Eyes half-lidded, Xanir lounged watching her as she backed away. Alanna began to shimmy her shoulders, the hot sunlight melting through the dishevelled golden silk that had more or less survived the morning's adventures. One lean hand lifted from the bench and beckoned imperiously. "Not here," growled Xanir. "There isn't enough space."
Alanna smiled and flung her hands above her head, pirouetting, head turning to keep her eyes on his while she leaned back into the twist, shaking her shoulders and breasts at her husband. "It's fine."
"Come here," he ordered in a soft voice. "You will burn."
She blew him a teasing kiss, beginning the full-body shimmy once she again faced him fully. "I like it here."
Xanir pounced after her, eyes bright, the warrior stalking prey. Her heart slammed with excitement and a little fear and Alanna lurched backwards in a very ungainly scurry. Her calves hit something and she was falling over the edge, a small shriek escaping.
A hand around her wrist hauled her teetering form into Xanir's arms before he lifted and spun her back onto the terrace. "Careful!" A sparkling eye slanted down at her. "You seem to be bad with balustrades -- the last one you fell over too."
Fell?!
Alanna slapped her palms against his chest, leaning back as far as she could in that unmoving embrace to glare up into his eyes. Her heart jumped in excited hope. Was he
teasing her
?
"Of course, I wasn't there to stop you that time."
She rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Fell at my feet, no less," mused Xanir. The corners of his lips were definitely pulling against a grin while he ushered her back to the pillowed bench. She reached up on tiptoe to kiss that lilting corner. Then she bit his jawline, hard.
Xanir shoved her backwards. She fell among the cushions, laughing.
Her laughter died swiftly when she took in his stance. The sparkle had entirely left his eyes and his arms were folded, face stern as he glowered her into silence, fingers massaging the nip gently. His voice was low, but cutting. "Princess. If you mark me I will have to punish you again. Publicly, as the mark would be. I do not think you want that."
Tears sparkled in her eyes, but she held them back. "I thought -," she began defiantly. His eyes flashed.
She thought wrong
. Her head drooped. "I'm sorry," She whispered, running the tassel on the corner of one cushion through her fingers. "I thought you wanted -- I thought you would let me -." The words
love you a little
stuck in her throat. Why was she so drawn to this implacable dictator?
She could feel herself stiffening when he sank beside her on the seat. "In private, yes, but this must remain private." A firm finger tilted her head up. "Princess." His tone admonished, and she lifted her downcast eyes to his. They were cool. "You may wish to rethink your decision."
Head held high, she just held his gaze, refusing to speak when he would be able to hear her weakness. For a moment, for one brief, glorious moment, she had thought they were on the same side. Her heart ached. Swallowing, she dropped from the bench to kneel gracefully at his feet, lifting herself to the height which Bethesda had trained her thighs to hold over long, dull hours.
"May I apologise, my lord?" she asked dully. This was how women apologised in this land. This was what women were for.
He sighed, and gathered her stiff form back up onto his knee, tucking her inside his arms in the embrace she was used to after sex. When he was pleased with her. "Not now. I want to talk to you."
For the life of her Alanna couldn't hold back the incredulous look shot upwards. Dropping her gaze instantly, she was nevertheless aware of the smile that coloured his voice: "Yes, talk."
She waited. Damned if she was going to give him more rope to hang her with.
Silence. It went on forever, and Alanna had to smother a bubble of unruly laughter that was gathering inside her. He really was
rubbish
at talking.
"I
will
send you home," he repeated, voice a quiet growl. "It will be better for you without -."
Alanna's sulks evaporated and she turned sharply within his arm, pressing her fingers to his lips. "You said I could choose." Her shrill voice wavered. She turned her face into his shoulder and caught her breath, lowering her voice to repeat plaintively, "You
said
."
"This will be too difficult for you."
She leaned all her weight on him, pushing, and after a moment he let himself fall back among the cushions. A hand stroked gently over her spine while she snuggled across him, face still burrowed in his shoulder. His voice was gruff: "It will be better that -."
"My mother died when I was three," Alanna interrupted fiercely. Xanir's hand stilled for a moment, then renewed the gently caress. He knew this. What was she saying?
"She knew she was dying all my life. Advisors told her to let someone else take the main hand in raising me -- it would be too hard on her, and hard on me when she died, otherwise."
He stroked the tremors of feeling running through the beautiful little creature cradled against his chest. "She refused. I have-- my grandmother gave me a letter from her when I was twelve, and acting up. Mum said -." The voice cracked, and she took a breath and pressed her forehead against him. "Mum apologised for loving me so much, she knew I would be devastated by her death. But she thought it better that her daughter know that her mother had given her all the love she could hold in the time they had, rather than protecting her with distance."
The blue eyes that lifted to his were sad, soft, but resolved. "She was right."
Eyes opaque, Xanir stroked a finger over the little nose, resting it on the bow of her lips. He withdrew it when she kissed the tip.
"Please let me honour what my mother taught me."
It was so impossible to read him. Silent, expression blank, her husband drew her head to rest again on his chest, fingers combing gently through her hair. After a long, long wait, he rumbled, "Very well."
Alanna turned her lips up to his neck and delighted in the freedom to nibble little kisses. The silence was peaceful.
The deep voice was musing when eventually it rumbled again. He sounded a little ruffled. "I am unaccustomed to speaking with women."
Her eyes lifted at that. A long, cool look.
Her evasive husband was staring out over her head across the gardens, thoughts looking much further. He sighed. "Any tongue can fork. Yet you have brought me information time and again which has proved invaluable." It was as though he was talking to himself, carrying on a long-held argument, weighing the benefits she could bring against the risks. Risks to him, risks to the empire.
Sadness infused her. Xanir didn't trust women. With reason. She shivered lightly, remembering his family history, which her father had given her before she had left. Xanir's father had been murdered by one of his wives -- the mother of his third and fourth sons. Her eyes dropped to the scarred chest. Xanir had been injured at his father's side, before he had killed the murderess. The ensuing war of succession had been bloody, brutal, and swift, the teenage second son, supported by the fierce loyalty of his elder brother, emerging victorious after two years of everyone predicting his death. Merely fifteen, he had taken the marble throne.
Xanir Tahl. She couldn't separate them, Alanna realised sadly. The Great Tahl was scarred so deeply through him-- she would never be allowed to forget the rules which bound them, bound his realm, and those within it. He would never forget them. The emperor could never truly be hers, even for a few months, even in private. The public rules would rule them. She had been foolish to dream it. But he was still worth
trying
to reach.
She had never spoken about the garden,
Xanir was reminding himself, trying to smother the alarm that was raising the hairs on his skin. Reason fighting instinct, he quietly breathed: "There is a plot."
Alanna's eyes shot back up to his serious expression, focus snapping from her aching heart to the intelligence, the wariness in the black gaze that met hers.
He was trusting her
. Cautiously.
His next words were a stinging slap to her bewildered, bipolar emotions. "Halt Siane are making overtures again, proposing that as their princess is now of marriageable age, should I find myself brideless at Michaelmas, they would be honoured if I chose an alliance with the Inchotan Mai-lei."
Michaelmas. The statutory three months after her departure. Stomach swinging, Alanna again had to take a moment to determinedly yank her mind from personal heartache to public politics. Regardless of the subject matter,
he was talking to her