-- Bryan --
I stared at my barely used tandem kayak as I picked up a paddle. It was like the two seats were just mocking me. Just another reminder of my failed marriage. I had purchased this kayak over five years ago, just before the bottom fell out of our relationship. It was a natural purchase, really. The house we lived in backed to the Rainbow River. A crystal clear, spring fed river that ran though the little town of Dunnellon. Kayaking and canoeing down the river was a popular pastime, despite the occasional alligator sighting. I had figured we'd be spending hour after hour on the river, enjoying the serene vistas as we lazily paddled downstream.
Boy was I wrong. I thought I had it all, a great job, a beautiful wife, a big house on the river. Instead, I was living a lie, I just didn't know it. Turns out my new wife was using me for money and status.
When I met Jennifer in college, she was struggling like most college students. Her smile was just beyond compare. I was instantly smitten. I never thought for an instant that her interest was more about my wallet than about me. There was money in my family, everyone knew it. I never tried to hide it myself. I guess that was my first mistake. It wasn't long before Jennifer and I were a couple, and I was helping her with her tuition, room and board.
The sex was incredible, that's for sure. I guess it's one of the reasons I had never suspected a thing. Everytime we made love, things just seemed to get better and better. I thought for sure I was pressing all of her buttons, at least she never let on that I wasn't.
Our relationship grew, or so I thought. Things seemed to be moving along naturally. By the time we graduated and I had gotten a lucrative job as an engineering consultant, I felt it was time to make our relationship permanent. I had it all planned out. A romantic weekend getaway to a tropical island, first class flights, 5 star resort and a 1-1/2 carat diamond ring. Maybe it was all over the top. I didn't care. I thought she deserved it.
I popped the question the first night at the most exclusive restaurant on the island. I have to admit, her reaction wasn't as bubbly and excited as I expected, although not altogether cold either. It took her a minute staring at the ring before she said yes. At first I chalked it up to being in shock, but for the rest of the evening she seemed...distant. Even sex that night felt off. This was the first time I wondered in my heart if there was something wrong. I should have taken this as a big red flag. Hindsight is always 20/20.
She was back to her beautiful, fun-loving self for the rest of the weekend. I thought maybe I was just worrying about nothing. The sun, surf, sand and quite a few umbrella drinks seemed to heal whatever was wrong with her. Soon she was showing off her engagement ring to anyone who would look. My pride swelled. I'd soon come to regret that feeling.
Things seemed normal upon our return. We planned our future life together. I never had a clue that she wasn't 'all in'. Probably because I was too busy making sure her every whim was satisfied.
One thing Jennifer seemed to love more than anything else was horses. It was one of the reasons we bought the house in Dunnellon. It was near Ocala, where some of the most prestigious thoroughbred farms are located. We spent weekend after weekend touring the farms. Soon we were even bidding for part ownership of a racehorse.
Jennifer loved the racing scene, if for nothing else just to be hobnobbing with the well-to-do. Expensive trips to the Kentucky Derby, Belmont and Preakness, along with many other noteworthy races. All on my dime of course. She always looked gorgeous when she was dressed to the nines at these events. I was never all that comfortable with the brash display of excess, but I put up with it for her. It always seemed to make her happy.
In the midst of all this we were married, and although the patriarch of our family, my grandfather, preached to me about the advantages of a prenup, I thought it was out of the question. No way she would ever betray me or leave. Right. Stupid me. I was so blinded by my love for her I never saw it coming.
Everything was gorgeous on our wedding day. She looked so beautiful in her white gown. Wide smiles from her and her family made me feel at ease. Visions of our future rushed through my mind. I had no doubt we'd have a big family of our own and that love would conquer all. My dreams always included us growing old together, surrounded by children and grandchildren.
I proudly said "I do" at the altar. There's that word again. 'Pride'. Of the seven deadly sins, theologians and philosophers reserve a special place for pride as the deadliest of all the sins, the root of all evil. Another red flag maybe? I don't know. It seemed right to me at the time.
That night in the honeymoon suite was one of the best nights of sex we'd ever had. I lost count on the number of orgasms we both shared. I knew in my heart we were soulmates. I didn't think anything would ever come between us. I reveled in the attention with her on my arm, I felt so lucky.
It was only about a year and a half later that my world started to crumble. Between my busy job and the horse racing schedule, I was barely able to keep up. I begged Jennifer for a break just to stay home one weekend so I could recharge my batteries. A big fight ensued. I gave in, of course, and off we went to the Melbourne Cup.
