Pet

Hi everyone

To start with; if you are looking for a lot of steamy sex, look somewhere else. What interests me in a story is the build-up of a relationship and the romantic notion that love can be a healing power which is a possibility even for those most fucked up.

Kålrot and Lisa have both parts in "A Rolling Chair Gathers No Moss", but it is not necessary to read that story first. Hope you like this one, comments and votes welcome, have a good life.

Risgrynsfisk

*****

PET

"Huh?" Kålrot suddenly realized that she was talking to him, and apparently had been for a while.

"You haven't heard a word I was saying, right?" Lisa asked.

"Guilty." Kålrot did not look all that guilty, though. He tried his I-know-I-am-hopeless-but-at-least-I-am-cute smile, it usually worked. Not today.

"You haven't looked for a job either, have you?"

Lots of rhetorical questions today. Kålrot considered the definition of "rhetorical". It ought to mean a question where the goal is not to gain knowledge or, like a teacher, control another´s level of knowledge. The goal is instead to gain the upper hand in a discussion, some kind of verbal aggression, but civilized. Or, he supposed, verbal self defence. Were his smiles, then, also rhetorical? Their intent was not expressing amusement, but to placate someone. Could, then, his smiles be considered rhetorical smiles?

"And I can see damn well for myself that you have not done the dishes like you promised."

It was a misconception that smiles always were signs of positive feelings. In chimpanzees, for instance, smiling always was a sign of nervousness, of trying to placate someone of higher rank in the pack. Did he consider Lisa to be of higher rank? Well, yes. It was her flat, after all, and her wages from the pet-store paid for the food. Of course it was stupid to not have done the fucking dishes, he had meant to, but that article about beavers had got him thinking and suddenly Lisa was home and pissed.

"And I can also see you´re not fucking listening to me now. What are you thinking of now, that´s so important?"

"Well, beavers..."

"Beavers."

"Yeah, I saw this article. Did you know there´s a lot of beavers in this city? Right within the city limits!"

"Yes I knew that. Everyone who gets outdoors and has eyes in their heads knows that. Kålrot, do you seriously mean that you have neglected to do all those things you promised because you deemed it more important to think about beavers all day?"

"I just thought about them a little. Then I don't think I thought of anything at all, and then you were home. I think I had coffee at some point. Sorry about the dishes, I can do them now." He started to fill the sink. "Did you know that beavers collect branches and stick them in the mud to save them for the winter? Spends all winter below the ice, except when in their nest. But it must be cold, keeping warm by eating cold, wet twigs. I think I´d rather be a hedgehog. To sleep all winter would suit me perfectly."

Lisa didn´t listen, she was used to Kålrots monologues about whatever happened to turn up in his head. She wished she were somewhere else, somewhere quiet. Or goddammit, that Kålrot were somewhere else. It was her flat, after all.

Lisa felt a stab of deep sorrowpain. She still missed Nils terribly after these years. It was his flat, really, but his family was adamant that Lisa should have it after he died. His flat, his money, even his family was hers now. She felt much more cherished and safe with them than her own so-called family, who were the main reason she still needed therapy.

But things were better and she supposed that this fling with Kålrot was a step forward, towards life. It probably was a mistake though. She wished they were just friends again, like they had been for years. The benefits of being friends with, yeah benefits, were not enough to compensate for all the shit.

She got back to the kitchen and saw Kålrot intently staring at the wall, lips moving. The water in the sink was now cold and he had not washed a single nothing. Fuck. She tapped him on the shoulder, but he did not react. She hit him, and managed to get his attention.

"This is not working out!"

"What is not working out?"

"Us playing house. I like you, Kålrot, and at times I almost love you, but a lot of the time you irritate the fuck out of me."

"Yeah. I get that a lot."

"I´m sorry, but you need to get out. But no great hurry, I understand if you need time to find something else."

"No, no, I understand that you need a bit of space. No big deal, I´ll find something. I always do."

"You have any money?"

"Money? Well, I suppose not, but..."

"Here, have this."

"Hey, that´s real nice of you. Love you, Lisa. See you around."

Kålrot owned almost nothing. He had a big backpack, a camping mattress and a sleeping bag. Some clothes. A toothbrush. He was used to sleeping just about anywhere; some friend´s floor, outdoors if the weather permitted, or he shacked up with some girl who was feeling maternal. He had lots of friends and his cheerful acceptance of whatever happened was attractive to many girls, at least for a while. Then they parted, almost always as friends.

