word to that feeling that she left me with, it was somewhere between impressed, excited, and almost intimidated. She was a pure and beautiful embodiment of womanhood, confident, independent, and intelligent. I saw a little bit of myself in her, but which aspect of my personality I could not tell. The only thing I could muster as she walked away was a quick and quiet, "huh..." It might be a toxic attitude but I thought there was chance I had a shot with her. I was an alright looking guy, took care of myself, went for frequent runs, groomed, kept up with hygiene, and I was guaranteed to see her at lease a few times in the coming days. I thought to text her and see if there was any chemistry, but ultimately decided against it. Best case scenario we hit it off and she'd come to see me dressed up at the festival, something I really didn't want.

***

The next day I was at the Renaissance festival. Borrowing a car from Aaron (it was the least he could do), I pulled into the rainy, muddy festival where music and yells reverberated through the upstate hills. I walked around before finding the volunteering tent, I approached the man standing at the front table, dressed as something of a drunkard.

"Are you James?" I asked, clearly looking out of place, he put down his magazine and looked at me inquisitively.

"Yea, what do you need?" He said suspiciously. He wasn't verbally in character yet.

"I'm Archie, Aaron might have told you about me. I'm filling in for him at the stocks today."

"Ah!" He exclaimed, clapping his hands together, finally making the mental links, "Yeah I remember, always is something with him, always a last minute excuse, good fella though," his tone was immediately more friendly when he learned who I was standing in for.

"You're telling me, I'm not all that happy he couldn't make it either."

"Yeah, well you know his parents always sign him up for things like this, the few times he cant find something else to do its quite funny seeing him in character! Regardless," he clapped again "you're the sub, if you're nervous, don't be, it's an incredibly low stakes event your playing here. Follow me, you gotta be in costume for this," He said, as he walked into the tent, I followed. Inside the tent there were many actors, each at their own lockers, touching up, getting into costume, getting into character, overall there was a lot going on, like the backstage of a Broadway musical. James kept walking to the cordoned off back of the tent, greeting volunteers by name as he walked. In the back of the tent, hidden by thin partitions, there was an old trunk sitting in solitude on the wet grass. "Here it is," James said before opening it and bending over into it. He ruffled around for a minute, and stood up with his hand on his chin. "It looks like we're out of town guard uniforms..."

"What does that mean? Am I off the hook?"

"Not yet kid, looks like we'll just have to make do." He bent down into the drunk again and pulled out some beige rags, he tossed them into my arm. "Put these on, all we got is a town drunk uniform, it'll work though."

I looked at the dirty and beaten rags, I could tell what it was immediately. There was a strange green stain around the chest. "I hope this stain came with the costume..." I said aloud.

"Yeah, probably just grease paint, or something," he leaned in for a closer look, "I think...or...I hope. Anyway," he clapped, "put that on, meet me over at the stocks, just down that way, I'll show you the ropes."

I put on my outfit, which was about as silly as I thought it would be, and got to the station which Aaron promised he'd work. The rain died down by then and the sun even began to show, but all that did was keep the grass wet and the air moist, furthering any potential discomfort. There were four stocks lined up under the canopy, volunteers dressed as armored town guards at three of them, the fourth was empty for me. James approached me from behind.

"Hey! Archie, right? Here you are..." he signaled to the stocks, "you'll be here, and I know that this is probably the last place you want to be, and you have the displeasure of owing Aaron one I'm guessing, so I'll cut you down to a two hour shift. We got other people coming, so I'll just put them on first."

"Oh, that'd be great, thanks!"

"Yeah, it's the least I could do. Anyways," he clapped his hands, yet again, "I'll show you how to work the stocks."

I followed him to my station, almost laughing about why he clapped so much. We walked to the stocks, it was more of a rack. A board plank with two cuffs at either end of it. The top cuffs were attached to a chain that could be tightened and stretch the victim out. James showed me how to work the rack, mainly just the cuffs and tightening mechanic. Then he got into what I needed to do.

"So you gotta be this big bold guard character, loudly proclaiming something about the kings law is harsh or whatever, it's all on this note card," he gave me a small, laminated card with a script on it, "so just read what's on there, you'll also be asking for volunteers. When, or I guess if you get a volunteer what your going to do is lay them on the stocks, tie them in, and tighten it. Please for the love of God don't go too far on the tightening, it's really just meant to expand for taller people, not to torture. Then what you're going to do, and you still have to be in character, is you're going to tickle the volunteer, nothing too harsh or anything. There's some feathers if you don't want to touch them, some of the other guys also invite kids from the audience, they love that. But yea," he clapped his hands, making me almost giggle, "you're just gonna give them a little tickling for like, I don't know 5 minutes? Nothing too long, you make the call. Anyway I have to head back to the tent, if you have any questions or are confused about anything, just ask him" he pointed to the guard next to me, "guys a pro, been doing this for a while, I'll let him know your new. And yea, if you get lost, just copy the other guys, those stocks typically get more traffic anyway. I'll be over at the main tent when your done, just head over and you can..." he paused, looking over the gross outfit I was wearing before continuing, "yeah I'll tell you what, if I'm not at the tent when your done you don't have to dally, just... just keep the outfit. Alright," He clapped one last time, "see ya." He started walking away.

