After reading Ms. Rogers' little diary, I felt more bold. I wanted to keep her on her toes,but my reasons were changing. Knowing she wanted my attention, instead of lessening the appeal, fueled my fire.
Because of shakedown we missed a few days of class. I thought I would lose my mind. It was like seeing a Coke billboard and getting a craving flung on you, but then you get to a machine... Cokes are a dollar, but you've only got ninety cents.
Over those days for some reason I didn't really think about fucking her. Now... God did I ever still want to split that hot little pussy wide open, and something told me it would be oh so tight like her pouty mouth got when she disapproved of something we said or did. I drew picture after picture... I was trying to preserve my memories of her in case, for some crazy reason, I never saw her again. I drew her face then a drawing of just her green eyes then her full lips, parting slightly as if she had something important to say.
I had to admit I missed her annoying voice a little and her quick comebacks. Then I heard her voice and it woke me out of my daydream. At least it sounded like her, and she was screaming.
"No, I most certainly will not 'calm down!' I have never been anything but respectful to those bunch of ignorant fools in there, and there ain't no man in this WORLD I will stand by and let insult and degrade me like that without standing my ground. Fire me if you want, but I be damned if I will step another foot in there."
I got up from my bunk and walked to the door. I could see her back from the window,but she was much farther down the hall than I'd expected. She was visibly shaken, so angry her entire body shivered. Somewhere between breaking down in tears and exploding with rage.
She was standing with a guard, the principal and the warden. What an audience. I felt a knot form deep in my abdomen. Please, don't let her get canned over this, I almost prayed. I tried reading their lips. It looked like the warden told her to go home for the day. Not fired? I sure hoped I was right.
When she turned to leave, for some reason I stayed where I was, looking at her through the glass. She walked past, and I thought she wouldn't see me. Part of me really wanted her to see me, just in case I'd never see her again. Then at the last moment, she glanced up; our eyes met. Hers were wet with tears. I grimaced and fucking waved at her like a damn fool. How... comforting and supportive.
...
We did have school the next day, and she was there, but some of her usual spark was absent. I sat in the front and openly drew her but just her face. The corners of her mouth were pinched and turned downward.
She didn't look at me once, even when I answered her questions. She taught like a robot. Her heart was not in it. She told us what words meant, wrote it on the board, and then she sat at her desk and told us to write one page using all the words. I did it even though it was the kind of thing I hated doing. She was putting me in a box. Use THESE words!
I wrote something straightforward and boring, but I tagged on the end, "Where is your FIRE today, Ms. Rogers?"
I wanted to know what had happened. I mean, I had an idea, but exactly what had happened the day before. I wasn't sure how, when or where to ask her, just knew I HAD to.
As usual my best chance was as we turned in papers and left for lunch. I waited until last. She glanced at my paper. I'd underlined the question at the end three times. "I left it at home today, Mr. Watson. It seems I have too much fire in me for this place." She grimaced but never looked up.
I puzzled for a second over what to do. I looked around. The principal was in the hallway chatting with another teacher, but she hadn't noticed I was still in the classroom yet. I thought fast, walked around the corner of Ms. Rogers' desk and squatted behind it where I was completely shielded from any prying eyes. NOW she looked at me, straight into my searing blue eyes, and she hissed through clenched teeth, "What the hell are you doing?!"
My tongue quit working. Suddenly I was twelve and awkward. "Uh.." I stammered. "I was just checking on you is all."
The right corner of her frown lifted a little. "Do you have to do that squatting behind my desk?"
I raised up and peered toward the window at the back. "Well... Yeah..."
"Right..." she responded slowly as realization set in. For a second I thought I'd get her to confide in me easily, but then she glanced at the windows, then back down at me and said, "Mr. Watson, please go to lunch."
I didn't move a muscle. She had to stop looking at me to avoid arousing suspicion. She swiveled her old-fashioned, wooden chair so that she faced the wall. "What do you want, Mr. Watson?"