Zane hated himself for making love to Meg like he had on the couch. He'd just been so upset by her suggestion that they be nothing more than friends with benefits that he hadn't known what else to do. He'd used her idea to take her like he wanted to, some primitive part of his mind telling him that he was staking his claim.
Now, in the dim pre-dawn light of her bedroom, he watched her sleeping and asked himself why he hadn't just refused. He'd wanted to tell her that he wanted all of her or nothing but he'd stopped himself, knowing that that for sure would kill any relationship between them, friends or otherwise.
In the end, he'd decided that this way, he was getting all of her. It was perhaps a little more convoluted than that and his tangled emotions told him it wasn't the way he wanted things to be. For now, he would take it. He would be with her how she wanted it, as a friend and part-time lover and in the meantime, he would figure out a way to convince her that he loved her.
Stifling a sigh, he moved from the bed and gathered his clothes. He didn't want to leave her but he knew that when she woke in the morning, she'd be disconcerted with his presence, to say the least. It was also a Monday and she needed to get ready for school without him hovering and making things difficult.
So he took his stuff back to his room and flopped onto his bed. After a few minutes, he picked up his cell and checked his schedule for the next week or so. He was home for another week and then off to Boston, Toronto and St. Louis. Not exactly a smooth road trip but short, nonetheless.
He had no way of knowing how Meg would be this week. She might ignore him or pretend nothing had happened. He allowed himself a grim smile and his groin stirred as he thought about using his 'privileges' to stay close to her at night, even if she wanted to ignore what was happening between them during the day.
Zane closed his eyes and ordered his mind to more mundane topics so he could get his body under control. He was just starting to doze when he heard the faint tinkle of Meg's alarm clock. A second later, it was off and then in another minute, the water in her bathroom started. Zane rolled over with a groan and buried his face in the pillow.
I will not think of her naked in the shower,
he told himself.
I will not think of the water running over her perfect breasts and the soap bubbles tickling her skin.
Of course, he grew hard and didn't know how he'd make it through another day without seducing her every chance her got.
****
Lucky for him, the week was busy. There were practices in between the games on Wednesday and Friday and a few team functions that he was obligated to attend. With all that going on, he didn't have much of an opportunity to spend time alone with Meg. Either he was out later than she was, or vice versa.
They didn't avoid each other on purpose and when they did see one another, they laughed and talked like nothing had changed. In the back of Zane's mind, he knew it was how Meg wanted things for now but it grated on his nerves to smile and act like he didn't get hard at the mere sight of her. At the same time, he didn't want her to think he only wanted her sexually. He loved everything about her, he always had, long before he'd ever seen her as a woman.
In the locker room, things were still tense between him and Mike. Neither of them said anything but they both knew things weren't right. Adam never brought it up either and Zane knew Adam was avoiding the topic of Meg altogether. Zane was grateful to his friend for not probing but he was feeling the urge to talk to someone about it. He pushed it off for a couple days, telling himself that guys weren't like chicks. They didn't need to analyze every little nuance of a relationship.
Then at practice on Friday before the game, Zane couldn't hold it in any longer. He asked Adam if he wanted to get something to eat for lunch after practice. Adam looked surprised but nodded in agreement.
"So what's up, Z?"
Zane gave Adam an innocent stare that made the other man snort with laughter. They were seated at a local pizza parlor and they'd just ordered their shared pizza.
"What makes you think something's up?"
Adam rolled his eyes and leaned his elbows on the table. "Please. You've hardly spoken to me since the weekend."
"I can't just want to have a slice with my buddy?" Zane hoped he sounded casual but knew he'd failed when he saw the knowing look on Adam's face. He heaved a sigh and rubbed his face with one hand. "All right, fine. I needed to talk to someone."
"If this is about Mike hitting on Meg, you need to deal with it and move on, Z."
Zane's eyes snapped back to Adam's face and narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Look, I like Meg, I think she's great. And maybe you two are meant to be together or whatever. But if not, you need to let it go and be a proper teammate to Mike."
Zane had to tamp down the urge to spit in rage even though he knew what Adam said was perfectly logical.
"We can't have this tension between you guys. We have a real shot at making it this year and no one wants to give it up because you're acting jealous." Adam paused and raised an eyebrow at Zane. "Even if you do have some reason to be jealous."
Zane pressed his lips together and nodded.
"Well?" Adam prompted.
"Well, what?"
