"Thanks, team. Um, brass, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I need it up half a notch from bar 256, c'mon, it's the huge swell that we know the audience is going to love. Let's take it from bar 240." I raised my baton, and the orchestra followed my lead, "That's it, that's it, now, boom, and, excellent! Thanks again, everyone. We'll leave it there for today, please note I am giving you a five-minute early mark! Honestly though, what a start. I really am looking forward to working with you all and thanks again for your warm welcome, I think there's still some muffins in the break room, take them home for whoever."
Placing my baton in its case, I scribbled some more notes on the music before gathering my scores and placing them safely in my satchel. I looked around the rehearsal space and smiled. Never would I have imagined I would be the conductor of a major state symphony orchestra in my early 30s.
Mum still told everyone that at my school orientation day when I was 5, I would not keep quiet when the violin teacher gave a brief performance, disclosing to everyone in a not too hushed voice, that I was going to play the violin too. Mum had played the piano a little when she was younger, however, she was mainly a singer who had never pursued anything professionally, but still liked performing in amateur musicals. Dad sang in the shower, but that was the extent of his musical ability. Juliet, my younger sister took up the flute and moved across to saxophone when she hit high school. My baby brother, Toby played the piano, and even though he was now almost finished with medical school he still found time to play keyboards in a cover band.
"Maestro, that was phenomenal! I forgot how much you get into things as I haven't played under you since, what, third year at the Con! Some of us were going to grab a drink at the pub next door and we'd love you to join us."
"Thanks, Lucy, I will, but only if you stop calling me maestro!"
"Sorry, Katie, oops, you do still go by that?" She asked with a sly grin on her face.
"I do. It's only my parents who call me Katherine, well them and my bosses, although I did get Donnie to concede that I will be called Katie Ainsworth on all orchestra materials, even if he won't call me Katie himself."
Lucy and I went to the same high school that had a specialist music program and were both accepted into the Conservatorium at the same time, Lucy majoring in cello and me in violin. It wasn't until I was in my second year that I plucked up the courage to promote myself as a conductor. The boys club were not that impressed, but I graduated with honours and received a Fulbright Scholarship to head to New York to complete my PhD and gain experience conducting various orchestras in the United States.
Music had been my life for so long now and I was content. I had stayed in the States for a while and put together an all-female orchestra that did some tours and produced a couple of recordings, but when Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer a little over a year ago, I chose to head home. There were still very few female conductors in Australia, but my old conservatorium gave me a gig and friends and colleagues like Lucy had fought hard for me to be considered as lead conductor at the state's symphony orchestra.
"You're not back living at home?" Lucy had placed a pot of beer in front of me.
"No. Mum and Dad sold the house a few years ago and moved into a townhouse after Toby moved out. I've been renting in the inner north but am looking to buy something soon. Not having a beer yourself?"
Lucy looked at Mark, another friend from university days, who played bassoon in the orchestra and the pair smiled.
"I can't keep it in any longer anyway! Mark and I are expecting. I'm 13 weeks on Friday!"
Everyone congratulated them. It was a nice get-together, and I was able to get to know some of the musicians better. A few I knew vaguely from my time at the conservatorium, but many were new faces.
The first few weeks in the job flew by. We had a couple of concerts that were well received by critics, many who had questioned my abilities as a conductor noting my relative youth and being an unknown quantity in the local arts scene. There were the regional concerts where we'd travel for an hour or two and play to local school kids which I loved doing especially as most kids had never seen a female conductor before.
A few of the players in the orchestra had tried flirting with me, both male and female musicians, but I made it clear I was not there for romance, despite being known as a conductor of romantic works. It's not that I didn't want the attention, but I knew I could never mix work and pleasure being the conductor of the show. I had seen it go pear-shaped too many times overseas.
I'd had a few relationships along the way, but I knew I needed to focus on my goals and aspirations and until now professional ambitions had overtaken personal ones. Juliet had married in the previous spring, both her and her husband Vlad were teachers and they seemed happy enough. My thoughts drifted back to Martin, the man I met a few months into my time in New York and who I thought I'd be spending my life with, but I drew them back to the present and hoped no one in front of me had seen the tears form in my eyes.
"OK, team, let's move onto the Rachmaninoff Symphony number 2," I sighed, taking a deep breath, and again tried to put Martin to the back of my mind. This was his favourite. He loved the slow and quiet start, "Now we are doing the full uncut version as you may have noticed..."
I gave my thoughts to the orchestra and was amazed at their first run through. There was silence as I lowered my baton at the end of the first movement. It was an almost spiritual moment. To my embarrassment, I was so overcome with emotion that I jumped down from the podium, sat down and burst into tears.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just... Wow, you folk sure can play. This, um, this symphony was the favourite of a dear friend of mine who's no longer with us and it's been ages since I've conducted it and it brought back some memories. Shall we move straight onto the second movement?"
I was embarrassed by my outburst. I had never seen a male conductor break down like that, but as another female conductor from Europe had reminded me, I was simply there to ensure the composer's vision was brought to life and no matter what I had between my legs I could do this just as well as anyone else.
At morning tea Lucy sought me out.
"You ok, hon?" She asked as she hugged me.
"Yeah, I'd been thinking about Martin and how this was his favourite."
"I can't imagine how hard it is."
"It's not hard, it's not, it's, well, it's... I woke up to an email from his mother this morning. They found some more investments he'd made and want to throw more money at me. I don't want the fucking money."
"It's been, what, 4 years?"
"Yep, 5 this July. Make sure for this one's sake you have things sorted." I said looking at Lucy's tummy.
"There you are Katherine," Donnie had sought me out, "Bad news I'm afraid. Catherina Castellano has come down with appendicitis and won't be able to fly so I'm looking around for an Australian pianist who can pick up the Rachmaninoff for next week."
"Have you tried Suzette Collins?" I knew Suzette from conservatorium days.
"She's in New Zealand on tour. Also tried Antonia Salkowski however she's about to have a baby."
"I told you when I started Donnie that I wanted an equal number of male and female soloists with the orchestra."
"I know, I know, but this is an emergency. Nancy is putting in a call to a few more managers to see who else might be available."
"What about Simon?" Lucy asked innocently.
"Simon Fordham? You know I won't work with him after that prank he pulled at uni, plus he never got the romanticism right with the Rach, he was more into Mozart."
"It's been almost 15 years, Katie!"
Poor Donnie received a look of death from me and told me he and his secretary, Nancy were onto it and to leave it with them.
The rest of the day's rehearsal went smoothly and by the end of the day, we had run through the entire symphony we were performing that Saturday night. It was one of the big weeks with the orchestra in that there was a matinée performance on Saturday of some lighter classics which I was also conducting but did not require the full ensemble. I knew we'd run through these on Friday, and they were almost the bread and butter of most of the ensemble-, an operatic overture, some Tchaikovsky ballet music and a Beethoven symphony.
