Robin 3

*Author's Note: Any persons engaging in any sexual activity are at least eighteen years of age.

The chairperson was finishing up the announcements and then introducing her and the knot in her stomach tightened even tighter. She silently prayed to God to help her, to speak through her.

"If I can help at least one person here tonight," she prayed. "Then it will be worth it, God. Please let me help someone else."

She realized, with a smile, that the simple little prayer was so vastly different from how she had lived her previous life, her life before Alcoholics Anonymous.

The chairperson called out her name and started the spattering of applause and Robin walked to the podium and hugged the chairperson, then faced the small gathering. There were only about forty people in the small, smoke filled meeting room, but it might as well have been four thousand, the way she was feeling. She pulled her long strawberry blonde hair back and took a deep breath.

"My name is Robin, and I am an alcoholic," she said.

"Hi, Robin," the group replied.

"And I'm nervous," she said and there was appreciative laughter from the group.

"I've never done this before," she went on. "Gee, I'll bet that's the first time some of you men have ever heard a girl say THAT."

Loud laughter greeted her and she smiled and took a sip of her coffee.

Xxxx

"I've never done this before," Robin admitted as the guy used a safety razor blade to cut up and form a line of the cocaine on the small mirror.

"Nothing to it," he smiled and demonstrated, quickly snorting the line up.

He cut another line and offered the mirror to her. She put a finger against one nostril and brought the mirror to her other nostril. She smiled and laughed aloud as the lights in the room intensified and her whole body tingled.

She came to, riding on one cock while another cock thrust in and out of her mouth. She tried to peer out the corner of her eyes and felt absolutely sickened; there were five other guys in the room, waiting their turn. The slopping sound her pussy was making as she bounced up and down told her that there had been many others in her pussy, and the taste in her mouth told her that this cock wasn't the first she'd sucked on that night.

She did another line of the magic powder and the shame and disgust left her.

"No!" she cried out when she came to and felt a cock battering at her anus.

She wanted to throw up when they finished with her, but another line of the wonder drug and she forgot about her revulsion; she couldn't wait to get some more of the stuff.

Xxxx

"My mom and dad didn't plan having me, or getting married to each other, but as my dad tells me all the time, I may have been an accident, but I was no mistake," Robin said. "They got divorced because my mom had a problem keeping her legs together. Back then; there was no such thing as divorce so I learned how to use that to manipulate my mom and dad for whatever I wanted. But you know, no matter what they gave me, no matter what I got, it wasn't enough. It just wasn't enough."

She cleared her throat; the smoke in the room was pretty thick, choking.

"When they got a divorce, my mom fought for full custody of me. She didn't really want full custody; it was just a way to get more child support out of my dad," Robin said. "My dad didn't fall for it, told her he could have full custody. He says he knew it was just her trying to get more of his money. But that's not what I heard; what I heard was 'you're not wanted.' My dad tells me all the time I'm the second most beautiful woman in his life. That's what he says when my step-mom's in the room. When she's not in the room, he tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in his life. Typical lawyer."

She smiled, as there was laughter in the room.

"The truth is, my step-mom is the most beautiful woman in his life, and the most beautiful woman in my life. She loves me so unconditionally, so completely, that she lets me take my two sisters and brother out to eat, lets me baby-sit for them when they go out to eat, lets me be a part of their lives. They call me 'Sissy.' Me. A drunk and a junkie, and a whore," Robin said and turned her head; she could feel the beginnings of tears.

She took a moment to compose herself, and then continued.

"I took my first drink at age eighteen, a real nice guy bought me a Dixie longneck," Robin said. "And when that nasty tasting stuff went down my throat and hit bottom, man oh man! I thought 'I have found the answer! This! This am what I've been looking for'! Anyone else feel like that?"

xxxx

She knew that her boyfriend, Paul Dumella, did not approve of drinking; his mother was an alcoholic. She also knew that Chad Fontenot had a crush on her. So when she saw Chad at the bowling alley, she turned on the sex appeal and Chad bought her a beer.

And she felt the warmth radiate through her, and the happiness and sense of well-being and comfort. Before Paul yanked her out of the bowling alley, she'd drink another beer.

She broke up with Paul and went after Chad.

