Not One of Those Women

My depression started at roughly the same time that my loving wife, who shall be henceforth known as the bitch, transferred her affection to another man. The fact that it wasn't from me to another man but from the previous other man to the new other man that was the final straw. She said that it all started was because I couldn't get it up anymore, this could have been because I had found out that she had been having it off with the first (I think) previous other man. My friends asked me why I hadn't kicked her out years ago when she first started spreading it around. I tried to rationalise it and the best that I could come up with was to say that I was scared, scared that I would never be able to attract another woman. Eventually I got up the guts to confront her. "Look, you're going to have to choose between me and Tom or Dick or Harry or whoever it is that you're fucking now because I'm finished with being here to pick up the pieces when you get dumped and making do with the unsatisfactory sex that you think will keep me interested. So who is it to be?"

This brings me to the here and now, the here is I am sitting in a bar, a glass of beer in my hand, the now is some two years after the bitch made her choice and I'm looking at the only other person in here, a woman who in better times would have been called attractive but her eyes let her down tonight. It wasn't just the mascara that had run down her cheeks that detracted from her looks it was the eyes, limpid brown pools surrounded by red rims, she had been crying.

Our eyes met for a brief moment before she looked away giving me the opportunity to take a closer look at her. I put her age at around forty but don't quote me on that because I was never good at guessing women's ages. Her dark hair sat in untidy curls around her face and it had that dull look about it that told of lack of recent care. She wore no makeup, apart from the runny mascara and a pale pink lip gloss, so I could see the lines on her face quite clearly.

She stood up and walked towards me, heading for the powder room and as she neared me her bag opened depositing some of its contents on the floor. When she bent to pick her things up I was treated to a quite spectacular tit flash, her blouse hung open and a lace supported breast was revealed to me. It got even better when I bent to pick up her wayward compact that had rolled toward me and ended up against my foot. It took a long time for me to straighten up and my eyes to meet hers. I handed the compact to her. "Thank you." She took it from me and in the process our fingers touched. She headed for the ladies.

While she was doing whatever it was that women do in those places, I had time to collect my thoughts. Her face set her age at around forty but her breast reduced that quite considerably, the lace held it in place easily and I saw the tip of her nipple poking darkly through a hole. I was still reliving the moment when she emerged, her mascara now removed making her face look so much younger and better. As she walked past I touched her arm. "Would you care to join me?" she looked at me for a moment or two as if to work out if she would be safe with me before deciding to join me.

I was the first to break the ice. "I'm Peter." I held out my hand for her to shake, she gave the impression that she wasn't interested in me or my hand but shook it nonetheless. "I couldn't help noticing that you're a little upset, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want, but if you do, feel free to tell me what's bothering you."

"I'm Celeste, I don't want to burden you with my problems you look as if you've got enough of your own." There was nothing particularly celestial about this woman that I could see.

"Mine are old news, the aftermath of which is taking some getting used to, but yours are more recent and could probably do with a second opinion."

"If you must know my husband has kicked me out after fifteen years of marriage, he says it's because he wants children and I'm unable to have any."

"I'm sorry to hear that, you must be devastated. I suppose that you suggested adoption?"

"Yes, he says that he doesn't want to raise someone else's child, the same goes for surrogacy, he doesn't want a child that has come from someone else's womb, so here I am wondering what the hell to do with the rest of my life."

"Surely he's made some provision for you, he can't just throw you out with nothing."

"He did and he's told me that if I challenge him in court he will get the best divorce lawyer to crucify me."

"Have you done anything that he can use against you?"

"He thinks that I have. While he was away on business one of his colleagues came to see me and during the course of the evening he made a pass at me. I rejected him of course, and a well-placed kick eventually turned him off, so he told Wayne that we'd had sex. There was hell to pay and he still thinks that I'm lying to him. It was my word against his mate's and he's chosen his mate's."

"That doesn't seem fair."

"Tell me about it, but then is anything fair in this world?"