I needed to stay in the character of some town guard while I worked, but only when engaging with an attendee, all this meant is that I was normal conversationally, but needed to be in character and put on a show when interacting with interested attendees. I sat there as hundreds and hundreds of people came and passed, some people stopped at the other two stock stations and the other town guards has some fun with them. Whenever one guard was done giving their speech asking for volunteers, I would start mine. I looked down the line at the stocks, there was a guy strapped into one of them, good looking guy, a guy I wouldn't mind having. He was young, mid-twenties, fit, long hair, a regular type, hot. The guard was tickling his feet with a feather and he was thrashing back and forth, all the while the guard taunted him. Watching him I vicariously felt that irritating nameless hunger within me, it looked fun. I thought of Amy and looked down at my outfit, I really wished I wouldn't see her today. I heard the guard next to me stop his speech, so I launched into mine, probably my sixth one of the day, I had been here a while and I hadn't had any volunteers. I read the card,

"Ladies and Gentlemen! I am here on behalf of the glorious king of the land!..." who the hell wrote this shit? "Before me is the very instrument of power in which the king uses the keep his subjects in line! Are there any brave souls in the crowd who dare defy the king!" I retreated back closer to the rack trying to subdue my embarrassment.

"Over here!" I heard some woman call from the crowd"

"Huh? Oh shit, I mean who goes there?!"

"Over here she's been a naughty girl!!" I heard again as a group of friends pushed through the crowd. All but one were clearly drunk.

"Officer, she's been a naughty girl," The one that was yelling said to me, clearly drunk. She was holding onto the only sober one of the group, the one she was trying to get into the stocks.

"Is that so?" I asked in character, I was looking at the yelling woman, but I was really asking her sober friend.

"Yes!" the drunk woman yelled as if I was far away, I was right in front of her. I looked to her sober friend and raised an eyebrow.

"I...I'm sorry, Sheila, she... well you can see." The sober friend said.

"Lock her up officer!" Sheila yelled again.

"Sorry man, I'll just be going now, gotta get her home..."

"Diane didn't you say you wanted this? We're here!" Sheila yelled, again unnecessarily, I was getting irritated by this. At this Diane, the sober friend, stopped and her face grew red, she her eyes shot downwards, I was intrigued. I looked at Diane, she was in her mid-thirties, short, long brunette hair, cute, she was cute. She was clearly a very different person than me, even that could tell, but she was attractive.

"Is that so? You want... I mean, You dare defy the court?" I didn't really know what I was saying, but the other guards were acting like this too.

"I...I...uh... I should really be going..." she stuttered, face growing redder. Her other drunk friends stopped her from leaving. "Guys! Come on... we need to..." she tried to push through her other two drunk friends but couldn't.

"Come on officer! Lock her up!" Sheila yelled again.

"Diane is it? You say this young lady has broken the kings law?!" I proclaimed, still in character.

"Yes!" her friends shouted, Diane looked so embarrassed, she was fed up.

"Fine!" Diane interrupted, "I'll do it, just so we can leave." She looked like a mix of frustrated, embarrassed, and nervous. Her friends yelled with excitement.

"Follow me ma'am," I led her to the stocks, away from her drunk friends who cheered her on from the side lines. I stopped just short of the stocks and turned to her.

"Do you really want to do this? I don't want to pressure you and we can like work something out to get your friends off your back." I said quietly to her, I didn't want her to not want this.

"Oh! That's nice..." she thought for a moment, " you know its fine, thanks though, they wont get off my back until I do this anyway." She said, I saw a faint grin grow across her face, before she suppressed it.

"If you say so, lay down on this please." She did as she was told, I could see her body tense with excitement. As she lied down, and I put the cuffs around her wrists and ankles I went back into character.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Today we have a rule breaker! This young lady-"

"Harlot!" One of her friends yelled, I broke character, briefly giggling at this.

"Yes!" I started, "This young

harlot

, what has she been accused of? Anyone from the audience?"

"Murder!" someone yelled.

"Theft!" yelled another.

"Indecency!" One of her friends yelled I now knew this voice as Sheila's.

"I heard Indecency? Very well then! This young harlot has been accused of indecency! And under the kings law her punishment is torture by tickling!" I turned to see her face bright red, but there was something else in her cute eyes. I looked at her, and she looked back, that look, the almost imperceptible flex in her brow, her exposed position, and the shadow of the sun, I saw it. Hunger, that same hunger that consumed me was in her, I felt it more than I saw it. Like feeling mercy on an injured animal this hunger was evoked, I knew what to give her.