Out Of Practice Ch 03

Simon Says: This chapter took 2 years, 8 months and 3 days LESS time than the last one! Give me my gold star! I totes deserve it. I call that improvement. Of course anything is an improvement over the last time . . .

I think we will have one more. I will work it as fast as I can. And yes, this story makes more sense with Chapters 1 and 2 under your belt, as it were.

Standard text: I am all about the slow burn. There actually is zero sex in this chapter (and only a little bit before now). Feeling anxious yet? I am building anticipation! Makes the 'climax' more satisfying. Or something. Call it literary edging. :-)

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"Hi Jack."

I sat and stared at the screen for a moment. I had initially felt relieved at having known that she actually had been angry about something. And then when that was not enough, I had grown satisfied knowing that I had expressed my feelings, fully. And embarrassingly in front of two of her friends. Oh yes, and a bar full of people, but then they were too busy being cool and flirting to notice me and my professions. But then that eventually was not enough, so for her to write me felt like a good thing. Maybe.

Or maybe not. Maybe those two words harkened the beginning of a rather sad Dear Jack letter. But then she only wrote 'hi Jack' which means she didn't intend on dropping me without some dialogue. Wait, could she drop someone with whom she didn't really had a relationship? Maybe if the drop fell in the category of a pre-emptive drop, which sounded especially ominous.

"Jack?"

Oops. I probably should stop guessing and just respond.

"Hi Sadie. Sorry."

"Were you trying to figure out what I might be writing about?"

"Maybe." And then, "ok yes."

Normally we would be exchanging smiley emojis and whatever, but I am guessing we definitely are not functioning in the world of normal. Plus, I doubt she was smiling.

"Karen told me I should call you." I still didn't know where this was going yet, but I was liking Karen more and more all the time.

"And you listened."

"I have no choice when it comes to Karen."

"She holds quite a sway over you then."

"You have no idea." Then a pause. "But she loves me and is usually right."

"Is she right this time?"

"I don't know, Jack. Maybe." And another pause. "Can you send me your cell so we can talk?"

Moments later, the phone rang. She just immediately started talking without an additional 'hi."

"I thought about seeing you face-to-face, but I think it might be easier for me to do this through a call."

As I got ready to respond, she beat me to it, "Sorry this is a little less personal. I just think the fact that we are not physically together might make it easier to say stuff. You know?"

"Ok, Sadie. Whatever you need. I am here."

"Jack, I have made some . . . mistakes in the last ten years. Some very serious ones." She paused again, "Some I didn't even know I made until recently. Like they didn't really appear right away, you know? Well one very big one and a bunch of related smaller ones. I don't know. Anyway, I don't want to dig up all of the things I did wrong though. Lots of . . . pain. Please." Her voice almost cracked there.

"Ok Sadie."

The difficulty doing this over a phone meant we did not benefit from the non-verbal body language/ cues we might be using, so I decided to mostly just listen and offer very short encouragement.

"When you first seemed . . um . . . like attracted to me, I felt very . . . Well I felt really flattered. Very. And it felt wonderful." Me too, Sadie.

A rather pregnant pause came next.

She began softly, "and that night was a bit of a gift."

She continued after a beat, "At least I thought it was. But then I thought back on it the next morning and some of the mistakes I had made came flooding back over me. And that felt like deja-vu, you know?"

So, she felt regret. Maybe embarrassment. Maybe she had rushed into relationships in the past. Another long pause came.

"You probably didn't mean for anything to seem like what I had gone through, but thinking back it felt like that. And it scared me. And angered me."

I didn't feel like I should speak at all. She seemed to need to get everything out. I saw communication as almost always a very very good thing. It's where Carrie and I went wrong. Well one of the things we did wrong.

"I come with a lot of baggage, Jack. A shit-load. You seem like a good guy but I don't think I am ready for even a good guy yet. I am sorry I led you on, then got bitchy the next moment. The story in my head . . the one I created . . grouped you in with others that are . . . um bad. It felt like a repeat of all of that stuff that . . . You likely did not mean what I felt so I am sorry for maybe assuming the worst." I actually heard her take in a breath and let it out. The period to the statement, as it were.