Xxxx

"I mean, who wants a boyfriend that's going to stand there and kill a good time?" she smiled. "So, he had to go; I found somebody that drinks! Not like me, but as long as he don't mind, I don't mind."

xxxx

Chad bought her beer, as much as she wanted; he was a beer drinker too. She gave him sex in exchange for the beer and was truly dumbfounded when he dumped her for Serena Lee, a not so attractive red head.

Xxxx

"I mean, I couldn't believe it!" she smiled. "He dumped me, a selfish, self-centered bitch, for a really sweet girl! Can you believe that? And the worst thing is, they're still together; she gust gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, I just love her to death!"

"But now I got a real problem; I want alcohol, I need alcohol, and I don't got no boyfriend baying me alcohol," she said and took another sip of the coffee and motioned to the chairperson that she wanted another cup. "But there was this girl in our class that was always hanging around, always wanting to be my friend."

Xxxx\

Robin felt like screaming, or hitting Angela; Angela as so clingy. But the bitch had a car (Robin's was in the shop because she'd run into a parked car while digging around on the floor for a tape she'd dropped and her father wouldn't pay to have it fixed.) She sighed and took another sip of the beer and turned to ask Angela if she would stop at a convenience store so she could buy some more beer.

"I love you," Angela admitted and kissed Robin softly.

Robin felt like throwing up, but quelled the nausea and allowed Angela to kiss her.

"Thank God for fucking weed," Robin thought as Angela's hands cupped her padded bra.

Robin was very vain; hiding her nearly nonexistent breasts behind a mountain of foam rubber. She also covered her freckles with a slathering of make-up.

Xxxx

""I mean, I was even trying to save up money for a boob job," she laughed. "Kind of hard to save up money when all your money is going to beer, and oh my God, when I discovered vodka! Well, the money really started to fly out the window!"

xxxx

Angela sighed happily; she'd been dying to tell Robin for months now that she loved her and wanted her and would do anything for her.

"Let me, can I, I want to eat you," she whispered and tensed up, waiting for Robin's rejection.

"Not a good time," Robin admitted. "Know what I mean?"

"Oh," Angela said, very disappointed.

Robin gently, but firmly extricated herself from Angela's clumsy grip and lighted the last of her joints.

"Damn it," she thought. "I'm going to have to suck that ass hole's cock if I want another joint."

Angela sat that and babbled happily about how much she loved Robin and would do anything for her. Robin smiled maliciously and held the sweet, acrid smoke in, then offered the joint to Angela.

"No, I don't like that..." Angela protested.

"Fucking do it," Robin ordered and a shaking Angela took the joint from Robin and took her very first hit of marijuana to please the object of her desire. She hacked and coughed and wheezed and finally Robin ordered her to drive them home.

"See you tomorrow?" Angela called out and Robin nodded her head yes.

The next night Robin made Angela drive out to Luke's house.

"Look, I don't have any money; he ain't going to just give us a bunch of dope for nothing," Robin said under her breath.

"Then how you going to..." Angela asked.

She cried and begged and pleaded with Robin; she really didn't want to fuck Luke, but Robin was adamant and Angela screamed as her hymen was roughly battered through.

"Aw, fuck yeah!" Luke laughed and pumped his semen into Angela's unprotected womb.

Fortified with a couple of joints and a pint of Bacardi rum, Robin kissed Angela's tears away, then made the girl squeal as she took a rubbery nipple into her mouth and cupped Angela's sore pussy tenderly.

Xxxx

"I mean, it really didn't taste all that bad, the rum, I mean," Robin said and blushed hotly as the room erupted into laughter.

"But, you know, I wanted the rum, I wanted the dope, and there wasn't nothing going to get in the way of what I wanted, you know?" she went on.

The chairperson picked up the baskets and sent them around the room for member contributions. Robin dug into her jacket pocket and fished out a dollar bill and put it on the table next to the chairperson, took another sip of coffee and then continued.

Xxxx

She lapped at Angela's pussy and used her thumbs to pull the lips apart. Angela grunted in orgasm, and lapped hotly at Robin's pussy. Finally, Robin pushed the girl's mouth away from her pussy and sat up in the back seat of the car. She laughed when she saw how fogged up the windows had gotten.

'Dyke,' she wrote on the window with her finger and laughed.

