A NOTE TO THE READER:
Unlike many of the stories found here, this story does not have a lot of sex in it. But then, life is not all attractive people having hot sex (trust me - I know!).
And, like many stories, this one begins with
"What if ..."
I'd just finished bagging my groceries - eighty-two dollars and sixty-five cents, probably enough to last me three weeks, maybe four. I have enough money. It's just that I don't eat that much these days, and what I do eat isn't real expensive.
I don't go into town that often. The gas station-convenience store out on the state blacktop can satisfy most of my needs. When it doesn't have what I need, I drive into Marshall. There's a dollar store there, and a small supermarket that has a pretty good butcher counter, probably because they get most of their meats from local farmers. And when I can't get what I need in Marshall I drive in the other direction, to Pres-lee, which has a lot more stores, plus a Walmart.
Anyway, I wasn't planning on being in town that day. I was planning on coming the day before, but some critters, probably raccoons, dug up the electricity line to the pump and chewed through it in a bunch of places and I had to spend most of the day trying to scrounge up a long enough piece of cable and then splicing it in. So it was a total accident that I was in town and in the little supermarket that day.
Anyhow, like I said, I just finished putting all my groceries in the big army surplus canvas duffle bag I use when I go shopping and was about to walk through the doors and out to the parking lot when I heard the commotion. I looked in the direction the disturbance seemed to be coming from and saw a bunch of folks standing around looking at a place near the end cash register. From what I was able to see between the people standing there, it appeared that there was a woman lying on the floor. There was foam around her mouth, and she wasn't moving. Best guess was a drug overdose, some kind of opiate, probably, though I'm by no means an expert on the subject.
Like most of the other folks in the small crowd that gathered, I was trying to get a better look at things, and that's when my hand felt something. I looked down and was surprised to see a little girl standing there next to me.
Even more surprising was the fact that her little fingers were firmly grasping my much larger, rougher ones.
It took but a second for me to put the pieces together and realize that this child must be with the woman who was lying sprawled on the grocery store floor tiles, dead, or soon would be.
The girl's small fingers were squeezing mine tightly, almost like she was holding on for dear life. Then I realized: Maybe she was. Maybe that's exactly what she was doing - maybe she was holding onto my hand because her life depended on it.
Somehow this child understood what was happening, and what it meant for her.
Or maybe something, some instinct, made her understand that she needed to find safety, and that same instinct told her that I was her best chance for that safety.
And in that instant I had another realization: That I might be the only thing standing between this child and a life of unhappiness, deprivation, and, possibly, the same sad ending as the woman lying there on the supermarket tiles.
Gently returning the child's grasp, I walked toward the exit doors, my eyes fixed straight ahead, not looking left or right, and not looking at the little girl beside me, who seemed to understand that it would be best if she walked steadily along with me. I thought I heard voices saying "
... little girl ...
" and "
Wasn't there ...?
" but I didn't stop to hear the rest of what they were saying, just kept on walking.
We walked unhesitatingly through the automatic doors and into the parking lot. All the way, we didn't look at each other or say a word or change our stride - just kept on walking. When we got to my muddy Ford F-150 I dropped the duffel of full of groceries into the truck bed, then continued on around to the passenger door and opened it, and without a word she allowed me to pick her up and put her onto the front bench seat.
I pulled the seatbelt out for her, but she seemed to have no idea what she should do with it. I guess automobiles hadn't figured prominently in her life so far. I moved her around a bit and managed to adjust the belt 'til I thought her slight body was reasonably secured and safe. Then I walked around to the driver's side, got in, started up, and drove - extra-carefully - out of the supermarket lot and onto the highway.
So far she hadn't said a single word. If I was expecting that to change once we were out of the parking lot and out on the road, I was mistaken. She just sat there, eyes straight out the windshield, unspeaking
I tried. Even a child can tell you her name, her first name, at least, right? No, even after I said, "My name's Lucas - what's yours?" Not a word. On the other hand, she didn't seem uncomfortable, so I just let it go and concentrated on driving.