This was a pre-emptive break-up. I actually found myself to not be ok with that at all. I mean when was life ever clean and easy? Things were messy. People in relationships were messy. People out of relationships were messy. People were messy. And so what if I had triggered something from her past? I mean, we could work through this. At least I thought we could.

"Jack, are you still there? Please tell me you didn't leave to get a sandwich. This is kinda hard. I don't think I can say all of that again."

"Sorry Sadie. I am a little hungry, but no, no sandwich. Just thinking."

These are the moments that set trajectories . . . possibly very long trajectories. Maybe even permanent ones. If I pulled this trigger then I essentially committed myself to this path. She had baggage. I had baggage. So we had baggage. There is some great logic in there. We just needed to see if we had space for storing both sets of baggage and then if we could maybe sort it all out together.

An impulsive decision or destiny? Let's find out shall we?

"Sadie, I need to make a really important call. Hold on one second please. Trust me."

I hung up on her and then proceeded to redial her number.

I heard her answer and breathing. She didn't speak, probably rather confused.

"Hi Sadie. Sorry to call so late. This is Jack. Jack O'Donnell? You know, Brady's dad? I think we have met before. Alex and Brady play soccer together." I paused for one second but could still hear her breathing still. "Aaaaaanyway, listen, this might be a little crazy and out of nowhere, but I was thinking maybe we could grab coffee sometime. Before you get tooooo worried, I am only talking about something really casual. Really I just want to get to know you."

She still didn't speak. But she didn't hang up, so I kept talking, because you know, I felt a little desperate to convince her.

"Plus, I am pretty harmless, I promise! It's a no pressure thing. Just a free coffee with a dorky writer who thinks we may have a few things in common. I promise to not be serious at all. Would that be ok?"

Another long pause. I considered anything outside of a click a good thing.

"Sure Jack. That sounds nice," she answered hesitantly. I wish I could see her face. I prefer to imagine it not to be painted with dread but at least a small smirk of amusement.

"Great! Thanks Sadie. I will send you some times and you tell me what works."

She just quickly responded, "ok."

"Oh hey Sadie, just a thought out of nowhere really, are you on Facebook?"

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We picked a little café that neither of us knew anything about. Yelp reviews showed it to be acceptable, so since random strangers gave it four and a quarter stars I figured I might love it too! Honestly, I didn't care. The quality of the coffee or even the seats, the tables, the walls or the ceilings were all below the need just for a common place where I could sit down with Sadie.

At exactly 9 am, Sadie walked through the door. I smiled and waved at her as if she might not recognize me.

She still seemed guarded, but almost smiled and shook her head as if I was such a dork. Good. That's the plan. Dorks aren't a threat.

I reached out and shook her hand. "Hi Sadie. It's Jack. Jack O'Donnell. I wasn't sure you would recognize me but I am glad you came! Please have a seat and let me know what you want to drink. On me, if that's ok?" She smirked a little at my obviousness.

"Thanks Jack. Just a tall mocha cappuccino would be great." She settled into the seat as I scooted to the counter to place her order.

I glanced over my shoulder. She still seemed somber and a bit nervous, her eyes on me the whole time. I gave her a corny smile and wave, exuding all sorts of obliviousness. She actually smiled a bit more and shook her head slightly again, maybe even enjoying my Oscar-worthy performance.

I settled back in the seat with her cappuccino in hand.

We sipped for a second. I tried not to stare at her, but I thought she looked so pretty. She had her hair up in her messy bun, her glasses made her look so adorable, and I loved looking at her eyes. I kept my eyes on her face at all costs.

"Thanks again for meeting me Sadie. Can I be honest with you?"

She smiled a surface level smile and nodded, "Sure."

"I am asking you out a little here. Like a date you know?"

"I think I figured that out, Jack."

"Right, well you may be surprised by this, but I kinda don't know what I am doing here."

She raised her eyebrow.

"Well I know what I am doing HERE. I am having coffee with an interesting person. But what I meant was that I haven't done this kind of thing in a long time. I am kinda at a loss, you know?"

"I think I know what you mean, Jack."

"Right, I mean it is possible I could screw up and inadvertently make you feel uncomfortable or something, and really push you away. And man, that would suck because what if we really clicked well, you know? I mean REALLY clicked. Like once we got past awkwardness and whatnot."

