Plain Jane Full of Surprises

CHAPTER 1

The bar clock was showing 7:00 and everyone from the office who weren't already a couple were pairing off, with a couple of exceptions. Jane McClay remained the power of one because no one ever paired off with her. She gritted, thinking any guy who wanted to couple could plunge into her in the cloakroom and she wouldn't even demand use of a condom.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Tony Allen from accounts, pulling on his coat in the cloakroom, said, "I'm going your way Jane. Want a ride?"

God, he had a reputation for doing any woman under sixty. She had this vision with her legs over Tony's shoulders and her skirt up over her face. Oh yuk. "Thanks Tony, some other time huh?"

"Suit yourself. I probably will have a better chance with Linda with you not in the car."

What, Tony Allen offering her a ride when he had the hottest woman in accounts in the car? The offer to her must have been genuine, without being asked to give something in return. Linda lived two streets out beyond her. They bussed in each day together.

Jane began walking home. The buses were always jammed at this time of evening and she preferred walking with the temperature dropping like this, bringing roses to her cheeks and her hands gloved and in fur-lined pockets of her coat. She wondered if Linda would be more than Tony could handle. Did it matter? She decided it didn't but hoped Linda didn't have too far to walk with her knickers in her bag and her inner thighs wet.

Suddenly she was hit by a gust of wind. Fuck, where did that come from? She looked up and in the reflected light from the city could see a storm was rolling in under the higher cloud covering.

"Tony!" she yelled hopelessly into the wind. There would be no chance of getting a cab.

It was just like one of her dreams. A car with a powerful purring motor pulled up alongside her and the window wound down.

"It's getting rough and going to get rougher out there. You best jump in."

The map reading light was on and she saw enough to know that he looked thirty, had blonde hair, a nicely cut jaw and that's about all she could see in available light. Did he have great teeth, look trustworthy and pose no threat to her?

Jane was rocked by another more powerful blast of wind. Sexual assault or die on the pavement? She thought neither was likely. "Thanks for the offer. Would you have stopped for a guy?"

"No."

"Well that makes you appear honest. I think you should know I'm plain and..."

"Lady, move you ass and get in here. I don't have a jacket on and am getting cold with that window open."

"Okay, okay. Coming in."

"If you're plain and are slow to make your mind up you'll attract no attention from me," he said, powering up the window and stepping on the gas enough to be pressed into her seat by the grunty acceleration.

"That's reassuring."

He glanced at her and said what was?

What, had he forgotten already what he'd just said? She said something she knew he'd like. "I meant the healthy sound of your powerful car."

"This baby epitomizes how I wish to project myself."

"What, made of steel, overpowered, the smell of leather and wax and a number plate stuck over your wide chest?"

He grinned, slapped her high above the knee and laughed, "You're funny."

Jane managed to suppress her scream. That slap was right over her stocking top. How dare he!

"What's your name baby?"

"Jane."

"What just plain Jane or is there an extension?"

"Plain Jane is fine. I'm used to being called that, even by my aunts. If you must know its Jane McClay."

"What, are you the wife of our city's top defense attorney?"

"No you idiot he's my father," Jane laughed.

"A Plain Jane can't have a lilt in her laugh like that."

"Watch that cat."

"Seen it. You should be in the back seat driving."

"Well you aren't lost for humor."

He laughed and Jane clearly saw he had great teeth. He also looked familiar.

"I'm Teddy Russo."

"Oh God, not the lead in 'Heartbreak Street'?"

"That's the one. So you didn't recognize me by my handsome side profile?"

"Are you for real? Anyway it's dark in here. I'm surprise a guy so up himself would stop to give me a lift."

She saw the teeth flash again. "You know babe, you're all right."

"Well I'm not sure about you."

The teeth flashed. "That's unusual for a woman of your age who watches 'The Street' on Wednesday nights"

"My age, you haven't a clue what my age is."

"I'll try twenty-seven."

Jane said nothing.

"I'm not cheating but I tend to know women twenty to forty."

"I bet."

"Now, now. Be pleasant. The wind has died and here comes the first flurry. I guess we are heading in the right direction otherwise you would have given directions."

"I'm not in the back seat."

He grinned and she said Swanson."

