Somali Lesbian Diaries

Try as I might, I can't help but being obsessed with lesbian sex, and for a Hijab-wearing, pious Somali Muslim sister like myself, that's quite a dilemma. My name is Amina Khalid and I live in the City of Ottawa, Ontario. Life as a Muslim woman in the Canadian Capital isn't easy, because of the expectations of my traditional Muslim family and the temptations and needs I have as a young Black woman. For all of the reasons, it's not easy to be me.

If you saw me, you wouldn't give me a second look. Or perhaps you would. I stand five feet eleven inches tall, a bit chubby, with light brown skin and long curly black hair which I always tuck away under my Hijab. I'm a busty, curvy and big-bottomed chick, and I am thankful for the Islamic robes which hide my assets because I look good in them. I don't look good in form-fitting western clothing, not with those curves of mine.

My father, Kader Khalid is Somali, and my mother, Elisabeth Monroe, is white. They met in college, and fell in love, got married and had little old me. My parents came from two different worlds. My father was born and raised in the City of Mogadishu, Somalia, and moved to Ontario, Canada, as a young man. My mother was born and raised in the small town of Oakville, Ontario, and moved to Ottawa for university studies. Fate brought them together, and I am the end result.

Technically I am biracial, but I firmly embrace my Somali heritage and my Islamic faith. I am Muslim first and Canadian second, ladies and gentlemen. I don't apologize for my views. The Canadian government is really starting to target Muslim Canadians right now, and even though I was born in Ottawa, I don't think that's good enough for the racist Conservatives in power. To them, I will always be the cultural other. I might as well stand up for what I believe in.

I study at Algonquin College with my friends Khadija Hussein and Fatima Ali, a couple of Somali Muslim sisters I've known since my high school days. We are really close, and do everything together, from studying to hanging out at the mall and movie theater, and studying the Holy Book together. Sisterhood is a powerful bond between women, and it's a truly great thing among Muslim ladies such as ourselves.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that Khadija and Fatima are lesbian lovers. This is beyond haram! As a Muslim woman, I find that absolutely disgusting because our Holy Book states that homosexuality and lesbianism are haram. Khadija and Fatima sat me down and explained to me that they fell in love, and discovered their lesbian identities with each other.

I was stunned, because Muslim sisters like Khadija and Fatima aren't the type I typically imagine when I think of queer women. Khadija and Fatima are so normal, and they were the Hijab and traditional Islamic feminine attire, instead of, you know, typical lesbian gear. I thought that all queer women were short-haired, masculine and tattooed, like two gay white females who live in my neighborhood on Prince of Wales.

I felt conflicted by what Khadija Hussein and Fatima Ali revealed to me because they're my close friends and I wanted to keep their friendship. I am also a Muslim woman and the Holy Book states that men and women from the Ummah are supposed to keep their way pure, and avoid doing things that are haram. Honestly, I cannot think of anything more haram than two women having sex with each other, but I didn't want to judge Khadija and Fatima, so I didn't discuss their new queer romance.

Still, try as I might, I couldn't stop thinking about Khadija Hussein and Fatima Ali. Whenever I thought of queer women, I imagined the two of them....together, doing sexual and sinful things to each other. According to my Islamic faith, man was created for woman and woman was created for man. The idea that two Muslim women who wear the Hijab could be having lesbian sex with each other sickened me, or so I told myself at the time.

One night, we went to the movies together at the Silver City Cineplex and sat together, as is our custom. Fatima stunned me by taking Khadija's hand in hers and then the two them smiled at each and kissed. I was really shocked, because, even though they told me they were both queer, they never displayed their queerness to me. Instead of being shocked or disgusted, I found it....beautiful. May Jannah forgive me but when Khadija's lips touched Fatima's, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

After the movie, we went to the nearby Blair Shopping Center and grabbed some Chinese food, then we sat down and ate. Looking at Khadija Hussein and Fatima Ali, I apologized to them for my narrow-minded views. Seriously, I had no right to be so mean to them. Smiling, Khadija told me she forgave me, as did Fatima. We exchanged a heartfelt hug, all three of us, and then I went home. The next time I went to the Masjid, I prayed for clarity.

While exiting the Masjid, I ran into another friend of mine. Nadeeya Osman and I have known each other for years, but she's always been one of those people I disapproved of. For starters, Nadeeya is a total tomboy who wears pants and never covers her hair the way a proper Muslim sister is supposed to. This chick plays basketball for the University of Ottawa. I used to tease Nadeeya for her westernized ways and we argued endlessly over things.

I wouldn't say I considered Nadeeya a friend because we butted heads over issues of religion and politics. Nevertheless, I was raised to be polite and a true Muslim sister greets her Muslim sisters, even the wayward ones. Walking up to Nadeeya, I greeted her warmly. Nadeeya smiled at me, and we ended up walking together to the nearest bus stop. For some reason, I told Nadeeya about Khadija and Amina, and to my immense shock, Nadeeya didn't condemn them.

Looking into my eyes, Nadeeya told me that love between women is a beautiful thing. My heart skipped a beat, and I smiled nervously, then asked Nadeeya about her sexual orientation. With a wicked grin on her pretty face, Nadeeya Osman, the tall, dark-skinned and short-haired Somali tomboy confirmed what I'd already begun to suspect. My suspicions were right on the money. Nadeeya Osman is a lesbian. Wow, what the fuck is going on in the City of Ottawa?

Smiling, Nadeeya Osman drew closer to me and took my face into her hands. My heart thundered in my chest but I did not shrink from Nadeeya as she approached. In fact, I wrapped my arms around her and then, amazingly, we kissed. My first time kissing another female, ladies and gentlemen. When we came up for air, Nadeeya and I looked at each other and smiled. Laughing, we boarded the bus.

I didn't know it at the time but Nadeeya Osman and I were destined to be together. What a pair we made. The tall, tomboyish Somali chick and the pious, chubby and repressed, Hijab-wearing brown gal. We were as different as can be. Two young women from a conservative Islamic background, destined to become lesbian lovers. We are as Mother Nature herself made us. Of course, it would take me a long time to accept that. The journey begins now. Join us.