"You never tell me you love me. You've never said, 'I love you'. Not once."
"But you know I do," protested Danny.
"Do what? What do I know?"
"Come on. Don't be like that."
"See, you can't even say it now. I'm practically begging you to say it and you won't."
"Why does it matter so much..."
"I've had enough. I'm going to bed. I have to be at the office by 7. Brett has an early patient."
Cait worked for Brett Harris, a young dentist just a few years older than herself. It was just the two of them in the office. She was the only employee that he could afford to pay with a new practice. She did front office work and assisting. A hygienist came in a couple days a week when needed. The patient load was, unfortunately, small and they had a lot of free time between appointments.
The dental office was on the second floor of an old Victorian mansion near the small downtown. They had taken to sunning on the large second floor balcony off of Brett's office between appointments, Brett in shorts and Cait in a fairly modest bikini as bikinis go. They talked a lot and joked with one another, but no "funny stuff". They sometimes talked as friends about her relationship with Danny who she had lived with for the past two years. Brett never tried to talk her into anything. But he was there, sympathetic and attentive.
She didn't hide any of this from Danny. He knew about the sunbathing and everything else. He had met Brett, who he had described as a nice enough, non-threatening sort of guy—a dentist, fercrissakes, he would say dismissively.
Danny was an adventurer of sorts. He flew airplanes, backpacked, rode motorcycles, sailed. But he wasn't really inattentive to Cait. They did lots of things together. Mostly, he modified the adventurous things he did to suit her. She rode on the back of his street bikes, but she rode her own dirt bike when they went trail riding. She joined him on flying trips. She sometimes sailed with him, but tended to get seasick while still on the dock. Most of the time, she was not just a passenger, but a participant.
"You guys are always doing stuff he wants to do. Don't you ever do something you want to do?" asked Brett one afternoon.
"Well, sure. We belong to a flying club and a yacht club. We both enjoy a lot of the social side of those sports."
"Whadda you mean? He was away all last weekend with some motorcycle thing."
"That's the Checkers Motorcycle Club. He's been racing with them since he was a kid. I can't do something like that. He gets his buddies to crew for him, and would just be in the way. They're racing. I'm OK with that."
She wasn't really being defensive; she didn't have to be with Brett. Danny wasn't always off doing things by himself or with the guys and neglecting her. She was relatively passive in her own interests so it wasn't really a bad thing that they did mostly things that interested him, because she was interested in them too—at least enough to tag along.
She had always been that way. Her early boyfriends in school were football players and surfers. She enjoyed being part of the football scene without having to be involved in sports or cheerleading herself; it didn't really interest her.
She was the same with her surfer boyfriends. They would be on their boards while she would lay on the beach sunning herself awaiting their return. This was how she was and it was not really a point of contention in their relationship.
"It works for us, Brett. Danny goes with me to an occasional chick flick without complaint, and he's always up for family get-togethers with his family or mine. He treats me really good, Brett..." she said, then looked away.
"What?" They worked closely enough every day that Brett could read her moods pretty well and the mood changed.
"It's just...well, you know...he won't marry me."
"You ever wonder why?"
"I wonder all the time. I know what he says, but...oh shit. That's Mr. Peterson in the waiting room. We gotta get moving!"
"You'd give him a heart attack in that bikini," Brett laughed grabbing his clothes while Cait jumped in the private bathroom to change.
After the "I Love You" argument of the night before, things were a little quiet between Cait and Danny when she got home. Their spirits picked up a little when they started packing for the weekend trail ride in Jawbone Canyon. She loved these outings, and she was looking forward to good friends, great weather, and clean desert air.
They arrived late Friday night, and had little time to really socialize as everyone was busy setting up camp. Very early next morning started as usual with the men enjoying a testosterone-fueled competitive trail ride, while the women got a big breakfast ready.
Over breakfast, Tina, one of the woman in the group, had a little announcement. "Mark and I are getting married!" Tina and Mark had been living together as long as Danny and Cait had been together. Cait was happy for her, but it was like salt in a wound that had been festering for years between her and Danny.
Cait watched Tina and Mark the rest of the weekend. She was sure she detected a slight difference in the way they related to one another. They were no longer just girlfriend and boyfriend. They were fiances. They were going to be husband and wife. Just labels, really, they still called one another "Honey", but something was different. Like they had some new identity or bond that they didn't have as boyfriend/girlfriend.
Danny didn't want to get married--ever. He always thought he made it clear from the beginning and reiterated it whenever she brought it up. He never led her on. Never said, "maybe" or "some day".
The night they got back from the desert marked one of the most tearful arguments they had ever had.
"Mark and Tina are getting married," she offered.