"That is true." She maintained her walls.

"And I wouldn't know much about your background. So, every step I made could be rough."

She just nodded.

"But then that must have been what it was like when I was dating my wife. Well my ex-wife. I don't remember much about all of that though."

She sipped while listening. I had prepared parts of this, but I felt this great heavy nervousness. Like everything depended on it.

"I mean, the challenge of getting to know someone is that you don't know everything about what makes them tick. And sometimes that person might use past experiences, good and bad, as a guide. Sometimes right and sometimes wrong."

She stopped responding. Her mood was darkening, like she felt accused. Maybe I was a little.

"But, hey, I figured, I think you seem like a very fun and interesting person. And I would really hate to not have a chance to get to know you. I mean don't get nervous, but I am not into game playing. You know? I am not into just messing around."

She just barely nodded.

"So, I figured, why not ask you to coffee? And if we enjoyed that then we spend a little more time together. And then a little more if that went well. And then we could really get to know each other over time, super slow like. Do you know what I mean?"

I leaned forward, not letting her answer. "I am in no rush, Sadie. Some things are totally worth the wait." And with that I sat back, smiled at her and sipped.

She seemed a little dumbfounded. She probably needed to process a bit more, so I just decided to continue on.

"Tell me about your kids, Sadie."

We spent an hour talking and by the end it felt a step closer to what it had been before. I got her relaxed. And laughing a bit. Just a bit. And eventually she started making fun of me a little. And we all know that leads to much better things. After all, that's how it all began, right?

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Sadie and I met twice more that week; a lunch and actually a dinner. Both times we just talked about everything. I never made any moves on her and I never once looked at, near or in the same direction of her boobs. I also avoided looking at her butt too, just in case. One never knows. Pretty sure her face was fine to stare at so I just enjoyed that instead. No problem.

I think she wanted it slow, so I tried to do that.

We then slowly progressed over a few more weeks. We got together for dates officially, but low key and relaxed and non-threatening get togethers really. This was taking time but I was seeing what I wanted to see, Sadie was coming back to the surface.

And we also never spent time chatting online. In fact, once, she actually said hello online so I immediately called her. Call it weird, but it felt like starting on a dangerous path to me, so I wanted to make sure we didn't fall into anything that drew connections between me and mistakes of the past.

Some may question whether this was all worth it. Yep, she apparently had baggage. But I was being very honest when I realized that we all do. And at varying stages in our lives we have more pain and less pain. At this point I had less and she had more. Maybe in six months it would reverse, right?

Even though Sadie and I rarely spoke online, Karen actually had "friended" me (who the hell came up with that verb anyway?) in Facebook and she and I began chatting occasionally. We actually both told Sadie separately (unbeknownst to each other) that we were in contact. Understandably, Sadie expressed curiosity as to what we chatted about. Both Karen and I said the same thing: Sadie. And we openly told her what we were doing. She seemed to really appreciate my honesty. I mean a lot. Little things that revealed more bits of clues to the unknown with her.

What were we doing? Karen gave some general ideas and advice about dates, things Sadie liked, that sort of thing. Karen never revealed what Sadie had said about me (or much really). I occasionally reported to Karen some of the more mundane aspects of our "dates" but I also kept Sadie's confidence. Karen and I had developed an unspoken agreement: we both wanted to maintain Sadie's trust.

Regardless, Karen apparently became my biggest supporter. She mostly encouraged me a lot and acted as a sounding board for date ideas. I grew to really appreciate her as a friend.

So, with Karen's stamp of approval, I did something I normally would really absolutely dread.

"Hey Sadie, how was today?" I called on a Tuesday afternoon around lunch when I knew she wouldn't be too busy with work things.

"Hi Jack. Good to hear from you! All is ok. Project launch prep is taking all my time." In the last several weeks, while Sadie hadn't completely let down her guard she did seem to really appreciate our interactions a lot more. She seemed to really want to talk to me. I call that a big win.

"That launches on Thursday right?"

"Yup! Way to pay attention there, buddy. Kinda wish it was today so I could just get it over with. Too stressful, man!" She had shifted back into being cute and fun again. I liked this version better, for rather obvious reasons.

