She Was My Anchor

I often have difficulty deciding on a category for a story. I chose romance but several others could be appropriate. The story surrounds an emotional affair and asks whether an emotional affair is as bad or worse than a physical one. It has elements of depression and self -harm ideation. It's also a story of one man's wake up call to try to reclaim what he lost.

It is pretty light on sexual content so be forewarned. I hope you enjoy.

----------

Carmen Bizet sashayed over to my desk and parked one absolutely gorgeous ass cheek on it's corner.

"So where are we going for lunch today?"

We had been having lunches together two or three times a week. It was innocent fun, we weren't serious. Of course we flirted with each other, it just seemed normal for the two of us since we worked closely together.

Carmen's family was of French descent. She had long dark hair, full and flowing. She had a robust hourglass figure. Her short skirt hiked even higher as she perched on my desk.

"I was thinking of someplace down by the water."

"We can walk the old boardwalk, sounds good."

Our boss came walking around the corner at that moment, took one look at us and shook his head.

"Why don't you two get a room? Baxter, I need to see you in my office."

"Yes sir, give me a second."

"Don't get fired." She laughed as she went back to her desk. I walked back to the boss's office.

"Have a seat. Baxter, please remind me, don't you have a wife at home?"

"Yes sir, Shelly."

"Does your Shelly knows all about your regular liaisons with Ms. Bizet?"

"I don't believe that it's ever come up in conversation."

"And you sure as hell wouldn't want to introduce that subject to her now would you?"

"She would likely be a little uncomfortable with it, but I assure you, things are not going to get out of hand."

"I don't approve of romance between coworkers, it just invites problems."

"We aren't romantically involved, sir."

"If it walks like a duck, Baxter. It sure as hell looks like an office romance to me and the rest of the staff."

"Thanks for the warning. I assure you our lunches are benign."

I got back to my desk and worked till lunch. Carmen came by and took my arm and we caught an Uber ride to the boardwalk.

We stopped at a food stall and had lobster rolls. She wanted some oysters as well.

"They are great to increase the libido."

"As if I needed any improvement!"

"I wouldn't know, you keep that side hidden from me."

"Church and State, Carmen, it's like Church and State, forever separate."

"You know, Baxter, I wish you would blur some of those hard lines of yours."

"The boss reminded me that keeping those hard lines is pretty important, to both my marriage and career."

She pulled my arm, bringing me closer to her.

"You know I don't care about the boss's silly moralizing. You know how I feel."

"I know, but it's really hard."

"It's hard because I make you hard?"

God help me my cock stiffened as she said that. Carmen Bizet was the type of woman that men started wars over. She seemed to want me but I was married and loved my wife. That said, my resolve hung by a thread these days.

--------

I returned home to my sweet wife, Shelly. She had made a Shepherds Pie, one of my favourite meals. Where Carmen was voluptuous and exotic, Shelly was down to earth and homespun. I absolutely adored her and I cherished the ten years we've spent together. She was a quintessential earth mother type, she looked right at home in tie-dye and denim.

"Another crazy day at the office?" She asked.

"Yeah, but I think we have a handle on things."

"Your boss says you and Carmen make a good team."

"My boss? When were you speaking to my boss.?

"He called for you a month ago, you werent home, we chatted for a while. This afternoon he called to invite me to the company barbecue party.

"I meant to tell you about the barbecue, I forgot."

I hope I didn't blush too much at the blatant lie. I had kind of hoped that Carmen and I could spend that time socializing together. Shelly has a social phobia so she doesn't fare well at these events. Now I felt guilty. Carmen was a huge temptation. Was my boss trying to warn Shelly that something was going on?

"I'm looking forward to meeting Carmen after all this time!"

Shit, Shelly meeting Carmen was something that I wanted to avoid. Nothing good was ever going to come of this but the die was cast.

The following morning Carmen and I had a coffee together.

"You'll be at the barbecue pool party this weekend right?" I asked.

"Yes, it should be fun."

"Shelly will be coming with me. The boss called to invite her yesterday afternoon."

"Oh, I was hoping you and I..."

"Not going to happen. Please don't stir up any trouble."

"Who, me?" She laughed. "I'm looking forward to meeting your better half."

