River Ch 04

The aftershocks of Sam's mothers "visit" could be felt for weeks after the incident. The teachers were worried, the children were restless and – most notable – Sam was kept at home. Rumor had it that Sam's father – whose name was John – was thinking about moving Sam to another, more protected child care facility. The thought of Sam having to move made me sad, along with a lot of other confusing feelings of helplessness and even anger.

I didn't really mean to tell my friends anything about what had happened, but by Thursday evening I was close to bursting from the sheer pressure of my own feelings. We weren't strictly speaking forbidden to talk about what had happened and honestly, when you've been friends with a group of people for so long, with at least one highly perceptive person in the group, things tend to be revealed.

I took a big gulp of wine and settled down deeper in my chair. With a sigh I broke the wine and beer-sipping silence with my "oh wow, I needed that". I know, I don't suppose that's the best way to start the evening if you're trying to keep a secret from someone, is it? What was surprising is that it wasn't Rose or Mary that started with their normal questions and comments routine. It was an unusually flushed faced Susan that answered with a standard "rough day?" comment. And I, of course, continued with a "try a rough week" statement. And then it just all poured out; all the little things and the big things that had been happening lately and my feelings about it.

It's one of the best feelings in the world, being able to just tell all to someone, or in my case three someones. After letting everything go you have the possibility to sort through your own emotions so much easier, especially with a little help from your friends.

Rose tried to comfort me with her usual perky "everything's going to be ok" comments, but it didn't feel like her heart was in it somehow. Since my heart and my head were stuck in my own personal drama, I didn't ask her what was wrong, but decided to keep an eye on her.

Mary asked questions about the little boy, with a worried frown covering her face. We all knew she came from a difficult family situation and that made her care especially for children, animals and basically everything small that needed protection.

Susan wanted to hear more about the angry/crazy mother, but since I couldn't tell her that much about what had really happened in the attack, she soon fell quiet.

We talked about other things for a while, Rose's gardening efforts, Susan's latest financial accomplishments, Mary's crazy t-shirts; small, normal, comfortable things. I was starting to feel like good old Sarah again, when Mary suddenly sat straight up and smiled widely, the way only she could smile, with a twinkle in her eyes telling us that she'd just thought of something wildly funny.

"You know, there's the solution to all of your problems, Sarah" she said with an even wider smile. "If you take a ride on that disco stick, you might just find what you're looking for".

"Did she just Lady Gaga me?" I asked the other two.

"Yes she did" said Rose "and you know she's got more where that came from, so just listen to her".

"Alright, what do you mean?" I said and turned my full focus on Mary, who was still smiling at me.

"Those two, sad-dad and Sam your little man, doesn't it seem like they've been through a lot? That they might need someone that's smack packed with a lot of loving? Someone with a caring, nurturing, warm personality; someone like, say, you?"

"But..." I tried, interrupted by Mary's continued "Sponge-dad and sponge-son, meet the vast love ocean Sarah"

"No, teacher – parent, that..." I started, when I was once again interrupted by Mary saying "Yes, perfectly, completely inappropriate" and "well done Sarah, I knew you had it in you".

Shocked to silence I took a large sip of wine, thinking about what she'd said. A teacher-parent relationship was, of course, completely inappropriate. A teacher-parent relationship in a family situation with a crazy, knife carrying mother was just unimaginable. A teacher-parent relationship with a too fierce, too large, too... it just wouldn't work.

But was that not what that niggling thought at the back of my head had been saying? That strong feeling that I'd been having since that strange, heartbreaking moment when I held them both in my arms? I so wished I could make them happy... but no! That road was lined with "caution, rough ride ahead" signs as big as the moon.

"That is not a good idea" I said with more bite in it than I had intended. "Sorry, but no".

Mary just shook her head and said "Just think about it, and let that big heart of yours have a say in your decision too". With a nod she continued "I know it would be difficult, but I think you'll find that it will be worth it in the end".

After a short moment of stunned silence, Mary smiled even wider, this time with a distinct glint in her eyes. "So tell me about those strong arms, big hands, wide shoulders and surprisingly blue eyes again; do you think he's strong enough to lift you up say, against the wall in your teacher's lounge, to have his wicked ways with you?"

This, of course, started a much needed full out laughter from all of us and despite Mary's "hey, I really wanted to know", we continued with more Thursday-normal discussions, like the new underwear chain's grand opening, peoples strange obsession with cute kitten-clips on youtube, the weather, palm reading and vacation plans.

Later that night, alone in my bed, the thoughts that came to me were not about the poor sad, gentle man, but about the fierce, strong, warrior-like man, lifting me up against my favorite pink, painted wall at work, me wrapping my legs around his waist and us kissing like the world was ending and there was just no sense wasting any time. It was not in any way close to my normal sexual fantasies, but I found I liked the idea very much. So much that I fell asleep only a short moment later, with a satisfied smile on my face.