It was dark and cold and I walked quickly along the unlit path. My heels clicked loudly on the concrete, casting a lonely echo that made me feel exposed and vulnerable and alone in the late night. Easy prey for whatever might lurk in the surrounding undergrowth. Long branches reached out to tickle and caress my calves as I passed, each tug at my stockings a naughty reminder of my purpose.
I stood at his door. The air smelled of smoke and pine. And perfume. Had I used too much? Would it seem desperate? Should I go back? I hesitated, the heat between my thighs arguing against retreat. My heart beat faster, I knew this was the last time.
If he still wanted me.
My heels must have announced my presence. The door opened, radiating heat and light. He stood in silhouette, his tall, broad-shouldered frame filling the doorway. He tilted his head in recognition, the intensity of his gaze as his eyes roamed my body leaving me flustered. What must he think of this young, stupid girl in his doorway? Was I being too forward? Too presumptuous? Could he read my intentions in the dark eye shadow and deep red lipstick I had so carefully applied? In the four inch heels? Or in the impracticality of the dangerously short, fitted wool coat from which my stocking-clad legs emerged?
"Hey, uh, I wasn't expecting... I wasn't expecting to see you again. I thought you'd left."
"Tomorrow. In the morning. My flight leaves at eight."
The words hung in the air between us. He didn't respond. The moment lingered uncomfortably in my guts. Why didn't he say anything? I shouldn't have come. The way he looked at me. Had this been a mistake? But I need this. I needed him.
"I'm happy you stopped by." The words came out awkwardly, but his smile came easily. I had loved that smile. "You must be freezing, come in." I grinned. He stepped aside. My shoulder brushed against his chest as I stepped past him into the hall. He felt good. He smelled good. He closed the door, his hand pressing into my lower back as he guided me towards the living room. The smell of smoke intensified. A fire roared in the fireplace, enveloping me in its warmth. Stacks of papers sat on a coffee table. A blond-haired girl sat in a high-backed leather chair. A pen in hand, she was reading.
I wanted to die.
He made introductions. The girl, in a turtleneck and jeans, was my replacement. Her smile was almost a frown, her hand limp in mine. My outfit, which had seemed sexy and provocative when seen through his eyes, now felt childish and slutty through hers. I wanted to run, but his hand pushed me towards the sofa, my coat compounding my humiliation as it slid further up my thighs as I sat down. I crossed my legs tightly.
We talked. Or, he talked. He poured me a glass of wine and we toasted my new adventure. He told the girl about my research, my grant. As my glass emptied and, as he continued his praise, I felt less out of place. Valued. Accomplished.
And then she left.
I heard the door close and lock. The creak of a loose floorboard as he reentered the room. The pop and crackle from a log in the fire. The soft swish as my wine glass was refilled. His deep, booming voice and laughter as we talked.
He sat next to me. Close. The slope of the sofa cushion pressing his thigh into mine. I felt so small next to him. We drank. His hand casually found its way to my knee as he made a point, his thick, calloused fingers sliding roughly over my stockings. It felt good, his fingers. His home. The wine.
My posture relaxed, and I let my legs uncross, curling them under me on the sofa as I kicked off my heels. The coat didn't offer much cover in this position, but it didn't matter now. Not with the wine and the fire. I needed this, to return to the way things had been before. I pushed my long, brown hair out of my eyes and rested my head against the palm of my hand as I listened to him talk. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed him.
"It's getting really warm in here, let me see if I can't bring down the fire a little bit." His hand pressed harder into my knee as he pushed himself up off of the sofa. I watched as he moved past me, my eyes lingering on the muscles rippling in his forearm as he retrieved the poker. His movements were deliberate and focused as he tended the fire, revealing a physical strength hidden in the folds of his oxford shirt and dress slacks. I felt my body begin to respond as I remembered being caught up in the embrace of those arms, feeling the weight of his body on mine, and the liberation I felt when I gave myself to him, wholly and completely.
"I'm sorry I didn't think of it before, but would you like me to take your coat? You must be roasting." His eyes told me a different truth. He had been thinking about it. He knew.
I nodded.
My breath quickened as he sat down on the sofa next to me, his arm draping over the sofa cushion behind my head. I held my wine glass aloft so it wouldn't spill. His free hand picked up one end of the belt that held my coat tight to my waist. He rubbed the material through his fingers. I placed my hand on his. So big. Warm. Our eyes met and he knew. I belonged to him tonight.
He tugged the belt free, then slid his hand up to the top button, sliding it out through the slit. I drank my wine and hid my nervousness by focusing my attention on his face. He looked so intense. And he had such beautiful eyes. Had there always been so much grey in his beard? So many wrinkles lining his cheeks? He popped the second and third buttons on the coat, which now hung loosely across my body. He worked slowly, methodically, not bothering to push apart the flaps. He knew I would be free of the coat soon enough. He reached the last button, his hand pressing it down into my hips to release it from its clasp, then he slowly slid a finger up along the loose opening, the coat falling away from my body.
My skin flushed, my secret revealed. I was naked beneath the coat, my small, pert breasts completely exposed and only a shear pair of black nylon stockings left to cover my legs and hips, the lips of my shaved pussy plainly visible through the fabric. He smiled, but it was not in kindness. It was hunger. He wanted me. I felt myself growing wet.
His fingers traced along my cheek, my tongue instinctively darting out to lick them as they crossed my lips. He pushed them into my mouth and I looked into his eyes as he began to fuck my lips with his fingers. I knew then I didn't have to be anything in that moment that I wasn't. I didn't have to worry about what anyone else thought of me. Was I a slut? Was I being objectified? Degraded? There were no labels. I was a woman and he was a man. He pulled his fingers away and kissed me.