"Don't write that on my window!" Angela squealed and rubbed it out with her palm.

Robin laughed again and lighted another joint.

"Don't fucking hog it all," Angela demanded and grabbed for the joint.

"Wait your fucking turn, cunt," Robin snapped, feeling a sudden headache coming on.

Robin decided that Angela had served her usefulness; Luke didn't think that an ice of Angela was worth more than four joints, and Angela was demanding half the joints as her cut for fucking the dope dealer.

"Get both of y'all," Luke hinted and showed Robin a large bag of weed.

"Uh huh," Robin said, knowing that the bag would be considerably smaller the moment Luke got his rocks off.

Angela cried and begged and pleaded, but Robin was adamant; they were through as lovers. Robin finally had to resort to punching the other girl in her face, blackening the girl's left eye.

A month later, she felt a wave of remorse and self-loathing as a tearful Angela told her she was two months pregnant. Luke was definitely the father, as Luke was the only man Angela had ever fucked and she had fucked him for Robin.

Xxxx

"I hate going to speaker meetings and it just turns out to be this long boring drunkalogue," Robin said. "You know? The speaker just goes on and on about all the drinking and doping they did and never get around to talking about their recovery and you leave there just wanting to drink or get high. So, I'm going to kind of skip ahead, going to jump right over stealing from my mom and dad to buy rum and weed and cocaine. Gee, you know, it never occurred to me to go and get a job, you know?"

She took another sip of the coffee and put the cup down.

"So, I'll tell you about the last really monumental night of my drinking and drugging," she said. "Now, most of this, I don't remember, this is what the police reports tell me, and what my mom and dad tell me. I wasn't really there when it happened, you know?"

Xxxx

She hated anal sex; it burned horribly. She also hated the taste of a man's come, and wasn't all that thrilled with the feeling of a man's come dripping out of her pussy.

But the group of guys had made it pretty clear that they wanted to fuck. Her dad had barred her from his condominium and her mom had changed the locks on the house. She'd tried breaking a window but had only managed to cut herself pretty badly.

They'd drink and smoked a bunch of weed, then got right down to it. Even though the first guy had used plenty of lubricant, her anus still felt like it was on fire. After they'd all had a turn at whatever hole they wanted to use, she staggered into the bathroom to empty her bladder.

"What the fuck you looking at?" she spat to the weird guy that had come into the bathroom with her.

He blushed and stuttered horribly, but finally confessed that he liked to watch girls urinate.

She shut her eyes and spread her legs for him and began to pee. HE squatted down and watched and moaned and jerked his small cock.

The waves of self-loathing and self-pity threatened to overwhelm her. She had never intended to become what she was, a drunken, stoned whore. The self-pity and bitterness quickly turned to anger.

"Got something you might like," the guy said and used his belt to tourniquet her arm.

She watched in horrified fascination as the needle entered her vein. He pulled the belt off of her arm and the heroin flooded her entire consciousness.

Xxxx

"My mom says I was in her front yard, screaming all kinds of stuff, then I dropped my pants and took a dump, right there, in the front yard," Robin shuddered in embarrassment.

"My dad says I called and was yelling all kinds of stuff about him and my step-mom and I threatened to come over and kill them and Beatrice and Chuck," Robin went on. "I don't remember any of that, thank God. I feel bad enough that he remembers it; I wouldn't want to remember it too. And I am so so grateful that Beatrice and Chuck don't remember anything about the old, drunk Sissy."

"Here's what the police reports say," Robin said and unfolded the sheet of paper. "Official court documents, y'all. How many of y'all can say you have that?"

"How many of us want to?" one of the men said and there was good-natured laughter.

"According to this, I was on my way to my dad's when I decided to take a short-cut and use the off-ramp as an on-ramp, Clearview at I-10. A grandfather and his grand-daughter were on their way home from Lakeside Hospital; her mom had just had a baby boy," Robin said. "I saw a car headed right at me and swerved to avoid them. My car flipped over the guardrail and fell thirty-five feet down. The retaining fence's fencepost came through my windshield. The grandfather raced back to Lakeside Hospital to tell them there had been an accident and they sent an ambulance and fire truck out there."

She cleared her throat again.

