Semper Fi

Copyright @Calibeachgirl

All rights reserved, 2012

Chapter 25: Bonds can be harder to break than promises.

Two weeks later...

By Friday afternoon, Frank was exhausted. It had been a long week of paperwork and following dead-end leads for no purpose. Between the continuing cheating wives murders and a suspected gun theft ring at Pendleton, the hours seemed to stretch from midnight to midnight with no relief in sight. Today was the first time in days that he was able to take a rest and after opening a Coors, he took a long, cold drink.

He slouched down onto his couch, his feet up on the coffee table, his beer in his hand and carefully looked at Barbara, his partner at NCIS. Her light-chocolate face stared back, wondering what was the cause of his interest. He wondered what might have been if their affair had fully blossomed into marriage, he had been that... what? infatuated? enamored? obsessed? with her.

His problem was the simple question: was he still?

It was too late now, he realized, still casting a furtive glance in her direction. He had married Caitlyn, a given once he had discovered he was the father of Kelly. He did love Caitlyn, there was no doubt about that in his mind but the five years lost still bothered him, lurking in the back of his mind like a hungry spider waiting to pounce whenever circumstances were ripe. Those five years had became a series of furtive wanderings around the American naval bases of the Pacific searching for a peace that never came, no matter how hard he tried to put the past behind him.

"You know," Barbara said, looking at him, "we need to take a break." She stood near the windows, the detritus of numerous beach-combing trips littering the windowsills: shells, bits of twisted and polished driftwood, colored glass floats washed ashore after decades at sea. A grin spread across her face. "I'm for going to Solvang for the weekend," she said, now looking at Caitlyn, "and you're coming with me." She put Kelly down onto the floor and wiped the melted ice cream from her blouse. "This 'auntie' business is messy work. God, I need a break, I'm so sick of all this death."

"I don't know," answered Caitlyn. "There's still..." She looked at her friend who was already starting to close windows, forgetting for a moment that Frank was still in the condo.

"You know as well as I do," she continued, "that this case is just spinning its wheels unless we can come up with some new angle. That goddamn colonel over at Pendleton practically dared us to try and prove it and we all know he's... ah, screw that asshole. Look, we take a short ride up the coast, get some Danish, buy some junk, maybe spend the night or so and then come back and we attack this thing refreshed."

"I still..." Caitlyn looked at her friend who was now heading into the kitchen.

"Then, it's settled. We're going. You pack up what you need for the kid... Maria, pack us a few snacks for the road and we're off. The boys can 'bach' it for the weekend."

..........

A half-hour later, the four were heading north along the 5 toward Los Angeles and were making good time until reaching the 5-405 split near El Toro.

"God, I hate this damn freeway!!!" Barbara said, smacking the steering wheel and honking the horn. Embarrassed, she turned down the radio, not wanting to wake Kelly, now sound asleep in the back seat next to Maria.

Caitlyn put down her paperback and looked at her friend. "Oh, you just get too excited. We'll be there soon enough. Just keep your eyes on the road." Caitlyn gazed back toward her daughter, sound asleep, wondering if driving up the coast was such a good idea, after all.

They slowed to forty miles per hour all the way to the South Bay curve, slowing even further until they passed the Rosecrans exit and almost came to a halt. Barbara looked toward the houses beyond the west side of the freeway as their car slowly crept forward. Maria was staring out the window, quietly listening to her I-pod.

"What?" asked Caitlyn, looking up from her book and wondering what had captured her friend's attention from the highway.

"I used to know someone that lived here..."

Barbara's mind filled with visions of what had been... that first time they had met. It had been a quiet afternoon as she sat on the park bench, finishing her lunch when he had walked up.

Twelve years earlier...

"Do you mind if I sit here?" he had asked, his voice softly belying his handsome features and build, his face in shadow from the sun behind his head.

"No, I'd like the company," she had answered, shyly grateful that there was someone to talk to on such an almost empty day. She scooted over a little, giving him space. She put her small lunch cooler on the ground.

"Hi," he had said, "I'm Jim. Would you like some candy?" Laughing, he had pulled out a bar of Ghirardelli chocolate and passed it to her. "Here," he said, pulling out another, "I've two."