--------

There wasn't a cloud in the sky on the day of the barbecue. Shelly was wearing one of her favourite peasant dresses. She brought along a conservative one-piece bathing suit since the boss had a pool.

We found a place to sit. I made introductions to those who didn't know Shelly. This was hard work for Shelly, she was very friendly but the social anxiety put a huge strain on her.

We had just settled in when Carmen arrived. She was absolutely breathtaking in a pair of hiking shorts that showed off her long, tanned legs. Her high wedge-heeled sandals added just the right touch. She wore a white tank top. If she was wearing a bra it must have been made of angel wings because the outline of her breasts was clearly visible. The nipples were pushing hard on the thin fabric. She came right over and stood in front of Shelly.

"Hi Shelly, I'm Carmen."

"Hi."

"I've been enjoying working closely with your husband. We are great partners."

"I've heard that," Shelly said awkwardly.

Carmen turned to me and leaned down to kiss my cheek.

"Always a pleasure to see you, big guy!"

Fuck, she was pouring it on. I looked over at a confused Shelly. She looked like a fish out of water. I excused us and took Shelly for a walk around the boss's property.

"How are you doing, honey?"

"Struggling, as usual at these gatherings. Carmen is really something, what a spectacular beauty. She is so self-assured, I wish I could be like that."

"Stay the wonderful woman you are Shelly. Do you want to swim later?"

"I'm a little bit nervous. I'm not as shapely as some of your coworkers."

"I'll get my bathing suit on as well. It'll be fun and refreshing."

Shelly's one-piece was very conservative. Most women had suits that were high cut in the thigh. Some had bikinis and then there was Carmen. Carmen wore a tiny suit that barely contained her.

Carmen's office dress was merely suggestive of the body beneath the clothes. Today she left no doubt that she had a smoking hot body. The moment Carmen came to the pool Shelly shut up. She was stiff as a board. It looked like she was experiencing extreme fear, and deep panic. It was the look of a deer watching a wolf pack closing in.

Shelly withdrew into herself. She backed away as Carmen came closer. Carmen splashed me and laughed, putting her hands behind my neck she gave me a peck on the lips. I pulled away and called Shelly. I don't think I've ever seen her move so fast through the water. She climbed out of the pool and sat back down.

"What's up with Shelly?"

"Social phobia, she's always had it. It's why we don't attend a lot of functions together."

"That's sad. Sad for her and sad for you."

She took my hand and put it on her breast, under the water.

"You deserve better." She laughed, then swam away and got out.

Shelly's discomfort was such that I again walked the property with her and asked if she wanted to go home.

"No, this is your company party. I'll be okay."

"I know it's uncomfortable fot you, it's your call."

Just then the boss's wife came over and started talking to Shelly. That seemed to calm her down. I got up to get a beer in the kitchen and ran into Carmen sipping wine, waiting for me to replenish my beer.

"She's a nervous little mouse, isn't she?"

"Yes, people like you intimidate her. Self-assured people in general scare her."

"I know you love her, Baxter but you could do much better. In fact you could do me."

All the teasing and flirting and innuendo disappeared at that one moment. There it was, out in the open, an invitation to engage this woman's wild carnal delights.

"Carmen, please don't..."

She closed the space between us and kissed me. It was not a friendly gesture, it was a desperate need for sexual gratification gesture. It was wrong, as wrong as hell, but I'll be damned if my cock didn't betray my brain and stiffen on me. I returned the kiss not really thinking with the proper internal organ.

I heard the door to the kitchen open and then it slammed closed. I broke the kiss and looked out the door, Shelly was running away.

There was a wooded area on the property and she ran towards it. She was fast. I didn't want to draw any more attention to us so I walked quickly towards the trees.

Darkness pervaded the woods, I couldn't see any movement or hear anything. The strong scent of pine seems to make the atmosphere even heavier. I called out Shelly's name.

"I'm here." A very quiet voice replied

"Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not. I'm in shock, I saw what you and Carmen were engaged in."

"Shelly, it was just a kiss. She had too much wine. It was out of character. I'm sorry. Did you follow me into the kitchen for something?"

"I knew Carmen was in there and when you went in after her I panicked. It looks like my worry was justified."

"You have nothing to worry about Shelly. I love you."

"Can we just go home? This isn't fun anymore."

