The sunrise was glorious, bright colours dazzling her aching eyes. From the topmost branches of the elm towering from the Tahl-maia's terrace, Alanna gazed out beyond the multitude of terracotta or sand-coloured rooves of the city, over the wide silver stretch of lake Rehnza to the snow-capped peaks of the Uresch Mountains glowing pink under the rising sun.
A light breeze gently rocked her refuge, adding to the chill in her limbs and drying the last tears on her stiff cheeks. She kept her chin high, ignoring the gruff voice wearily repeating her title some feet below her. Her bodyguard was too heavy to climb any higher.
Not yet.
Memory of last night circled again, Xanir's touch reaching her even here -- that light, invasive touch, insistent, drawing her to him against her will, moulding her into that pleading, lost creature. Yet the joy had been overwhelming, wrenching her into tears.
There were no tears left now. Her gritty eyes ached under the bright new sun, the touch of warmth on her cheek a different reminder of that deep glow of satiation, the melting, boneless contentment of the aftermath as she had snuggled back against his warmth, hoarse breathing settling while together they had sunk toward sleep.
And then the intrusive touch of
other
hands. Drowsy, uncomprehending eyes had opened to the guard gently drawing her hands above the covers. In the low light of the single remaining candle he had gravely indicated that she was to keep her hands within sight. The Tahl was asleep. They were watching.
Displacement had hit her like a blow. Of
course
they were watching; they were always watching, appraising eyes crawling on her naked skin. Even
here
. Dropped into a swirling sense of
disconnection
, tears had first sneaked down her cheeks, and then began to run, coursing faster past her clenched eyelids and braced body. With her first heave of breath Xanir's warmth had abruptly left, feet soundless on the steps, the door clicking quietly closed behind him.
She had tumbled from the bed on the echo of his departure, batting away in rage the hand which had tried to steady her sprawled landing, snatching on the indecent wisp of gossamer that was all she was allowed at night while she ran to the terrace, holding back the heaving sobs.
Her guards had kept pace, of course. She had spun in the doorway, snarling like an animal at bay, eyes wet in her drawn face as she had hurled at them to
leave her alone
.
They had stood quietly, not looking at her, not deigning to answer. She knew the answer, the first phrase learned: the will of the Tahl.
The battle against the tears had lost and she had spun to hurtle past the foremost guard out into the welcome darkness. They had maintained the watchful ring around her, giving her some space as she had darted to the gracious tree, realising too late her purpose as she had sprung into the branches.
"My princess, will you not come down?" cajoled the man perched some five feet below her, pulling her back to the present. He had stopped trying to climb higher when she had refused to allow him to close the distance, climbing among spindly twigs that bent under her weight until white-faced he had backed away, giving her space. Some meagre semblance of solitude.
Damn them. Damn
him
.
Running footsteps sounded on the stone surface and a worried, breathless voice called up from far below. "Al? What on earth are you playing at?"
Helene. Alanna's stiff neck creaked, a kernel of warmth curling around her heart when she peered down through tier upon tier of branches to the anxious, upturned face of her friend. Her chief bodyguard Limaq had appeared also, standing watchfully beside the other girl.
"Morning," Al croaked.
"Morning!" repeated Helene angrily, stamping her foot like she used to in the nursery. "It's the crack of dawn! When they dragged me out of bed to bring me here I thought you'd -." Her voice cracked on the last word, breaking the rising crescendo.
"I'm fine."
"Yeah? Then what the hell are you doing up there? You promised your father that -."
"
Don't Mention Home
!" snarled Alanna in Saimaa, the language of the people of the northern steppe. The last word rasped in her tight throat and she blinked fiercely, squinting into the sun while she took several deep breaths.
The sunlight brightened slowly.
Helene sighed. "Come down," she urged softly in the same tongue. "Tell me what it is."
"Not while I'm climbing." Alanna switched back to Kjell. "I might throw a wobbly."
"Well, come down anyway. Stop being so selfish. I'm going to get a crick in my neck talking to you like this," complained her friend. Alanna grinned, a huge, warm bubble of affection surging through her shaky barriers. Her heart leapt: she
needed
a hug; a real, genuine embrace from someone who truly cared about her.
"I'd have come down hours ago if Mr Overanxious wasn't in the way," she lied, now staring at the tiny leaves waving from the topmost twigs. An instant rustling of movement below her confirmed her long-held suspicion that her bodyguards understood her language.
"Come on then, little squirrel," coaxed Helene softly.
Alanna swung herself in the wake of her nervous bodyguard, her throat tightening at the sound of her grandmother's pet name. "Some squirrel," she forced out. "Can't even be trusted to climb a tree without a guard."