"How the hell could you tell me he's so special? He latched onto my tits like he was riding a bucking bronco he was afraid would throw him. He had the subtlety of a sledgehammer. If you're trying to pull something on me you'll be so sorry."
"I don't understand. Calm down and tell me what happened."
I related the events to her in rather colorful language. When I got to the end, she had to wait until I finished lambasting his performance.
"Do you really want to know what happened or do you want to be angry?"
"Hey, I'm willing to listen if you think there's a snowball's chance in hell you can make this sound right."
If this had been portrayed in a cartoon, steam would have been coming out of my ears.
"Tell me, did you notice the sensations when he was mauling you, did you notice what it felt like."
I thought about it. "How could there be sensations? He was squeezing them."
"Look, everybody's different. It, well, you're obviously aware that there are lots of nerves in your nipples, right?"
"So?"
"Well the signals from your nerves go to your brain to be interpreted. How do they get there?" she asked.
I didn't answer.
"They don't magically jump through the air. They are transmitted through a network of nerve pathways that eventually lead to the brain. And where do you think the network is that leads from your nipples?"
She couldn't see me slowly shaking my head.