"Thank you, you're very kind," she had said, glad for the attention. Her college studies had taken most of her time and her family the rest.

Before the afternoon had ended, they were sitting closer together, talking about what they did... he was in the Air Force, riding what he called the 'back seat' of an F-15 and she was finishing at UCLA with a degree in criminal justice.

"That must be very interesting," they both said at the same time. They laughed.

"I understand that means good luck..." he said.

"What?"

"When two people say the same thing, you know, at the same time. Good luck. Old Chinese proverb or something...."

"You're making that up, aren't you?" She laughed, hiding her mouth behind her hand.

"Why do you do that?" he asked.

"What?" she asked, again.

"Hide your beautiful face behind your hand when you laugh. You have the most wonderful smile and you shouldn't hide it... especially from me." He put his finger to her lips, touching her gently, her tongue touching him.

"Please kiss me now," she had said and his tongue slid between her full lips as his pale hands caressed her darker face.

Before the afternoon had ended, they were walking together, holding hands like it was the most natural thing to do and as they approached the park's small lake, she stopped him. "Is this something special?"

"Like nothing else," he answered.

Before the afternoon had ended, they were falling in love for he had said he was struck by her beautiful mind and quick laughter and she by his pure affection for life and her.

That night, they took a long walk on the beach, occasionally withstanding a less-than-approving glance from someone along the way. He laughed as they passed, wishing them a pleasant evening. He said a man who flies in fighter planes for a living had no fear from some small-minded fools at the shore. He was more afraid of the seagulls flying low nearby determined to ruin their clothes.

The next day, they went to Bob's Big Boy for lunch, all thoughts of going to class lost for the moment, ordering hamburgers and shakes and ice cream sundaes and talking like two teenagers about life and love and happiness and silliness and then more seriously, the future as one hand reached across the table to the other and fingers touched and palms touched and then both hands joined heatedly, friendship and trust and love moving from skin to skin and back again.

He took her to the Western Museum of Flight at Torrance Airport and introduced her to his world, showing her the exotic Northrop YF-23 Black Widow II, now looking like something from Star Wars and sitting on the ground, so far from its natural home in the skies high above.

And the day after that, they saw a revival of 'Casablanca' at a theater in Westwood and then went for New York pizza next door and he had laughed as the cheese stringed from her slice to her smiling mouth and she had laughed when the waitress asked if they wanted a box to take home and he said they were going to finish it there, thank you.

And she couldn't understand how she had ever lived without his smile and he wondered where in his life he would be without her laughing eyes and vowed to never be without her again.

Before the week was over, they had been a couple in love, walking hand in hand everywhere they went, kissing, hugging, touching. Their passion had burned so brightly, so quickly, so passionately. Even now, the memory made her blush so many years later.

Before the month was over, she wanted to make love to him and had thought, "Make love to me now before I have a reason not to," and then realized she had said those words aloud. "Dear God, what have I said?" she blushingly asked.

His hands felt strong and insistent as they drew her to him, though his mouth was surprisingly soft and supple, pliant lips shaping themselves over hers, imparting a taste of their own, mixing with hers into something she hadn't ever tasted before but somehow knew from forever.

The power of his embrace chased off any lingering hesitation she might have had and knew she'd never have a night like this again, for it would be her first time.

When he finally lifted his mouth from hers, her blood simmered, obliterating whatever reason she had... all that was left was a burning desire.

"I have a confession to make," she had said. "I was hoping that this would happen... with you."

She noticed the hesitation she had seen earlier when she had invited him into her apartment, so late at night. And then he kissed her a second time, his hand moved downward and with his other hand, he cupped the back of her head and her then curly hair fell down around her shoulders. She let her head drop back while he kissed her throat, his lips following the circle formed by the necklace he had given her. She felt dizzy and forced her eyes open.

"I bought these... for tonight," she said, pulling from her nightstand drawer a small plastic packet, her face blushing darkly.

"I love you, Barbara, and I always will," he had whispered and peeled her dress from her arms.

