The double doors of the church stood open, and a man outside was greeting people as they walked up. Kelly tossed her blonde hair behind her shoulder, and thought, 'Here goes nothing.' She could hear the piano playing and people singing as she approached. The man said good morning to her, and she replied with a smile. As she walked up the stairs, people came into view. The parishioners were milling about, talking, singing, greeting one another. One by one they saw her, and one by one they froze for a moment before greeting her warmly.
Kelly felt tears sting her eyes. She was welcomed back into the fold. After she sat down, she glanced around as she sang, smiling and giving a small wave to those she recognized. She was a little early, so the people she dreaded and longed to see hadn't yet arrived.
Betty, the woman playing the piano and singing, switched to a different song, and as she played the intro, she asked, "It's a beautiful morning. Have you thanked God for it yet?"
It was answered by most everyone. Some said, "Amen", others said, "Yes, yes, thank you Lord."
Betty again spoke, "Remember, when you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on. The Lord will help you always. He will be your friend when no one else will."
Again, the congregation replied. The Pastor added, "If you're a hundred steps away from the Lord, if you take that first step, He will take the other ninety-nine."
Betty began singing, and the church sang with her. Some clapped, some tapped their feet. Kelly's head tipped down and she shut her eyes.
'Lord, please help me with what I'm about to do today. Give me the strength to say what needs said, and help me win forgiveness. Please. Amen.'
"Kelly. Gracious, I didn't expect to see you this morning." A man's jovial voice spoke at her side.
"Hello, Papaw. How have you been?" Kelly stood, and she gave him a quick hug.
He held onto her arms, and set her back from him slightly. "I've been good.. You look wonderful. You've lost quite a bit of weight!"
"I have. About fifty pounds so far."
"That's wonderful! Why are you here?" Papaw's eyes were shrewd. He knew something was in the air.
"I've come for forgiveness. I figured this was the best place to get it." Kelly smiled at her ex-fiancΓ©'s grandfather.
"You know, you're probably right. I don't think it's forgiveness from the Lord you're talking about, is it." It was a statement.
"No. Does he still come?"
"Oh yes, Rick still comes, and so does Pam. Every week. You know, Rick has gotten pretty involved with the church since.. Well, you know."
"I know." Pam was Rick's mother, and they were due to arrive any second.
"Just between us, I understand why you couldn't do it. I've talked to God, and I understand. I forgive you. I think Rick will too. Pam does already, but she's still hurt over how it all turned out, you know. You want him back?"
"I do."
"Then if he is being stubborn, Pam and I will talk some sense into him. If it's meant to be, which I think it is, everything will work out. God will gather the pieces, because he knows the master design. Let's pray."
"Thank you." Kelly felt tears sting her eyes again.
"Heavenly Father, help these young people see the truth. Help them work through their differences, and strengthen them Lord, give them the clarity to see what's right in front of them. Lord, we pray that stubbornness and pride won't cloud judgment, and that they can find happiness. One piece at a time, Lord. If it's not meant to be, it won't. In your precious name, Lord, we pray. Amen."
"Amen."
"Here they come."
Papaw made a quick retreat, heading off to meet them by the doors. Kelly sat down with her back erect and her neck uncomfortably stiff, with her hands folded in her lap. She began singing, needing something to do to keep her mind focused. Hearing their approach, she sensed more than heard the hesitation in their step. She had been spotted. Her head turned on it's own accord, and she looked up into the deep brown eyes of the man she had left standing at the altar, in this very church, one year ago this very day.
"Welcome back."
The two simple words struck Kelly right in the sternum. He looked angry, and he looked hurt. He didn't mean it. Pam however, stood in the pew in front of her and gave her a tight squeeze.
"I've missed you."
"I've missed you too." Kelly blinked back tears, and she looked into the face of a woman she admired so, but had hurt so deeply.
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
Kelly turned her gaze to Rick. She watched his eyes flash with a million different emotions, and she swore his chin trembled for a moment. Tears slipped over her eyelids and she blinked, keeping her eyes shut for a moment, gathering her strength. When she opened them, Rick was still looking at her with an indiscernible expression on his face, but he sat down beside her.
