Not only had I never worked this hard, I hadn't even imagined working this hard. The amusing thing was I wasn't working for grades. I didn't want to embarrass myself, but, given that, they were of little concern.
My primary motivation was I wanted to learn and I felt way behind because I hadn't put much effort into the learning part of my education. To my complete astonishment I was exhilarated by learning, whether I thought it would turn out to be useful or not. No wonder Jeff had so much patience and such joie de vivre.
I worked with such focus the first two weeks back I barely noticed Jeff was continuing to put in the same effort he had when he was a student less than a month ago. I noticed something else disturbing.
Before, time together and time not together was still our time. Now, even the time we spent together was time we each spent alone.
Sunny would have recognized the difference in her relationship with Louis very quickly. I felt like I stumbled onto it. Jeff wouldn't have been aware of its existence until it was time for us to break up. I had to do something.
"Jeff, I want you to remember me telling you to remember this request that you remember it."
He didn't have to say, "What?" It was implicit in his dazed look.
"That's all. Just remember."
I needed to prepare before I could discuss our situation with him.
That evening, when I had finished the amount of work I decided earlier I had to get done I wandered into the kitchen where Jeff was working at the table. I sat down on his lap. I put my arm around his neck. I didn't say a word.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"You're my guy. I want to spend some time with you."
"But you're just sitting here."
"With you."
He thought a moment, smiled, turned us from his computer and kissed me. I kissed him back. It lasted a few minutes.
"How about we go to bed early tonight? We could both use a good night's sleep."
I smiled and got up from his lap.
"Lead the way, Dr. Goldberg. Your wish is my … wish." I didn't know if I would ever reach the point where I would feel comfortable following anybody's command.
Going to bed early is not the same thing as going to sleep early. Sometimes you just can't manage to fall asleep.
Sometimes there are things for which you would prefer to stay awake. This was such a night.
"I don't know that it's any one thing," said Jen.
We had been talking regularly, trying to come up with an appropriate bottom line for the wedding.
"It's more of a general concept. In some ways it's easier for me to think about it that way. I'm not a member of a royal wedding. But that may also mean I expect to have more things my way.
"Maybe the best way to describe it is I want to be appreciated, no, worshipped on the most important day of my life."
"Well, that's easy enough. All you want is deification."