"Mommy will have a great fire going and a steaming dinner ready to serve?"

"No one is home tonight. Dad and mom are at a Rotary dinner."

"Well come home and have dinner with us."

"What?"

"I'm not a complete asshole Jane. I am pleasant to some people."

Jane almost spat that she didn't know him. Teddy said if she had dinner with his family he'd get to know her. He called on his hands-free phone. "Mom, I picked up this chick on the drive home and am bringing her home for dinner."

"That's fine Teddy. Get her to wipe her feet before coming into the house."

Jane growled thanks but pointed out a little icily she was not to be called a chick.

"Sorry."

"Accepted."

The mansion was on Highland Hill and Teddy opened the fifth of six garage doors by remote and drove in.

"Your father owns media doesn't he, our morning newspaper, lots of smaller newspapers, a TV station and several regional radio stations?"

"Yes and is half-owner of New Century Cinemas."

"I'm not dressed to be presented to your parents."

Teddy turned serious and said in a funny voice, "Jane dear, it's not that I've proposed marriage to you yet."

She laughed, called him and idiot and reminded him to wipe his feet.

"Mom, dad, Robyn, Casey and Tim. This is Plain Jane who I found battling the elements on her way home. She lives with her parents who are dining out so she's here."

"Teddy, how dare you call this young woman Plain Jane..."

"It's fine Mrs Rosso, I'm used to it. For the record I'm Jane McClay."

"William McClay's daughter?"

"Yes Mrs Rosso."

"I went to school with your father and he's successfully defended me twice – dangerous driving and drunken driving. But I'm a good girl now. Come through to the guest bathroom. Casey pour Jane a Martini or would you prefer warmed up red wine?"

"A martini would be fine."

"Please call me Aveline."

"Oh what a beautiful name."

Aveline smiled, opening the door. "Some famous women in history have been called Jane. Treasure your name dear. Come out when you are ready. Have a shower if you wish."

"Hi, call me Guy," said Mr Russo standing when Jane re-entered the room. What do you work at?"

"I'm IT manager at Simpson, Dome and Fischer."

"My accountants? You are extremely young for such responsibility as they are a mid-size company."

"I'm forty."

Everyone looked at Jane.

"Does that make you feel more confident about me Guy?"

"Hell girl, you have humor with sauce, very unlike the bimbos Teddy brings home."

"I'm sure they are all fine women Guy until they indicate otherwise."

Aveline said, "Well said Jane. You appear to be very lively company."

"I hope I didn't mislead you. I'm twenty-seven."

Smiling, Aveline asked Casey to help serve dinner and asked, "Undoubtedly Jane you will have a degree in that position of responsibility?"

"Well yes, I'm expecting to complete my doctorate in computer science by the end of this year."

Teddy and his father Guy looked at one another with raised eyebrows while Tim looked doubtful and asked, "What age did you go to college?"

"It was Gunson University and I started at seventeen but was not the only freshman that young. My bachelor's took four years, my master's two years, I then went straight in at Simpson, Dome and Fischer as a senior IT technician, proved my worth and at the end of last year was appointed department manager. Meanwhile I'd commenced my PhD and look as if I'll squeeze through in three years."

"Online obviously."

"Partly. My university runs night classes for postgraduate students because many of us work."

"You must be a bright cookie Jane."

"Thank you Tim. Where are you at?"

"I'm in my final year in my BA in history. I want to teach history."

"Oh that's lovely Tim. If you project well you'll love your work. Students tend to grab on to history as they mature a bit so go for senior classes."

Everyone looked at Jane as if she was some sort of Oracle. Tim's eyes ballooned to huge.

The food arrived and during a lull in conversation Jane heard Aveline say quietly to Teddy, "She fits in very well."

Teddy took Jane home and didn't kiss her or say he'd see her again, not that she expected it. Out in the vehicle and standing in the very light snow covering she thanked him for saving her from the weather, allowing her to meet his family and giving her sustenance.

"The women my mother call bimbos usually slosh down liquor and try to work out just how wealthy my father is and they ignore mom."

"You father probably has more debt that cashed-up wealth and your mom is just so lovely. I have a feeling she works. What does she do?"

"She's a surgeon and works mainly on children with leg deformities. Good night."

