Sister Sister - E 3/7
Justine's confession and Julia's surprise.
Justine and Julia woke late, showered, dressed and escaped the hotel right under the eyes of ze Germans. They were helped by their disguises, dressed for the scorching Marbella sun in loose white cotton tunic tops and trousers; similar to the outfits you see Indian woman wearing all the time. Wide sun hats and oversized Jackie O sunglasses completed their costumes.
The hotel foyer was full of the of the German group waiting for their coach to the airport. Julia noticed Akbar and Gunter in a corner talking with their friends and looked the other way. Justine spotted them and did the same. She felt embarrassed by last night's excesses. Then it seemed exciting and erotic, and thrilling to have been wanted so passionately. But this morning, it felt cheap and sordid. Christ, why did she do these things when she'd been drinking? She should have more sense, like Julia. When the men laughed, Justine thought it was from Akbar's description of how they both banged the stupid drunk Englishwoman the last night. Justine was glad to get out of the hotel without being noticed.
They took a cab into Marbella town for advanced retail therapy at the high-end designer shops neither of them used back in the UK. They tried on several outfits, keeping a straight face in front of the sales assistants. When they were safely outside, they burst out laughing at the ridiculous prices and at the idiots who paid them. They were enjoying each other's company again. Like the rare days when they were young; before it all changed, and one of them said something to upset the other.
Justine mused on the distance that had grown between them. "Why did we waste so much time arguing?"
Julia gave her hand a sisterly squeeze.
They found an almost deserted cafe and ate a late lunch. Julia noticed Justine's pensive expression and thought her sister regretted the way things turned out last night; now she'd reviewed matters soberly in the cold light of day. Julia was confused about her reaction. On the one hand, she was envious of Justine's sexual skill and confidence to deal with both men; but the prudish side of her was judging Justine as a slut. Julia felt ashamed she had been so turned on, like some pervy voyeur. She remembered squatting down outside the door and masturbating to orgasm, watching and listening to the scenes on the other side of the glass. If Justine was a slut, what did that make her? Julia had to change her train of thought, because despite her protestations and moralising, the memories were making her moist.
She leaned across the table and took Justine's hand. "Sis, are you alright?"
Justine looked up in surprise. "What makes you ask now?" She sounded a little hurt.
"Justine, I know I haven't been there for you for a long time. There must have been times when you could have used my help. I'm very sorry for that. Despite our differences, I care about you and so does Martin. That's why he insisted we took this holiday together when he could not get away."
Justine squeezed her hand and smiled sympathetically. "You don't know how lucky you are to have Martin. How lucky you were to find the right person first time. It's all I ever wanted... but it never happened for me. I thought I deserved it, and I got angry with you for having what I didn't. I'm sorry too, Julia. You're not happy just to spite me, but that's the way I feel and I know it's wrong. I'm 41 this year and that's hit me hard. It's made me do a lot of thinking. I don't want to be an old lady on my own for the rest of my days, but I don't seem to meet the right people."
Julia nodded kindly.
"I married Steve when I was 21 to spite mum and dad and do something that you hadn't. Not very good reasons, are they?"
Julia remembered trying to talk Justine out of it. Asking her if she was doing it because she had to. Justine became angry and said yes, but not for the reasons you think. She never explained why. Now Julia knew.
Justine continued. "Steve couldn't keep it in his pants; I knew that from the start. He was engaged to someone else when we started going out. I fell pregnant after we were married six months. I was going to tell him when he came home from work, hoping he'd be excited about us having a family. The phone rang, and I expected it to be him, saying he would be late again. But it was the voice of a woman apologising for Steve being late, only he'd been delayed at her house on account of them fucking all afternoon. I wanted to dismiss it as lies, and I told her to fuck off. But deep down I knew it was true.
He came in looking shifty, guilt written all over his face. I knew I couldn't have a child with Steve for a father, so I had an abortion without telling him. Months later, in the middle of a row, I threw it all at him. My knowledge of his infidelities, the abortion I'd had. That was the end of us. I was 22 and divorced and you were at university living it up, without a care in the world. Our lives were so different Julia. It seemed like I'd got the shitty end of the stick and everything was going right for you." Justine looked pained by the memories.
Julia wiped her tears. "I'm so sorry. I never knew. I would have helped you; mum and dad would have helped you. All you needed to do was ask."
"I couldn't do that," said Justine, "I'd married Steve to spite you all. I'd made my bed, and had to lie in it. So, I didn't let any of you know what happened."
They sat in silent contemplation.
"Gary was different." Justine continued. "He was a decent man, he loved and respected me. He helped to set up my hairdressing shop and gave me my independence."
"I liked Gary," said Julia, "we all did."
"Yes, I know you did," said Justine, "and that's what made it so sad. Gary was desperate for us to have a family, and we tried. I really tried Julia, but after five miscarriages I just couldn't try anymore." The tears fell from Justine's eyes. They found serviettes to dab their eyes and blew their noses noisily, laughing at the comical honk, grateful for a moment's respite from the sad conversation.
"I could not give him the one thing he wanted, and it broke my heart seeing him try to come to terms with not being a dad. I felt I had trapped him under false pretences, so I set him free. I had an affair with a mutual friend. I knew it would get back to Gary and when he confronted me, I confessed. I told him I wanted an open marriage. If we couldn't have kids, we should have fun with other people. I didn't believe it of course, but I knew he wouldn't stand for it. He wanted a divorce. I had to be cruel to give him a chance with someone else. He deserved it." Julia grasped her sister's hand.
Justine sipped from her glass of water. "I was down for a long time after Gary. I thought I couldn't let people see the real me. So, I became what you see now, platinum blond hair, brash, over the top personality. It started as an act for customers and friends at the salon, but I can't put it down any more. Besides, men seem to like it and I was never short of offers. That's where I met husband number three, Charlie. The image completely took him in. You know he bought me these tits." Justine's ample bosom rested on the tabletop as she leaned forward. "He said it was the most fun he ever had spending money. I thought fine, I can live like that if that's what he wants. Keep the performance going. Only it still wasn't enough for him. One day I went to his office on the spur of the moment and caught him screwing his 25-year-old secretary in a storeroom. Since then, I've given up thinking there may be someone out there for me. I still get the offers, of course. Sometimes I do crazy things, like last night with Gunter and.... and all that."
Julia felt so sorry for her sister. So sad that she hadn't been there to help over all the things that happened in to her during the last 15 years. Justine was right. How had they drifted so far apart?
"Justine, you're a good person. The right man is out there for you. It's just that your image, this act, as you call it, will not find him. It will only find the Charlie's and the Günter's. When we go home, I want us to spend more time together. I know you think it's easy for me and you have this idea of me as little miss perfect, but it is a millstone because you're afraid if you slip, you'll let other people down, and they won't forgive you because you're not the sort of person who makes mistakes. I wish I was more like you, Justine. More, take me as I am, warts and all."
Justine nodded. She saw her sister's life from a perspective she'd never considered. "Maybe I could learn from you, too. About toning down the display. Men come onto you, but never disrespectfully." They hugged each other, feeling closer than they'd been for years. Justine held Julia at arm's-length and looked her in the face. "I would like to spend more time with you when we get home and I would like to discover a new me; one that will find the man I want. But this week Julia, we are on holiday and I will enjoy myself. Not crazy like last night, and I understand if you don't want to be a part of it, but aren't I entitled to a bit of fun? I mean, I've got nothing waiting for me back home."