If he really had to he could sleep at his parents´ place for a while, but that was a bit of a pain since they always went on about all these things he ought to do, like finish school or get a steady job. They were right, of course, and he knew they were right and they knew they were right and they knew that he knew they were right, but that didn´t make it any easier for him to hold down a job. He always fucked it up: overslept, forgot, wandered off.

Kålrot suddenly discovered that he was hungry, and probably had been for quite a while. He didn´t think he had eaten that day. He got himself a kebab and wandered down to the creek to eat it. If he was lucky he might see a beaver.

Next time he thought about anything at all it was getting dark, and the probability of rain was in the air. Luckily one of his favorite sleeping spots was nearby, where the highway crossed he creek there was a wide-enough shelf and the bridge kept the rain away. To get there you had to get through some very thick thickets, which was good. He had never seen any signs of anyone else being there.

Kålrot slept well and long; he always did. He woke up rested and content, like he always did, and did not worry about where to sleep next night or where his next meal would come from. He never did. The rain had done its thing and left and the new day smelled good, apart from the fumes from the highway. There was a good place to take a morning dump in the creek and wash his arse. Everything was working out just fine and he sat basking in the sunlight, not thinking about anything, just existing. He was the effortless zen-master, he sometimes thought, his head was regularly zen-empty and he just as effortlessly lived in the here and now. Planning, though...

To his surprise noises were coming from the thicket. It was a thicket which it was very hard to move silently in and whoever was coming made enough noise to be heard through the ever-present didgeridoo drone of the highway. Was it possible that just one person could make that much noise? Yes, just one person, a pretty blonde.

"Hello." Kålrot said and tried to look as un-threatening as possible. He had a pretty good idea he didn´t look all that dangerous to begin with, but unthreatening is a look you can´t get too much of.

"Hello," the girl said, also in Swedish but with an unmistakable English accent. He was later to learn that hello was all she could say in Swedish.

"My name is Kålrot," he said in English, and from now on conversations are in English and no longer translated Swedish.

"I´m Jenny."

"Nice seeing you. Hardly anyone comes here. I sort of see it as my private part of the creek, but you´re welcome to come visit, of course. There´s supposed to be beavers in the creek round here. Haven´t seen them, though."

"I heard the woodpecker and tried to see it."

"Woodpeckers are cunning little beasts, always on the other side of the tree. At least if you look like someone who eats woodpeckers. Like you."

"I have heard a lot of lines on the theme of eating peckers, but that was a new one."

"I know where their nest is. You wanna see it? If we´re lucky we´ll get to see them feeding their kids."

"Sure. Great!"

They noisily made it through the thicket to another corner of it, where an old tree with a hole in the trunk was proud to house the woodpecker family.

"We have to be quiet and wait a bit," Kålrot said. "They heard us approach, of course. Even a deaf udder would have heard us."

"Adder," Jenny giggled. "Deaf adder. Udder is the tits on a cow."

"Bit of a besserpisser today?" Kålrot said. "But I do maintain that we made such a racket that an udder would have heard us."

They waited, quietly. Kålrot checked her out, very discretely of course, and lost himself in the cuteness of her left ankle and the small tattoo of a fox. There was something about that tattoo but, as usual, he was unable to focus on where he had seen it, or a fox looking just the same, before. He did what he did best, then - stopped trying and relied on the answer coming to him when it was ready.

Jenny watched him stop watching her (so much for very discreetly) and disappear somewhere else. He intrigued her. She was used to guys trying to impress her or get intimidated, even when they did not know who she was. This Kålrot fellow didn´t seem to give a damn about what she thought of him, and this indifference had nothing to do with arrogance. Right now he was just staring at the supposed woodpecker nest with an infinite patience she found strangely attractive.

Suddenly a biggish bird landed by the opening, and three (she thought) little heads appeared, begging for food. Something yummy-if-you-were-a-woodpecker was handed over and the parent bird was off again. The heads were visible a while longer, staring after their parent and muttering about the low quality of service at this restaurant.

Jenny gave Kålrot a brilliant and excited smile and got a Buddha-like smile I return.