"There was so much blood in the car, they said the entire roof of my car was red. They thought I was dead for sure with that much blood loss, until one of the firemen saw me trying to put the car in gear," Robin said. "They had to cut the car in half to get me out of it and when they did, they saw that the fencepost had gone right through my left leg; that's why there was so much blood. Had that grandfather not drove like a mad man back to Lakeside, I'd be dead."

Robin wiped a tear away.

"I still get birthday cards and Christmas cards from Ray; he says I'm an angel," Robin choked out. "I have no idea why he says that; I could have killed him and his grand-daughter. If you ask me, HE'S the angel."

She took a moment to compose herself again.

"They had to amputate my leg, at mid-thigh. When I was released from the hospital, I was taken straight to jail. My dad was going to leave me there, but my step-mom made him bails me out. She made him bring me to their condo and she put a rubber sheet on the couch and made me lay there," Robin said. "I'll never forget how humiliated I was when she stood there and watched me crawl on my hands and one knee, to their liquor cabinet. I wanted to die when I looked up and saw her standing there just looking at me."

"'Go ahead,' she said to me. 'Obviously you need a drink pretty fucking badly, but you know what? I am not going to get it for you. Go ahead. Get your fucking drink,'" Robin said through gritted teeth. "Of all the things that I felt lower than snake shit about, that was it. I'd never felt lower than I did at that moment. But I got my drink, drank it on the floor right there, like a fucking dog, then crawled back to the couch and lay there and cried."

She cleared her throat again.

"My court date came up; On top of everything else, they found about a gram of heroin and some coke in my car and were going to charge me with possession with intent to distribute," Robin continued. "Shit, the only person I was intending to distribute it to was me! But that's when I hit bottom; sitting there in a wheelchair, looking at at least five years, more like twenty years behind bars. I turned to my dad, who was going to fight for me, going to try every legal trick he'd ever learned and told him 'Let me go, Dad. Let them have me. I just can't go on like this anymore,'" Robin said and wiped the freely falling tears away.

She heard someone blow their nose and realized that she wasn't the only one crying in the smoke filled room.

"The judge heard me and gave me a choice, go to treatment or go to prison. Shit, I might be crazy, but I ain't stupid!" Robin went on. "So I went to treatment."

She smiled and blew her own nose.

"If ever there was any doubt that I'm meant to be here, meant to be standing in this room, telling my story, I have proof positive that God wants me to be here today," she went on. "They admitted me to the treatment facility, did all the paperwork, then gave me a room. They shot me full of something to combat any DTs I might go into; they could smell the vodka on me. Anyone tells you 'oh, you can't smell vodka' has obviously never smelled someone that's been drinking vodka for three days straight!"

She nodded in gratitude to the chairperson when a fresh cup of coffee appeared on the podium.

"They left the room and I went into anabolic shock from whatever they shot me with," Robin continued. "One of the patients had heard that there was a new girl and came into my room to tell me 'hi' and saw me turning blue and going into convulsions and ran and screamed for help. To this day, I have no idea who it was that saved my life, I don't even know if it was a man or a woman and the nurse that was on duty says she doesn't remember either. She just remembers hearing someone screaming for help and running into my room and hitting the 'Alert' call button."

She looked at her watch and realized that she'd been speaking now for thirty minutes. She only had another twenty minutes to go, then she could sit down. Her new prosthetic leg was beginning to throb and itch her stump; she was still getting used to it and standing for this length of time was difficult. The podium was too flimsy for her to lean on so she had to endure it on her own.

"I did my first step sitting in that courtroom, 'We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable,' when I gave up, quit fighting and told my dad 'I can't go on like this,'" she said. "My second step, 'Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity' was when I was given a choice, go to treatment or go to prison and I was lucid enough to say I wanted to go to treatment."

She glanced at her watch again and gritted her teeth; Eighteen minutes to go and her stump was burning horribly.

"My third step I do daily, praying to God to let me do His will, not mine," she continued. "We can see where my will got me."

She took a sip of the coffee.

"My sponsor, I met her when I was in the treatment center, said it was time to do a fourth step and she wanted me to do it straight out of the Big Book," Robin said. "She said she didn't want any 'treatment bull shit,' no little 'check lists' or 'fill in the blank' crap."