The snow fell outside, locking them into Clara's house. They relaxed in front of the fire, and finished off the bottle of brandy.
An ember spat and jumped out of the grate. Robert reached out a toe and kicked it back into the fireplace. Silence reigned. They both sipped their cognac. It should have been peaceful, but a tension gripped him.
"There is one thing I regret," Clara said suddenly. "I hear married ladies whispering and laughing about the intimacies of the bedroom, and it annoys me that they know something I don't."
He looked at her, startled. She continued, staring at the fire. "I've read the books, of course, and - " She broke off, flushing darkly. "But I think it's not the same. I hate not knowing."
"No," he said. It's not the same as in books."
"I was afraid of that."
He paused. "What books have you been reading?"
She waved a hand. "The usual ones." She looked at him. "Pray tell me, sir, how is it different from what one reads in the books? What does the marital embrace feel like?"
Afterwards, he couldn't have said what prompted it, just that it was the only possible answer. "I'm not good with words." Holding her eyes, he said "Why don't I show you?"
Startled, she asked "Do you mean -?"
"Yes."
She went utterly still for so long that he began to sweat. Finally she asked "Why?"
"I want to," he said, surprising himself. He hadn't realised how true it was until this moment. If she said no, something within him would die. Somehow, she had become important to him.
"Now?"
"When better? Your servants must be in bed by now. No-one is looking for us. We may never get another chance."
She continued to stare at him. Without warning, she smiled. "Then – yes."
He was caught between elation and urgency. He wanted to pounce on her, but feared that she would back out. "Take off your cap," he said. Obediently, she pulled off the monstrosity that hid her hair and half her face. Underneath, a huge mass of hair was hidden, darker in colour than he had expected.
"Take out the pins," he breathed.
She pulled out a few pins and shook her head. A swathe of long hair fell around her shoulders and down her back. He stared. The brown hair caught reflections of the fire and shone red and gold. Without the cap distracting the eye, her face looked different, sharper and stronger. And younger.
"What age are you?" he asked, too startled to be tactful.
"Thirty two." She was not coy about it. "What did you think?"
He had enough wit left not to say a number. "Older than that. That cap adds years."
"I know. That's why I wear it."
"You should burn it."
She looked amused, but shook her head. "It serves its purpose." She raked her fingers through her hair. "Now what?"
"Now." He allowed anticipation to colour his words. "Now we go to bed." He rose to his feet, but didn't allow himself to touch her yet.
She rose too, and put the guard in front of the fire. She picked up a small branch of candles, and he was pleased to see a slight tremble in her hand. Not as composed as she pretended. Good.
She led the way upstairs. The runner on the stairs deadened the sound of his booted footsteps. She opened the door to her room and invited him in.
He looked around in wonder. This was not the bedroom of a dreary spinster. The bed was huge, with frame of mahogany that had been carved into fantastical creatures. It looked solid enough to take his weight without a squeak and was littered with plump pillows. The bedside cabinet was piled high with books. There was no other clutter.
She put down the candelabra, and turned to him, the perfect hostess. "The dressing screen is over there Do you need - "
He interrupted her. "Take off your clothes."
She blinked, but he didn't relent. He wasn't going to allow her to control this. "You wanted the experience. This is part of it. So take off your clothes," he repeated.
He didn't know why he was doing this. He was a gentle and considerate lover. She would baulk and back out, and likely send him home in the snow. But here, in this bedchamber, he couldn't allow her to take control.
She obeyed.
Her hands went to the laces of her dress, and began to loosen them. He didn't offer to help, just stood there watching her. Her fingers shook slightly, but he said nothing to reassure her. In the silence, her shaking increased.
The dress fell to the floor. She wore only a light chemise under it. "That too," he said hoarsely.
She untied the ribbons that held it beneath her breasts, then pulled it off over her head. With one motion, she was standing naked before him.
He choked. He strangled an oath as he stared at her. Whatever he had been expecting, it was not this.