Elderly King Diatonisus was holding one of his regular Saturday afternoon court sessions ahead of the games which were the highlight of the weekends for the masses. Assembled were 30 to 40 of his most beautiful subjects, some of whom had to be, by definition, blood relatives of his. By definition, due to one of his royal highness's many titles - "Father of The Nation" Diatonisus, later to be King Diatonisus I in the annals, or "Dire Tony" as the trash media would label him had served as monarch of Carnalis for 6 decades now.
"Tell us about your rise to absolute power, Sire. You must have so many tales of daring with which to enthral us." said the delightful petite blonde girl, Lady Beatrice, seated to his right.
"To be honest, every rival I have had to kill, every political allegiance forged and every marriage for the wrong reasons are painful for me to relate. They are, anyway, recorded in the official historical accounts or in the free press. I prefer to talk about the joyous unions that led to the creation of my true power base, my army of beloved bastards, some of whom are here in this room."
"Not I, Sire, though I certainly share their adoration of you." whimpered Beatrice, placing her slender hand on his thigh over his silken gown.
Tony reserved judgment on the veracity of her claim for now. He could not be expected to recall all his past lovers and whether they may or may not have borne his offspring. So, King Tony commenced his tale:
"As an orphaned youth, I had little wealth or power yet. I was fortunate to be blessed with a gentle demeanour and a gift for conversation which served me well in selling my wares across the nation. I recall my first encounter with the peasant girl down by the stream in the Upper Carnalian mountains. If you will humour me I will tell you of how we came to know each other, how our love developed and what became of her." said King Tone.
"Oh, please do, Sire!" cooed Beatrice, echoed by many of the girls and boys in the courtroom.
The courtroom itself had been designed to the King's own instructions. He did not sit at a throne but rather on comfortable benches lined with a synthetic, easy-wash ermine substitute his Alchemists had developed. No minks were harmed on Tony's watch. Lower down, the benches gave way to swing-chairs suspended from the ceiling and benches and tables of various height. Diatonisus encouraged his subjects to yield to their lust when the tales became too thrilling and their assembled playmates too alluring for them to resist the urge any longer.
"One fine summer's day in my 17th year, I had stopped by the stream at a clearing in the forest to take a break and my lunch. A pleasant looking maiden came through the trees carrying a basket of clothes to be washed. She apologised for disturbing me and asked if she may be allowed to launder her garments there.
"You need no permission from me" said I "I am but a lowly trader. Were you not so busy I would have liked to see if I could interest you in my wares."
"I am in no rush, what do you have?"
"Oh, just some new cleaning products. They are exceedingly popular in Carnalis City and yet relatively unknown elsewhere in the land. I could give you a demonstration, if you'd like?"
So, I joined her by the river and she handed me items from her basket. It was clear that they were not hers. The dresses were like tents and the under-garments like hammocks. The environmentally friendly detergent worked wonders on the grubby undies.