"Seemingly not for good guys like us, it certainly hasn't been fair for me until now." She looked at me trying to work out if I was coming on to her or not. "Maybe we can change all that, what are you going to do tonight?"

"I don't know, all I know is that I have nowhere to stay."

"Where have you been staying?"

"I've spent the last few nights in a homeless shelter but the guys there keep hitting on me."

"Haven't you any friends?"

"No, all of our friends don't want to know me because they were all his friends and don't want to take sides against him."

"You could stay in a hotel."

"Sure I could if I had money. He has cut me off from his credit cards and our joint account and I never had any funny money of my own, I'm without a cent in the world."

I began to get an uneasy feeling about her, one where I saw her as frequenting hotel rooms that were rented by the hour. What the hell, I needed sex and a suitably accommodating professional lady mightn't be so bad. "What if I pay for your room for tonight and in the morning I'll see what I can do to help you out?"

"I couldn't accept that, I'm not that kind of lady."

"What kind?"

"You think that I'm a whore don't you? You think that I'm the type of woman that would give herself to a man for the price of a room for the night."

Had I been wrong about her, had I misread the signs? "I don't think that at all, I was just trying to help a damsel in distress, no strings attached." Who was I trying to kid? In my present state of mind I would jump her bones at the slightest encouragement. I tried to read her mind from her expression as she thought about my offer; did she think that it was genuine, and that I was that naive that she could take me for more than she had planned, or was she actually a desperate person who genuinely didn't want to get involved with me or any other man right now? Or was it that I'd tarred her with the same brush as the bitch?

"Alright I'll let you get me a room for the night but at the first sign of any funny business I'll leave." I got up to leave and as she got to her feet I noticed that all she carried was her bag with the dodgy clasp. "Is that all you have in this world?"

"The rest of my stuff is in a locker at the bus station, not that there's much." There was a small but comfortable looking hotel just down the block and we headed for that. The guy behind the reception desk looked up from his newspaper, a knowing look on his face.

"This lady would like a room for the night, can you help her?"

"Sure thing, is it just the lady?"

I looked at her and she shrugged her shoulders. "It's just the lady." She signed the registration card and took the key. We walked to the elevator and headed for the third floor, her room was at the end of the corridor and it overlooked an alley. "Sorry about the view." I said by way of conversation.

"It's better than what I've seen over the past few days." She turned to me. "You can stay if you like." She looked at me, waiting for my reply, her hand touching the top button of her blouse.

"I would like to but I don't think I should."

"Why not, don't you find me a little attractive?" Her fingers released her top button.

"I do find you a lot attractive. It's just that I don't think that I'm ready for this."

Her fingers moved to the next button and I could feel him down there stir from his two plus year slumber. "You mightn't be ready but he looks as if he is." Her hand opened the next button and then moved from her button and brushed me down there before returning to hold him. "He is ready and just waiting for you to make up your mind." She gave him a squeeze and my mind was made up. She dropped to her knees in front of me and her fingers drew my zipper down and found him. Her mouth closed over him and I was luxuriating in its warmth when I suddenly had an attack of conscience.

Drawing her head back I looked into her puzzled face. "I'm sorry but I can't do this. It's not the right time or the right place, well actually the place is right, but I can't do this because you've in a fragile state having suffered an emotional trauma and I don't think that rebound sex is what you need." I shoved my still hard cock back into my pants. "You get some sleep and I'll call by in the morning and we'll talk about what we're going to do next.

"Don't go, please, stay with me tonight, we don't have to do anything just talk, please."

"No, I don't think that I can trust myself not to, you know. I want to make love to you more than anything and I can't guarantee that I won't give in to temptation, so it will be better if I leave. I'll see you in the morning." Closing the door behind me I left and as I walked down the corridor I asked myself if I would be back in the morning. I was still pondering this when I arrived home to my lonely, cold and miserable apartment. Many times during a sleep interrupted night I called myself a fucking idiot for not staying with her and just as many times I congratulated myself for my strength of character in not giving in to her invitation to stay.