Barbara reached down and a few moments later his clothes lay in a heap on the floor along with her dress. She stood there only wearing her panty hose and a tiny silk slip she had saved for just this evening. She tugged down the hose and gave him a bashful smile. She laughed nervously, filled with need and threw aside the panty hose.

Jim trailed a finger downward from her throat to her cleavage, finally disappearing into the bodice of her slip, skimming across the tops of her breasts and then over, flicking aside the thin satin strap. She nearly gasped aloud but bit her lip instead, hoping he would guess just how badly she wanted him.

"I love you," he said again and then he said no more, lowering his head to put his mouth where his hand had been.

She closed her eyes and tried to inhale. "This is heaven," she had thought, a moment of heaven right in the middle of her bedroom. She combed her fingers through his hair and down his back and together they sank down onto the bed. He was something that she had only dreamed about all those years.

She ran her hands up his back again. She had never touched a man, a rarity in a modern woman's life, and savored the shape and texture of him, his long muscular limbs and soft hair on his chest. She wondered how she had lived so long without this and realized that there had never been the right man before.

He pulled off her slip and lifted her so that her breasts brushed his chest and pure instinct took over, her hips undulating against his, rising for their coming together.

An urgent wildness built inside her and she clutched at Jim, her hands and mouth and body begging for him more shamelessly than any words she could ever tell him. He entered her rapidly, recklessly and she cried out with the force and the glory of it and felt the long, rolling waves begin immediately. He brought her to a crest of sensation where she was afraid to move, to breathe, to blink, but just when she thought she couldn't bear to hover there, he took her higher still.

It was unbelievable, almost frightening, the level of pleasure he brought to her. She'd had no idea... then she had no thought at all as she tumbled with a cry into ecstatic nothingness, holding him so close against her that she could feel the rhythm of his heart and each ripple of his climax as he erupted within her.

It had been a long time before she could speak, before she could even form a coherent thought. The long, mindless moments had a hazy, surreal quality and finally, she moved, propping one hand on his chest so that she could look into his face.

He had his fingers deeply tangled in her curly hair. Unhurriedly, he freed his hand and let it slide downward over her shoulder, back, hips, thighs, making a silent, wicked suggestion at her most vulnerable spot.

She had flushed, she remembered, and felt a new wave of desire even before the last one had fully ebbed away.

Shyly, she said, "I've got one condom left."

"Oh, baby," he answered, pulling a whole chain of them from his pants pocket. "We've got a few more than that."

Present day...

A single tear formed and quietly flowed down her mocha-colored cheek. It had been her first true romance and their love had reached for the sky like a rocket, only to explode in grief when he was killed. She had known what had happened before the two men in uniform reached her door and she collapsed on the floor after she had opened it, knowing the grief was real and true and would never leave, no matter how long she lived.

"...he was a good man who gave everything for his country... and... died a hero." She thought back to that one night, that one magical kiss that they had shared before that last fateful flight. "...and left me alone," she cried.

Bonds can be harder to break than promises. "I love you," she thought, "I'll always love you." He was the only man she had ever loved... until Frank... and that had taken more than ten years to come about.

Barbara looked at Caitlyn sitting next to her. If not for Caitlyn, Barbara knew in her heart Frank would have married her and as much as she was friends with the woman, she still always had that last one deep feeling that never went away, of how she had lost another love. What would happen with Garrett? Was she doomed to endure another heartbreaking loss? Were the ghosts of her love affairs to follow her forever? Why wasn't she in love with Garrett as deeply as she should be?

By the time her tear had dried, they were well past his old neighborhood where they were going to live and finally approaching the Santa Monica Freeway. As a child, she had found out crying never solved anything. She touched a finger to her face, tracing where he had kissed her that last time.

Deciding a drink of water might help, she reached for her sports bottle and gulped down the water, trying hard to calm her heart, still beating hard. "It's still early," she said, eager to change the subject floating in her subconscious. "I'm going to take the Coast Highway. Besides, it's more scenic."

..........

"Mommmmmeeeeee..." came the plaintive wail from the back seat.

"All right, Kelly, we'll stop as soon as we can."

Barbara looked in the mirror as she pulled into Burger King's parking lot. "I'll get some drinks, you can get Kelly to the bathroom and then we can eat some of those snacks."