Jane's mother Belinda opened the front door for her, holding a glass and swaying.

"Oh mom. You promised me if you had drinks when you were out you wouldn't imbibe when you came home."

"Oh, when did I promise that dear? It must have been a long time ago."

Jane shook her head and looked at her over-weight mother rocking, her glasses were not on straight and she had food spills on the front of her jacket. "It was last Thursday."

"Oh, you said it was a long time ago."

Jane walked past her mother and into her father's study.

"Dad, do something. She's drinking."

"I'm sick of rowing with her over the booze and no way am I going to lock it up. When she starts embarrassing me when I take her out then I'll do something, like not taking her out with me again."

"Dad, that's pathetic."

"Shut it Jane. This is my house and she's my wife. I'll do it my way thank you."

"I had dinner with a guy at his home. His mother is Aveline Russo."

William looked at her and said Jane would like Aveline. "She was a stunner at high school and I dated her a few times and occasionally when she came home from med school even when I was going out with your mom by then."

"Yes I do like her."

"Me too. I represented her a couple of times when she lost it after her mother was knocked down and killed by a hit and run driver. It was a truckie and the cops never did track him down. They believed the driver might not have known he hit her as it was a dark morning and about to snow."

"So she went through a booze problem?"

"Yes. And pulled herself out of it."

"Do you mind if I ask her to sit and talk to mom?"

"Help yourself. When have I ever stopped you doing anything you decide to do?"

"Right but there's someone in the next room drinking by herself that you ought to make her stop it and haul her off to dry out somewhere."

"Off you go Jane. Nagging from one of you if enough for me."

On Thursday one of the junior receptionists came into Jane's department highly excited. "Teddy Rosso is here," she said, cupping her small boobs and jiggling them, appearing oblivious to what she was doing.

"I'll come out."

"No, he wants to come in and see your workplace."

"Okay, wheel him in."

Maggie came in with him, bowing and scraping and all the word processing women had turned around and were gawking. What's up with them? Jane thought and looked to see if Teddy's zip was down, knowing it wouldn't be that. Couldn't those bird-brained women understand he was only an actor, no more important and no more useful than they were?

"Hi Teddy. Come to check me out?"

"Sort of."

"What grammar textbook lists 'sort of' as a legitimate expression?"

He grinned and the girl standing beside him almost fainted when seeing his smile and over-sized teeth.

Jane said kindly, "Maggie, the reception desk probably needs you."

"Goodbye Mr Rosso."

"Thank you Maggie for your exceptional service."

The poor kid almost walked through the self-closing glass door.

"There's the manager's office and you can see my name on the name plate," Jane said sarcastically. She led him into the office and said there were her BSc and MSc in Computer Science certificates on the wall and..."

"Jane, please. I admit having initial disbelief when you said you had those academic qualifications and were manager of an IT department of a company employing perhaps one hundred people."

"Two hundred and ninety-two people."

"Jesus, that many? Mom told me after you left the other night she remembered you being capped with your MSc because she was there with her sister to see Melissa Franks being capped. Mom is Melissa's aunt."

"Well, isn't it a small world. Melissa is one of my best friends. I'm to be one of her bridesmaid's in a few weeks."

'December the tenth. We received our invitations last week."

"Well that's spiffy. Now you've checked me out you can go."

"I-I was interested in finding out what you do. You know, being shown around."

"Very well. Almost everyone who works here apart from the handyman and café staff have laptops with about forty, mainly senior older partners and word-processing women preferring desktops computers. We look after minor glitches and write programs for individuals – I have twelve people in this department. In that side room over there is our main computer and smaller standby computer. Everyone with a desktop or laptop downloads for backup each evening before going home. At 9:00 pm our main computer backups all data files on to tape, with a copy going to the standby computer, a copy to our branch office 35 miles away and yet another copy is transmitted to an online storage facility in a country not named for reasons of security. Four of those persons closest to us are writing program for personnel with specific needs, two are downloading required files off the internet, three are attempting quick fixes of computers otherwise they will be couriered to our outside repair contractor and the others are waiting for calls for assistance that may range from a drive crash or a senior partner who has fucked up by overwriting another file when attempting to save his work before playing a computer game."

Teddy grinned: "So the idiots are at the top?"

