"Let me share a short story with you, hoping it will help you relate to personal and professional relationships. To lead into this, I was Danny Packard's direct personal assistant for the last four of his years, then I was assigned to Brad. Other assistants were assigned to Brad's sisters so I was able to concentrate my efforts on assisting and training Brad. This story is true and it happened the day before Danny's funeral. I will be fairly vague with some of the details and will keep any personal information out of the conversation that you do not need to know."
"Part of my job is to protect my boss, Brad," she said smiling and motioning to him with her free hand. "Upon learning one important event his parents had previously planned the day he was confronted with his future, I made a plan to protect them, even though they had a head start on me. The resulting scenario happened because I failed to explain to Brad what I did and why I did it."
"What I didn't know is, Brad is very protective of his parents and friends. When it became obvious to him that I contracted for security on his parents, he went to immediate anger without passing GO and collecting $200. He was not aware they may be in danger because he was not thinking that he's a billionaire now and there may be some people that may want a chunk of his money."
"Brad did not yell at me, but, in an instant, his words were very forceful, very direct, very meaningful, very unmistakable, and a bit louder, similar to what you heard in your office, Larry, but it was considerably more intense with me. He thought something he did put his parents in danger and I should have warned him about it. He was right. I should have. What I learned was, I found one of his triggers and it set him off with no warning."
"Brad was pissed and it was very obvious. I knew beyond a shadow of doubt I was going to get fired. He laid down the law about friends and family that day. I apologized for not explaining what I did for him and his parents, but afterwards, still being mad, he continued picking fights about anything I brought up."
"That is what set me off. I did not realize, at the time, I made my third mistake. I did not give him any time to reset his anger before leaping into the next subject, which just set him off again. Eventually, Brad realized what he was doing and apologized for going off on me, but he meant what he said about parents and friends."
"Was that the first argument we had? No, but it was the first intensely heated argument. We got into discussions frequently because he was learning his new job rapidly, which is why we had these discussions in the first place. It was surprising to me because he was learning much faster than I had anticipated. He challenged me on most every topic I brought up and asked too many questions, but they were important questions to him."
"None of the previous discussions were as heated as that one was because the ones before did not set off any of his triggers. Triggers is one of the most important things an assistant can learn, but there is no advanced warning if you find one. You have to deal with it under some pretty stressful conditions, and in the heat of the moment in many cases. That's how it struck me. This incident was a huge relationship builder for the two of us. To this day, it is the most heated discussion we've ever had and it happened because I failed explain to Brad what I did and why I did it. To this day, I still can't believe I did that."
"My concern, at the time, was that Brad thought I was incompetent because I neglected to tell him such an important detail. Second, that he thought I was overbearing and wanted to be the person in control. Third, that I may be fired because of the perceived incompetence and fourth, because he still kept after me after I apologized."
"I actually felt relieved when he apologized. That removed my professional fear of being fired, but I still faced personal fear. I was still very insecure and was not sure where I stood in his favor. I felt like I owed him for not firing me, but he was not thinking about my security. We had given each other a couple of hugs in private by this time and I wanted to give him a hug then and to thank him for not firing me. I didn't because I felt it inappropriate for me to do it at that time, and because he was very pissed off at me."
"I did get a hug later though. I was more emotional than professional for a while, but recovered before I did anymore damage to my career and future employment. I didn't want to push the situation I put myself into off the cliff."
"The reason Brad apologized was because he knew we have to work together on a daily basis. He understands that if he cannot get along with me, he would not likely get along with anyone that replaced me. My advantage is my knowledge of the company."
"I woke him early the next morning, before his early morning workout and we took some time to talk about the incident. Neither of us slept very well that night. We eventually struck common ground between us and boundaries were created. The first boundary, or rule, Brad laid out was he did not want to be angry at his staff anymore. My first boundary was I didn't want him to be angry at his staff, and not just me, but the whole assistant staff."
"All this happened before Jeni was hired on his team and even before he was introduced to her. As time passed, we continued to add boundaries in our relationship, which we both agreed to."
"From there on in our professional relationship, we communicated easily. We talked about everything and learned a lot about each other. Our professional relationship began to grow because we created a mutual trust in each other. Our personal relationship began to grow because we connected with each other."
"In any business situation between employees, a personal relationship is as important as a professional relationship. This is important to learn because, without both, you're missing an essential piece of any relationship. Every relationship has boundaries, or rules. You need to establish your own."
"To this day, we still talk about everything and I'm not afraid to tell him anything. How many people are willing to say that about their boss? That is the personal relationship you should strive build with every member of your team. If you can't be honest with each other, your future team may not be what you want it to be."
"At some point during our time together, we fell in love and here we are. It continues to grow and blossom each day."
"The most important part of any relationship is communication. Obviously, it is what you use to set your boundaries and maintain your team."
"If that's the case, shouldn't my secretary be attending this training?" Sandi asks.
"FYI, Sandi hired Chuck's former secretary as her own," Larry said.
"Cool..." Kristi says. "I made the decision not to invite her because you need to build a relationship with your secretary. She will be your first line of support. That way, both of you learn together as you go. This is something you should do by yourself. It will be your first challenge and a huge boost for you out the gate. The reason I invited Helen is because she was in the meeting when Larry asked questions about our team's relationship, so she was already involved."
"This will not be an easy task. Nothing worth doing ever is. It will take dedication and sacrifice to make this change. Commit to it and don't give up. The most important part for you is it will also be fun. So where do you start, you ask?"
"The focus of this training is on Larry because he is at the top of the company. Leadership starts at the top and trickles down. Sandi, you will have similar challenges as Larry. You start by establishing a personal and professional relationship with those you interact with the most, the ones that will eventually be part of your team. Expect to be courteous and complimentary toward everyone. Respect them."
"Once you get to know them, your next step is to look into the future about building a team with these people. This actually happen simultaneously as you establish a relationship with each one of them."
"Always be aware you will be scrutinized by everyone in the company, even if you are not talking directly with them. You will need humor, respect, accolades, compliments, compassion and affection to do the job properly."
"The more you practice this, the sooner it will become part of your personality. Treat others the way you want them to treat you. It will change you as well as your employees, and it will surprise you."
"As a leader, if you want someone to respect you, you first must respect them. Let them know you appreciate the work they do on your behalf. Tell them you know they can do it. Encourage them. Tell them they do a good job. Or, if they don't, discuss it with them, especially how to correct the deficiency. Let them know you support their efforts on your behalf. Train them or get training for them. Give them hi-fives when things go right. Be happy with them. Be their best friend. Give them hi-fives for no reason. It makes people feel better."