The flight sucked the whole way. Storms rocked the tin can we were flying in. Coupled with lengthy delays and even losing our hotel reservations should have been my clue that this trip was going to be a disaster. It didn't help that my wife was in my ear the entire time about our upcoming heavy travel schedule. By the time we found accommodations in a shitty airport motel, I half-heartedly dragged my suitcases inside and collapsed on the bed. I was completely exhausted.
I must have fallen dead asleep. By the time I woke up, it must have been early morning Melbourne time. Jennifer was in the bed next to me in a deep slumber. I got out of bed to relieve myself.
When I was coming back to bed I noticed her phone kept lighting up. I began to worry that something might be wrong with one of her family members back in the states for texts to be coming in at this hour. I never look at her phone. It always seemed to be constantly attached to the end of her arm. I picked up the phone and looked at the notifications to see if I needed to wake her up for a family emergency.
It wasn't her family texting. It was her ex-boyfriend, Robert, from college. Weird, I hadn't heard or thought about him since back in our days living on campus. I wondered what in the hell he could want, especially at this hour.
As I read texts it was obvious. He wasn't an ex-boyfriend. The X-rated garbage they'd been texting back and forth spelled it all out. She'd married my money and kept him for fun. I felt my heart drop out of my chest as I kept scrolling through their smutty dialog. I couldn't believe it was real. The killer was how she'd put me down to him, degrading me and telling him he was better at everything that happened in the bedroom. It even came out that she was siphoning money from me to keep him afloat at his failing business. My wife was a cold, calculating, two-timing whore and I was the clueless dumb-ass. Where was my 'pride' now?
By the time I was done I'd learned that they'd never really broken up. My whole love life was a lie. I looked up from the phone at my sleeping wife as tears filled my eyes. My whole body was shaking. Most people would never be able to believe that you could go from an all encompassing love for someone to a deep visceral hatred in only a handful of minutes. I'm living proof that it can happen.
In those moments, my heart was broken, I was broken. My anxiety swelled. It was like I didn't even know who I was anymore. In fact, it didn't seem to matter who I was. I just needed one thing. To leave.
I pulled on my pants and took my wallet off the nightstand, pulled on a t-shirt, slipped on some shoes and silently exited the motel room. I took care not to wake her. I just wanted to leave everything behind. Everything in that room was tainted. My wife, my wedding ring, my phone, God...even my luggage were things I never, ever wanted to see again.
I wandered the streets of Melbourne for I don't know how long. I was in a daze mostly. Many folks asked if I needed help or something. I must have looked that bad. I just brushed them off and kept moving. My racing heart wouldn't let me open up to anyone. Here I was on the wrong end of the world, so far away from my family and anyone that truly loved me.
I had left my phone behind. Just as well, I didn't want anyone finding me, especially my wife. My god, the bile that rises into my throat whenever I say those two words. 'My wife'. It disgusts me to my core. It felt like someone had just ripped my heart from my chest and thrown it into traffic. My depression surrounded me like a thick fog.
Word finally got out that I was "missing". At first Jennifer didn't know about the exposure, just that I was in the bed one minute and gone the next. She slowly let my family know as hour after hour passed without me showing up back at our hotel.
I don't know how long it was until I appeared back on the grid. I had finally run out of cash and had to start using my cards to eat or find a place to sleep. The police found me at some seedy motel all the way across town. One of them even joked that I was probably on a 'walkabout' as they roused me from my sleep. It was all they could do to break me out of my stupor and let me know my family was looking for me. They radioed back that I was safe, at least physically. I sure as hell wasn't sound.
Once I was finally located, my family sprang into action. No one knew what had happened, just that I needed help. Next thing I knew a limo pulled up to the hotel I was staying at to bring me to the airport. That must have been a sight. As we pulled away I swore I saw a couple of hookers chasing my limo down the street.
The driver handed me a new phone. Thank God my family hadn't yet notified Jennifer of my whereabouts. I guess they had a feeling. I cried as I spilled the whole story to my big sister, Kim. We made a pact to keep my status hidden from Jennifer for the time being.
I don't even know what the pills were that the driver gave me when he dropped me off at the airport. "Take these when you get on the plane," he said. Once I was seated I asked for some water and swallowed the pills. Chemistry worked its magic on me. I woke up when the stewardess tapped me on the shoulder. Everyone was already off the plane.
Once I had finally made it through customs, Kim surprised me by meeting me outside at the taxi stand. She must have thought I was nuts. I ran to her and hugged her for what seemed like forever. I sobbed as I thanked her for saving my life.