"That was really great!" she said.

The Buddha seemed to be thinking hard about that.

"What was great?"

"The woodpeckers, of course. The feeding."

"Oh. I´m afraid I missed it. I goof off all the time."

"You wanna go for breakfast? Or have you eaten?"

"No, I don't think so. No...so, yes. Breakfast would be great. But I don't think I´ve got any money. Hey, I had some right here!"

"Don't worry, I´m buying."

"Ok. Great. Fine."

"I´m staying in that big motel over there," Jenny said pointing along the highway Stockholmward. "Or do you know a better place round here?"

"No, that´s about it, unless you walk a few kilometers downtown."

"The motel it is, then." Jenny was debating with herself if she should tell Kålrot who she was. She wasn´t too keen on it, since things probably would get weird, but they would probably meet some of her people at the motel anyway.

"I know who you are, by the way," Kålrot said. "You are that pop-girl, Smooch. I remember your fox now, from that video in the bath-tub." Kålrot stated this very matter-of-factly and did not seem bothered or awed. "I´m a little surprised they let you out without bodyguards or something."

"Well, I´m not Madonna. Hardly anyone recognizes me when I´m not in costume."

"Kålrot means swede, by the way, as in swede the vegetable-root-thing. Everyone says it suits me since I´m a Swede and a bit of a vegetable."

"At least you´re healthy."

"Sure. Plenty of fiber. Eat me and shit like a queen."

"I´ll bear that in mind if I get too constipated with my own success and fame."

"Yeah, money up your arse is hell on your healthy bowel-movements. Never had that problem, at least."

"You got a lot of problems?"

"No, not really. But I seem to irritate the hell out of a lot of people who think I ought to worry, but my experience this far is that everything works out. Like now, I met you and got a breakfast out of it. I do plan to eat a lot, then I won´t have to eat more today."

"What about you and problems?"

"A few, I guess. I shouldn´t complain, living the dream and all that, but most of the time this being on tour is really boring, apart from the gigs. Makes me a bit of a bitch, I´m afraid. One reason they let me wander off alone like this, they get me out of the way so they can relax."

They were now at the hotel and the breakfast buffet was even bigger than Kålrot had hoped for. Conversation was put on hold for a while, while Kålrot tended to the important task of stuffing his face. Jenny was inspired by his enthusiasm and was able to feel, at least a little, how fantastic it was to eat. She adventurously tried out the pickled herring which is a staple of Swedish hotel breakfasts, but did not like them. Kålrot hoovered her plate for leftovers.

"You can´t throw away food," he said. "That´s a sin."

Some from her crew joined them, the drummer and a sound guy. They were amazed by Mr. Tapeworm´s eating ability and apparently by Jenny´s good mood.

Drummer explained that Jenny was a royal pain in the ass when she was in That Mood, but that she at least had the self-perspective to admit it.

"She´s been fucking hopeless lately," Soundguy said. "Haven´t seen her this nice for weeks. Your magic?"

"If so, stay around," Drummer said. "Hell, I´ll even keep you fed. It will be the ruin of me, but worth it."

Keyboards turned up, and Bassman. Guitarguy apparently was too hung over for breakfast. They all had names, which Kålrot promptly forgot. He remembered both Jenny and Smooch, though and felt pleased that he was able to remember two names for one person, where he usually needed weeks to get a name to stick. Big Frog turned up too and did not seem happy about Kålrot being there. Big Frog was the organizer, and this kind of frog had an unerring ability to spot that Kålrot was an entity which did not lend itself to organizing, and disliked him on sight.

Kålrot was feeling nice and mellow. His belly was finally full, Jenny was giggling at his jokes, everyone was nice except Big Frog, and Kålrot didn't care shit about him. He was sure that Jenny liked him and everyone that he liked, liked that she liked him since it made her happier and thereby less painful to their behinds. Kålrot did not think it was strange that a world-famous (or at least world-semi-famous) pop-star was giggling at him. He was used to girls liking him, at least in the beginning, so why not Jenny?

Roadie one and two, along with Lightguy, were at their venue, preparing. The rest of them were on their way, but as yet they were on their way without moving, except Bassman, whose task it apparently was to drag Guitarguy out of bed.

"You go ahead," Jenny said. "We´ll be there."