"Isn't that common with all companies including your TV program production company and institutions like universities?"

Teddy showed his teeth and said, "Oh, aren't we bitter? Actually, come to think about it our program production company is top-heavy with misfits."

As they stood outside the door to the IT department Jane thought for a moment Teddy was about to kiss her. God those women in the word processing pool would kill her! But he was talking quietly.

"...party on Friday night at the Palladium Restaurant. Please say yes."

"Yes to what?"

"Be my partner to a dinner for the cast and partners Friday night."

Jane said dismissively, "Don't waste your time. You'll have scores of beautiful women who'll go with you."

"They are mostly bimbos Jane that hang around guys like me."

"We'll we have at least six blondes with great figures and awesome intelligence who are junior partners in this company. Come I make introductions and you can tell me your choice. They are married but are not dumb; any of them will partner you but the really clever ones will insist that their husband picks them up at the restaurant after the function ends."

"No, I want you."

"Are you mad?"

"If you want me to say yes then it appears so."

"Oh all right. I must get back to my work."

With a grin Jane called to the only bimbo in the word-processing pool, "Oh Rose, could you kindly escort Mr Rosso back to reception."

Rose stepped out and advanced with swinging hips and bosom, licking lush lips.

"Oh hi Teddy. I'm your biggest fan. This is truly the greatest moment of my entire life and I assure you I don't have a boyfriend at present. Please take my hand and come with me."

The entire word processing pool was in near hysterics. Jane almost puked when she went through her doorway and heard Teddy say throatily, "Oh Rose baby. Do I like the way you have been constructed."

The shrieks of laughter from the pool attracted their supervisor and other people who arrived on the run.

Back in her office Jane panicked. "You stupid bitch," she wailed. "How stupid to accept. He doesn't circulate with people like you."

Being intelligent she quickly flicked through possible strategies. The idea of shooting herself was immediately discarded and she zeroed in on the one with strongest possibilities. She called the Children's Orthopedic Hospital to make the contact and two hours later Aveline called her.

"It's no problem dear and your need is not quite like the needs I'm dealing with here but nevertheless it's a real need," said the eminent surgeon. "I'm absolutely flattered you thought of calling me rather than anyone else, even my daughters."

"Mothers know best, except my mother," Jane said. To her dismay she burst into tears.

"Look, I believe there is more than one problem. I take Friday afternoons off. May we meet at Sally's Café for lunch at 1:00 Friday? I'll then give you all the attention you require."

"Thanks (sniff) Aveline (sniff)."

"God, am I glad you are human like the rest of us Jane. My younger children who are all at college can't believe you almost have your doctorate. Teddy doesn't know what to make of you; you have him intrigued which is not like him at all."

"Bye (sniff)."

* * *

Jane took off Friday afternoon and was delighted when she arrived at the café early to find Aveline already seated.

They talked first about the drinking problem of Jane's mother.

"Darling, I won't beat around the bush. I know from first-hand experience of the demon in alcohol. It had me by the throat for a couple of months and the hospital suspended me for six months. That shock brought me to me senses to regain control of my life. I shall call and talk to your mother. When would be the best time?"

"Sunday morning for coffee?"

"We do think alike."

"Just arrive this Sunday around 10:00 and I'll do the rest and then leave you two having coffee. Dad will be at golf."

They then discussed Jane's dilemma.

"Yes, many of the women will be openly into sex, drugs and will drink heavily and wear outrageous clothes Jane. I suggest rather than you dress like the mob I want you to be quite the reverse, and dress normally."

"What?"

"It would please Teddy. I figured you have stoned him, being like no other woman. You didn't have sex with him on the way back to your home the other night did you?"

"Good heavens, of course not. I scarcely know your son."

"Then you must get my point?"

"Y-e-s."

"Good, but it's not only sex. You didn't go on and on about 'Heartbreak Street' and what a convincing actor he is and how handsome he looks on screen. You even told him it was a wonder a guy so up himself would stop to give any woman a lift in the face of rapidly deteriorating weather. In fact you didn't mention the show at all in our company and you spent more time talking to the rest of us than him and showed huge interest in my other children where they were at in their education. I can't recall anyone outside of family showing such interest in them."

"Well that's not all I noticed."

"What was that dear?"