"Sorry. Hey, I have a random idea. Completely random. Not planned at all. Out of the blue really. Like I JUST NOW thought of this."

"Uh huh, what is that?" I could hear the amused skepticism.

"So, I think I should take you somewhere to celebrate the ending of the project! Oh, I don't know, lemme think for a second as I work through this brand new thought. I think probably Saturday night? Off the top of my head, Saturday night sounds right."

"Uh . . " she began but I cut her off.

"Oh I got it! The perfect impromptu idea just came to me with absolutely no planning or forethought: We should go to DC! That would be fun! We could leave in time to get there at exactly 5:00 pm."

"Uh Jack, what's in DC?"

"Lots of stuff, Sadie. You have your monuments and museums and other sources of edutainment. Oh and also of course the fine government institutions being run by a fine highly efficient and very effective government comprised of super awesome fine politicians where everyone plays super nicely with each other all as public servants working on behalf of the American people as opposed to just for their own self-interests!

"I tell you though, I hear the National Postal Museum looks AMAZING at night. Their stamp collections, I hear, are to die for. TO DIE FOR, Sadie. I mean who doesn't love stamps? Obviously I do. And I am sure you do too! They are small and square and have pictures and numbers and stuff. And they stick on things too! Kinda a multi-purpose piece of modern art if you ask me. And postal history is kinda sexy, amIright?" I could hear her typing as I yammered on.

"Holy shit!" Sadie yelled out loud. "Oh sorry Carol-Anne!" She yelled across to some nearby coworker apparently. She had seemingly managed to completely tune me out and did some googling or something.

She whispered loudly into the phone, "Oh my God. Jack, are we going to a concert?" Her voice sounded crazy excited. That made me smile.

"Maybe."

"Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod! I could kiss you!" She maintained her excited whisper as I pictured that happily.

"Please be aware I am really cool with that."

Yup, she found some events calendar for tourists for DC that had advertised the Backstreet Boys reunion tour coming through DC that weekend. Smart girl. That's right, recluse writer Jack cared enough about Sadie to make the ultimate sacrifice: attend a boy band concert (immediately followed by #2 and #3 ultimate sacrifices: selling your soul to the devil and intentionally watching the movie Beaches).

"I really can't though Jack," she sounded really dejected, "There is no way I can find a sitter this late . . . " she began. I had already planned though.

"Karen will be hanging with Brady, Alex and Anna. I think Michelle is bringing a few movies over and they are going to make a party of it. All taken care of." Boom. Mic drop. Who is the man? That's right, Jack (in case there was confusion).

"Wow."

"Yep, nothing will keep us from going to the National Postal Museum! Well and the other thing. I am going to forward some information to help us plan our museum route so that we can be sure to take in all of the historical postal exhibits. Make sure you pick out your favorite postage stamps in advance so we can be sure to hit those first!"

Pretty sure she wasn't listening to me. She probably was texting Karen or Michelle.

"Sadie?"

"Oh. Yes Jack?"

"So you will go out with me to the concert?" I quickly then quietly added "andthenationalpostalmuseum."

"Yes. I would even go to the postal museum with you Jack." She paused, "And Jack?"

"Yes?"

"You are a sweetheart. Thank you." I could hear her smiling, if that makes sense.

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For giggles, we got to DC early enough so that we actually could go to the National Postal Museum. And no offense to anyone who works there, or knows people who work there, or loves going there, or maybe even initially founded/ built the museum, or the Postmaster General herself, but it was not terribly sexy. I mean stamps are cool and stuff, but . .. You know, not sexy.

But the museum did make us laugh a lot. I mean, stamps aren't sexy but a museum devoted to them, in the view of non-stamp collectors, offered a lot of chances to be amused by the world. And again, no offense to stamp collectors or anything it just was goofy fun. Thankfully no one was there, so we avoided offending anyone. All in all, I am certain it would prove to be a fond collective memory.

We did enjoy the adjacent café though. Also not sexy, but casual and fun. During our Sadie-enforced communication hiatus, I had really missed talking to her. These moments offered the chance to continue on. It took a bit to get back to move back towards where we were, but I was glad we were heading that direction.