Have you seen the movie Romancing the Stone? The movie with Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas, she's a romance writer and he's a hustler in some South American country? I love the way the movie ends, just after the book editor tells Kathleen she's now a world class hopeless romantic and Kathleen's character remarks to herself that no, she's a hopeful romantic. The next scene she's walking and Michael is right there with a beautiful sailboat just waiting for her. The line where she said "I can't blame him. If I was to die there's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be."
OMG!
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if Douglas hadn't shown up so soon. What if it had been months or even years before he showed up. How long does it take for hopeful to fade and to become hopeless?
I'm sitting here at another Sunday night dance practice party wondering if I'm wasting my time. When I started at the university I decided to take dance lessons to give myself something to enjoy doing while going to classes. I'd taken ballet since I was eight, but I didn't want to be a professional ballerina (I hated point shoes!) so I stopped when I graduated from high school. I decided my first year at UNL to start taking dance classes at one of the local dance studios because...quite frankly, I'd been seduced when I was 12 years old.
Ewww, not like that! My parents had taken me to a classic movie showing at a theater. The movie had been An American in Paris. Ohh, Gene Kelly dancing with Cyd Charisse and Leslie Caron, moving together in perfect unison, existing only for the pleasure of being with each other. I remember sitting forward in my seat, resting my arms and chin on the seat in front of me and being enthralled by the movie. The way they looked at each other, the way they touched and held each other called to me. After that I spent days watching every Gene Kelly dance clip I could find, marveling at how he moved, his athletic body moving with impossible grace. I wanted to dance, to be with a man like that!
(My mother took note of my fascination with him. She'd always been open with me about sexual relations between men and women, but she sat me down and really told me about the facts of life. It could be incredible she said, but it can also bring pain if you're not careful. She also tole me her first time was a poor experience, and that she wishes she'd waited long enough to be ready for that first time. Part of that, she said, was waiting for the right man to come along so I knew he was worthy of my love.)
Which was a problem. My body quickly started to mature and it became apparent that I was going to have a smokin hot body. Between that, my long blonde hair, and a face that promised to be beautiful the boys quickly started noticing me. The problem was that there wasn't any romance in their eyes, only lust. I wanted a boy to look me in the eyes and see his heart, his soul looking back at me, not see him wondering how he could get my bra off. And none of them could dance! Oh, some of them had amazing hip hop or funky dance moves, but actually dancing
with
me was clumsy and awkward. Soon, some nasty rumors were going around that I was a tease, promising a lot but always saying no. If it wasn't that, some of the guys just made up stories about how easy I was, or the opposite, that I was frigid. I don't know what hurt more. Some of the girls believed the stories, which made my circle of friends small.
So I graduated high school still a virgin, and went onto a university. I figured that the men would be a little more, I don't know, mature, but no. Most of them still just wanted to get into my panties. The few others who figured I was worth going slow for couldn't dance worth a damn, and even in the dance studio practice parties there were no guys who could sweep a woman off her feet on a dance floor. Some of them were more likely to step
on
her feet.
We had just gotten done with a short dance lesson for everyone and were waiting for the dancing to start. I noticed the door open and in walked a man who looked like he thought he was hot stuff. He radiated confidence as he walked over to a seat, which was at odds with his muscular athletic build, not really suited for graceful moving. I figured he was a jock who was used to women oohing and aahing over him, and even though he was (I hated to admit) quite good looking, I wanted more. (Okay, he wasn't just good looking, he was hot!) He sat down, and I realized he had a bag, out of which he pulled a pair of dance shoes! Okay, anyone can buy dance shoes, but can he dance in them? Let's see just how good he..
"Can I have this dance?"
It was one of the men who'd come in for the lesson, he was new to dancing, but I didn't want to be rude to him, so I said okay.
I was rushed, I had planned on getting to the studio early to help Jeremy with the lesson but had been delayed. The minute I stepped onto that dance floor though my irritation vanished and I could feel my body, my self come into focus, I was where I belonged. I'd been dancing since I was nine, my mother and father were very good dancers and I wanted to be like them. I can still remember dancing with girls, some of them older than me, before I really knew why I should be dancing with girls. Oh sure, it was fun and my parents made a big deal of me as I was getting good at it but it was just fun. I enjoyed the dance lessons and the older girls ( and some women!) made a fuss over me and gently teased me a little so I kept at it. Then when I around 13 everything started to change and I became, I don't know, aware that the person who I was holding hands with or holding in my arms was a female and why I wanted to be dancing with them. Oh boy! My father noticed the change in me and quickly clued me in to all the facts of life and how while my body was getting ready to do some wonderful things, my mental and personal maturity were going to take longer. In other words don't do anything stupid!
That admonition may have been what made me a really good dancer. As I got a little older my dancing with a girl became more intense, the actual dance became this intense relationship with my dance partner, not just a short period of time where two people fumbled around trying to move with one another. It forced me to examine what I was doing. The dance world thinks of the relationship between the two people on the dance floor as one of them being the leader and one of them the follower. I realized that I hated those simple terms, it sounds like a childish game of follow the leader. It's not me rubbing my head with the right hand and patting my belly with my left and the girl had to match me. I was creating the dance as I was doing it, I was the choreographer and my part of the dance was to design the it, taking into account what I could do and the level of ability of who I was dancing with. I needed to communicate what we were doing to my partner with physical and visual cues. She was the primary dancer, a lot of what I did was designed to make her look good, making it easier for her to know what we were doing and always being where I was supposed to be so that we were always in sync with each other. As I got better dancing became more automatic, I didn't have to pay attention to what I was doing so much, and I started to develop an intensity to my dance, an ability to really focus on the girl/woman I was dancing with. One of my mantras became a woman doesn't want to have a man ask her it she'll dance with him, she wants a man who wants to dance
with
her.
So here I was, and I could feel my anticipation for the evening building. Jeremy had asked me to come this evening, he had something I could help him with, but he wouldn't elaborate on what that was. I sat down and put my shoes on quickly and started over to talk to Jeremy when Claire stopped me.
"Dance with me Sean?"
Rats, I liked dancing with Claire but wanted to talk with Jeremy first. "I'm sorry Claire, but could it wait? I want to talk with Jeremy."
"Sure, no problem, but I'll hold you to that."
"Thanks."
Threading my way past the dancing couples I quickly came up to Jeremy sitting at his DJ setup. "Hey Jeremy, sorry I showed up late but I had to help Mark unload some lumber."
"It's okay, we had an even number of men and women so we managed."
"Good. So, what's this problem I can help you with?"
"I've got this female student who's pretty good and wants to get better, but I sense that she's getting discouraged about the lack of men who can dance well, so I was hoping you'd consider helping her out by being her dance partner?"
"Hmmm, I'll have to think about it. You know how busy I've been the last three years trying to learn everything I can about what's involved with restoring and building houses. I'm not sure I have the time to help a woman reach her dancing goals. Why don't you partner up with her?"
"Two reasons. First I'm pretty busy myself running my dance studio and I've already got too many women I'm working with one on one. And also....."
