Skylar held back tears as she continued to stare at him, "Yeah, I think you do. Are you going to start or should I just blow up on you?"
Jay opened his mouth and was about to speak when she continued, "What the hell is going on?! How long have you been keeping this a secret from me?!"
The distraught young man shrugged out of his jacket and let it droop on his arm, "I was going to tell you, Sky... honestly."
"When?!" She blasted as she took a deep breath. She was all kinds of confused and hurt, and she didn't know if she wanted to hit him or collapse in his arms.
"Soon, by the end of this week, actually," Jay sighed. "I wanted to tell you, Skylar, so many times, but... every time I thought about it, I got sick with worry and I couldn't bring myself to do it."
Skylar was unable to hold back her tears as they came rushing downward, "I can't believe you kept this from me... what am I supposed to do with this, Jay?"
He shook his head, "How much do you know?"
Her eyes flashed, "Well, let's see: I know that you've been lying about how you really make your money for at least since we've been together. I know you draw porn, and I know that you've been writing a web comic about our relationship... starring me!" She gestured to herself, "That the entire damn world can see! What else is there to know?"
He crossed his arms, "That's pretty much the gist of it."
Her eyes widened, "Is that all you have to say?"
He met her gaze, "What do you want me to say, Sky?"
Her eyes began to blur with tears once more as she looked down, "I don't know... I just... how could you do this to me?" She glanced up at him with a look that was both accusatory and desperate.
Jay almost cried himself, "You make it sound like I was doing it to hurt you. I wanted to tell you, Sky! God, I wanted to tell you so badly!" He took a step closer to her tossed his jacket on the couch, "I was scared, Skylar. I was so scared that if you knew the truth you would dump me. You're parents..."
"you thought I would dump you because you draw porn?" She asked him suddenly, cutting him off.
He shrugged, "I thought you might... yeah."
"Then you don't know me as well as you think you do," she gave him a look that almost broke his heart. "Why does it matter, anyway; jeebus, Jay! Don't you think it would have been a good idea to, oh, I don't know, tell me about this before you asked me to marry you?!"
"I told you, I wanted to, Sky! Your family would stone me if they knew what I really did for a living! It's not like everything you know is a lie; I really do financial consulting on the side. This is the only thing that I've kept from you, I swear it."
"That doesn't make me feel better!" She lashed out at him. "So what, you were gonna keep this a secret throughout our entire relationship?"
He frowned, "I was going to tell you."
"Yeah, you said that already," she replied sardonically. "You were gonna tell me after you'd already put a ring on it so you'd have me hooked, is that it? What am I going to tell my parents?"
Jay's face became dour, "Why do you have to tell them anything?"
She looked at him with surprise, "You're expecting me to keep this a secret with you?"
"I don't know," he stepped to the middle of the living room and sat down on the coffee table, "But I do know that you're a grown ass woman and you need to start making decisions for yourself."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Her eyes narrowed.
"You know what it means, Sky. It means that you need to stop pining for their approval and start living your own life."
"And living my own life involves lying to my family?!"
"No! Shit... maybe," he held his head in his hands for a moment before looking up at her, "I'm sorry, Skylar... I really am sorry. It was wrong, the whole thing was wrong from the beginning. I should have told you right away, but I was too scared."
"What were you scared of? Do you really think that I'm so closed minded that I would have written you off completely just because you draw porn?" She rolled her eyes, "I'm so angry with you right now. Our wedding is in four months and I have to snoop through your stuff to find this kind of thing out? There are so many reasons why I don't want to talk to you right now, so help me understand what I'm missing exactly."
"You're not missing anything; you have every right to be upset."
She went quiet for a long moment, "So, did any of it mean anything to you, or was it just fuel for your comic?"
Jay's took a deep breath and tried hard to steady his emotions, "Skylar..." he began quietly. "I know it's weird, but it was never meant to be. I fell in love with you so quickly and so hard that I needed to do something to get my mind right," he closed his eyes for a moment and tried not to choke up. "It started as a kind of diary, and then it kind of took off. I showed a few people because I was so excited to share my new relationship with you, and everyone really liked it. I started making more and more chapters and things just got out of hand." He took another deep breath and looked at her earnestly, "I can't... touch you the way I want to, Skylar. Some days, it kills me, not because I'm so horny that I can hardly stand it, but because I feel like I'm going to die if I don't hold you close to me." Despite his efforts to remain calm, a few tear began to fall down his face, "I can't bear the thought of losing you, and I knew, the longer I waited, the more chance there was of you changing your mind about us. Everything, absolutely everything about our relationship is real, and I would drain every drop of blood in my body for you right this moment if you asked me to."
She sighed heavily "Why you gotta take it there? Your morbid sign of love aside, I believe you, but that still doesn't make me feel better." Her voice softened, "You kept this a secret from me Jay... not just the porn, but your art in general. You are amazing... I mean, the stuff I saw, just... wow," she sniffled. "That's part of the reason I'm so upset. You're hiding this whole side of you that I didn't know existed, and I'm just now finding out about it right before I marry you? What's wrong with that picture? I think I would have surprised you, but you didn't give me a chance, and now we're in this mess."
"So what are we going to do?" He asked her quietly.
"I'm angry and I can't think straight right now. So, here's what's going to happen: I'm going to go home and let myself defrag a little. I'm not going to tell anyone about this because it's none of their damn business and it's between us. I'll message you online later and we can talk there, because I'm so mad that I don't even want to hear your voice right now."
He nodded in defeat, "Okay... that sounds fair."
Skylar stood shakily and made her way to the door. Before she left, she grabbed his jacket and wiggled into it, "I'm taking this as collateral."
He looked up at the door as she left, and the last thing he saw was the floppy sleeve of his jacket slam the door shut.
The next few hours were some of the coldest and longest of Jay's life. He was unable to do anything productive, and the idea of even watching a show depressed him, so he resigned himself to staring at the wall and waiting.