At just past 7:00am I found myself outside her door, but there was a problem, she didn't answer it when I knocked. I could hear a radio playing inside, a news service was on air, but there was no reply. I was worried and went downstairs to reception. "Has the lady in 342 checked out?"

"No sir, she has not."

"Well I think we might have a problem, can you open the room for me?"

He dinged the bell on the desk and when the night manager came out he asked him to accompany me up to Celeste's room.

As soon as I saw her I knew that there was a problem, the way that she was sprawled across the bed with her head hanging over the edge was a dead giveaway, and the bottle of pills lying on its side on the bedside table was another clue. I grabbed the phone and dialled 000 (the emergency call number in Australia) "Ambulance please, and hurry."

The voice on the other end asked for details of the location which I gave and then. "Do you know what has been taken?"

"She has taken," I looked at the label on the bottle, "Temazepam, 20mg, I don't know how many she's taken, she's breathing but unresponsive. Oh shit, there's another bottle here, Diazepam 10mg and there's some missing from it as well. I know that she's been depressed lately but I don't know how long she's been taking this medication, plus the fact that she had a bit to drink last night."

"Can you stay with her?"

"Yes."

"An ambulance is on its way, if she stops breathing you will have to administer CPR, are you okay with that?"

"Yes." It was then that I noticed a piece of paper pushed under the bedside lamp, it was addressed to me.

"Dear Peter,

'I can't go on like this, you were so kind to me but when you wouldn't let me repay you I realised that you didn't care enough for me, or that you didn't find me attractive, no-one finds me attractive anymore, my husband doesn't and if you had we could have been together, and maybe I wouldn't have felt that there was no hope for me, but you left.

Good-bye Peter

I could have been yours, Celeste.'

Fuck! Why did I have to listen to my stupid conscience? I heard running feet coming down the corridor and two paramedics rushed into the room. One of them picked up both tablet bottles and placed them in a plastic bag while the other began to check her over.

"What is your connection to this woman, is she your girlfriend, or wife?" He saw the wedding ring that she still wore.

"She's neither, I met her last night and, as she had nowhere to stay I brought her here. She wanted me to stay with her but my prudish conscience got in the way and I left her here on her own. I wish now that I hadn't."

"Did she show signs of depression last night?"

"Yes, she had recently been thrown out of her home by her husband and she seemed to have taken it badly. She had no money and no friends that she could rely on so she was just drifting around from shelter to shelter and this dragged her down even more."

"Yet you left her alone?"

"Don't rub it in. Yes I left her, I did promise to come this morning and discuss what her next course of action would be. I obviously misread the severity of her condition."

"It's not your fault." He had placed a drip into her arm and they lifted her onto a stretcher. "We're going to have to report this to the police, if you like you can come with us to the hospital and speak to them there, they're going to want to speak to her anyway."

I rode in the back of the ambulance with Celeste, holding her hand and whispering nothing to her. By the time that we got to the ER she was showing signs of recovering, her eyes flickered a couple of times and then stayed open, looking at me. At first I thought that she didn't recognise me, it was a blank stare, but then a smile of recognition crossed her face. "Peter, you came, I didn't think you would, I was so lonely after you left that I just couldn't stand another night on my own. I did something silly, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't do anything silly, you acted on an understandably irrational impulse, and I've been known to have them. It was not your fault that you weren't thinking straight, your mind was just confused, that's all." The door opened and she was wheeled into triage where what details that were available were taken and she was taken to a treatment room.

I sat in the waiting area looking at a sign telling me that the current waiting time for treatment was two and a half hours and that priority cases would be seen before non-urgent cases. I had just picked up a dog-eared magazine and read two year old celebrity gossip, (that turned out to be totally wrong) when two police officers approached me. "Peter Roberts?" She was young and slim and reasonably attractive and it was obvious that she was more than a partner to the young, male, handsome fellow officer.

"Yes."