And during the drive, I had time to think about what I'd just done. And what I had done was, I had just taken this child. I had
taken
another person. As far as the law is concerned, I had
kidnapped
her. But that didn't worry me right now. What struck me now was that I've
taken
another person. What I have taken her
from
was a life with her mother, or whoever that woman lying dead on the supermarket floor was - or maybe even a life
like
her mother's. Like I said - deprivation, unhappiness, and perhaps a sad, early, ugly death.
And since I've taken her, I'm now responsible for her ... responsible for
everything
that happens or might happen until ... for the rest of ... the rest of ...?
And while I was thinking these heavy thoughts, I was also watching the girl. She looked straight out the windshield most of the time. Sometimes she'd turn her head to look at something that caught her eye, but most of the time she just looked straight ahead, like it was a totally fascinating experience, further confirming my suspicions that she hadn't spent much time riding in cars.
We drove the 20 minutes to my home, I guess you'd have to call it, the place where I live - something between a cabin and a small house at the end of a gravel driveway about 80 yards off the county road.
The girl didn't say anything as I pulled to a stop, got out, went around and opened her door. I unbuckled the seat belt and helped her down. I kind of got the impression that she was used to doing whatever she was told - or ordered - to do. On the good side, she didn't seem to be frightened, either. Maybe she thought that this - coming with me - was the decision she had made, and that whatever I directed her to do must be the right thing. At least for now.
We went to the front door and I unlocked it - big-city habit, I guess - and opened the door and gestured that she should go in. She walked in a few steps and stood there and looked around. She didn't seem to have any reaction - just looked and saw what it was and where things were.
And what she saw was the large room we were standing in, with an old sofa, a kitchen table and three chairs, a table in the corner with an old tablecloth spread over it and an old (but working) TV sitting on it. There was a kitchen area in one corner, with an old range and oven, a medium-sized refrigerator, and a sink and countertop.
And several tall shelves full of books - lots of books. She stared at the books a long time.
I took her to the right and showed her the bedroom where I slept (for some bizarre reason, I'd actually made the bed properly this morning), and then left, to the little bathroom, with its small sink, its small toilet, and the small bathtub wedged in across the back of the tiny room.
Then I had a thought: Did she need to use the bathroom? I looked to the toilet, then back to her, and raised my eyes in a questioning way. She immediately understood what I was asking and went in. Without any hesitation, she pulled down her pants, their elastic waist band sliding easily over her slim, almost-non-existent hips, then her washed-out underpants, sat down, and peed. I turned my head, but it didn't seem to matter to her.
She finished, and I pointed to where the toilet paper roll was. She wiped herself quickly, and I looked in the direction of the sink. She seemed to get the idea and turned the old-style faucet handle and rinsed her hands, then looked around. I handed her a towel. She dried her hands, then stood there, like she was waiting for me to tell/show her what to do next.
I didn't know. But then it dawned on me - kids get hungry, right? I motioned for her to sit on the sofa. I went back out to the truck and grabbed the duffel full of this morning's groceries. In it, among other things, were a loaf of bread, a package of sliced Kraft singles, some sliced deli ham, two jars of pickles, and a container of Jif peanut butter. As I looked at the spread, I thought, "Pretty stereotypical bachelor stuff." But also, pretty good for a small kid.
I pointed to the groceries and asked, "Hungry?" and raised my eyebrows. And because I still didn't know how much this silent little girl actually understands, I rubbed my stomach.
She nodded, but nothing more, so I had to guess. I opened the bread and the Kraft singles and proceeded to slap a slice of the cheese onto a slice of the bread. But when I opened the deli wrap and started to put a piece of the ham on it, she shook her head insistently. So, she either doesn't like ham, or else a ham-and-cheese sandwich was just a little too sophisticated for her juvenile tastes. I put the ham back in the wrap and added a second slice of cheese, a second slice of bread, put it on a plate, and took it over to the table and set it down. Since she didn't seem sure what to do, I pulled out one of the chairs and looked at it, and I guess that was the permission she needed to sit there and eat her cheese-and-cheese sandwich.
I made myself a ham-and-mayo sandwich, then saw the jars of pickles. I opened both, took out two of each kind - the sweet and the dill - put them on my plate, and went out to sit at the table with her.