I stand in the living room in front of the curtainless picture window, bathed in the strong moonlight that flows effortlessly around me, lighting the room in a soft silvery glow. I can't sleep again and Jens is sleeping so soundly, I don't want to disturb him with my tossing and turning. I stand there in my robe, staring out at the still beauty of the night, thinking about...nothing really. Suddenly, I sense a presence behind me and a pair of strong hands rest firmly on both of my shoulders as I feel a light kiss on the top of my head.
Leaning his head down next to mine Jens whispers in my ear, "What are you doing out here at this time of night? Come back to bed, sweetheart."
"Oh, Jens, I didn't mean to wake you," I protest as I turn to face him.
"You didn't wake me, I just must have a sixth sense even in my sleep when you're not there. That's all." He tries to reassure me as he lightly strokes his hands up and down my arms. Looking intently into my eyes, he's trying to discern from the look in them what is causing my restlessness, my inability to sleep peacefully. I don't know what he could possibly see in them, I don't understand myself this undercurrent of anxiety and even worry I feel just below the surface. I can't explain it.
Jens has been so wonderful to me during the horrible events of this past week. So strong and comforting, such a rock and a support. In some ways I don't think I've ever felt closer to him than I do now. And yet at the same time, I haven't felt like making love since all of this has happened and I feel a guilt over that lack of desire. It's actually not a lack of desire, the desire I feel for him is somehow always there, but I guess the physical desire has taken a back seat recently to other, more powerful, desires I have for him.
"Come on" he urges as he takes my hand in his and leads me back to our bed. It's strange, I think to myself, as I allow myself to be led by him. I'm staring at his broad, naked back and I can see the strong lines of the muscles in his shoulders, the straight line of his spine, down to hips that are encased in a pair of cotton boxers. It's strange to me, because just now I admitted my lack of desire to myself, and now not 30 seconds later, the sight of his body has rekindled that flame in me somehow. It's all a little confusing.
As we reach the bedroom, Jens draws me with him toward the bed. Sitting down on the bed in front of me, he works on untying the knot on the belt of my robe. It easily yields to his capable fingers and I feel him slide the robe off my shoulders and lay it carelessly at the foot of the bed where the covers also lay in a tangled heap.
The light from the open bathroom door allows me to see his deep green eyes moving over my body now, taking in the sight of me in my short, satin champagne colored gown. He takes in the sight of my small, yet curving figure under the diaphanous material. The thin straps at my shoulders, the deep plunging V-neckline that shows the soft curves of the inside of my full breasts and the shadow between them. The flare of the skirt as it flows inward at my waist and then falls in gentle folds over my wider hips.
Standing completely still between his legs, I let him complete his visual inspection of me and it surprises me once again the difference in our size as he is able to look me directly in the eye, even in a seated position. "You're beautiful, you know," Jens whispers to me, looking deeply into my own green eyes as he speaks. I'm embarrassed and start to turn my head away as I open my mouth to contradict him. He stops the movement with a finger at my chin and turns my head back to him. "It's true. In my eyes, you are beautiful." I don't know what to say to this obvious heartfelt declaration from him. So I do the only thing I can do. I smile at him. And he smiles back at me.
He slides back across the bed and urges me to follow him with a tug on my hand. I crawl onto the bed too and allow myself to be pulled down beside him, both of us laying on our sides as I feel him spoon up behind me.
Jens is so close to me that I can feel the heat radiating from his body all along the back of my body, warming me with his presence. So close that I can feel his soft and curly chest hair along my upper shoulders. So close I can feel his breath stirring the short wisps of dark hair along the base of my neck. So close that I can feel his arms tighten around my waist from underneath and along my hips from on top. So close that I can feel his strong, flat abdomen along the curve of my ass. So close that I can feel his hair covered legs follow every curve of my own shorter, smooth legs down to where my dainty feet rest lightly along the top of his shins. So close that I can feel the beginning of an erection swell against that special spot where my thighs meet my ass. I start to turn towards him.
He stills my movement by holding me even tighter in his arms. "Shhh, darling. I can't help that, you know. I can't help it that you make me so hard. It's nothing, just go back to sleep, OK?"
He doesn't understand, though. I want to...no, I NEED to do this. As I continue to struggle to turn over, he finally loosens his hold on me so that I can roll to my left side to face him.
Looking into his dear face, the return of my desire for him is instantaneous and complete...like it was never gone. I cup his cheek in the palm of my hand, lightly rubbing my thumb at the corner of his sweet lips and then over the wonderful fullness of his bottom lip that I love so much. I smile wistfully at him.