"We need to ask you about the lady that you came in with, what is your connection with her and what do you know of her?"

"My connection is that I met her last night and she had nowhere to stay so I took her to the hotel and left her there. As for what I know of her, there's not a lot. She told me that her name was Celeste and that her husband had recently kicked her out of the family home without any money. She's been living rough for some time and I felt sorry for her. That I'm afraid is as much as I know."

"Why were you there this morning if you didn't stay?"

"I promised her that I'd come back this morning to discuss what her next step should be and when she didn't answer the door I figured that something might have been wrong."

"Didn't you notice any signs of depression?"

"Yes, what I didn't realise was how deep her depression was and how my leaving her made it worse."

"What makes you say that?"

I took her note from my pocket and handed it over. "I feel wretched now but all I was thinking about last night was myself and what an arsehole I would have been if I'd stayed and given in to temptation and had sex with her. I'm not the type to indulge in casual sex, I need to have feelings for any woman before going down that path."

"You obviously don't get much." These were the first words that the male officer spoke and it brought a sharp reaction from his partner.

"How much or how little I get has no connection with this matter, and it's none of your business." I glared at him and this made him realise that there were now two people glaring.

The doctor came out. "Can we speak to her?"

"In a minute, Peter she's asked to speak with you, if you'd come this way." He led me to the treatment room, pulling the curtain back he ushered me in. She held her arms out to me and I went to her, holding her to me, listening to her soft sobbing.

It gradually stopped and a small voice whispered to me. "Thank you for saving me. I'm sorry to have caused you all of this trouble."

"Hey I would have been in more trouble if I hadn't decided to come to see you, you mightn't have survived and the police would have suspected me of complicity in your death. You saved me from all of that by staying alive and I think we should work to keep you alive."

"What do you mean?"

"Having saved you do you think that I'd allow you to get into a state like that again? No, I'm going to do my best to help you, after all you're not bad looking, in fact you're quite attractive. My only concern is that when you get better you'll look elsewhere and I'll be left on my own again, not something I'm looking forward to."

She took my face in her hands and looked deep into my eyes. "I'm not that type of woman, if I love someone it's for keeps." She kissed me. "I'm not saying that I actually love you, but I can see that happening if we both let it. I'll try, it's up to you."

"I hope that we can make it work, but you'd better get well again, it's not going to happen overnight."

"I know."

"I'll help as much as I can but I'm not an expert on depression and I might occasionally do or say the wrong thing, and if I do I want you to tell me so that I can learn how best to look after you." I kissed her good-bye. "I'll come back this evening."

"Thank you, I'll look forward to that."

The doctor must have been listening to what had been said. "That was what she needed to hear, that she's not on her own. If you're not going to help her you'd better tell us now so that we can break the news to her gently and make sure that her meds are appropriate to the situation."

"I'll be back."

I was back for the evening visiting time and Celeste was looking much brighter, she even had a little makeup on. "Hi beautiful." I kissed her and her arms went around my neck stopping me from standing up again.

"Hi yourself." She whispered to my lips. "I'm glad that you think that I'm beautiful because I don't feel it."

"You will, give it time. How are you feeling, you're looking much brighter than I've ever seen you."

"I'm still feeling drowsy. How many of those rotten pills did I take, I can't remember?"

"I don't know. How come you had two different pills that do the same thing, did you really intend to end it?"

"I went to two different clinics and got prescriptions for them, and yes I guess I did intend to end it, and when you left I must have been so down that I went ahead with it. I'm glad now that you came back and found me so don't blame yourself for my stupidity."

"How long are you going to have to stay here, have they told you?"

"A day or two at most, I have to talk to the shrink tomorrow and it's up to him or her from there."

"I tell you what, if you want something that is, I hope, positive to look forward to, when you get out you can come and stay at my place at least for the time being." She was about to say something but I held up my hand to stop her. "I do have a spare room that can be yours so don't think that I'm doing this just so that I can have sex with you, I'm not that type."