"Do you have a reason to be jealous? All this time I assumed you and Meg were just friends and she could date whoever she wanted, Mike included. But if there's something going on-"
"There is," Zane blurted and flushed at Adam's answering chuckle. "I mean, there wasn't before this weekend."
"But there is now?"
Zane nodded and avoided Adam's pointed look by guzzling his iced tea.
"Why don't you look happy about it? I've seen the two of you together." Adam grimaced. "At the risk of sounding like a chick, you do seem to be made for each other."
Zane's lips twitched and he almost smiled. "It's not that simple."
"It never is." Adam waited until Zane caved.
He glossed over the details but managed to tell Adam about what had happened after their Saturday practice.
"Really? It was her idea?"
Zane nodded.
"Why didn't you tell her that you wanted more?"
"Because it would have just freaked her out and she'd have said no. That would have ruined everything between us."
"How do you know? Maybe she just wanted to hear you say it first."
"Say what first?" Zane was being childish but he didn't want to face the fact that he might have been wrong in agreeing so quickly to Meg's terms.
"I'm not going to be the one to tell you, man." Adam chuckled and sat back, waving his hands in front of him. "No way, no how. We're definitely not chicks."
Zane met his gaze and started to laugh. It felt good and he didn't feel as torn up inside. Adam was right, even though he hadn't come right out and said it. Zane let it go for now. He dug into the pizza and forgot for the moment about his troubles with Meg. He even vowed to himself to make things right with Mike when they all arrived at the Prudential Center for the game later.
Nothing would be easy but Zane had never been one to back down from a challenge. And he was still willing to be patient for Meg.
****
Meg felt sick to her stomach as she watched the poor showing from the Devils on TV Friday night. She'd turned down dinner with Nikki and some other women from the school that night, deciding to go home and watch the game instead. She felt guilty for missing his game on Wednesday and even though he hadn't said anything when she'd confessed that she'd missed it, she knew it had bothered him.
Tonight the Devils were facing a Western Conference team - the Edmonton Oilers - and they'd started out well. The team captain had scored off an assist from Mike and they'd had plenty of power play opportunities. Then something had happened in between the first and second periods and now, as they started the third period, they trailed the Oilers by two.
"Come on, guys," Meg muttered as she clutched her blanket close to her chest.
No one could hear her, least of all Zane, who didn't seem to have shown up for the game at all. He was playing with a distracted air, missing passes and making almost no shots. Meg ached for him and wished with all her heart that she had nothing to do with it.
At last the game ended. No points for Zane and a loss for the entire team. They'd managed to score once in the third but in the end, it hadn't been enough. Meg shut off the TV and went to bed. She was tired from the whole week and watching the game had drained her more than she'd expected.
She was asleep a minute after her head hit the pillow and she didn't wake up until she felt the bed dip beside her. She jerked awake with a start and almost screamed until she heard Zane's familiar chuckle in her ear.
"Goddamnit, Z. You scared the life out of me!"
Again, his warm chuckle brushed across her ear and she shivered. Zane's body moved closer and she felt his hands pushing away the long shirt she had on. She opened her mouth to protest when his cold hands brushed her skin but his mouth found hers in the dark and she was helpless to do anything.
Zane must have sensed her acquiescence and whisked the shirt off over her head. She spread her legs when he pressed his knee between them and he kissed her senseless as he rose above her.
"God, I need you, Meg."
Meg shivered at his unexpected words and jumped at the first contact of his body against her core. She was afraid for a moment that he would take her then, before she was really ready but he shifted and she felt his fingers plying her. She moaned and lifted her hips to meet the play of his hand.
His mouth clamped onto her neck and he sucked as he drew out her arousal almost to completion, then he backed off. Meg made a frustrated noise and thrust her hips up, desperate for him to finish. Then he surged into her, silencing her cry of surprise with a deep kiss. She drank him in as she felt him moving inside her, thrusting with deliberate care.
It wasn't until she arched under him that his pace increased. She moaned into his mouth as he began to lose control and cried out when his fingers clamped hard on her hips. He pumped his body a few more times before giving a deep groan and shuddering over her. As he rolled off her, Meg felt her body still humming from what he'd done and bit her lip when he absently stroked her bare stomach.
"I'm sorry, Meg."
His apology was soft and Meg blinked back sudden tears. "For what?"
He let out a breath and rolled onto his side to look at her. She turned her head and could just see the outline of his face. "For that. I had such a terrible game and I just wanted to feel something besides the loss."