Big Frog did a bit of croaking about that but Jenny would have none of it. "Don´t be silly Dan," she said. Apparently Big Frogs name was Dan. Dan as in Dan Ackroyd, who had to be famous for something since the name turned up in Kålrots head, but he had no idea why. "We´ll be there in plenty of time. And I will not get lost, I have a native guide, remember?"

The unknown celebrity sound-alike very obviously had little faith in Kålrot´s guiding abilities. (Oh ye of little faith) But there was not much he could do about it (Oh ye of little feat) except to look disapproving, which he did. To make a nice pattern of threes Kålrot looked down and noted that Jenny´s feet were quite tiny. Oh ye of little feet.

"Where are we going?" Kålrot asked.

"To get your pack," Jenny said. "You told me you had your pack back by the bridge."

"Yeah, right. Thanks. Would have been real bad to forget it. Would not have been the first time either. Get my back pack back back by the track."

"You ever forget to put your head back on in the morning?"

"Frequently. At heart I´m a headless chicken running round not being able to grasp that I´m dead since I´m headless."

"Better headless than heartless."

"I hope so. I do no permanent damage and I´m cute in small doses. What´s that bird?"

"I dunno, a small grey one. I´m not really all that birdish. I like looking at them but I hardly ever know what I am looking at. You´ll come to the gig tonight, won´t you?"

"Sure. I know some who would revoke my cred-nerd-card for going, but fuck that."

"Wow! I´m flattered you´ll risk your card for me. You speak good English, by the way."

"Thanks. The benefits of doing what my parents would call meaningless things. Like computer-games and music."

"You make music too?"

"No, not really. I play keyboards a bit, but I just play-play, nothing serious."

They got to the bridge and found the backpack still there. They sat for a while and waited for a beaver, which would have been a neat thing story-wise and a good omen, but no such luck. Jenny snuggled up to Kålrot and they sat on his mattress in the grass, basking in the sun and listening to the continuous drone of cars. They talked idly about things they quickly forgot, the Kålrot way. To Jenny, used to being driven and efficient, this was like going for a holiday. Eventually they stirred and began their walk towards city, where the concert would be.

They were in no great hurry and continued their aimless talking. They saw the world´s ugliest dog, and found it adorable. They discussed what number was most aesthetically pleasing. They discussed politics and seriously debated which muppet would have made the best prime minister. They saw the little grey bird again, or one just like it, and named it the drooping tit. And so on.

When they arrived it took a while to convince the guard that the giggling girl actually was Smooch, which made her even gigglier. Once in place, though, she became quite businesslike, but nicely so.

The next few hours might have been boring for Kålrot since everyone was busy and no one had time for him. But he just didn't do bored. He found a comfortable chair and watched for a while and then he thought about other things for a while and then he thought about nothing at all for quite a long time.

Then there was pizza delivered and Kålrot munched happily while thinking about animals and if they could really enjoy what they ate. Did grass taste as good to a cow as this pizza did to him? Or insects to a drooping tit. And if so, was the taste the same as for him, just that they enjoyed it, or did it taste differently to them, say chocolate cake.

Then he was full and Lightguy lent him his Nintendo DS and happiness was complete. Pokemon Heart Gold - a nostalgic super trip, and he stayed immersed in that world until Jenny came and told him they were letting the audience in and that he had to come backstage or go sit by Light- and Soundguy.

That was difficult. Choosing was not what he did best, and now he was further confused by Jenny being Smooch in full Smoochy regalia. He did not want to choose, he preferred that things just happened. If they were good he fully enjoyed them, if they were bad he cheerfully endured them. But choosing or doing things to actively make things happen was stressful and Kålrot did not like stressful. Jenny saw the look in his eye, the look of an easily stressed kid suddenly confronted with seven times eight with no previous warning. She turned him around and gave him a push towards Lightandsound and a comforting pat on the ass.

The concert was pretty good and Kålrot enjoyed himself, except he needed to pee rather badly since he had not thought about going to the loo since before the pizza. But he cheerfully endured it (not the first time) and he felt proud of Jennysmooch as she sang excellently and obviously had fun on stage. The audience loved her and it seemed mutual. The band was solid and Guitar guy was sufficiently brilliant that Kålrot understood they could forgive his being drunk or hung over all the time.