We did go home after saying our goodbyes. It was a quiet ride home. I offered to make some herbal tea to help us sleep better, she refused.

"I just want to go to sleep."

I stayed up thinking about Carmen and how Shelly reacted to her. She instinctively knew that Carmen was a threat. She wasn't wrong. We made a great team together and Carmen's sex appeal was undeniable. I had been resisting but I feared that if we continued as we had been, it would likely end in a sexual affair.

I couldn't let that happen. As tempting as Carmen was, I loved Shelly. I had to tell that to Shelly. I had to let her know.

I brushed my teeth and walked to the bedroom. The door was locked. Shit, she was more disturbed than I thought. I called her name softly, loud enough for her to hear if she was awake but quiet enough to not wake her. when she didn't respond I went to our guest bedroom and fell asleep.

--------

The following morning I got ready to go to the office. I had to dress casual for work today because my suits were all in the bedroom and Shelly was still in bed with the door locked.

Carmen was waiting for me at the office.

"How are things going with Shelly?"

"Fucked up. She's very unhappy. I got locked out of the bedroom. She didn't get up this morning to see me off to work."

"She's a sensitive one that's for sure. I am not going to tell you what to do, but you can do better Baxter. I told you yesterday, do me! Take me! I'm a far better match for you. You know I'd be good for you."

"I know that you're dangerous. I need to work through things with Shelly."

I tried calling her but got no response. I drove home at lunch to see if she was home and she wasn't. Lunch turned out to be a bologna sandwich and an apple. She wasn't back by the time I left for work again. I left her a note.

Shelly,

I came home at noon hoping to see you since we missed each other this morning. I'm sorry I missed you. I'm sorry you locked the door last night. I spent a lonely night in the guest room. Remind me, we need a more comfortable mattress in there. See you tonight!

Love,

Bax

The afternoon was endless and stressful. I left right at quitting time and drove home.

There was no car in the driveway or the garage. I called out at the door but heard no answer. I got in and looked in the bedroom, she wasn't there. I saw a note in the kitchen. I sat down and put on my reading glasses.

Bax,

I am spending some time away, I have decisions to make. We used to make decisions as a couple but unfortunately, I'm going to have to make this one on my own. You have managed to take the one constant in my life, my faith in you, and dash it on the rocks.

Use this time apart to examine your life and actions and whether you want me as your companion on the journey.

S

That didnt sound like the upbeat, sweet wife I knew. This was wrong, all she saw was a kiss. Was that enough to ruin a good marriage?

Days stretched into weeks without so much as a word. I texted her many times a day and phoned three times each day. I tried calling friends, relatives, and coworkers but none would admit seeing her.

My messages were the same. I love you, I need you, please let's talk about it."

Then one day I was served divorce papers at my office. Inside the envelope was the paperwork itself, plus several photos of Carmen and I walking and dining together. The photographer knew his business and made the photos look exactly like an ongoing affair.

There was note inside as well, handwritten in her traditional blue ink on cream paper.

Bax,

I'm sorry it has come to this but my mind is made up. After days and days of thinking about us, I have come to the conclusion that our time together is over. It is time to free you to follow your dream without me as an anchor holding you back.

Shelly

I crumpled the note and threw it to the floor. I screamed out in frustration at not being able to talk with her and reason this out.

Carmen ran into the office to see what was wrong.

"She is divorcing me! Damn it, she's left me. I can't handle this Carmen, I love her. Why won't she just talk about this? Why such extreme reaction."

"Hey, calm down. This could work out well for us."

"No, Carmen, please leave me alone."

She turned and left the office. I quickly phoned the number of the lawyer representing my wife.

"Paul Jones, how can I help you?"

"My name is Baxter, you're representing my wife, Shelly Baxter."

Yes, Mr. Baxter, if you have chosen a lawyer it would be best if you have them contact me."

"I have not chosen a lawyer. I hope not to need one. What I would really like is to talk to my wife. She won't respond to any of my attempts to communicate."

"She specifically asked not be disturbed by anyone trying to talk to her regarding the pending divorce, with the exception of myself."

"Then please tell her I desperately need to speak with her. If I write a letter would you ensure she gets it and reads it?"

