Chris' alarm goes off at 5am. He kisses me and whispers that he'll call me later. He has to get home to his place to shower, change, and get ready for work. I drift back off to sleep until my alarm wakes me at 6:30. I sit up and stretch before I remember the cringe-worthy conversation Jeremy and I had last night that ended pretty heatedly. I remind myself that today is a new day, but I still have a hard time leaving my bedroom to get some coffee brewing.
On my way to the kitchen, I have to pass directly by Jeremy's bedroom door, which he generally keeps closed while he's sleeping. It is open now, so I can't help but glance in to see if he's awake. He's up, doing a morning workout. His back is to me as he lifts weights, and I freeze in my tracks as I watch the muscles in his back tense up and release with each rep. I knew he was in shape, but I never knew what a sexy body he had before this moment. He doesn't walk around the apartment without a shirt on, and he's not only shirtless now but also wearing only a pair of tight briefs that don't leave much to the imagination when he abruptly turns and catches me staring.
I blush, returning my attention towards the kitchen and announcing, "I'm making coffee. Put some clothes on, why don't you?" I was trying to lighten the mood with a joke, but instead of coming off teasing I feel like my tone gave away how nervous I am at seeing him so naked.
"If you don't like what you see, by all means, don't stare," Jeremy says, sounding amused. "By the way," He adds, "I can see your nipples through your shirt, so should you really be telling me to put more clothes on?"
My mouth drops open in shock and I look down at my chest where my nipples are slightly visible through the white fabric of my tank, and very obviously hard and pointy, almost like they've popped out to say 'hello!'. What is wrong with me? Four months we've been living together, and not even on our first nights did I feel this awkward around Jeremy. What changed? Where did this sexual tension come from? It's because of what Jeremy said last night, I know it is. I haven't stopped thinking about it, and I'm seriously ashamed. I was up half the night envisioning scenarios in which Jeremy proved he was a better lover than Chris. Each time I told myself to stop it, go to sleep and quit thinking about him, his smug face would pop into my head and I'd be right back where I started.
I know it's wrong. I have a great guy, a seriously great guy. Chris is smart, he's crazy handsome with his deep blue eyes and dirty blonde hair, and so well put-together. He's got plans for his future, and he is starting to see me in that future; he told me so just last week, for the first time. I shouldn't be distracted by my roommate, who is three years older than me and only just getting his shit together. He doesn't have a solid plan for his future. How could he? He's five months sober. He could fall off the wagon tomorrow and end up worse off than he was nine months ago when he hit rock-bottom and finally realized he needed help for his alcohol abuse. I hope Jeremy can stay clean and sober, I truly do, but I can't throw away what I have with Chris for some cheap thrill with Jeremy. It wouldn't last, and it wouldn't be good for him or me. Shannon told me about her brother's promise to stay away from everything that tempts him to turn to alcohol for at least the first six months of his sobriety, and women are a temptation, which is another reason why he hasn't had any house-guests since he moved in. It's probably also the reason he's coming onto me so hard right now; he's horny and the only girl he's had any contact with lately has been me. This realization helps me see how stupid I was for feeling so flattered by his attention.
"You should get laid, Jeremy," I suggest bitingly as I start the coffee maker, "I think you need it."
I turn to get some bread to put in the toaster and falter when I see Jeremy has put down the weights and come out of his room. He is leaning his back against the doorframe, his arms crossed, sweat gleaming as it drips down his pecs and well-defined ab muscles. His words draw my attention back up to his face, where I see he is wearing that same wicked smirk as last night, "You offering, Lex?"
I shake my head, feeling even dumber now than I did a moment ago seeing how I just got caught staring at his body for the second time this morning. "No," I tell him firmly, "I am not." I frown at him as I stick two pieces of rye bread in the toaster.
"You sure?" He says cockily, "You seem pretty interested."
"What is wrong with you?" I ask him. "You're being an ass."
Jeremy shrugs, seeming unfazed by my insult. "I mean, you're staring like I'm a piece of meat, what am I supposed to think?"
I scoff, "Don't flatter yourself, all right?" But it sounds very forced. I was looking at him in that way, so it's hard to deny. The fact that he's pointed it out, acknowledged that there's an attraction between us, is not helping the situation any. I'd rather him pretend the past two awkward encounters didn't happen and let things go back to normal, before things get complicated. I was never attracted to Jeremy before last night, just thought of him as Shan's brother and my temporary roommate, and if I ignore this feeling maybe it will go away. In fact, I know it will, because this Sunday marks three more weeks until our lease is up and Jeremy and I won't be roommates anymore. I think I can survive for three more weeks without letting something happen I'm going to regret.
"It's cute that you're trying to deny it," Jeremy tells me, sounding confident, "but I know you want me."
I drop the butter knife I just pulled from the silverware drawer onto the counter and turn my full attention to the jackass in the room. "Are you fucking with me? Seriously, is this a game to you? I don't get what you're trying to do. I have a boyfriend. You know my boyfriend. Your sister is my best friend! What is the end result here? What do you get out of all of this? I don't understand."
Jeremy doesn't say anything and it makes me angry. I take a few steps towards him, asking expectantly, "Well? Are you going to answer me?"
