Sharons In Love

CHAPTER 1

Hostess Helen Horsely watched intently the new recruit who had been introduced to her as Thomas Thom walked away. Her husband Hudson was managing partner of HBW, Certified Public Accountants and Advisors, and this was the Horselys' bi-monthly cocktail party for people on the HBW payroll along with partners to foster goodwill and togetherness.

Helen broke away to go to her youngest daughter Sharon, who still lived at home and seemed to have far more girlfriends than boyfriends, and that was a bit of a worry.

"Sharon dear, please dress up and come down; there's someone I'd like you to meet."

"Aw mom, not again?"

"Come along, it will happen one day. This could be that occasion."

"Okay," Sharon signed dutifully, being smart enough to know when you live at home as an adult it pays to be polite and cooperative.

Helen had artfully engaged Thomas in conversation, knowing when Sharon came down she'd come to her mom, to be pointed to the young guy Helen had hoped would be Mr Right.

"How did the firm get the name HBW Mrs Hudson? That wasn't explained at my induction."

"Well the three original partners were named Horsley, Bobbitt and Winkowski."

"Oh, what a collection of odd names lumped together and making quite a mouthful. Some guy with a modern streak must have shaken the firm's principals out of the cobwebs and suggested HBW?"

"Indeed Thomas. By the way my married name is Horsely."

"Oh, no slur intended."

"Well calling my name odd could be termed offensive."

"Mrs Horsely I had no intention..."

"Relax dear. I think it's a hideous name but found Hudson to be quite a charmer when we began courting some thirty-five years ago. It was our youngest daughter who suggested HBW as a name change. Why here she comes now. Sharon I'd like you to meet our newest recruit Mr Thomas Thom. Would you two please excuse me; I must circulate."

It didn't work out. An hour later Sharon accepted Thomas's invitation to sit on the back porch in the dark with her. He groped. Sharon excused herself for a minute and didn't return and Thomas, poor guy, sat waiting in subduing excitement for a good half hour thinking she was taking a long time to remove her underwear and fetch towels.

At breakfast next morning Hudson said with satisfaction last evening's function appeared to have gone very well. Nothing appeared broken and he hadn't found any red wine stains on the carpets.

"Yes dear, it went very well," Helen said, eyeing her daughter in despair. "Sharon, what went wrong?"

"Nothing mom. Mr Thom decided to sit on the back porch longer than I cared for so I returned to my room."

A scowl spreading over his face, Hudson asked, "Did he grope?"

"What's a grope daddy," asked the apparent blue-eyed innocent.

Helen scolded, "Hudson for heaven's sake."

Later that day the twenty-five year old blonde Sharon left the loft where she wrote her daily column about the interests of young adults that syndicated to thirty-three newspapers and was heading for Pam's Coffee Shop to join some of her friends when a guy fell into step beside her.

"Hi I'm Tomas Thom's brother Miller, a sub-editor on The Clarion. He said he met you last night and considers you a cold-hearted bitch. Should I hit him for you?"

"Yes please. Now shove off."

"Sharon please. We are literary compatriots."

"Oh yes -- don't you mean we work for the same newspaper? Sub-editors are word technicians. There's little creativeness in them."

"That is an erroneous conclusion. Thomas is right; you are a cold-hearted bitch."

Sharon stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. "Take that back and apologize or I'll bloody your nose."

"Jesus."

"Come along now Mr Thom."

"Sharon sweetheart. I apologize and your virginity is safe with me."

The blue-eyed innocent asked sweetly, "What is virginity Mr Thom?"

"I-I well... Miller blustered, caught left-footed. "May I take your for a drink?"

"Very well."

Miller practically had to drag her into the bar.

"I-I had assumed you meant coffee shop."

"Nah, its early afternoon and... oh god, you don't inhabit bars do you?"

"Well now that you mention it may reply has to be no."

He said carefully, "So you are a non-drinking virgin?"

"I drink alcohol at home, at other people's homes and in restaurants and I can assure you I'm... Well enough said."

"About what?"

"That's for you to find out Mr Thom if you are good enough."

"I don't understand. You are talking in riddles."

"Well don't attempt to understand and you'll be left without that problem. Why complicate your life so Mr Thom?"

"Huh?"

"Or really Mr Thom. A single malt Scotch, no water."

"Huh?"

"Yes, you must be a word technician. Barman, a single malt Scotch and a beer for the gentleman."

"What kind of beer?"

"Don't ask me, ask him. I just picked him up on the street."

