Author's note:
I know, I know! I've been neglecting you, and I'm
really
sorry.
Mea culpa.
To make it up, this one's just for
you
. (You know who you are).
***
There you are! Found me at last, and not a moment too soon. I've been waiting here for you to make out with, you know. Alone, tonight? Me too. Shall we have some fun together? Okay, why don't we dump the euphemisms? What I
really
mean to say is:
Wanna fuck?
I hope you're up for it, if you know what I mean. If not, maybe you should read something else first, and I'll just hang about here waiting and hoping.
You
are
a guy, aren't you? Bet you are, but if I'm wrong, you can just grab a strap-on and pretend - okay, honey? I've got one if you need one. Tonight, I want to be fucked, or laid, or screwed, or rogered, or... Well, you get the point!
We're alone; no distractions, 'cos tonight I'm focusing completely on you. I'm wearing skin-tight blue jeans and a white T-shirt, no bra: the sexiest costume known to man, IMHO. Panties? Wait and see! How about you?
And we've already got beyond that awkward stage where neither one of us is entirely sure that sex is around the corner...
You know that situation? You've decided that
you'd
be up for it so long as the other person doesn't suddenly turn out to be a raving lunatic (Fill in your own disqualifiers here). But you need to go carefully, because there's nothing worse than waking up beside someone next morning and thinking:
'God! Who the hell is
this
? What got
into
me last night?'
(Unfortunate choice of words there, maybe.)
'Have I
no
self-respect?'
Honey, if you didn't have any the night before, you certainly don't now!
Anyway, it seems that you and I are pretty well suited: no major obstacles between us as far as I can tell, so would you take me to bed, please? I can see you there, lying on my big bed, waiting patiently for me to come over and join you in front of my favorite bedside mirror. Well, if you want me to come, you know what to do, don't you? Just whistle!
'You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve?'
Because I certainly know how to come!
Hey! That's given me an idea: how about a story before bed? You know I
love
telling stories. I'll just lie here beside you with my head on your chest. No, don't be shy; you can put your arm around me if you'd like to. Pull out my T-shirt and slide your hand in, why don't you? Here, I'll loosen my jeans so you can stroke my naked hip a little. How's that? Feels great to me! Are you lying comfortably? Then I'll begin:
It was in the fall of my senior year in college - just after the summer of
Adonis and Aphrodite
- and in an attempt to keep my student loan smaller than the National Debt, I'd taken a part-time work-study job in a biochemistry lab on campus. (
Biochemistry?
Me?
Well, they had the money, you see, and beggars can't be choosers.)
Anyway, there were these two post-doctoral students in the lab where I was working who were an item, you know? Matt was a Brit, and Karyn was Australian. They'd been together for a year or more, and in fact they're married now; we've kept in touch.
They were collaborating on a big series of genetic engineering experiments: trying to develop a strain of grass that could fix nitrogen. When I first heard about it I thought
'Grass, as in pot? What a brilliant idea! Think of the yield!'
But no; for some reason, there wasn't any funding for that project. We were working with the stuff that cows eat, though I never fully understood why
they
should care.
I
thought it should be easy. Apparently, all the heavy lifting - the actual chemistry of turning nitrogen into ammonia, which the plant can use for growing 'n' stuff - is done by soil bacteria that like to shack up with the plant, the sluts. Who knew? All
we
had to do was to persuade the grass to grow little nodule thingies on its roots to keep the bacteria comfortable. Easy-peasy, right?
Wrong!
It turns out that the roots and the bacteria need to
talk
to one another - chemically speaking - like in a relationship:
'You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours'
. And you know how difficult it can be to get a relationship right... Right?
Anyway, the point is, we spent a lot of time together - Karyn, Matt, and I - struggling to get this affair working, rather like a team of marriage guidance counsellors. (And there was me thinking that biochemistry was going to be dry and boring!) We were together in the lab at all hours of the day and night. Research does that to you, you know.
Eventually, Spring Break rolled around and - let me tell you - I was
ready
! I'd never felt so exhausted in my entire life, and I was planning to sleep for the whole week. But Karyn and Matt had rented a cottage at the beach, and - to my surprise - they invited me to join them.
I figured I could sleep there just as well as anywhere else, and the alternative was a deserted dorm with no food, which didn't have much appeal, so along I went.
We drove to the beach together. At least... they drove, while I slept in the back seat. And that's when it all began. I had this amazing erotic dream: I was in the lab - of
course
- working at the bench, completely focused on my experiment. You really need to concentrate when you're at the bench, you know; otherwise you invariably screw things up, particularly when you don't really know what you're doing. (
What?
I was a Liberal Arts major, for crying out loud!)
Suddenly, these two arms encircled me from behind and clasped my breasts. For some reason, I wasn't scared. I leant my head back and turned it sideways to meet the lips of the person standing behind me. We joined in the most exquisite kiss, which sent shockwaves of desire coursing through my body. Why is dream sex always so breathtaking?
I knew I fancied Matt; he was funny, up-beat, and looked like a cross between the Grant boys - Cary and Hugh - only taller. Plus, he was just a fun person to be around; still is, for that matter. So, in my dream I happily melted back into his arms, or so I thought.
But as our kiss became deeper and more passionate, I gradually realized that it wasn't Matt I was kissing; it was Karyn! Or maybe it started out as Matt but then somehow morphed into Karyn - you know what dreams are like. Whichever, the full realization burst on me like a bombshell.
I had never admitted to myself that I found her attractive too. In fact, this was the first time in my life that I'd
ever
had feelings like that for another girl (except for my dear sweet aunt, of course, but that was different... and it still is). I'd had a few boyfriends, most of whom were more interested in getting into my panties than into my head. You know what teenage boys are like: testosterone on a stick, most of them, and wanting it sucked!
I'd fooled around, of course, and done most of the usual things, up to and including - wait for it! -
'full penetrative vaginal intromission'
. Don't you just love that phrase? I found it in some government report on the sexual practices of American adolescents. Someone should tell the government that the English language has a word for that: it's called