Santa Was A Lady

That's right Santa Claus was a dame and I can prove it... See it happened last Christmas eve at the club I use to dance at. Oh I looked so hot that night too, damn it feels like it was only yesterday when Me and Shirley; she's my room mate and we did really well dancing that night when we decided that since we were dressed in sexy Santa dresses we would go to the reservation for some gambling. We headed out on I- 95 heading south; strangely there wasn't a soul in sight. Well until from out of nowhere a big fat man ran out in front of my car and I hit him! Boom! Instant death, yep I killed Santa Claus!

We got out of the car to see if we could help him when these six short dudes dressed in green grabbed me and started pushing me towards this sleigh with reindeers. They were yelling now I was Santa Claus, I tried to tell those little dudes I was the wrong sex when a mirror appeared in front of me and I began screaming after I saw that my car, my friend, and Santa had disappeared! I was now a three hundred and twenty pound man with white hair and a beard dressed like Santa Claus! I tried to run and they caught me so I figured since I was out numbered I would do it just this once after all I did kill Santa. I hadn't a clue what I was supposed to do and I really think those little green dudes had a lot to do with my well let us just say accidents.

We managed to get the sleigh up in the air after a dozen flips and twirls through the cold frosty air. We finally landed on this roof top, finding it a disappointment that I did not go down the fire place, no, I kind of slipped and slid off the roof and let me tell you there wasn't anyone who cared either. Now imagine if you will... Santa Claus sprawled out on your front lawn after you were smoking the funny cigars. Yeah I had people running over me and I can honestly say I now know how grandma felt when that sucker ran over her. Next thing that landed on me was this huge frigging red bag full of toys, as well as adult toys too! I went inside and I could see they were having an orgy under the tree. Rolling my eyes I began stuffing the stockings, and now the packages had to go under just one side of the tree since some people were using the other side. I went to gather my cookies and milk, but all that was left was a big fat blunt. I still don't know how it ended up in my coat pocket...really I don't.

This is where the trouble begins ok, after delivering to fifty thousand houses we come to this one place where I find sleeping on the couch the most handsome man I had ever seen and believe me it was love at first sight for me. I began to rotate my ass from side to side; I even gave my most seductive look as I blew kisses to my sleeping prince. Suddenly he's screaming as I look around to see the new me in the mirror on the wall, Santa Claus, all three hundred and twenty pounds of me shaking my ass at this now scared love of mine.

"For Christ sake Santa Claus is gay!" he screamed in terror as he tried to escape going over the couch.

"Wait! I can explain! Please...won't you give me just a few seconds to explain?" I asked hoping he would believe me. "See I am really a female and very sexy looking, but tonight on the way to the casino Santa got run over by me. And the little green dudes turned me into him." I tried explaining and knew it sounded like an over active imagination working here.

"You need serious rehab Mister." he told me while not noticing the elves with a huge green bag that they placed him in.

"What are you doing? That is called kidnapping! I don't need to have kidnapping added to killing Santa Claus!" I yelled at them as they were busy tying up the bag with my true love in it.

We jumped in the sleigh finishing the delivery of all the Christmas gifts. When we got to the North Pole it was so white and sparkled with a beautiful Castle, huge candy canes that were a fence around the castle, fairies hurried around the grounds feeding the reindeers after their long flight. I felt like a three hundred and twenty pound kid seeing the beauty of Christmas for the first time. My true love looked as amazed as I did seeing all the wonders of Christmas. We followed the elves into the castle and I felt over whelmed by its beauty. While being caught up in the moment I tried to slip my hand into my true loves when he smacked my hand away.

"Back off Santa I don't swing that way." He told me sticking an elf in between us.

I just smiled weakly at him feeling sure that I would turn back into the hot sexy woman that is being held prisoner in Santa's body! We were shown to our room and these tiny little hand maidens knocked me down on the bed and began stripping me out of my Santa Clothes and placed me into a big red gown with a sleep cap then tucked me into bed. I was so tired I dropped right off to sleep with thoughts of my one true love dancing through my head.