"In that case ma'am I'll have to ask you to leave these premises. The notice above the bar clearly says No Soliciting."

"Mr Stupid," Sharon said ominously. "If any soliciting had occurred it would have occurred out on the sidewalk wouldn't it? Now serve our drinks or I'll go to court and have these premises closed down for breach of license requirements compelling the licensee to serve liquor to bone-fide customers."

"What kind of customers?"

"Al, serve the lady and stop attempting to embarrass her." Miller said. "She's all over you and you will risk having the boss's license reviewed."

"Jesus. Best of malt coming up ma'am and Bozo with you drinks Claudeland's Larger."

"Thank you Al. Now hit him Bozo beside me for attempting to spoil my maiden journey into a den of iniquity."

Al reached for his baseball bat but eased away when he saw Miller thrust his hands into his pants' pockets.

"Well now that's settled amicably may we have our drinks Al?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Al you may call me Sharon. Why don't you allow sex in this bar? It's one of the few things young people of today seem really interested in."

Scandalized and not knowing how to answer that and to escape another possibly tongue-lashing, Al scurried down to the far end of the bar to fix their drinks in perceived safety.

"Well Sharon, that was an interesting insight to you losing you loosing your bar virginity, so to speak, and scaring our barman legless."

"Oh very droll Miller. Remember you did have the option of taking me to coffee."

"I have thoroughly enjoyed the last few minutes. Being with you has been momentous, shaking the dullness out of my Saturday afternoon and to think Thomas's description for you was, quote, 'As dull as a gray sky and she's determined to keep her legs locked."

"Hit Thomas for me Miller and then explained to me what he meant."

"Perhaps I'll bypass both of those requests Miss Horsely. I'm wondering if you are the Daughter of the Devil reincarnated?"

"Oooh, you surprise me Bozo."

"Bozo is not my nickname. It's a title Al uses when he can't remember guy's name."

"Oh, how fascinating. That is something I must investigate... how do young people remember people's names and if they fail to remember a name how do they substitute?"

"Hey you?"

"The young people I target may have an intellect that's above your level Bozo."

Miller grinned. "You are awesome and I'm now sure you cannot possibly be a virgin Sharon."

"That is something I don't care to discuss."

"Well have some more whiskies and become malleable."

"Oooh Mr Thom, that's a big word for you. No, after this one drink I'm off. You'll be given occasions to attempt to prove your theory"

"What? When?"

"Just sit tight. It will happen."

"Thanks Al," Sharon said and raising her glass to Miller drained it in one gulp. "Oh lovely. Keep the change Al. Bye Bozo and thanks for soliciting me in this bar."

"Bozo," roared Al. "Out of this bar."

"Al, come on, be reasonable. Look how she tied you up in knots with her words. The bitch is a shit-stirrer."

"Oh, one of those. Have another drink Bozo, er Miller."

Over dinner that evening Miller said, "Mom, I think I've found her."

"Found who?"

"Miss Right"

Miller's mother Milly, younger sister Kate, older brother Thomas and father Stanley looked at him expectantly.

"She's the Horsely's youngest daughter Sharon."

"What, that dried up young bitch?"

Bedlam erupted as Miller gave Thomas a big nose bleed, blood flying everywhere.

When the meal resumed, Thomas sat holding an icepack over his nose, and Kate said, "Sharon Horsely is on the honors board at college. She won the Sarah Lincoln Memorial Literary Prize and top gymnast prize each year she was at college and in her final year was runner-up in the state inter-collegiate award for journalism. Her older sister Macy is my gym coach."

Miller scratched his head and said, "Holy shit" to receive a mild rebuke from his mom. A mild rebuke? He looked at his mom surprised to find her smiling at him proudly. He looked away embarrassed.

"Why didn't she take to me?" Thomas moaned, lifting the ice pack to speak.

"Because you are scum. Those young women you mess with talk you know. At least Miller has some class."

"That's enough Kate," said their mom, losing her smile.

"Well being Hudson Horsely's daughter she'll be okay," Stanley said. "Hudson's a real straight-shooter as most accountants are. What does this kid do?"

"She's a columnist for The Clarion," mother and daughter said almost in unison.

"Huh? I must jump her column," Stanley said. "You met her at the office son?"

"No, she never comes into the newspaper. She emails her column to us."

"Then how did you two meet?" Kate asked, looking puzzled.