"I will get it to her but I can't guarantee that she won't toss it in the trash. I've dealt with many cases over the years and I have seldom seen a woman as set in her mind as Shelly Baxter."

"Yeah, I love her like crazy but she can be like a dog with a bone."

"Get yourself a good lawyer and we will get this done as fairly as possible."

The letter was difficult to write. I went through many drafts, never feeling like I had struck the right tone.

Shelly,

Where to start?

I love you. Plain and simple. Your desire to end our marriage has absolutely devastated me. I have seen the photos, I am assuming a professional Private Investigator took them because they tell a story, but not the whole story. The photos were taken to prove something happened. Nothing happened other than what was in the photos.

I know that we have hit a speed bump in our marriage and I want desperately to fix it. I need to fix it. I need you, Shelly. You are not an anchor that holds me back, you are the anchor that keeps me from dashing myself on the rocks. Without you, I'm lost.

Please agree to setting up a meeting. I don't care if it's just you and me or if you bring your lawyer or a cast of thousands. I need to see you.

Please, Shelly, I love you.

Bax

The lawyer called to tell me he delivered the letter but she wouldn't read it in front of him. She did promise him that she would read it in private.

"I also told her my impressions of you. I told her that I had never had a husband so concerned about a lack of communication. She smiled and said that that sounded pretty typical for you. I hope something works out for you. She is a strange woman, she doesn't take things lightly."

"You are right there. Thanks for your help."

I retained a family law attorney and told them my situation. I explained that I'd talked to her lawyer and they were not happy that I had done that. I told them I wanted to reconcile.

It was two weeks later that Shelly's lawyer sent me an email with a number to text her.

- Shelly? Bax here. Are you okay?"

- I'm fine. You?"

- I wish I was with you right now.

- Why?

- Because I want to stop this madness and resume our relationship with each other.

- You have already left the relationship, Bax. Carmen is who you want. I can't and won't compete with that.

- There is no need to compete my love. I only love you.

-Photographic evidence shows otherwise

-Those photos were taken at extreme moments to sell you the story that your husband is cheating. I have been faithful to you.

-Emotionally not true. You want her in your heart even if you haven't physically been with her.

-They why am I fighting so damn hard to talk to you? Why would I fight to be with you? The obvious answer is I desire you, not her.

It was a long few minutes beforebshe could reply.

- Do you really want to meet?

- More than anything, Shelly.

- Then set it up, my lawyer will be with me.

We met the following day at the Empire Hotel Cafe.

I hugged her when they came into the room. She accepted the hug but there was no passion in it. It just felt mechanical.

We got our coffees and sat at a table in back for our privacy. It was unusual to have a meeting in a location like this but it was where Shelly and I first met.

"As you know my client is asking for a divorce, an even split of all savings and investments and half of the value of your holdings. It is a very straightforward document and it should go through the system seamlessly. When do you expect your attorney to arrive?"

"They weren't invited to this meeting. Shelly invited you just as an observer."

"Shelly is he telling me the truth? I'm just to observe?"

"Observe and advise as the conversation goes," said Shelly. Bax, I know you don't want to have a divorce. You want the comforts of marriage but with Carmen on the side. Don't deny that she excites you. I've seen it first hand, no photographs needed."

"Carmen is beautiful, exotic and erotic. She would make any man stand up and take notice. But I don't love her. She is a coworker. We work closely which leads to moments that a photographer can use to paint a picture. The reality behind that picture is a man who loves you. If you think the temptation is too great then I'll quit my job. I'll move out of town. It all means nothing to me without you."

"Yet you still work with her, don't you? Why haven't you already quit? Don't you think that would have been a show of faith to me? Your telling me that you'll give it up if I drop the divorce is just a quid pro quo. You could have shown good faith by doing those things, but you didn't! You are holding on to them."

"I'll resign right now, here on the phone in front of you."

"No, don't bother...

I hit speed dial on my phone and the boss picked up on the first ring.

"Boss, it's Baxter, I need to tender my resignation with immediate effect. I'll follow up in writing with a copy to HR."

"There, it's done. I'd have done it earlier but I wasn't aware it would make a difference to you."

"Bax you idiot! Didn't I just say don't bother? Mr. Jones, please proceed with the divorce. I wasn't sure that I was making the right decision but I am now."