The next morning I woke up with a new out look on life, well Until I saw that my tiny size six feet were still size thirteen's and I still looked like Santa Claus. Before I knew it the hand maidens were pushing me into another room with a huge steaming bubble bath, my clothes came off as fast as they put them on me the night before and here I sit in this lovely hot tub being bathed from head to toe. They dressed me in a red flannel shirt, green pants with suspenders and black boots.

Now I have to admit breakfast was served in a large cafeteria with stacks of hot cakes, waffles, eggs and bacon, milk, fruits, hot chocolate and seated next to me was my beloved. Hm... wonder what my true loves name is? I asked myself while my mouth was stuffed full of hot cakes soaked in maple syrup. His mouth was as full as mine with the sweet buttery hot cakes as he turned his head to look in my direction I felt his hot cakes spew out of his mouth and land on the side of my face! With my mouth opened as wide as my eyes I lifted my hand slowly to my face to wipe his food off when I heard him bellow from the pit of his stomach.

"You are a woman!" He yelled standing up as he tried to help wipe my face off. "What happened? You're Santa again?" He said not believing what he was seeing.

I looked him in the eyes, surprised that my real self was able to escape. I smacked him in the forehead as hard as I could. " That is for not believing me... what is your name?" I asked trying not to laugh at the shocked look on his face.

"Dave, my name is Dave Craftsman." he said as he rubbed his forehead.

When I left the table I suddenly felt very warm and needed cold air, I stood watching the reindeer running through the place when suddenly I broke down into tears, I hadn't any reason to really be crying, after all I was living in the North Pole as Santa Claus, Wrong thoughts... I began hysterically crying and there stood Dave in front of me, he took me into his arms and he felt as good as my head lay on his shoulder. I raised my head slowly looking into his eyes when without thinking I kissed him. I felt him returning my kiss when suddenly it felt like an earth quake was hitting, then the snow began to swirl and before I could run we were caught up in this thing I call a snow tornado. I felt myself turning and turning, but I could not see! What was happening? Suddenly I found myself lying on the cold snow and my true love Dave was now Santa Claus...

"What happened?" I asked as all the elves gathered around Dave, err Santa Claus.

"He is the son of Santa Claus, after Mrs. Claus went to Florida to live Santa knew it was time for retirement. You just happened to hit him before we could crown the new King of Christmas." The taller elf explained to us.

"Now we have both Mr. And Mrs. Claus, you were going to meet we just hurried up the process by having Santa jump in front of your car so he could drive your friend home and he drove to Florida." The short fat female elf finished explaining and smiled with the whitest teeth.

He smiled at me as I still sat in the cold snow that was freezing my ass off. As I thought to myself, Me, Mrs. Santa Claus, wow... he picked me up in his arms as he looked into my eyes. "My you are a very beautiful woman that I will not mind kissing everyday for the rest of my life." He told me as he swung me around in his arms.

"Wait, please, don't I have a say in this? Perhaps I do not want to spend my life kissing you." I told him as he slowly lifted me to the ground.

Such pain filled his eyes. "You wanted me while you looked like me, why, why not now?" He asked with his large hands still on my small waist.

"You never even asked me my name." I pouted like a spoiled little child.

His laughter echoed throughout the North Pole. "Christina Noels, I am Santa and know all about you, like the night you snuck out of your room at sixteen-years-old to go meet your boyfriend in the park." his hands tightened around my waist.

"Yes, yes oh yes I will be your Mrs. Claus." I told him wrapping my arms around his neck as our lips sealed our love.

We were married that evening in the red gazebo with white lights, my gown was long and white made out of suede and trimmed in red fur. My veil was actually a fur cap with a red veil that flowed from the top of it and I must mention the white camisole with the white thigh high boots. He was dressed in his Santa's crown made of red velvet and rubies, trimmed in gold around the edges with a matching robe and under it he wore black pants, white dress shirt. We celebrated that night with all of our helpers and the next morning we flew out to Florida in an airplane where we spent six weeks and then we were back at the North Pole beginning our work for the coming Christmas. Four months into our work we were expecting our first born, wonder if he will be born on Christmas?

Merry Christmas to all!