That small gesture said more than any words could. He was on his way to forgiving her. Pam sat on the other side of her, and Papaw sat beside Rick. Together they sang, prayed, and listened to the service. Kelly hadn't felt so light in a long time. She smiled, feeling the wonder of the glorious day, feeling renewed within her soul.
Betty sang 'Amazing Grace', and Kelly felt tears again. Finally, she broke down and let herself sob quietly. Pam put her arm around her and rubbed her back gently. Once her tears stopped, Pam gave her a squeeze, and put her arm back down to her side. Kelly smiled her thanks, then looked back up to the pastor, who was finishing his point.
"God gave his son to us. Gave him up for us. If He is willing to do that, what else will He do? I want everyone to think about that. How profound that is. Look at your brothers and sisters, and think, what would you do for them? Love one another, help one another, and above all, don't judge each other, and be sure to forgive." The pastor looked around. "You're dismissed, have a wonderful day, thank you for coming!" He took off to the back of the sanctuary reading to shake hands with everyone as they left.
Pam and Papaw started talking, but Rick and Kelly stayed put for a moment. She looked at his hands as he rubbed them absently on the thighs of his pants.
"Pastor Dave is as entertaining as ever." Kelly finally looked at Rick's face.
"Yeah. I've gotten to know him pretty well. He's an awesome guy. He truly cares about people."
"Of course he does, he's a preacher." Kelly joked.
Miracle of all miracles, Rick's mouth twitched into a smile.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He looked over at her and grabbed her hand. "Let's go."
~
"Why are you here?"
Kelly hesitated. They had said their good byes, then headed out down the path behind the church. They walked through the cemetery, listening to the birds singing and feeling the sun on their faces. Rick had finally spoken, and Kelly didn't want to break the spell. She looked down at their linked hands and took a deep breath.
"For forgiveness."
"Do you know how bad you hurt me?"
"I'm sure it was a lot. It hurt me too."
"I packed all your stuff, expecting you to call, but I really wanted to burn it. You never called. I unpacked it all and put it back where it belonged. Your clothes are still hanging in my closet." Rick swallowed hard.
Kelly was speechless. At the time, she thought she loved him more than he loved her. Apparently that hadn't been the case.
"I did a lot of church things. I came to both services on Sunday, and on Wednesday night. I went to the men's group on Tuesdays, and the rest of the week was miserable. I needed God to explain to me why you left. I was angry. Betrayed. Embarrassed. And my heart was broken into a million pieces." Rick glanced over at her and stopped walking.
"Did He have an answer?" Kelly met his gaze steadily.
"He didn't, but He helped me see inside myself and I found the answer on my own. We'd been through so much, and were having a run of good times. You were afraid the bottom was going to fall out. My job wasn't very secure and things with mom were shaky. I think you panicked."
"You're right." Kelly nodded her head.
"I wish you would have talked to me. We could have held off. I wish you wouldn't have left me standing there with a church full of people and my heart on my sleeve." Rick's jaw tightened.
"If I could go back and do things differently, I would. In a heartbeat." She sighed. "Rick, I stood there in my gown, my hair done, the veil trailing down my back, and I sobbed. I was so afraid. My make up was ruined, and I had wrung my hands so badly I mangled my bouquet. My mind just...sort of closed down, and the next thing I knew I was fifty miles away in my wedding dress, with a ruined batch of flowers in the passenger seat."
"Kelly... I wish you could have talked to me.. Just called. Anything. I would have done anything to make it right. I wouldn't have forced you to marry me that day."
"I know you wouldn't have. I was just terrified and on auto-pilot. I'm so sorry Rick, for everything. The fact you even looked at me today was amazing. I thank you for it." Kelly took a deep breath.
"I wanted to knock you off the pew ya know. Just wham! See you hurting and embarrassed on the floor. Make you feel a tenth of what I felt. But God was in my ear quicker than my reflexes." Rick smiled.
"I would have deserved it." Kelly took a deep breath.