For J, on your birthday. You've made reality better than fiction.
* * * * *
Jim was lying in bed at home, staring at the ceiling as the light was fading. Although he was physically drained, he could not bring himself to close his eyes and relax. His mind was filled with images of the weekend just past. He had spent two days and nights in a hotel room with a woman he had never seen before, but knew as intimately as anyone on earth. It had been truly the most memorable, powerful 48 hours of his life.
Jim's analytical nature took over; he began to retrace, again, how he ended up in this emotional maelstrom. He chuckled thinking about the circumstances, such a short time ago, under which he fell into an Internet relationship, something he had always mocked upon hearing of others in the same situation.
He and Gina had started as casual correspondents, exchanging occasional e-mails about a common interest. Having recently divorced, he was looking to develop a real-life relationship, maybe with a hot young babe, rather than becoming someone's long distance pen-pal. Nevertheless, they were both accomplished writers which made him look forward to reading her commentary on many different subjects. In turn, he enjoyed composing his replies, engaging in a subtle competition to create as witty and interesting insights as he had received.
He eventually discovered that Gina was married with children, struggling through a contentious, sometimes abusive relationship. He gave her sound, objective advice, as well as confided in her his feelings about his recent divorce, the affects it had on his psyche. Without any intent, they bared more and more of their souls to each other in an effortless, natural way. Soon, Jim was amazed to discover that he was thinking of Gina all the time, wondering what she was doing at that moment, worrying about her so far away.
One of the things that drew him to her, particularly at the point where he recognized the swell of love replacing a pleasant friendship, was how vulnerable she was. It wasn't a needy kind of thing, just a deep hurt and longing crying out to be soothed. Of course, she would never have admitted to it, relying on her confidence and sense of humor to be the traits that the world would recognize her by. But he knew better. And contrary to his sensible and prudent disposition, he would find a way to be the one to make it right in her life, even across the great distance and despite her marital status.
They had taken up online chatting, late at night, after her family had gone to bed. The hours flew by quickly as they communicated line by line, their familiarity and understanding increasing exponentially. In the wee hours of one morning as they were agreeing that it was time to log off and go to bed, Jim found he could no longer wait to tell Gina how he felt about her. He summoned up his courage and typed, "I love you." He pressed the Enter key to transmit the message that could change his life. He held his breath, waiting for the response.
Although it only took a few seconds, an eternity seemed to pass before another line appeared in his chat window: "I love you." He exhaled forcefully. Then another line, "Oh my god. Now what?!"
Their correspondence became even more frequent, filled with expressions of love and hope and what-ifs. Jim constantly checked his e-mail box to see if there were any new messages. It was sometimes difficult for Gina to privately access her computer which she shared with her husband, so the many hours between new messages were frustrating. When his screen materialized with the announcement, "You have 1 new message," Jim's heart leapt as he eagerly opened the new missive.
They both readily agreed that they had to meet in person, at the earliest possible moment. Naturally, Gina's situation made it very difficult. She finally came up with a plan to visit relatives in a city near Jim's location. Once the plans were made, they still had to wait four weeks. Four tortuous weeks, anticipating, worrying, filled with elation. Jim rehearsed the meeting in his mind, over and over. His normal self-confidence seemed to erode when he began to imagine that Gina wouldn't like him in person as much as online, or that she would ultimately decide that staying with her husband was her only recourse. Jim resolved to make her see, somehow, that he would be her protector, her friend, her lover forever.
Jim lay there, smiling at the recollection of his determination. The memory unexpectedly energized him; he got up from the bed and made his way into his bathroom. He started to empty his shaving kit and put away the various items. He reached in and pulled out a small box. He didn't recognize it until he saw the logo of the hotel where they had stayed emblazoned on it. He lifted the box to his nose, inhaling the scent of the soap. Instantly, he was struck by the image of being with Gina in the shower, her laughing heartily as he created a rich lather over her stomach and breasts. His eye caught his reflection in the mirror, a wide grin on his face. He placed the soap on the counter, allowing his hand to linger on it for just a moment.
When he had finished in the bathroom, Jim went back into his room, flipped on the light switch and turned his attention to his suitcase. With characteristic precision, he examined each item of clothing, relegating it to the laundry basket or returning it to the closet or dresser with care. When he lifted out a blue shirt, he hesitated for a moment. He gripped the fabric as another vision overtook him.
Jim was wearing that shirt when he and Gina met for the first time. He was surprised that perspiration stains weren't more obvious, considering the intensity of his nervousness as he paced the lobby, waiting for her to arrive. He remembered watching a taxi pull up to the front door, somehow knowing she was inside. He stood off to the side in order to watch her unobserved. When she stepped out of the car, he recognized her immediately. His breath caught in his throat. Her pictures didn't do her justice. Her face, her dress, her hair, were perfect. And then, an image that would always strike him as the moment that he was certain there was no turning back on his love for her.
She stood facing the entrance to the hotel, her suitcase at her side. She just stood there, not moving, seemingly paralyzed. The look on her face expressed everything she was feeling, everything that he loved about her. She had a wide-eyed stare; part wonder, part fear. The vulnerability he had discerned reading between the lines of their correspondence was confirmed. He saw her swallow, then close her eyes for a moment. He imagined she was gathering up her courage to take the last few steps towards a meeting that would change her life. He felt the urge to race to her, but he refrained, knowing he had to let her take those steps alone.
Jim sighed and placed the shirt in the laundry basket. His memory of the next few hours was a blur. When she stepped through the door into the lobby, she looked straight at him and ran into his arms, as if she had done it a thousand times before. They managed to find the elevator and the correct room. Once the door closed behind them, they didn't lose contact with each other for quite some time. Their clothes somehow ended up on the floor. They fell together, a tangle of lips and tongues, probing fingers and urgent caresses. His passion for her engulfed him; all his plans for their first encounter, to slowly build to a crescendo, were overwhelmed by the imperative need to unite with her. He had never before been consumed by such a sensation, something that totally transcended the physical realm. Jim couldn't recall the exact moment he penetrated her, only that he eventually found himself riding a tidal wave of overpowering pleasure. He had a sense she was clinging to him with the same urgency, their bodies moving together, their souls merging. He cried out with ecstasy and relief as his pent-up emotions burst forth with his seed into her.
Jim had no awareness of the next segment of time; he had no idea how long had passed until he felt Gina's hand stroking his hair. He lifted his head. He immediately recognized tears on her cheeks, which startled him. He raised himself off her and peered at her intently. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed, alarmed that he had ruined their first time together.