"Thomas told me this morning he'd met her last night and she was such a bore, wanting to talk and appeared to have her legs bolted together. So I thought she must be okay and then saw her on the street, recognizing her by her photo at the top of her column, so I chatted her up and we um went for coffee."

"Oh how sweet," cooed their mom. "When are you bringing her home to us?"

"God mom, I only met her today."

"When are you dating her?"

"I don't know mom. Why this interrogation?"

"Because I'm interested."

"She just said it would happen."

Their mom shrieked with laughter and Kate said, "The guys calls her Miss Impenetrable. But in general they seem to think she'd awesome."

"She'll be the type of girl mother's want their sons to bring home."

Everyone looked at Stanley in astonishment. That was a rare style of comment for him. Milly looked at Miller and beamed. He hung his head over his scrambled eggs.

Miller made a painful decision, thinking he should not call Shona but wait for her to 'make it happen'. This was like a game to her.

Early on Monday morning Miller collected the newspaper and flicked to page 5 and thought he'd read Sharon's Column -- that was the name of the column; nothing fancy.

The hairs on Miller's nape began rising as soon as he read the heading: Street Pick-up. His alarm was well founded. Sharon was suggesting how women should respond to 'legitimate sidewalk soliciting, not the sinister kind'.

Miller squirmed as he read of an 'incident' that had happened to someone she knew when the unabashed guy hauled her into a bar just after midday and plied her with whisky. But the strong willed young woman escaped quickly as she could and instead of waving goodbye scowled and said, 'See you later alligator'. Sharon wrote: 'That clever woman is to be admired for handling herself decorously. She escaped unharmed, avoiding a scene and the possibility of her over-eager young man being slugged by the barman wielding a baseball bat. However that same young woman has decided to give the young man another opportunity to try again, but this time on safer ground'.

The embarrassed Miller left the paper on a chair under the dining room table. It was Monday and everyone would be in a hurry to set off so wouldn't find it.

The family except for Kate was at the table eating sausages and fries when Kate sauntered in crying, "Ohmigod, Ohmigod." Miller's stomach pit dropped to knee level when he saw Kate held the newspaper.

"Listen to this guys. This morning Sharon writes about street pickups and here's a most enlightening incident she recounts, saying it happened to someone she knows. Well, Sharon knows herself."

Kate the cow read it out, the seething Miller not allowing his eyes to leave his plate.

Kate finished with a giggle, saying "Oh boy."

"Miller, you said coffee."

"Yeah mom."

"How can you mistake a bar for a coffee house?"

"Er, it wasn't easy mom."

"Now don't lie to me. Did you ply Sharon with whiskies?"

"No mom, and that's the truth. She bought a beer for me, a whisky for herself and then left after saying that piece it would happen."

"I am very disappointed in you Miller."

"And I am too," Kate said gleefully. "Ohmigod, women will rush you Miller to be plied with whisky before opening their legs for you."

"Kate, go to your room."

"No I'm off to college mom. It's my final, final exams remember?"

"Oh darling, please don't allow this disgusting incident bringing shame on this family upset you."

"No it will stimulate me."

Their mom had spoken, allowing Miller to feel he was off the hook. "Kate which is the best bar to frequent to allow all those women to find me," he joked.

"Miller would you please leave my house. For that disgusting comment I want you to drive Kate to college."

"Aw mom."

"Just do it Miller."

"Come on my disgusting brother. I'll introduce you to a bunch of loose fellow seniors."

"Kate!"

"Bye mom."

* * *

Miller worked an 11: 00 to 8:00 shift on the morning newspaper. On Friday he noticed a woman with a stunning figure in a tight short red dress and black accessories including a large black hat walk into the newsroom. The public was prohibited from entering the newsroom reinforced by hard-ass principal receptionist Mrs Roberts.

Now everyone at the subbing table was looking at her. Chief sub Archie Stokes stood and said, "Why Miss Horsely, it's a real pleasure to have you visiting us. A rare visit indeed."

"Cut the crap Archie. Just because my father's chairs the board of this publishing company is no need to slather me."

"You mean fawn over you don't you?"

"No Archie; you are spreading it over me like butter. Slather is correct as a short-form of describing your action and it depicts your motive."

Archie grinned. "To think Marion and I used to baby-sit you when you were a little kid and your parents lived next to us. Are you here to take me to lunch?"

"Another time Archie and we really must do it. No, Mr Thom please."

"You heard the lady Miller. Grab your jacket and comb your hair. Are you the whisky would-be-seducer in Sharon's column on Monday, now being given that second chance to act like a gentleman?"

