My dear readers... I just wanted to thank you at the start of this for waiting for so long for these chapters. I wanted to do something different this time and actually have everything written before I started posting so there wouldn't be months of waiting between each chapter.
I thought that perhaps I should warn you a little about the somewhat religious tone this story sometimes takes. I assure you I am not a religious person necessarily -- and yet somehow I've seemed to have given birth to a character who is. Like Adele I was raised Catholic and I'm a little ashamed to admit that my knowledge of the Protestant Churches of the world is rather limited. I asked around my circle of friends, but they're apparently not much of a church-going bunch, so anything and everything I know about Presbyterianism was gleaned from the internet - if I've misconstrued anything or made an error, I whole-heartedly apologize. It is not my intention to misrepresent the Presbyterian Church. I welcome any corrections or comments.
Also... it is not my purpose in this story to be preachy at all. I could care less which religion you follow (if in fact it's any) -- I'm firmly of the belief myself that it doesn't matter what you believe in, as long as you believe in something. I've tried to make Nate as 'unpreachy' as possible, although he IS a Presbyterian Minister and therefore is expected to have opinions on God -- if you don't like the idea of the occasional discussion about the Big Man Upstairs, perhaps another story would be better suited to your tastes.
Thank you again... all the best...
~firstkiss
*
Don't you just love it when there's a happily-ever-after? When the boy gets the girl and everyone's in love? Yeah, it's perfect...unless you're the one standing on the outside looking in.
I rose from one of Rhiannon's armchairs and crossed the crowded room to stand by the window. The snow covered beach and grey, ice-dotted sea beyond were dull and monochromatic - to match my mood.
It was Sunday and Sundays meant getting together at Rhi and Joe's cottage. The tradition began with their wedding seven months earlier and even the cold weather hadn't brought a stop to it. It wasn't just me, Lilly, and Rhi anymore. Now it was Adam, Joe and Lilly's other siblings, Matt and Chuck. Their little sister Violet joined us whenever she came home from art school. Adam's best friend Nate had taken to dropping by when his duties as a Presbyterian Minister allowed it. During the summer we would spread around the sunroom then onto the porch but the winter kept us indoors, confined to smaller, cozier environs.
The men had crowded around the tiny television, completely engrossed in a hockey game while Lilly and Rhi sat curled up on the sofa. Rhi had her feet in Lilly's lap—with her belly creating a formidable barrier between them—as Lil painted each toenail a scandalous red. Though the baby was due within the week, Rhi's utmost concern centered on the state of her pedicure. Typical. She had to be the most laid back first-time mom-to-be ever.
I spent more time with the Tanner family in the months since Rhi's wedding than I had in all the years prior to it. Somehow her marriage to Joe brought the entire Tanner clan closer together. Lilly especially thrived amongst her siblings in a way I'd never seen. Or perhaps Adam's influence made the difference. Both Matt and Chuck adored Adam from the get-go and even Joe had warmed up to him. That was aided no doubt by Rhi on one hand and by Adam's best friend Nate, on the other.
Reverend Nathaniel Fontaine was one of those people who walked into a room and befriended everyone instantly. He and Joe got along very well, which thrilled Rhiannon who was trying her best to help Joe become less withdrawn. Lilly loved it too because Joe's friendship with Nate somehow made him more accepting of Adam.
The happy Tanner family and their happy partners. It was picture perfect. As their friend, I felt mostly happy for them. But in moments like these, when everyone appeared blissfully content, a familiar ache crept up. I never got to have my babies; I didn't get to keep my husband. I didn't get to have that storybook ending.
I heard footsteps and knew without turning back that it would be Nate. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my torso, anxious to still my shaking hands. My relationship with Nate teetered on the edge of disaster.
I liked him. It was impossible not to. And it was also impossible to do anything about it. What he needed from a woman and what I was capable of giving him were two different things. Instead of admitting it aloud, I'd done what I always did. I buried it inside and refused to acknowledge it. It was easier to pretend it didn't exist. It hurt less that way. At least, that's what I told myself.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Nate said from behind me. "Or do they cost more than that?" His voice had a slow, smooth drawl that sent a shiver down my spine. I hoped he didn't notice.
"I doubt they're worth even a penny," I replied. There was more bitterness in my voice than I would have liked.
Nate didn't respond. I switched my attention to the view from the window rather than see the surprise in his brown eyes. He stood so close to me I felt his heat. It was a stark contrast from the February chill seeping through the cottage's ancient windows. Hot and cold. Life was such a contradiction.
"Something's wrong, you're not your usual self, Adele. You haven't been for a while. Care to talk about it?"
I recognized Nate's tone -- all calm, almost detached, and hopelessly professional. He played the caring Reverend role so damn well. He'd probably recited that same verse to dozens of other people. Why did I want so desperately for him to treat me differently?
There was a sigh trapped in the back of my throat but I didn't give it the chance to escape. "It's just the weather," I lied. "The winter seems so long this year."
Nate reached past me to rest his hand against the glass window. He had elegant hands, long fingered and slim, with a masculine dusting of blond hair on the back of it.
"I like the snow," Nate murmured in my ear. "It covers everything and makes it clean. Underneath it everything sleeps and waits for spring. I think there's something hopeful about this time of year. You just know that soon it will all melt and change. Soon enough the cold will be gone and everything will be green and growing again."
"Do you ever have one single negative thought?" I found myself teasing. "Is there anything you
don't
like?"
Nate chuckled and I turned to watch him laugh in a deep satisfied rumble I felt all the way to my toes. He laid his finger against the spot between my eyebrows. His touch was cool and damp from the window but that's not why I shivered.
"I don't like seeing a scowl on your beautiful face," he confessed in a low tone only I could hear. He gently smoothed the wrinkle from between my brows. "Smile for me, sweetheart?" His hand continued across my forehead to brush a wayward ringlet from my face. I stood frozen in place as his finger traced my bottom lip before he curved his hand around my jaw. For the briefest moment I thought he might kiss me.
The intimacy of both the endearment and the caress ripped the air from my lungs. I gasped and I swayed on the spot, fighting the urge to relax against him, fighting the urge to pour out all my troubles, and worse fighting the urge to kiss him until we both were satisfied.
This was how it was between us, how it had been since I met Nate. One moment we were polite acquaintances, friends of friends. Then just when I wished he'd treat me a little differently from Lilly or Rhi, he would, and I'd feel myself slip into a place I couldn't let myself go.
Hot and cold.
It was driving me crazy.
"I'm sorry," Nate whispered as he read the shock and hesitancy on my face. I didn't trust myself to answer him, so I didn't. A flicker of hurt crossed his handsome face while he stared at me. The chill seeped around me again as he stepped backwards.
I opened my mouth to apologize just as a cheer erupted from the crowd on the other side of the room. The hockey game was over. Adam and the Tanner men rose to their feet, clapping each other on the back and laughing. My gaze shot back to Nate but the hurt look was gone, replaced by a placid Reverend's smile once more. The moment was lost.
Damn.
