It was 8:30 p.m. on Christmas Eve. I was walking through the park heading towards Marshall Fields. The snow was lightly falling from the sky and the air was cold on my face. I was feeling down because here I was again alone on Christmas Eve. It had been about ten years since I'd been out on a date with a girl. I was 30 now and all I did was work, eat and sleep. For fun, I would maybe go to a movie or rent a movie and order some pizza.
I had never liked asking girls out when I was in high school. I always got excuses or was told I was thought of as a brother. Every time I tried to get close to something beautiful I would get hurt. By the time I was a senior I was too afraid to ask girls out anymore. I felt like I must be the ugliest thing on earth. Isn't it funny how when no one seems to want you, that's when you also turn on yourself?
I hated myself when I left high school. My two years in college weren't any better. I had lots of friends in college who were girls and were very pretty but I knew my place. I was the "friend".
I was starving for love my whole life. I wanted my soul mate more than anything in the whole world but I knew I would never find her. When I turned 20 I quit college because I didn't know what I wanted to do. I always thought once I figured out what I wanted to major in I would go back. Well, I got a factory job and 10 years later I'm still at my job and still very much alone.
As I walked over the bridge, a happy couple passed me. They were holding hands, laughing and I could see they were very much in love. Once they were out of ear shot, I began to cry. I sat down on a nearby bench and sobbed into my hands.
I cried, "Why can't I have love too?! Why don't I deserve love? Everyone tells me how sweet, nice and funny I am, yet I never get the girl."
I looked to the sky and yelled, "I want love too, God! I want love too!" I looked at my feet and sobbed uncontrollably. I whispered, "I'm so tired and lonely, God, I want to find my soul mate. I want to marry her and make beautiful babies with her. I want to grow old with her and take good care of her."
I looked back to the sky and asked, "Can I have that please?" I closed my eyes and cried, "Who am I kidding? No girl wants me. No girl wants fat ugly me. "
I opened my eyes and said, "God, just kill me, okay? If you're so merciful, please take me. My heart aches so much and no female is ever going to want me."
I stood up and raised my arms out and up to the sky and cried, "Please just do it!"
I waited a few minutes and nothing happened. I put my arms back down and said, "You don't want me either. I should've known."
I began to head toward Marshall Fields when I noticed a child had made a snow angel next to the park bench.
I whispered, "God, angels - neither give a damn about me."
The wind picked up and blew snow in my face. I closed my eyes from the cold and snow and when I opened them, the snow angel that had been on the ground was gone.
I thought to myself, 'The wind didn't blow that hard, to cover it up. Hell, it looks like no child has even touched the snow next to the park bench.'
Then from behind me I heard, "Hi!"
I let out a cry and turned to face a child that was smiling at me. She was about nine years old with long black hair and blue eyes.
I stared at her in shock and she repeated, "Hi."
I quickly said hi back to her. She was obviously going to be in a play or something because she was dressed like an angel.
I looked around and said, "Where are your parents, Sweetie?"
She just continued to smile at me.
I thought, 'Great, I have found a mentally challenged child wondering out in the park.'
I began to take my coat off and said, "Here, take this, you look cold."
She looked very sad and said, "I don't need it, you're colder than I am."
I said, "No, I'm fine."
She shook her head in disgust and said, "You're very cold, Sam."
I zipped up my coat and asked how she knew my name.
Again a big smile came to her face. I received no answer.
She took my hand and pulled me to her. She said, "After you're done shopping for your mom's present at Marshall Field's I want you to go to Carson's and get your work shirts you've needed for a week."
I said, "Okay, no problem. Hey, how did you know I needed work shirts?"
Again, all I got was a beaming smile. She pulled me down to her so we were eye level and she said, "Do as I say, Sam. I'm not mentally challenged. I don't know why you males never listen to females down here but you had better listen to me. You never listen to females and you never ask for directions." She shook her head.
I couldn't help but laugh.
She smiled, kissed my cheek, and for a split second it was like I remembered all of the happiest Christmas memories of my life. The little child walked about ten feet away from me then turned to face me.
She smiled and said, "You'll find what you need to make you warm at Carsons, Sam, trust me."
She winked then began to walk away from me.
I yelled, "Can I give you a ride home, Sweetie?"
She turned to face me again and stretched out her arms and somehow stretched out her wings. Her wings looked so real.
She yawned and said, "Don't worry, Sam, I know how to get home."
I replied, "Hey, tell your mom I love the wings on your costume. That is so cool how you make them move by themselves."
She looked at her wings and then back at me with a puzzled look on her face. She began to giggle and then said, "My father made them. I'll let him know you like them, Sam."
Her wings went way out and then began to flap. A big wind blew snow in my face and I had to turn away for a second. When I turned back, the little girl in the angel costume was gone.
My mouth dropped open. I called out, "Hey, Sweetie, where'd you go?"
I got no reply. All I could hear was the wind blowing through the trees. At that moment, a squirrel ran past me and I let out a scream.
I started to laugh and said, "If I get visited by three ghosts tonight, I am not going to be a happy camper."
I looked all around and then laughed again.
I headed off to Marshall Fields. The place was packed with wall to wall people. I quickly found what I needed for my mom and then proceeded to Carsons.
Once I was in Carsons, I headed to the men's department. I was thinking about what the little girl had said. I thought, 'I'll find what I'll need to make me warm? Of course I will, they'll probably have long sleeved shirts on sale and her mom or dad works there.'
I laughed out loud. I walked up to the counter and said, "Excuse me, Miss."
The girl turned around and said, "Yes?"
I was dumbfounded. She was beautiful. She was about twenty-four with long black hair and blue eyes. She was maybe 5'6" and 112 pounds, her breasts were small and perky.
She smiled and I said, "Wow."
She giggled and said, "Excuse me?"
I was fumbling for my words, I couldn't speak. I stood there saying, "Umm, well, I . . . umm."