"Guilty Mr Stokes."

"It was true but with embellishments," Sharon smiled. "I had one whisky and left. At no time did Miller behave in an ungentlemanly manner and stood at my side, ready to defend me, when I engaged in a silly altercation -- perhaps you'd know it better as a batrachomyomachia - with the barman who threatened to throw me out for soliciting."

"A barman who was battered by superior intellect I would assume?"

"I try to avoid making such assumptions Archie. Hello everyone. I'm Sharon and we work on the same team although I work rather on the left field."

"Sharon I'm Lisa Watts. May I welcome you on behalf of everyone at this table and say I believe you are a valued member of our team and play above your weight. My husband and I love reading your column and I know my parents and my grandparents do. At your young age I believe you are on the way to becoming an institution on this newspaper."

"Why thank you Lisa -- you were Lisa Arthur were you not, cross-country champion in your senior year when I was a freshman?"

"Yes. Fancy you remembering that."

"People who excel ought to be remembered, don't you think Lisa?"

"Well yes but in my case is was only running."

"Does it matter what it was Lisa? You pitched yourself against your contemporaries and came out top. Ah, here comes Miller. I trust he has a rising future on this newspaper?"

Archie said, "Miller has completed three years as a reporter and almost finished two years in sub-editing. In September he replaces Mike Oliver as chief of staff on Mike's retirement."

"Oooh, good boy Miller. Come, I must ply you with whiskies."

Sharon and Miller left the room with the sub-editors laughing uproariously. Several reporters from all sections of the newsroom rushed over to find out the joke and to learn who the babe was.

"That was our esteemed columnist Sharon Horsely," said Archie pompously. "Lisa here has correctly predicted Sharon is on her way to becoming rather famous. I'm saying she'll eventually be recognized as the best columnist this newspaper has ever produced."

"Why doesn't she come to one of our awards nights," someone called.

"Possibly because she'd never been invited," Archie said. "Her awards are couriered to her. Perhaps I should look into this."

"Yes," chorused a number of people as Archie shouted, "Back to work you lazy scribes."

CHAPTER 2

Miller sat opposite Sharon at the small table. He pushed his knees forward, touched hers and left them touching.

She asked coolly, "Why are you doing that?"

"For physical contact. Is there a problem?"

"No."

"You don't want me to be a mechanical bull do you?"

Her blue eyes widened and her mouth curved. "God no."

They studied the menu, both still smiling, when she said, "Look at me Miller."

She stared at him and Miller thought he didn't feel uncomfortable so held her gaze.

"I can't decide about the color of your eyes. Sometimes they appear green and sometimes brown."

"They are hazel, my hair is called curly brown and underneath I have a firm muscular body. Do you have a firm body Sharon?"

Instead of answering she infuriated by asking, "Are we here to discuss my body?"

"I shouldn't think globally; my question was general and it would be considered polite to answer such a question."

"Yes, I believe my body is firm."

"Excellent, we should be both satisfied. You have learned my eyes are hazel and I have confirmed your body is firm."

"Confirmed?"

"Yes the way in which your body apart from your breasts, appears not to move under that tight and beautiful dress suggested to me you have a firm body and your tight thighs supported that opinion."

"You said your weren't here to discuss my body globally?"

"I did preface that with the words "I shouldn't think" but the fact is by mentioning breasts and tight thighs I have simply become regionally focused and that was only to reinforce an assertion."

"We are apparently now here to discuss my body and yet here we are discussing my body. My god, your term my tight thighs is approaching the obscene."

"Don't be ridiculous. The tightness of not of one's thighs has nothing to do with obscenity."

"Yes, quite right."

"You hoped I'd be a challenge to you. Is that correct?"

Sharon sighed. "Yes quite right but there is no need to exhibit your cleverness."

"Why are we here Sharon?"

She colored hugely. "God you are impossible."

"Go on, slip off to the restroom and recover."

"There is no need for that. I mostly don't mind if I blush when confronted."

Miller knew there was no need for it this early but nevertheless moved in for the kill. "So what was the exceptional reason that made you blush this time Sharon, embarrassing you?"

"Much against my usual good judgment I have taken more than a passing interest in you."

"Thank you Sharon. What on the menu appeals to you?"

"Grilled chicken over a bagel but without any sauce."

"Good choice for maintaining a great figure. I'm having grilled chicken over fluffy rice, double serving of rice, with the light curry sauce."