While Caitlyn took her daughter to the restroom, Barbara bought drinks and Maria opened up the cooler filled with the food prepared for the trip. The women hungrily ate their way through the Italian sandwiches, crunching through the crusty bread into the provolone and cold cuts within.

"I figure," Barbara said, "we've got about another two hours and then we can get a place to stay and then walk around. I can't wait for those Danish cookies."

"All this talk of food is going to make me fat," said Maria, patting her stomach. "At this rate, I'll never get married."

"There's nothing wrong with you," said Caitlyn. "Any man would be happy to marry you. You've just..." She suddenly realized that taking care of Kelly was keeping Maria from finding a love of her own. Embarrassed, she quietly looked out her window at the passing coastal mountains as they headed toward Ventura, wondering what she would do now.

..........

Caitlyn found herself breathing deeply the scent of the ocean, her long hair unkempt, as though ruffled by the wind that blew in the window from the Pacific. For a moment, the seemingly limitless expanse of the sea daunted her. What to do about Maria still eluded her.

By the time they reached Solvang north of Santa Barbara, it was getting toward early evening and Barbara turned into the first motel they saw after driving into Solvang on Mission Drive and went in.

She glanced at her watch, remembering the White Rabbit's mad refrain, "I'm late, I'm late..."

"OK, we're lucky," she said as she returned to the car, "I've got us a double room with two king sized beds. We're all set. I guess I probably should have called first but we're good. Now, lets' get something to eat and then we can walk around a little. I really want to get to that candy store that sells that homemade fudge. I'm bringing about ten pounds back for Garrett. That should take some of the sting off of having to stay by himself this weekend." Not a day went by that she didn't think of him and how he had come into her life when she had been feeling so down. Was he a rebound love? she wondered... but, in the end, did it really matter?

"Well, then, I guess I better buy something for Frank or I'll never hear the end of it." Caitlyn laughed, knowing full well that Frank would only eat a few of the cookies from the small Danish town. His desire to exercise had overtaken his desire to eat the calorie rich foods that he had once enjoyed.

Even though it was getting late, the day still retained its California inland heat. The women slowly walked up the street's blistering sidewalk, Caitlyn holding Kelly tightly by the hand, the small girl wearing a horned helmet, and headed to the Red Viking Inn for dinner, the smells of cooking surrounding them as they approached. The smorgasbord had been a favorite destination before Frank had returned to Caitlyn's life and when Barbara insisted on the day trip, it was the beckoning memory of the restaurant that made her accept the idea.

"My God, this is SO good," Maria said, lifting another forkful of red cabbage. "I'm going to have to learn how to cook some of this stuff. I'm sure there's a cookbook around this town, somewhere."

"I saw a giftshop just down the street. We can stop there tomorrow. Right now, I want to eat and eat and eat." Barbara buttered a piece of rye bread and passed it to Kelly. "Here, baby girl, try this."

"You're not pregnant, are you?" asked Caitlyn, wondering if that was why Barbara was acting so differently. They were all under the same stress.

"Oh, no, of course not, I'm just hungry, is all. Admit it; we needed to get away from all that stuff we were dealing with back in San Diego. It's just too damn..."

"I thought we weren't going to obsess about it. C'mon, let's just have fun." Caitlyn put out her hand. "Pass that ham over here, will you?"

That night, as the four lay sleeping in their beds, Barbara's mind wandered, wondering if she was indeed pregnant, trying to count the days. Would Garrett even want a child? She tried to see the years ahead, having a child now would make them... oh, God, she'd be in her fifties and he'd be even older when a child would be entering college. What about all the plans they had to travel? Taking care of Kelly was a full-time job and that was with a nanny.

Barbara had hoped she would just sink into sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow but it eluded her.

She thought of Jim, once again and now it was keeping her awake... mere sexual attraction had not been enough for her. He had been the person she could trust with her life because they had shared their true feelings with one another. She remembered what she had longed for her entire life... to feel the strength of his body pressed against hers, to taste him again in the sweetest of kisses, to feel the softness of his hair in her fingers.